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New Report Warns of Repercussions for Discrimination Against LGBT Adoptive Parents

A new report released in cooperation with the Center for American Progress, the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) and Voice for Adoption has found that increasing discrimination against would-be LGBT adoptive parents will likely exacerbate the ongoing crisis for children in the foster care system and those looking for a forever family.

The report stems from recent moves by legislatures around the country to, in the name of religious freedom, allow state-funded adoption agencies to discriminate against those who do not share their religious beliefs. In many cases, these restrictions are targeted specifically to gay and lesbian hopeful adoptive parents.

In the recently released report, adoption and LGBT rights experts explore the current legal landscape or protections and discrimination for LGBT foster and adoptive parents; the impacts of religious exemptions on the nation’s child welfare systems; and possible recommendations for how to best eliminate discrimination against LGBT foster and adoptive parents.

You can read the full report here. We’ve also listed some of the most important findings below:

1. As of October, 10 states allow child-placing agencies to turn away prospective parents for religious reasons.

With more than 440,000 children in foster care nationwide — and about 20,000 aging out of the system each year without a permanent family — making it harder for families to foster or adopt children from the state foster care systems stresses an already stressed system. Some of these states with faith-based adoption legislation are already facing intense scrutiny and difficulties in safely providing homes for children, as it is.

In addition, in 42 states, LGBT foster and adoptive parents are not protected by laws or policies explicitly prohibiting discrimination in the foster care system.

2. LGBT parents are much more likely to foster or adopt children.

According to the report, same-sex couples raising children are seven times more likely to be raising a foster child and seven times more likely to be raising an adopted child than opposite-sex couples are. They’re also more likely to adopt older children and children with special needs. Therefore, LGBT foster and adoptive parents have a disproportionately positive effect on the foster care system than heterosexual parents.

3. Discrimination against LGBT foster and adoptive parents is unpopular.

In the last decade, a majority of Americans have continually supported the legal right of LGBT couples to adopt. Today, more than two-thirds of Americans oppose allowing federally funded child-placing agencies to refuse placements with LGBT individuals and couples, and more than half of Americans oppose these refusals regardless of whether the agency is federally funded.

4. Geography can play a huge role in a hopeful LGBT parent’s ability to adopt.

One study in the report looks at three of the most populous cities in Texas. Within their greater metropolitan areas, no agencies existed that explicitly affirmed LGBT individuals’ rights to adopt with that agency. In turn, it would be much less likely for LGBT parents in those areas to pursue the option of adoption, when facing discriminatory legislation.

5. The number of children in state custody will only continue to rise.

From 2012 to 2017, the number of children in the foster care system increased by 11 percent. Experts expect this increase to continue, with one clear contributor being the opioid epidemic. In 2016, more than one-third of removals involved drug abuse by a parent. Some of the states with the biggest increases in children in foster care are also the states hit hardest by the epidemic.

6. Discriminating against would-be LGBT foster and adoptive parents costs taxpayers money.

When children in foster care cannot be placed in foster homes, they must be placed in group homes, instead. These placements cost seven to 10 times more than placing a child in a foster family placement. By restricting the number of LGBT parents who can foster, states reduce the number of available foster homes — spending more money to provide care for children in other ways.

In addition, when children are adopted from foster care by loving parents, the state no longer has to pay as much (or anything) to provide care for the child. The report estimates suggest that each child adopted from foster care reduces state and federal sending by almost $29,000 annually.

7. Certain recommendations can prevent the growing foster care crisis.

The report offers three ways to prevent discrimination against LGBT foster and adoptive parents, who are such an integral part of the foster care system. These suggestions are:

The report concludes: “LGBTQ parents cannot solve the child welfare crisis on their own, but they can certainly help. The nation owes it to the young people in care to give them every chance possible at finding a permanent family.”

Read more about LGBT adoption here.

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Thoughts from a Birth Mother

Why Birth Mothers are Great Mothers — Thoughts from a Birth Mother

What makes a mother in the first place? What is the difference between a good mother and a great mother? How can you judge whether a mother is great or not?

What Makes a Good Mother and What Makes a Great Mother?

There are so many different types of mothers parenting in modern-day society. There are legal mothers, custodial mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, adoptive mothers, natural mothers, spiritual mothers, and more. With all these different mothers raising our children, how are we to judge which ones are good and which ones are great?

The difference between a good mom and a great mom is as simple as this: A good mother loves her children unconditionally, but a great mother also makes sacrifices unconditionally for that love.

I know all types of mothers, and all of them are great mothers because they all make tough sacrifices for their children. Birth mothers are great mothers, too — and not just because they choose adoption.

Why are Birth Mothers Great Mothers?

Birth mothers not only choose a better life for their children with different parents, but they also continue to be birth mothers for the rest of their lives. Birth mothers make plenty of sacrifices after choosing adoption for their children, including facing friends and family, continuing a relationship with their child in an open adoption, and always knowing there is a child out there who calls another woman “mommy.”

How can we minimize or even judge the sacrifices that all mothers make, regardless of what those sacrifices are? Every mother in her own way is a great mother, including every birth mother.

Adoption is a Decision that Requires Great Sacrifice

Prospective birth mothers have a lot to consider when it comes to making an adoption decision. Not only do they have to decide if adoption is right for them, but also who they will choose to raise their babies and how they will continue forward in their own lives.

I know firsthand that adoption comes with even more sacrifices than just grieving the role of legal and custodial mother. There were so many sacrifices that I had to make as the result of my adoption decision. For example, I was abandoned by many loved ones when I placed my child for adoption. I had family members threaten me, bribe me and disown me. I lost many relationships as a result of my adoption.

The sacrifices that birth mothers make for the sake of their adopted birth children are monumental. All of these sacrifices equate to the fact that birth mothers are great mothers!

Considering Your Child’s Future Makes You a Great Mother

When a prospective birth mother is considering choosing adoption for her baby, I can almost guarantee you she is thinking about the future of her child. She will be asking herself many questions, some of which include:

Those are only some of the questions that I know went through my mind when I was a prospective birth mother.

Today, I have new and different questions about the future of my child after being a birth mother for more than seven years. I know that I am not the only birth mother who considers her child’s future, no matter where she is on her journey in life, and that is just one reason why birth mothers are great mothers!

No matter their personal circumstances, birth mothers are undoubtedly great mothers to their children. The sacrifices that we make for our children and the future that we consider for them as a result of our decisions are only a few of the many reasons that make birth mothers great mothers.

Unfortunately, birth mothers are not typically recognized as great mothers. Therefore, I challenge you to find a birth mother and do something to make her feel as great as I know that she is! If you ever have the opportunity to interact with a birth mother, take it as a chance to make her feel special. I know that it will touch her heart, and probably yours as well.

~Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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Adoptive Family

Holiday Traditions to Start as an Adoptive Family

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Thoughts from a Birth Mother

A Birth Mother's Take on National Adoption Month — Part 3

National Adoption Month is a time for everyone who has been touched by adoption to celebrate children in foster care being gifted with forever homes. Across the country, finalization hearings taking place in November are extra special. To help celebrate, organizations like NationalAdoptionDay.org offer the opportunity through their website for anyone to organize a National Adoption Day event. In this way, anyone can get involved in National Adoption Day 2018!

Anyone Can Celebrate National Adoption Month

Birth mothers, like me, may find different ways of celebrating the national holiday — and that is always our right. But, birth mothers across the nation are also encouraged to celebrate in more creative ways like gifting their children something memorable, educating friends and family on the benefits of adoption, or doing something special to encourage their own healing process. No matter how a birth mother celebrates National Adoption Month 2018, it is most important to remember that healing should be a personal and healthy journey, and that love is not defined by flesh and blood.

While birth mothers are an integral part of the adoption triad, they’re not the only ones celebrating National Adoption Month.

How Adoptive Families Can Celebrate National Adoption Month

Adoptive families are the ones who this holiday is celebrating, so they have a big reason to join in the fun! Many adoptive parents are required to sacrifice financially and waive their privacy in order to even qualify as a waiting family with a profile for any adoption agency. Regardless of where adoptive parents choose to adopt from, it takes a large amount of faith and effort to become parents, and that is something that deserves to be celebrated!

Adoptive families can do many things to celebrate National Adoption Month. This could mean anything from creating a family adoption craft to hosting an adoption event in their community. Here are some great ideas for ways your adoptive family can enjoy National Adoption Month:

How Adoptees Can Celebrate National Adoption Month

Adoptees, regardless of where they from or how they became an adoptee, are greatly encouraged to celebrate National Adoption Month in whatever ways they are comfortable with. Just being an adoptee is something to celebrate! Here are some great ideas for adoptees to join in the festivities:

Adoptees are ever so special in the adoption triad and are the reason that there is one in the first place!

Don’t Forget About the Courts!

Even courts are getting involved in celebrating National Adoption Month 2018! In Dayton, Ohio, the Montgomery County Probate Court held an event to celebrate finalizations for foster care. Organizer Lori Smith shared their excitement for the event beforehand:

“We will celebrate NAD by finalizing agency adoptions all day on the 16th of November! We will transform the Court into an Adoption Theme Story. This year we are celebrating ‘Ohana,’ which means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. Each child will receive a bag full of goodies that is put together by Judge’s staff and by different companies that will be mentioned in our Court Chronicle. Every year, Judge’s staff will dress up in character or with the theme to help celebrate the celebration of a child finding their forever family!”

There is so much to celebrate during National Adoption Month 2018 for everyone touched by adoption. No one should get left behind when it comes to joyously celebrating forever homes for children, including birth mothers. After all, Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind!

How I Celebrate National Adoption Month as a Birth Mother

My first priority as a birth mother is to love my child every day in the best ways I know how. For me, that means working every day on walking a path of healing and toward a better future for myself. On this journey, I have experienced immense joy and heartbreaking loss. Nothing could ever hurt as bad, and nothing could ever feel as good as choosing adoption. I do not regret my adoption decision because I know within the depths of my soul that I made the best choice I could in the time that I was facing the decision. I celebrate National Adoption Month every day by making a daily decision to create a better life through my actions, faith, and healing.

If you are a birth mother looking for a way to celebrate National Adoption Month, consider celebrating yourself. Celebrate your victory in a successful adoption. Celebrate your post-placement relationship. Celebrate your bravery, strength and courage. Be kind to yourself on this healing journey, for no one is perfect. Most of all, if you need a support or someone to talk to, please consider reaching out. You are not alone.

So, go and celebrate National Adoption Month 2018 as a proud birth mother who stands for a more accepting future for birth mothers across the nation!

~Lindsay Arielle

Read Part 1: A History here.

Read Part 2: Recent Adoption Statistics here.

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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Adoptive Family News

How to Celebrate National Adoption Day 2018

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Thoughts from a Birth Mother

A Birth Mother's Take on National Adoption Month — Part 2

As a part of my quest to learn more about National Adoption Month in the U.S., I decided to see what types of statistics were made available to the public regarding anything adoption. I also narrowed my searches with more specific information requests like open adoption yearly statistics. Unfortunately, there is a lack of data available on adoption.

As a nation, we can look at this and realize that adoption is highly undervalued in society today. As a birth mother, I don’t need statistics to tell me that choosing adoption and becoming a birth mother means being judged and stereotyped at times. However, I also see much progress being made in enough places by enough strong women to be encouraged.

Here are the most recent adoption statistics I was able to find:

Statistics on Adoption in the U.S.

The most recent statistics related to adoptions in the U.S. are from 2014. The data was gathered and dissected through the help of the National Council for Adoption. These are the most recent findings:

Adoption: By the Numbers, National Council for Adoption, 2017

The Truth Regarding Adoption Research

The government does not require any form of statistics to be reported from private adoption agencies and other adoption professionals beyond the foster care system, as managed by the Department of Health and Human Services. This means that while there are plenty of statistics out there about adoption from foster care, there is very little information about the brave birth mothers who choose adoption for their children voluntarily. The only voluntary or private adoption research must be done by various organizations who decide to take on such a task. Private research is something we don’t see frequently in the voluntary adoption community. However, there are some amazing organizations across the country funding such research.

The National Council for Adoption completes such research every five years in order to help educate society on voluntary adoption statistics. If you are interested in becoming an advocate for the National Council for Adoption, you can sign up for their email list.

What Does All This Mean?

In my opinion, National Adoption Month is a wonderful event that should be celebrated with excitement, gratitude, and educational awareness. I think we should all understand why National Adoption Month is such an important celebration and share articles like this on social media. I think we should learn more about the benefits of open adoption by spending more time educating ourselves and less time judging one another. I think we should all love our children in the best ways that we are able to, and never take any of the moments with them for granted, no matter how few or frequent they may be.

However, this research shows that National Adoption Month has historically had little to do with the women who choose adoption for their babies. Being a birth mother still has yet to be celebrated by the nation. While it’s certainly important and worthwhile to celebrate foster care adoption, I believe National Adoption Month could do more to celebrate birth mothers in all forms of adoption.

What can we do about this: we can become our own advocates and change the way our sphere of influence perceives adoption. We can educate our family and friends on how beautiful choosing adoption can be, and maybe, just maybe, they will educate someone else.

Or even better, they will be able to be a support in an adoption situation they may know of.

Stay tuned for more thoughts on National Adoption Month next week!

Read Part 1: A History here.

~Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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General News

How You Can Show Your Support for World Adoption Day

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Thoughts from a Birth Mother

A Birth Mother's Take on National Adoption Month — Part One

As a birth mother living in 2018, I have found that I face much resistance when it comes to searching for support for myself and for other women who have chosen adoption. Attempting to share a memory or discuss current sadness and grief with friends and family can sometimes feel like interacting with a brick wall as I am met with blank expressions and a loss for words. Greeting a stranger and making an acquaintance seems overwhelming at times when they ask if I have children. Experiencing loneliness as a result of lack of support is something I face on a daily basis as a birth mother who has been walking a path of post-placement healing from adoption for eight years.

When asked to write an article on my take on National Adoption Month, my mind immediately went to the fact that I don’t feel that being a birth mother is celebrated as much as it should be within my own life, let alone during a national awareness month! So, I started researching what this holiday is all about and what it could mean to me. I was stunned to learn that there is almost no research out there on this topic. For myself, and for the benefit of my readers, I decided to pull all the information I could find into one place: this article.

Are you curious about how National Adoption Month came to be? Are you looking for the most recent voluntary adoption statistics? Are you a birth mother who wants to know what she can do within her own life to celebrate adoption and adoption education? Here are the facts, setting the feelings aside:

History of National Adoption Month

1976 – Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis announced an Adoption Week to promote awareness of the need for adoptive families for children in foster care.

National Adoption Month has its roots in raising awareness for the foster care system and encouraging foster care adoptions. In 1976, seeing the need for an increase in families to provide adoptive homes for foster children, Massachusetts Governor Dukakis announced an Adoption Week within the state. The goal of this week was to celebrate foster care adoptions in order to promote an increase in these adoptions in Massachusetts. This is the first account in U.S. history of the government celebrating or even acknowledging the need to promote adoption in any form.

1984 – President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the first National Adoption Week.

While former President Reagan’s Proclamation on National Adoption Week in 1984 mainly focused on increasing foster care and special needs adoptions, Reagan also commented on the need for increased adoption options in general:

“No woman need fear that the child she carries is unwanted. We must continue to promote constructive alternatives to abortion through the Adolescent Family Life program and by encouraging the efforts of private citizens who are helping women with crisis pregnancies.” —Reagan, 1984 Proclamation on National Adoption Week

1995 – President Bill Clinton expanded the awareness week to the entire month of November.

Former president Clinton also focused on foster care adoption in his Proclamation on National Adoption Monthin 1995. However, the dream for a stronger adoption community was emphasized as he envisioned a brighter adoption future for our nation:

“As we observe National Adoption Month, we celebrate these achievements and recognize the rewards of adoption, but we must also remember that much work remains to be done. Citizens from all communities and organizations from the public and private sectors must join together to renew our commitment to finding permanent homes for each one of America’s children.” —Clinton, 1995 Proclamation on National Adoption Month

1998 – Clinton directed the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to develop a plan expanding the use of the Internet as a tool to find homes for children waiting to be adopted from foster care.

We still see the results of this in 2018, as anyone with an internet connection can view profiles online of children waiting in the foster care system. Every state in the U.S. offers a directory of these profiles online through their Department of Health and Human Services. A simple Google search is all it takes to find a child waiting in the foster care system.

2008 – President George W. Bush provides an explanation of National Adoption Month in Spanish.

Ten years later, we saw more movement on a national level for the adoption community as former President Bush provided a Spanish interpretation explaining National Adoption Month.

As you can see, the emphasis of National Adoption Month throughout history has been on adoptions from the foster care system. Of course, this is a worthy cause worthy of this attention, but I think National Adoption Month should be a time to celebrate all types of adoption — and the birth parents who make those adoptions possible.

Stay tuned for more thoughts on National Adoption Month next week!

~Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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Adoptive Family Birth Parent General

3 Ways You Can Support National Adoption Month

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Adoptive Family

What Happens if You Can’t Pay for an Adoption on Time?

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