When you’re a prospective adoptive parent, you have a lot of choices to make when it comes to your adoption preferences. One of the decisions you’ll make regarding your adopted child is whether or not they have special needs. An adopted child with special needs doesn’t always fit the definition of special needs we’re familiar with (for example, physical or mental disabilities). In general, if a child is labeled “special needs,” it means they are less likely to get adopted for one reason or another. If you’re considering adoption, you might want to learn more about special needs adoption. While it may come with some unique challenges, it will also provide some wonderful rewards, as well. Here’s what you should know before moving forward with a special needs adoption.
When we think “special needs,” we usually think of children with mental, emotional or physical challenges. While these certainly apply to adopted children with special needs, a child may also be considered to have special needs if he or she is:
Whether a child is defined as “special needs” or not will depend upon the qualifications and regulations of the state they’re being adopted from.
A special needs adoption will have challenges, but it can also bring benefits to prospective adoptive parents. For example, if you are open to adopting a child with special needs, you will usually wait shorter for a placement because there will be a greater number of potential adoption opportunities available to you. In addition, a special needs adoption may not be as difficult as it seems. In international adoptions, medical conditions that are difficult to treat in the child’s home country may be simple and covered by the adoptive parents’ insurance in the United States (for example, a baby born with a cleft palate). In some cases, adoptive parents can even receive financial assistance for adopting a special needs child from foster care, usually in the form of a monthly subsidy.
Obviously, how challenging a special needs adoption is will depend upon the types of needs the adopted child has. Fortunately, there are many resources available to not only help adoptive parents prepare for their special needs adoption but also to cope with the challenges that come with raising a special needs child, however severe their condition. If you’re interested in a special needs adoption, there are several adoption professionals who specialize in this kind of adoption:
Remember, you will have the ability to choose what degree of special needs you feel your family can meet. Your adoption professional will be able to prepare you for your special needs adoption (especially if you adopt through the foster care system), but you may also want to connect with support groups for children with special needs. This way, you can learn more about the challenges awaiting you and, as your child grows up, have a support system to turn to for help in your unique situation. Special needs adoptions are not always easy, and it’s important to understand exactly what your adoption will involve if you take this route. However, for those adoptive parents who do choose to adopt a special needs child, they will tell you they wouldn’t have it any other way.
On Wednesday, July 19, The Department of State Office of Children’s Issues issued a notice for potential adoptive parents regarding changes to adoption dossier requirements in China. According to the notice, The China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) recently announced changes to requirements for adoption application dossiers submitted by foreigners. Key changes to these requirements include:
For more information about adoption in China, contact the Office of Children’s Issues at adoption@state.gov.
Since 2012, Americans have been unable to adopt orphans and children from Russia — and recent developments in the relationship between the U.S. and Russia seem to make a reversal of this adoption ban even more complicated. Reversing the Russian adoption ban has been a goal for both the Obama and Trump administrations, but new information regarding Donald Trump Jr.’s meetings with Russian government officials may have brought those discussions to a standstill. Whereas Trump Jr. originally said a meeting between him and a Russian lawyer regarded the sanctions and the Russia adoption ban, he recently revealed that the subject of the meeting was instead obtaining damaging information on presidential candidate Hillary Clinton during his father’s campaign. Reversing the Russia adoption ban seemed possible as recently as this January. But, for many U.S. government officials and adoption professionals, these developments seem to make any further discussion of these sanctions far more difficult. The Russian adoption ban’s original reason for being enacted was in response to a U.S. law that targeted alleged Russian human-rights violators from traveling to the U.S. or owning real estate or other assets in the U.S. The Russian adoption ban was a diplomatic retaliation that strained the previously strong relationship between the two countries. Before the ban was enacted in 2012, Americans completed more than 46,000 Russian adoptions— and these were only the adoptions counted by the U.S. Department of State since 1999. Russia was consistently one of the most popular countries for Americans to adopt from, but where Americans adopted 748 children from Russia in 2012, only two Russian children were adopted by Americans in 2014. The Russian adoption ban did more than just restrict prospective adoptive parents from adopting from Russia; it also disrupted many adoptions already in process. More than 200 families were in the immediate process of adopting when the ban took effect, with more than 1,000 prospective adoptions in various stages of the process. Many of those families lost the money and time they had invested into the process, as their prospective adoptive children were instead placed into Russian homes. Despite the complications surrounding the U.S.-Russian adoption relationship, a U.S. diplomat is still scheduled to meet with the deputy Russian foreign minister this month. The diplomats will likely include the matter in general talks about resolving the growing conflicts between the two countries, although it’s difficult to say if any progress on the Russian adoption ban issue will be made.
The situation with the Russian adoption ban is a good example of the inherent risks involved in any international adoption. Intercountry adoption policy is usually not among the highest priorities of any nation, but it’s a process that can frequently get caught up in negative political relationships and, therefore, be impacted without warning. This is why many adoption agencies caution prospective adoptive parents from pursuing an international adoption without proper research. While there are risks inherent with any adoption process, international adoption often adds political instability to the existing international adoption risks. But, what exactly are these other risks to be aware of? Many times, children adopted internationally have an uncertain health history and are unable to have access to their medical records. Because other countries’ adoption processes are less regulated than the U.S. process, children placed for adoption may also be victims of child trafficking or kidnapping (like in Guatemala), used primarily to make a profit off internationally adopting families. Therefore, there is a level of uncertainty with internationally adopted children’s parents and whether their parental rights have legally been terminated. American Adoptions was one of the agencies that cautioned its prospective adoptive families against adopting from Russia even before the adoption ban was enacted — and continues to encourage those families to choose the safer path of a domestic adoption instead. “Before the ban was enacted, we knew that the political climate in Russia and its relationship with the U.S. could impact those adoptions in progress and future adoptions — and it did,” American Adoptions executive director Shawn Kane said. “Families looking to adopt internationally should educate themselves and assess the country they’re thinking of adopting from. If you want to go to a country and adopt an orphan where there are issues like civil war or political instability, that’s honorable, but there’s a good chance those issues will also lead to challenges in the adoption process.” Instead, if a parent is set on international adoption, American Adoptions and other adoption agencies frequently suggest China as a nation from which to adopt children. Unlike children in other countries who are made available for adoption because of special needs or negative personal history, children in China are frequently placed for adoption because of the nation’s population restriction and parents’ gender preference for boys — meaning more healthy adoption situations are available. But, like any international adoption, adopting from China always runs the risk of disruption in case its relationship with the U.S. takes a negative turn. “The adoption proces is about risk-management,” Kane said. “There are risks with any adoption process, but by adopting domestically, you are protecting yourself from the possibility of another ban like Russia’s being enacted.” If you’re considering an international adoption as an American citizen, it’s important to fully educate yourself about the process before moving forward. You can learn more about the international adoption process here.
For many prospective adoptive parents, an ideal adoption includes being matched with a prospective birth mother early in her pregnancy, having the chance to get to know her and being able to prepare for the upcoming hospital stay and adoption process. However, this is not always the case. It’s more often than you may think that a prospective birth mother chooses adoption late in her pregnancy or even at the hospital after she has given birth. For her, the adoption process may be expedited to quickly find her baby a safe home — which may lead to a surprise phone call for you if she chooses you as adoptive parents. If you receive an unexpected phone call telling you you’re about to become parents — and the baby is already born — you may be overwhelmed. You’ll be excited to finally meet your new baby, but your lack of preparation may lead to some stress. If you’re in a situation like this, don’t worry — your adoption professional will walk you through every step of this process. Here’s what you should do if you’re presented with a pop-up adoption:
Pop-up adoptions may not come at the most ideal time, and you may be worried because you’re not practically ready to bring a baby home yet. However, remember that your adoption professional and the hospital will help you out. For example, the hospital can give you extra diapers and baby supplies until you are able to go shopping yourself, and your adoption professional will be there to provide counseling and advice. Instead of freaking out, embrace your excitement — your baby’s birth mother will want to see your confidence when she meets you.
Your adoption professional should have advised you to make preparations even before you went active with your agency, should a pop-up adoption occur during your waiting period. This means notifying your employer of the potential need to leave work suddenly for an unknown amount of time, finding care for any children or pets you have and knowing who you can lean on for support during this exciting process. If you receive a call about a pop-up adoption, make sure these things are taken care of.
When your adoption professional calls you with the adoption opportunity, they will likely give you as much information about the birth mother as possible. Make sure to take notes during this conversation; the more you know about the birth mother in advance, the fewer surprises there will be when you finally meet her. Having this information will also help you feel more prepared in a time where you may be overwhelmed by everything else.
Part of making the proper preparations means finding a way to get to the birth mother in the hospital as soon as possible. In many pop-up adoptions, the baby will be discharged within 36–48 hours after you are contacted, so getting to the hospital quickly gives you more time with the birth mother and her baby. Once you get the call, start driving (or try to find a flight) as soon as you can. Your promptness in arriving will reassure the prospective birth mother that she chose the right family.
Because they are last-minute in nature, pop-up adoptions require flexibility from adoptive parents. The exact discharge date of the baby and birth mother can vary, and you may need to stay in the birth mother’s state for a few weeks if your adoption is subject to ICPC regulations. While the unknowns of a pop-up adoption can be stressful, it’s important to recognize that your baby’s birth mother will also be going through an emotional time. Therefore, it’s important to remain friendly and confident around her and not reflect any uncertainty you may be feeling. Your adoption professional will work closely with you during this adoption process to make sure you’re aware of what’s going on. Pop-up adoptions can be stressful, but with the proper foresight and assistance from your adoption professional, they can be manageable situations. Whenever you start the domestic infant adoption process, it’s important to prepare yourself for the possibility of a pop-up adoption ahead of time. While it may be a whirlwind process during, at the end, you will finally have the baby for which you’ve been waiting for so long.
When you’re an expectant mother, finding out that you’re carrying a sick or special needs baby can be difficult. But, when you’re choosing adoption for your baby, this can make the process even more overwhelming. Will you be able to find adoptive parents who want a sick baby? Will your adoption process be different because of your baby’s special needs? If you’re wondering, “Can I put a sick or special needs baby up for adoption?” know that adoption is just as possible for you as it is for any woman carrying a child who is not sick or doesn’t have special needs. There is always the perfect family for every baby, so don’t worry — you will be able to find supportive adoptive parents who will love and cherish your child, no matter what. If you find out your unborn baby is sick or has special needs, it’s important to learn as much as you can from the right professionals so you’re fully prepared for your unique adoption process.
Your OBGYN is likely one of the first people who will tell you if something isn’t right with your unborn child. After they diagnose your baby, they can tell you exactly what to expect from your child’s special needs. They can also communicate this to your baby’s future adoptive family and your adoption professional to make sure everyone is properly prepared for the challenges ahead. Maybe you’re an expectant mother who intended to parent before finding out your child is sick or has special needs. Once your doctor explains to you what your baby’s diagnosis will mean as they grow up, you might be considering adoption instead. That’s totally okay; knowing that you can’t provide the care your baby needs and choosing adoption is not “giving up” your baby or being a bad mother. Instead, it means you’re making the selfless choice to find a family for your baby who can provide all of the care they’ll need as they grow up.
Your adoption agency will work closely with you to find a family that’s perfect for your baby with special needs. While most adoption agencies can help you find a family for your child with special needs, there are also agencies that specialize in the process of putting a special needs baby up for adoption, like:
When you’re an expectant mother choosing adoption for your sick or special needs baby, you will likely go through a highly emotional journey from your child’s diagnosis to their placement with an adoptive family. That’s why it’s so important that you have a support system of family and friends whom you can lean on during this difficult time. You may want to reach out to support groups for birth mothers whose children have special needs or support groups for families of children with special needs to learn more about what you may expect for your child’s future and from your future semi-open or open adoption. Your adoption professional may be able to connect you with other birth mothers who have placed special needs children for adoption or appropriate support groups for your situation. They may also be able to refer you to a trusted counselor or therapist to talk through your feelings with you. Placing a child for adoption is never easy; choosing to go through the process of putting a special needs baby up for adoption can be even more overwhelming. But, with the proper support system and experienced professionals, you’ll be able to create an adoption plan that you’re comfortable with and that will provide your baby a family who is prepared for the unique challenges of their condition.
Unless they’ve been directly affected by the adoption process, many people today don’t understand how adoption really works. The process has changed a lot in the past 100 years but, unfortunately, many people don’t know the difference between those older adoptions and today’s modern adoptions. Whether you’ve been involved in an adoption or you’re considering adoption for your family, you may have come across some confusing adoption myths. Working with an adoption professional will help you understand better how the adoption process works but, in the meantime, here is the truth about some of the common misconceptions people have.
First off, a woman choosing adoption is not “giving her baby up.” Instead, she’s placing him or her for adoption because she knows that it’s the best option for her and her baby. Many times, a birth mother would do anything to raise her child herself, but she selflessly chooses adoption to give her baby the life she knows she cannot provide.
This is far from the normal; in fact, it’s much healthier for a child to know they’re adopted and understand their personal history. Therefore, most adoptive parents are committed to telling their child about their adoption story, their birth mother and any other personal history they’re interested in. Children who grow up not knowing they’re adopted will likely eventually find out the truth — and it can be a shock that seriously impacts their relationship with their family.
Adoption is permanent, and once a birth mother signs her adoption consent and her revocation period has passed, it cannot be reversed. Most adoptions are semi-open, which means that a birth mother does not receive identifying information about the adoptive family unless the adoptive parents are comfortable providing it. Additionally, birth parents choose adoption because they want to provide a stable life for their children — making it highly unlikely that a birth mother will show up one day demanding to meet her child.
While this may have been true of the closed adoptions in the 1960s and ’70s, most adoptions today are open. This means that a birth mother and adoptive parents are in contact before, during and after the adoption is complete. What this contact looks like is up to what both parties are comfortable with, but it can involve anything from photos and letters a couple of times a year to phone calls and in-person meetings.
While it may have been easy to adopt from another country in years past, many countries are stopping or restricting international adoptions today. Adoptive parents have fewer international choices than before, which is why it’s usually easier to adopt from the United States, whether it’s through the foster care system or by completing a domestic infant adoption. There are plenty of American adoption agencies to help you complete the adoption process that’s right for you.
While birth mothers can receive money for their living expenses and pregnancy-related expenses, they cannot be paid to place a child for adoption. All funds that a prospective birth mother receives to pay for these living expenses are governed strictly by state laws, and her adoption professional will work with her to determine exactly how much living expenses she’ll need and how her expenses will be paid.
There are many children waiting to be adopted in the United States, whether it’s through the foster care system or through a domestic infant adoption, so as long as you can prove you can care and provide for a child, you can adopt. Today, adoptive parents can be gay, straight, single, married, living with disabilities, able-bodied, old or young — just as long as they can be a supportive parent for an adoptive child.
While the amount of time you’ll wait for a placement will depend on what type of adoption you choose, most adoptive parents will have successfully completed the adoption process within two years of starting it.
When you choose adoption as prospective parents, you will be able to choose the adoption budget that works best for you — although this may impact your wait time and the services you receive from an adoption professional. For example, adopting a child in foster care will be much cheaper than working with a domestic adoption agency. No matter what kind of adoption you choose, there are steps you can take to finance and prepare for your adoption expenses. Remember, adoption is completely free for prospective birth mothers.
Adoption can be an emotional journey for adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. When you pursue adoption, you’ll receive counseling and support from your chosen adoption professional, who will also help you prepare for the upcoming process. While it may be difficult at times, know that, in the end, you would likely choose to go through it all over again because of the wonderful changes it has made in your life.
When you finally see your baby for the first time as adoptive parents, you’re likely to be overwhelmed with happiness. It will be immensely exciting, and you probably won’t feel like you can wait to take your baby home for the first time and start your new life together. However, at the same time that you’ll be feeling all of these exciting emotions, your baby’s birth mother may be feeling sadness, grief and loneliness. You will probably want be there for her and provide any support that you can during this difficult time. Many adoptive parents choose to give their baby’s birth mother a gift before they leave the hospital. This is a great opportunity to show your appreciation and gratitude to your baby’s birth mom. In many cases, the gift that adoptive parents choose is a way for a birth mother to keep her baby emotionally close and a special memento for remembering him or her. What you choose to give your baby’s birth mom will be ultimately up to you and the relationship you have with her. In many cases, you may wish to choose a subtle gift — one that represents her choice for adoption in a way that won’t prompt people to ask questions about it that she doesn’t want to answer. Before you decide on a gift for your baby’s birth mom, however, make sure you discuss your choice with your adoption professional to avoid any legal complications that could arise. Here are some good ideas to get started:
Simple jewelry is always a good idea for birth mothers, because it’s a piece that she can wear all the time and keep her child close to her heart. You might want to buy a piece with the baby’s birthstone or engrave the baby’s birth date or name in a special place.
You might choose to get a stuffed animal for your baby’s birth mom that matches one her baby will have growing up with you. Perhaps choose an animal that’s meaningful to her — maybe her favorite animal growing up or something like an elephant, representing you’ll never forget her adoption decision.
If you’re crafty, you may want to make your baby’s birth mom something that she can hold when she leaves the hospital and cuddle up with when she’s having bad days. A blanket or quilt with meaningful embroidery can be a beautiful gift.
For less sentimental birth mothers, you may choose to get something a little more practical — for example, spa supplies or things that will help make her comfortable as she adjusts to life after giving birth. Birth Mother Baskets is an organization that specializes in this.
When your baby is still in the hospital, you’ll likely be taking lots of pictures to document this start of your parenthood journey. So, why not make duplicates of the photos and send them home with your baby’s birth mother when she’s discharged? You can buy a beautiful bound photo album and leave empty pages for her to put the photos she’ll receive from you in the upcoming years — which will also represent your promise to her. You may even want to include your original adoptive family profile in the first couple of pages. If you can create a relationship with your baby’s birth mother leading up to the hospital stay, you’ll have a great opportunity to learn more about what she likes and what kind of gifts may mean the most to her. Don’t feel like you’re limited to your baby’s birth mother, either; if other members of your baby’s birth family have been integral in her adoption process, you can find something special for them as well. Just remember to speak with your adoption specialist before giving any gifts to make sure you’re not violating any laws for living expenses. Choosing to give your baby’s birth mother a gift upon placement is a wonderful way to show your appreciation. Your little act will go a long way toward helping her recover from some of the emotional difficulties of her decision and will let her cherish her baby in a special way for the rest of her life.
Whether you’re a birth mother, an adoptive parent or an adoptee, you’re part of a special process that creates thousands of families each year. Unfortunately, not a lot of people know about the truth of modern adoptions and the joys they bring to so many people. By being a part of the adoption triad, you are on the front lines of the adoption conversation. Because of your unique situation in the adoption process, you have the ability to educate and spread awareness about the realities of adoption and create a community for birth moms, adoptive parents, adoptees and people considering adoption. But, how exactly do you do that? We’ve compiled a list of some of the ways you can share your adoption experience and spread awareness below:
The best awareness of adoption comes from word-of-mouth conversation between people. If you’re comfortable doing so, share your adoption story with whomever asks and whenever it’s appropriate. Adoption is something to be celebrated, and the best way you can communicate your pride is by expressing your excitement through your own words.
Whether you’ve adopted domestically, internationally or through foster care, you can get involved in organizations that benefit any of these kinds of adoptions. For example, you might volunteer with local charities and foster care organizations to donate your time and effort toward making the lives of children awaiting adoption better. Foster care providers are always looking for donations of clothes, toiletries and more to make foster children feel more at home in their new environments, and there may be fundraisers that you can attend with your friends and family to raise money for these organizations.
Social media accounts are the most popular way to share adoption stories and adoption information these days. If you follow social media accounts for adoption organizations, you have easily “shareable” information right at your fingertips. When you post your own adoption stories, use appropriate hashtags like #Adoption, #AdoptionRocks and #AdoptionisLove so other families, birth moms and adoptees can see your posts as well. You can also keep an eye out for specific hashtags at certain times of the year, like during Infertility Awareness Week or Foster Care Awareness Month.
Adoption, including the legal requirements to adopt and the resources allocated to the state foster care system, is largely regulated by state legislatures. As a citizen, you can make your voice heard by supporting adoption-positive legislation and communicating to your local representatives regarding the legal support they should show for adoption-related issues. Something as simple as a declaration of awareness during an adoption awareness month can be helpful in educating the public about the realities of the adoption process.
One of the most direct (and easiest) things you can do to spread awareness in your community isn’t by doing anything special — just by being a great person who happens to be an adoptive parent, birth parent or adoptee. When you make adoption an open and honest conversation among your family and friends, you help them see that adoption is a normal and beautiful way to create a family — nothing to be ashamed of at all. These are just a few of the ways that you can help spread awareness and educate your community about adoption, but there are plenty more. Spreading this awareness is not only important, but it can be fun for all involved, which is why it’s encouraged that anyone involved in the adoption triad do all that they’re comfortable with to share their adoption story and make adoption a household discussion.
Meredith Beer always knew that she was adopted — and she has always been proud of her story. When she introduced herself to her first grade class, she had to give a fun fact about herself. So, confidently (as 6 year-olds do), she stood up and said, “My name is Meredith Beer, and I’m adopted.” As one of two adopted children in her parents’ household, adoption was always an open conversation. She remembers reading children’s books with adoption storylines and always having confidence in her adoption story. She was only 8 years old when she decided to find her birth parents — and promptly let her dad know. “He went, ‘Well, let’s wait until you’re 16, because you’re a little young.’ I definitely didn’t forget that promise, so when I turned 16, I asked him again,” Beer remembers. The search and reunion that would follow was a journey that would bring her more family and love than she ever thought. Now, at age 25, Beer looks back on her personal adoption story and what she hopes others can learn from her own experience.
Growing up, Beer was always proud of her adoption story. But, like many adopted children, she always had “what-ifs.” Her adoption was closed, and all she knew about her birth mother could fit in three sentences: Her first name was Vania; she had given birth in Reynoldsburg, Ohio; and she graduated high school at age 16 in 1992 — the same year Beer was born.
But Beer wanted more. She wanted to know how she came to be adopted but, more importantly, she had a desire to make sure her birth parents knew she was happy and healthy — that adoption had absolutely been the best choice, and she was forever grateful for their selfless decision. Armed with the three facts about her birth mother, Beer and her dad set out to Reynoldsburg in 2008 to find the rest. After a disappointing lack of leads, Beer felt like giving up and waiting until she turned 18 to open her adoption records. But her dad had another idea. “He actually signed up for Classmates.com as an alumni of 1992 in Reynoldsburg, Ohio, and he paid $20 to get the full list of alumni,” Beer says. “It just so happens that Vania — which is the craziest coincidence that has ever happened to me — had signed up for Classmates.com a couple of months prior. He found her maiden name, Googled that, found her married name and found her Facebook. He called me on the way home from soccer practice and asked, ‘Are you going over to your friend’s house? Because I think you should come home, because I think I just found your birth mom on Facebook.’ “I don’t think I’ve ever driven so fast in my life,” Beer says. Looking at her birth mother’s Facebook photo, for the first time in her life, Beer was seeing someone who looked like her. She sent a message to Vania explaining the situation, making sure to emphasize her happiness and gratitude for her birth mother’s choice, and waited for a response. It came back three days later. “Her response was more than I ever could have imagined,” she remembers. It read, “Wow, what a surprise. I wondered if and when this day would ever happen. I am your birth mother. I’m sure you have a lot of questions, so I’m just going to leave it to you to ask.”
From there, Beer and her birth mother began messaging back and forth (Vania would end up asking for Beer’s mother’s phone number to make sure her parents were 100 percent comfortable with the contact). Beer found out she had three younger half siblings and was finally able to get answers to those questions which had been pressing on her for so long: Who was her birth father? What was her adoption story? Less than five months after she first messaged Vania, Beer and her parents flew out to meet her. “Being in front of her for the first time was probably the craziest thing that has ever happened — I couldn’t even talk,” Beer remembers. “I was just staring at her during lunch, which was probably super awkward, but I had never seen anyone who looked like me before. Even just watching her was weird to see; we have the same mannerisms…That in and of itself blew my mind.”
She learned from Vania that the adoption had not been a mutual agreement — her birth father, Tommy, had proposed to Vania with the intent of raising the child together — and the two had not been in contact for many years. Beer wouldn’t receive her birth father’s contact information for a couple more weeks, after Vania had become more comfortable with the idea. After Beer contacted her birth father, he traveled to her hometown to meet her. Despite their difficult history, Vania and Tommy eventually saw each other again at Beer’s high school graduation — a monumental moment in Beer’s life. “It was the first time I had ever had a picture with two people who looked like me,” she says.
Today, Beer has a close relationship with Vania, who she describes as like a “super-close aunt.” They talk almost every other day, and Beer is thankful for the support her birth mother gives her. Despite the closed nature of her adoption, Beer thinks it worked out for the best, especially now that she’s in contact with her birth parents at an older age. The support of her parents throughout her entire life — from their positive explanations of her adoption to their assistance finding her birth parents — also plays an instrumental role. Recently, she’s begun reaching out to other prospective birth and adoptive parents to share her story and help them feel more comfortable deciding on adoption — as a way to help them experience the same kind of positive adoption process she had.
“My biggest goal is to just shed a better light on adoption and that adoption is a great thing,” she says. “While adoption can be scary, and it can go wrong, so can a lot of other things in life. It is like anything else in your life that can go wrong. To be scared of it and back out just because you’re scared of what could happen is silly because you have this chance.” For birth mothers, Beer says, that chance is to give a child a better life and hopeful parents a chance at a child they could never have. For adoptive parents, it’s raising a child with all the best opportunities in life. Whatever challenges come along the way, like her own emotional journey to finding her birth parents, will be all worth it in the end, she says. “As long as you raise the child to be confident in their story, I don’t really see anything going wrong in that.”
If you’re a prospective adoptive parent, you’ve probably come across something called “reactive attachment disorder” as you’ve been researching adoption. Because it’s uncommon, and not many families seek help for the disorder, it may seem scary to you — and make you worry even more about the challenges of adoption. While RAD is rare, it’s important to understand the realities of the disorder to not only prevent it but know what to do if your adopted child starts to exhibit symptoms. To help all prospective adoptive parents, we’ve answered some of the most common questions about the disorder.
Reactive attachment disorder is a condition that develops in children when they are unable to form a healthy emotional attachment with their primary caregivers before the age of 5, according to PsychCentral. It’s rare, occurring in only 10 percent of cases involving severely neglected children. RAD can occur for many reasons, and each case is different. Commonly, a child develops this disorder because of a primary caregiver’s continual disregard for their needs (whether emotional or physical) and inconsistency in primary caregivers, such as is experienced in the foster care system.
When a child develops RAD, they start becoming detached and withdrawn from their primary caregivers. They may hold back emotions and be resistant to comforting, becoming unresponsive to the attention that they’re given. Usually, if a child is exhibiting attachment problems, parents can tell that something is wrong. If a parent thinks that their child is exhibiting any of these symptoms in excess of the normal adjustment for an adopted child, they should contact a physician or a child and adolescent psychologist, who can more thoroughly test if the child has RAD.
There is no medication to treat RAD, as treating the condition focuses mainly on the emotional and physical wellbeing of the child and their relationship to their primary caregiver. If a child is diagnosed with RAD, the most important thing to determine is whether they are in a safe and stable environment. If they are, the focus moves to the primary caregiver — providing them appropriate advice and parenting skills to develop a healthy, trusting relationship with their child. With time and patience, most children can learn to trust others and live a happy and healthy life.
Children who are adopted are often associated with RAD because of their seemingly heightened potential for developing the condition. While there is no research supporting a connection between adoption and RAD, children who are adopted may be more at risk because of their early childhood experiences. For example, children who are adopted from the foster care system may have only known a life where they were persistently moved from foster home to foster home — and, subsequently, were unable to develop a strong relationship with a primary caregiver. Unable to have positive examples of relationships, they may have difficulty trusting an adult once they are finally adopted. Likewise, internationally adopted children who lived in orphanages may not have received the one-on-one emotional care they needed to develop a secure trust in caregivers. RAD can also affect children who were adopted as infants.
First, it’s important to recognize that an adjustment period is normal when you welcome an adopted child into your home, no matter their age. It will take time to adjust to your and your child’s new life together, and that may come with challenges bonding at first. However, most adoptive parents and their children create a loving, trusting relationship within the first few weeks and months of placement. If more time passes and attachment problems continue, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. For example, if a baby continues to refuse to make eye contact or interact with their parents or doesn’t seem to like being cuddled or held, they may be exhibiting the first signs of an attachment disorder. It’s important to address these issues sooner rather than later, as leaving these symptoms unchecked can lead to more severe problems as a child grows up. A child with attachment difficulties does not mean that you’re a bad parent. With the proper care and lots of patience, a child can learn to trust and love their parents. It’s rare that attachment difficulties develop into full-blown RAD, but it’s important to recognize the warning signs so you can ensure a healthy relationship with your adopted child from as early on in their life as possible. To learn more about RAD, contact an experienced child and adolescent psychologist or psychiatrist.
