Grief

The first emotion I experienced after placement was grief. I was overwhelmed by what felt like the greatest loss I had ever experienced. In the moment after I watched my son’s parents drive away with him in the car, I fell to the floor, sobbing as if every tear I could ever cry had escaped in that moment. I felt as if I had lost myself. It felt as if someone had ripped a piece of my soul from my body. I was immediately grieving the loss of a relationship.

Fear

I suddenly became afraid of life. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. Losing my identity and placing my son scared me in the sense that I didn’t know what to expect from life. Anything could happen at any moment, and at times, I was paralyzed with fear. I didn’t know if I could handle another loss and experienced paranoia that something bad would happen to one of my loved ones. I became encased in a cage of fear.

Insecurity

I was disowned by many family members, and I became insecure of everything I said and did for fear I would be betrayed by others I knew and loved. I questioned myself, doubted myself, and second-guessed myself. I had lost my identity, and when I didn’t know which way to turn, I would just stop moving. Insecurity overcame me, and every thought I had was scrutinized in the anxiety of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing according to someone else.

Acceptance

As the grief began to wane, I realized that I did lose something. I lost the role I had played as a mother. What I also realized was that I had gained the role of a birth mother. I began to accept my role change, and realize that not only was it for the best for my son, but that it was for the best for me. Beginning to accept my new role made the fear begin to fade away. Even though life is full of surprises, many of them are beautiful. Life’s twists and turns is what makes life worth living. I had to embrace that sentiment as I faced the reality of how blessed I really was to have been led to my son’s parents and the life he was going to have.

Confidence

I started to feel secure again when I began to live my life again. I will never be the same person, but who I have evolved into is much more desirable to me than who I was before placement. Not only am I confident, but I hold no regret for my decision to place my son for adoption. I have gratitude and can stand firm on my foundation with the Lord that I carried out His will, which is what was and is what’s best for my son.
Remember, feelings pass and are not permanent. Healing and sadness come in waves. You may feel great one day and depressed the next. Just don’t let your feelings dictate the rest of your life.
~Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

I dealt with betrayal from unsupportive friends and family members. I lost my home, most of my family, many friends, and grew very weary due to the decision to place my child for adoption. The following tips helped me to cope with the losses. Some of these helped immediately, while others took time. Yet, the one thing that got me through was my faith. To lose your faith is to lose your hope, and to lose your hope is to lose your purpose. Your purpose is great because you are giving your child a gift that no one else is able to: a better life.

1. Remember who you are making this decision for.

When I finally made up my mind to place my child for adoption, it was because I knew in my heart that it was right for my child. I knew, within a moment, that no matter what difficulties came my way, I would follow through with my decision. I knew it was going to mean many challenges in all of my relationships, but I just had a knowing within my soul that adoption was the right decision. Once I made my mind up, nothing was going to stop me from providing everything I could for my child.

2. Confusion and ignorance breed anger.

My family members had an array of responses and reactions to the decision that I made for adoption. Since I had my son for six months, it had given them time to prove how involved they wanted to be. Of course, I was crushed when almost no one showed up to help me with my son. I found it ironic and incredibly painful that my decision to place him in a better environment was not supported. I was angry. They were angry. I believe, after spending much time on my path of healing, that their anger was a result of not understanding what I was going through and what I ultimately wanted for my son. They didn’t know any better.

3. Choose to forgive.

The anger of my friends and family ate at me every moment of every day. I knew they disapproved. I knew I was going to be disowned. These were my worst fears in the adoption decision, and they came true. I lost almost everyone and everything. There were a few individuals who chose to support me, and they were ever so important to me. Yet, the support that they gave me wasn’t enough to make the pain of being abandoned disappear. I had to make a choice to forgive the friends and family members who betrayed me. Forgiveness is a choice.

4. Be kind to yourself.

I had to take care of myself first and foremost. I had to make myself practice hygiene and self-care. I’ll admit, self-care was the last thing on my mind. I was in survival mode. It would be untrue if I said that I knew how to handle the unsupportive relationships in my life in a healthy way. There was something that I did do though that I suggest anyone who deals with it do: be kind to oneself. I remember seeing visions of my grandfather while I was going through the lack of support of my family and friends. I envisioned him telling me that he loved me and that he knew I was doing the right thing. It may seem insignificant, but my grandfather had passed away before I gave birth to my son, and seeing and hearing him was incredible. It enabled me to self-soothe at times with deep breathing, calling the few supports I had, keeping active in my journal, and most importantly, these visions helped to keep me from giving up on my faith.

Most Important: Faith
If these four suggestions and understandings are not enough, then most crucial is this: do not give up on your faith. Whatever you believe in, press into it. You can sort everything else out in time, but your faith is what will get you through. Keep your eyes upon the Lord, no matter whose anger and lack of support is trying to distract you from perhaps the most important decision of your life. And, of course, don’t give up.
~Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
 

The first time I met with my son’s mother was very eye opening. I realized that a future for my son was possible. I became aware that dreams can come true. I had a vision for who I wanted my son to be with, and on that day, my wish came true.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I met my son’s mother on a Monday. The adoption agent had called her early that morning and told her that she had a baby that needed a family. I was intrigued when I heard that she was going to meet with me. My son’s father was working that first meeting and was unable to make it. So, my son’s mother drove four hours by herself through a snowstorm to meet with me. This woman was coming without her husband to meet with me – a woman she had never met nor spoken to – to discuss the possibility of becoming a mother.
The fact that this woman, whom I had picked via a paper profile, decided she was willing to go as far as she had to in whatever conditions she had to become a mother spoke volumes to me. I was impressed before I had even met her. This kind of boldness, courage, and dedication was exactly what I was searching for. She was willing to go this far to become a mother, and I knew that she had the type of character that would do anything for her child. Before I even met my son’s mother, she had proven to me that she was willing to do anything as a mother.

Be Prepared

I knew what type of parents and character I desired for my son to be with, and I wasn’t willing to make compromises. I had spent countless hours imagining what type of life my son could have, and I needed that to be a reality. It has always been more important to me to meet my son’s needs over meeting my own comfort. I knew adoption was the best choice, but I also knew that coming upon the right parents was the only way that he would get everything I wanted him to have and that I believed that he deserved. I was prepared to do whatever it took to make sure that my son had the best life he could possibly have.
I believe this type of commitment is crucial for a mother who is considering adoption. Adoption is not about being comfortable and choosing the easy way out. Adoption is about making the hard choices, the right choices, and not being willing to compromise when it comes to the future of a child. It takes massive amounts of courage and immense measures of strength and resolve. Keeping this resolve through finalization is crucial in creating a successful adoption story. No matter how great the pain can be, a birth mother who is choosing adoption has to be dedicated to her mission.
This brings me to, in my opinion, the most important tip in meeting with potential adoptive parents: be prepared. Once you meet with parents for the firsts time, you can be honest with them about what you want for your child, but the first step is knowing what that is.

How to Get Prepared

Considering adoption as an option, for me, meant knowing that if the right parents didn’t come along, I would wait until I met them. If I had my son for months after choosing adoption, I would have done it. I believe that Divine Intervention is the reason that the first couple I met turned out to be the parents my son was always meant to have. I can only speak from my own experience, but I speculate that this is not always the case with everyone. Rely on your faith to guide you, but be prepared to ask the tough questions and speak the truth of what you need for your child.

Considering the Hard Topics – Some Examples

1. Appearances are important.
   • This may sound shallow to some, but it isn’t. You know what attracted me to my son’s parents? Their smiles. I was in awe of how genuine their smiles were in the pictures on their paper profile. If there is something in a profile picture that intrigues you in a positive way, and you just have to meet them, then do it. Make sure you tell them what drew you to their pictures. Not only will it make them feel good, but it is a great way to open up a conversation and break the ice. Appearance may or may not be important you as a birth mother. If it is important to you don’t pick someone to meet and get their hopes up when the truth is that you won’t choose them based on how they look.
   • Appearances are important.
2. Character was crucial.
   • I was looking for a couple with a specific character. Character is something that is very difficult to change. Character was everything to me. I wasn’t concerned about being charmed; I wanted a couple that was going to be brutally honest with me, even if it meant they had different values than I did. I wanted a couple that had convictions; I needed to know that they would stand by their values regardless of what other people thought. I wanted my son to be raised with healthy convictions that he could stand for and fight for. Whatever personality characteristics are crucial to you, make sure that you voice them. Don’t compromise on character; it is just too important to compromise on.
3. Discipline has value.
   • Discipline is important to me. I believe strongly in building character and maintaining security and stability through discipline. There are certain concepts I wanted my son to learn, like respecting authority regardless of how he felt about it, holding manners in appropriate circumstances, and honoring his own values. In my belief, this is achieved through parenting with discipline. If a parent is consistent with techniques such as talking to their child about their feelings, sticking to a daily schedule, and utilizing time-out techniques, then a child will have stability that will ultimately create patterns of learning for that child as to what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not.

Respect from the Start

Yes, it is important to be polite to people, but if honesty with someone trumps that, then go with honesty. Don’t hold anything back. Meeting adoptive parents isn’t about making a good impression, it’s about making an honest impression. Be transparent. Be honest. Think of meeting potential adoptive parents as being respectful. Mutual respect is a relationship value that begins with the first meeting. Respecting someone means being honest with them. If you are interested in the parents on the first meeting, but want to know something personal, like what their faith is, then don’t be afraid to ask. If you don’t ask the tough questions and mention the difficult topics, then you are not giving them a chance to be honest about what they need as well.
This meeting is too important to be passive. This meeting is about potentially finding a life for your child. While you should always be respectful, you should make sure to be honest as well. Once this relationship of respect and honesty is established, it will be much easier to maintain throughout the course of the child’s life and throughout the openness agreement. It will be much easier to respect boundaries if respect is the foundation of the relationship.

Be Resolved

For a birth mother meeting with adoptive parents, my tip is this: make sure you are resolved in your desires on the hard topics before having the first meeting. Perhaps you have more time to get to know potential adoptive parents than I did and the hard topics don’t have to all be discussed in the first few meetings. Yet, they shouldn’t be put off too long. Be honest from the start about the type of life you envision your child having and see if it parallels the life that the potential adoptive parents have in place and desire as well.
Considering adoption is not easy, and in my opinion, respect and transparency is the best policy. Make sure you are being honest and everything else will fall into place as the process moves forward. If respect and transparency are established from the start, then as the years go by, you will find a fulfilling relationship with your child’s parents, and your child.
~Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

Actress Nicole Kidman is no stranger to adoption. While married to actor Tom Cruise, she adopted two children — Isabella, now 23, and Connor, 21.
So it only makes sense that she drew upon some of her own experience to play an adoptive mother in her newest movie, “Lion.”The film tells the story of Saroo Brierley, an Indian child adopted by an Australian family who searches for his birth family 25 years later. Kidman plays Sue Brierley, Saroo’s adoptive mother. Although Brierley was able to have biological children, she chose to adopt Saroo and supported him when he wanted to find his biological parents.
In her research for the role, Kidman met with Brierley and, as two adoptive parents, they formed “a spiritual bond,” she told People editorial director Jess Cagle.
“We just felt very, very connected,” Kidman said.
As an adoptive mother herself, Kidman had thought about the moments when her own children would want to meet their birth parents. Although she said she couldn’t speak for all adoptive parents, for her, it was something she prepared for since she first adopted her children.
“It’s very much part of the whole relationship, so it needs to be addressed discussed,” she said. “I don’t know about other people’s lives, as parents of adopted children, the advice was, ‘If they want to find their birth parents, you support that.’“
“Lion” will ring true for many adoptive parents, especially those with international and transracial adoptions. Part of the story focuses on Saroo’s worry that he’ll upset his adoptive mother by seeking out his birth parents — that she’ll feel betrayed by his choice.
But it’s important that adoptive parents understand this isn’t a reflection on their parenting skills; it’s a natural curiosity that some adopted children will want to follow through to the end. And it’s important that those parents support their child’s desires, which Brierley does in the movie.
“She says, ‘I love you, and I so hope you find her, because she will see how beautiful you are,’” Kidman said.
Watch Kidman’s full interview about “Lion” and its messages about adoption here.
“Lion” opens in movie theaters on Nov. 25.

It’s probably fair to say that Nikki Pauls DeSimone is more knowledgeable about adoption than most adoptive families. She is, after all, a Licensed Master Social Worker who’s been working in adoption since 2004. She’s an adoptive parent as well; she and her husband adopted their daughter, Yiyi, from China in 2014.
But when it comes to homeland tours, there’s still some confusion, even in the adoption professional community, about how to best make the journey. A homeland tour is a trip to an internationally adopted child’s home country. Understandably, it can be intimidating; it’s an emotional trek for everyone involved.
Some families choose to go through an agency for a guided heritage tour, but the DeSimones chose to go on their own. They preferred to have the freedom to do their own thing, and, because Nikki is no adoption newbie, she knew she had to be very purposeful in setting their itinerary. Her family traveled back to China in the beginning of June 2016, and now she’s using her own experience to demystify homeland tours.
For families considering doing the same for their adopted child — and Nikki does recommend that adoptive families take their children back to their home countries when possible — she shared a few tips at this month’s meeting of the Metropolitan Adoption Council of Greater Kansas City.

Tips for Affording the Trip:

• Save for two years. This should give you enough time to come up with the money, but it’s a short enough timespan to keep you from abandoning the idea.
• Consider traveling during the schoolyear. While it may be tougher to schedule around the kids, it can save massive amounts of money on travel.
• Think about whether you really need a guide the entire time. Say a guide costs maybe $150 a day. If you eliminate the need for a guide on even two days of your trip, that saves you $300.
• You may not need to bring all of your children. If you have kids who are too young to appreciate the experience, it’s okay to leave them at home. It’s also okay to take only the child whose home country you’re returning to.

Tips for Preparing Your Child:

• Talk to them about the realities of the trip in the months leading up to it. Make sure they understand that:
  • Familiar places may have changed in the time since they’ve been away. Buildings are remodeled, torn down, or built frequently. Depending on how long they’ve been gone, things could look very different from how they remember.
  • They may encounter language challenges that they didn’t before. Depending on the child’s age and the amount of time they’ve been away from the country, they may not have the same grasp on their native language that they once did.
  • People may remember them that they have no recollection of, and vice versa. It can be disorienting to a child to see someone they have fond memories of and find that that person doesn’t remember. They may also feel guilty for not recognizing people who remember them.
• Have your child help set the goals for the trip. You know what you want to accomplish, but what is important to him or her?

Tips for Traveling:

• Use a guide for part of the trip if you need one, but also get out and explore on your own.
• Plan for downtime. You never know what’s going to happen.
• Allow your child to set the pace. There’s a lot coming at them; they may need emotional rest breaks.
• Depending on where you go and the customs in that country, you may want to bring gifts. If that’s the case, bring more than you think you’ll need. People come out of the woodwork.
• Plan to buy things for your child. It may have been a while since they’ve seen their home country; now that they’re older, they will probably want to pick out things that are meaningful to them.
• Always be flexible.

Tips for Coming Back Home:

• Encourage your child to process what they’ve just done. Having someone ready to help them work through their emotions — maybe another international adoptee — may be beneficial.
• Have your child help you make a photo album documenting the trip.
• If you make any promises on the trip — especially regarding birth parents, foster parents, return trips, etc. — make sure those promises are kept.

To read more about Nikki, Yiyi and their family’s trip back to China, you can visit Nikki’s blog.

Happy World Adoption Day! Each year, people around the globe celebrate and spread awareness about adoption and the incredible journey that birth families, adoptive families and adopted children take every day. This year, World Adoption Day is today, Nov. 15.
Hank Fortener spearheaded the World Adoption Day movement. Adoption has been a part of his life since he was young; his family has adopted eight children from five different countries and fostered 36 children. In addition to his involvement in World Adoption Day, Fortener runs AdoptTogether.com, a crowdfunding website to help hopeful parents with adoption costs.
Fortener started the World Adoption Day campaign to bring awareness to the millions of adoption stories that go untold and uncelebrated every other day of the year.
“Together, we can create a family for every child,” he says.
So, how can you get involved in this year’s World Adoption Day? It’s simple!
1. Draw a smiley face on your hands and post a picture with the hashtag #WorldAdoptionDay. Share your adoption story on all of your social media to help raise awareness of the beautiful families adoption creates.

TOMORROW! #WorldAdoptionDay Spread the word! #familyiseverything

A video posted by World Adoption Day | Nov. 15th (@worldadoptionday) on Nov 14, 2016 at 9:21am PST

2. Donate to families who need financial help in their adoption at AdoptTogether.com.
3. Volunteer or become an ambassador and connect with organizations and events in your community to further raise awareness about adoption.
To subscribe to the World Adoption Day newsletter and find out more about events near you, submit your information here.
So, break out your sharpies today and tell your adoption story to the rest of the world!

Holidays. What do they mean to you? As a child, I was always excited for what they had to bring. I would get to eat like a queen, get all of the attention, and be surprised with gifts. It was joyful. After my grandfather passed away, they were never the same. My family became divided. Then, I placed my son up for adoption, and I found a hole in my soul that the holidays only amplified. I would be heartbroken every holiday. Once I began to walk a path of healing, that started to change. I began to realize that holidays are what we make of them. I can be proactive to make sure that my holidays are filled with joy and cheer. Here are some tips to making sure that you have a blessed holiday season as a birth parent:
Focus on the Positive
It’s easy for me to become sad when I think of the holidays; I think this is what a lot of people go through. While the societal standard is for us to be happy and joyful, there are many people who spend the holidays mourning their losses. When I first placed my son for adoption, the holidays were incredibly painful. It probably took me about two years of focused attention to healing before I started to come out of my depression. I was so wrapped up in my loss, that I wasn’t focused on what I had gained in the process. I made the decision for my son, and I thought that I had lost my reason for living. It turns out, I gained a whole new life when my son did. I just had to re-frame my thinking to focus on the positive of what I had gained.
Think of ALL 365 Days
It’s easy to get lost in a moment of sadness and loss. It’s comfortable to sit and wallow in what we don’t have, but it takes courage, strength, and determination to re-focus on the positive of the long-term. I used to find myself focused on missing my son on the holidays. Yet, there are 365 days in a year, and that is what really counts. My gift of adoption gave him a great life for the whole year, every year. It takes courage to face these emotions, but even more resolve to re-focus on the long-term benefits of such a selfless decision as adoption.
Attitude of Gratitude
To turn your thought life from negative to positive there has to be something positive to turn your thoughts to. My suggestion is to do what I have done: focus on what I’m grateful for. I have made gratitude lists to help re-frame my thinking. My gratitude begins at the fact that my son has the necessities that I would have struggled to provide for him. It then extends to the extra things that my son has now. He is involved in sports, excelling in school, has parents who are able to give him more time than I would have been able to, and a design and guide for living that they are able to instill in him. What are you grateful for in the decision that you have made regarding adoption? Not only for your child, but for yourself? For myself, I have had the opportunity to get on my feet financially, heal many emotional wounds, and mature as an adult.
Traditions with a Twist
One of the greatest things that has bothered me over the holidays has to do with practicing holiday traditions. In my family, the focus is on the kids. We take my niece, nephew, and cousins trick-or-treating, we celebrate Christmas morning with all the kids first, and Thanksgiving is about rallying the family to focus on the children. Everything was always about the kids, and not having my son with me to celebrate with everyone used to bother me. I realized that the best way to handle this was to create new traditions. My favorite tradition I have now is a phone call with my son on every holiday. I get to hear what kind of candy he got at Halloween, how much turkey he ate on Thanksgiving, and what Santa brought him for Christmas. It’s my tradition. No matter what activities my family is engaging in, I step away to talk to my son. Then I tell my family what my son is doing on the holidays. While it wasn’t always like this, they now smile and tell me how happy they are that he is having a great time over the holidays.
Holiday Origins
Society has turned the holidays into scary trick-or-treating, eating lots of Turkey and watching football, and opening presents on Christmas morning. Yet, each of these holidays has an origin. Instead of trying to fit into societal standards, consider what these holidays are really about. Add a new tradition regarding what really started these holidays. Conduct a quick study and get creative with a new tradition that you can hold dear to. If your family doesn’t want to participate, then do it for yourself. Take some time to really appreciate what you have, and celebrate what was originally intended to be celebrated.
So what is it that you want the holidays to represent? Think about what is really important to you and your child throughout the entire year, and celebrate that. There is nothing wrong with being happy. Healing is possible, even around the holidays. Make your holidays special, for life is what we make of it.
~Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

The Department of State recently issued a notice updating the status of intercountry adoptions from Guatemala.
According to the notice, the Government of Guatemala is not processing intercountry adoptions with any country at this time. The U.S. Department of State continues to engage the Guatemalan government with the goal of resuming intercountry adoptions.

Resolution of Pending Cases

In 2007, Guatemala passed new legislation to regulate intercountry adoption and implemented the Hague Adoption Convention. The law created the Guatemalan National Adoption Council (CNA) and allowed for about 3,000 adoptions initiated before December 31, 2007, to proceed. New adoption applications were then suspended until the Guatemalan government could create a new adoption process.
Since the United States joined the Hague Convention in 2008, Guatemala has not had an intercountry adoption process in place. Resolution of the 3,000 pending adoption cases initiated prior to 2008 has remained a key objective of the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala, the U.S. Department of State, and U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS).
Thanks to exhaustive efforts by high-level U.S. officials, the CNA has completed its processing of the cases that were pending when the new law went into effect. Four remaining cases are all pending in various judicial processes.

Future Intercountry Adoptions

In May 2016, representatives of the Office of Children’s Issues traveled to Guatemala to assess the government’s progress toward creating a new intercountry adoption process. Guatemalan representatives stated their priority is to continue strengthening their domestic adoption processes and institutions before they will consider reopening intercountry adoptions.
The Office of Children’s Issues is committed to supporting Guatemala in these efforts, and to continue to advocate for developing intercountry adoption procedures.
To learn more about adoptions from Guatemala, visit adoption.state.gov.

Richard Oden is an adoptive parent, a foster parent, a veteran and, now, an author. Oden’s book, My Full Life Circle, Squared, comes out on November 11 and focuses on the trials and triumphs he has experienced as both a foster parent and an active member of the military in Bagram, Afghanistan.
Oden grew up in the foster care system, moving through nine different foster homes before being adopted by the family of his childhood best friend, Wes Oden. It’s exactly this background and the difficulties that came along with it that made him so goal-oriented.
Oden overheard people’s remarks about him as he was growing up: “That kid doesn’t have a chance. He won’t amount to anything.” That’s a hard thing for anyone to handle, especially a child, but he turned the negativity into motivation.
“My attitude was, ‘I’ll show you and this world that this kid, although dealt a bad hand that he had no control over, could be a productive member of society and so much more,’” Oden says.
And that’s exactly what he did, as evidenced by My Full Life Circle, Squared.
The book outlines Oden’s achieved goals one after another — his college degree, his wife, his impressive list of financial endeavors from a young age, his high school football career — but especially focuses on his role as a foster-adoptive parent and as an active member of the U.S. military.
Oden wrote My Full Life Circle, Squared while serving in Bagram, Afghanistan in 2014. This was at a time when his pregnant wife was at home with their three foster children, Elijah, Kentrell and Gabby, who the Odens were hoping to adopt. Oden takes his readers from his childhood and what he can remember of the homes he was placed in to the Afghanistan desert, where he grapples with missing his children and his wife.
All throughout the book, he gives credit to God — everything happens according to His will, says Oden. He believes that his blessings aren’t coming to an end anytime soon, either. Oden is already planning his second book, which will be called From the Foster Care Club to the Couple Comma Club (1,000,000): My Journey with God. He’s not a millionaire quite yet — but if things continue to go as well for him and his wife as they have been, he anticipates reaching that point somewhere along the line.
In the meantime, Oden will continue to educate about foster care in order to help kids just like him.
“As a little boy I would often ask God why he put me in foster care,” he writes in My Full Life Circle, Squared. “I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He put me in this situation so one day I could, indeed, inspire, encourage, motivate, and minister to others.”

***

My Full Life Circle, Squared will be available for purchase on Odem’s website as well as through Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Some of the proceeds from each sale will be donated to foster care and military charities.
To learn more about the Odens, you can contact them at fulllifecirclesquared@gmail.com.
 

In my experience, when I was truly ready to choose adoption, I had peace about my decision and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that because I knew it was best for my child. I wanted him to have opportunities that I wasn’t able to provide for him at that point in my life.
When I did make the decision, my emotions were all over the place. I knew this would be the hardest thing I would ever go through in my entire life, but I also had a spiritual peace about the decision. I knew that once I found his adoptive parents, he would be provided for and I would have to focus on healing. Once I made it, that was that. Nothing was going to change my mind. No personal influence would stand in the way of me getting my child to where he belonged: with the parents that he now calls Mom and Dad.
My best advice is this: do not make a decision until you are truly convicted in your heart and have peace about your decision.
Adoption is Not an Easy Option
I had my son for six months before I was convicted in my heart and had peace about the decision for adoption. I did everything that I could to try and make it work as a mother, unfortunately I wasn’t in a place in my life to be able to do it. Fast forward six years later and I have no regrets about my decision.
So, since we aren’t talking about your particular circumstances, and you may be all alone in making this decision, here is the process that I suggest you follow to help you make a decision about whether or not adoption is the best option:
First step: figure out why exactly you are on the fence. Here are a few questions that I would ask you to consider:

• What is the reason that you are on the fence?
  • Is it a resource issue that can be corrected with assistance programs?
• Have you not found the right fit in a family?
  • Keep looking and don’t give up.
• Are you afraid that your family will disown you?
  • This is about your child and yourself, and the rest I promise you will find a way to get through.
• Are you thinking about what is best for you?
  • Or are you thinking about what is best for your child?
• Under what circumstances would you choose to keep your baby?
  • Are such circumstances realistic?
• What are your other options?
  • Are you considering placing your child temporarily with family members or friends?
• Is someone pressuring you into adoption even though you believe and know that keeping your baby is the best thing for you and your child?
  • Don’t let other people make your parenting decisions for you.
• What sacrifices are you willing and able to make for the benefit of your child?
  • If it is to live in an unhealthy environment because you don’t have the resources to provide for your child, then consider whether or not that is really best for your child.

 
Adoption is an option, but it’s not always the best option. However, when it is the best option, and you are afraid of how you will heal, just remember: there are resources available that are there to support you.
If you have a strong faith, or even if it isn’t strong, press into it. The only thing that will truly make your decision for you is a conviction within your heart.
Process: Sit down in a place where you feel safe, somewhere in nature or a room where you feel safe. Make sure you are alone. And put pen to paper and just start writing. Ask yourself these questions and answer them as honestly as you are able to:

• What do I want for myself?
• What do I want for my child?
• What are the reasons that I am considering adoption?
• What are the reasons that I am considering keeping my child?
• What are the pro’s and con’s in choosing adoption?
• Realistically, what are the barriers that I am facing that are prompting me to consider adoption?
• Can these barriers be overcome?
• Are there other children involved who need my attention?
• What is the wise decision, regardless of how it makes me feel?
• What are the facts of the situation, taking my feelings out of it?
• What are the things that I am afraid of?

Take your time. Really think about your options. Then, talk to someone you can trust. Even if it is an adoption agent – that’s who I talked to.
My Prayer for Peace for You
When you are ready to make a decision, my prayer is that regardless of all of the emotions that you experience, you will truly find a convicted peace about the decision. Don’t make this decision for anyone else but your child. The weight in choosing adoption is great, but the outcome can be miraculous.
Remember, feelings are temporary, and healing is more than possible. Healing is a reality. You are not alone, and there are people who will support you throughout your life and your decision. If you find yourself lacking support with your decision, know that if nobody else understands, I do.
Know that if adoption is your best option, and you end up following-through with that decision, that you are also strong enough to heal. Find support systems to plug into and don’t ever give up. Adoption is an option, and it is a choice made out of courage and strength.
~Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.