Is it even a choice? How can you compare the two? Some people would say that one has to do with a woman’s right to choose and some would say it’s a right to life. It would be easy for me to give my opinion on this topic, but I honestly believe it boils down to what is in the heart of a person. So let’s get really honest here about why I choose adoption instead of abortion.
First of all, since I started having sexual intercourse I used protection. I was very well educated thanks to the fact that my mother was a nurse. I knew the risks involved with sex: becoming attached to someone, contracting an STD, and worst of all… becoming pregnant. So I had it in my mind that those could be very bad things, especially getting pregnant. I believed that it was wrong to become pregnant until I was ready to be a mother.
I had been using the birth control pill and had severe endometriosis when I conceived. The thought didn’t even occur to me that I could become pregnant with the pill and an autoimmune disease working against my reproductive system, yet, miracles do happen. Now, some people in my life looked at that miracle as an accident. These are two very different lines of thinking. Miracle or accident?
I choose to believe it was a miracle. I choose to believe that there are miracles everywhere. Not everyone thinks this way, and when I was in the middle of it, it didn’t feel like a miracle. To be completely honest, when I was told that I was pregnant by my doctor, I felt like I was in some kind of surreal nightmare. I drove around in my car for an hour and a half just contemplating what I was going to do. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I also realized that I just could not abort this little life, or thing depending on what you believe, that was inside of me. When I became aware of how I truly felt about being pregnant, I knew I was going to keep the baby. (I put him up for adoption when he was six months old.)
I think that is the biggest factor in this decision making process. It’s who we are and what we truly believe that comes out. My pregnancy was no accident. How could it have been? I just don’t see it that way.
After having my son, I spoke with many mothers and very few told me that their pregnancies were planned. Being a mother taught me that getting pregnant is not the worst consequence of sex. It’s a beautiful pro-creative byproduct of sex. I have had one night stands, I have been in a couple long-term relationships, and now I am happily married. Sex has held different meanings for me throughout my life. It has taken me some time to mature in my viewpoints. In this birth parent’s opinion, pregnancies are not accidents.
The issues with abort versus adopt goes much deeper than just discussing what is on the surface. I believe it is a matter of how you see yourself, your view on sex, and your view on the relationship or relations that led to the pregnancy. I had to ask myself these hard questions.
I have come to realize that making the choice to have sex (and I am only referring to when it is a choice), means accepting the responsibilities that come with it. That means making mature choices and educating and empowering ourselves to be able to make those choices.
So ultimately I believe it’s up to the individual and the partners to determine one thing: is this an accident or a miracle? It’s up to us to determine how we want to look at ourselves and our lives. I have found it important to take personal responsibility, mature, and really consider the effects that my choices will have on myself, on others, and those I may not even know yet.
– Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.