“I felt more love for my baby than I had ever experienced before. But I found that the more I loved him, the more I wanted to find out what would be best for him throughout his entire life. The things I wanted most for him (a stable family with a mother and father, a home to live in, a mother who could stay at home with him, financial security, etc.) were things I could not provide.So it was because I loved him so much
that I chose adoption.” – Martina
When you decide what is best for your child, you don’t just do it once. You chose what is best for them throughout their whole lifetime. Sometimes that means making that decision through adoption. Adoption is always an option.
Adoption is not for everyone. There are tons of supportive resources available especially for single or low-income parents. If you do not feel that adoption is right for you and your child, then please don’t do it.
If your child is older but you just know in your heart that adoption is the best decision for both of you, then that is OK. It is a myth that you can’t place an older child for adoption. I personally didn’t place my son until he was six months old.
While I had considered adoption during pregnancy, the reality of being a full-time, single mother did not hit until I actually had my son for a few months. I felt a lot of pressure to keep custody of my son from friends and family. I was told by quite a few people that they would help me out with him, and when the time came for them to step up, most of them were not there and the ones who were there were barely there. I felt completely alone as a parent. None of my friends had children, so they didn’t understand what it was like to be a parent.
If adoption feels like it is the best answer in your heart, then trust your motherly instincts. I knew it was the best decision for both of us.
I think it is probably easier to place a child for adoption before they are born and a birth mother bonds with them, but just because it’s harder doesn’t mean that it still isn’t the right thing to do. Healing can be a reality for a birth mother no matter how old her child is. There are plenty of potential adoptive parents in the world looking for a child and the right fit will not discriminate against age.
Again, it is crucial to ask yourself the tough questions and I believe the hardest one that requires the most brutal level of honesty is this: What is truly best for my child?
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.