It can be one of the most pressing, stressful, nerve-wracking questions to ask when trying to create an adoption plan: What about the father?
Choosing to place your baby for adoption is a brave, difficult decision. It’s life-changing in every way, and any woman considering creating an adoption plan has worked through questions that are harder than anything most people have to do in life. Then, once that decision has been made, you come around to another part of the equation in the father.
Every adoption situation is completely unique, especially when it comes to the relationship with the birth father. Occasionally, birth fathers may be present and supportive of adoption. Oftentimes, the birth father is absent, unknown or unreachable. Sometimes, the birth father is still in the picture and not supportive of adoption. These are only broad outlines, and the details that make up each situation are vast and complex. That’s why the best thing any woman considering adoption can do about the birth father is to speak to an adoption professional.
Your adoption specialist is your best friend, your most trusted teammate. They have your back, and they will do everything possible to make your adoption process go as smooth as can be. In order for your adoption specialist to do the best job for you, you need to be completely honest with them. But even in this safe space, with this trusted person, it can be scary to talk about the birth father. What do you say, and where can you even begin?
Here are a few pointers for how to talk to your adoption professional about the birth father.
1. Be Completely Honest
It bears repeating: your adoption specialist is completely dedicated to making your experience with the process as good as possible, and they can only do this to the extent that they fully understand your situation and needs. Honesty can be a challenge, but it is completely necessary.
Whether it has to do with financial, emotional or relational needs relating to adoption, honesty is always the best policy with your adoption specialist.
2. Try to Not Be Afraid
This is directly connected to being honest. It’s normal to feel afraid, anxious or ashamed when sharing some of the grittier details of life. This is true for anyone. As a woman considering adoption, it’s possible that some important facts about your situation cause you to feel scared or embarrassed. Your adoption specialist is a safe person who will never judge you. Even when it’s hard, try to push past feelings of fear or shame to share the complete picture of your relationship with the birth father.
Remember, your adoption professional has worked with dozens — if not hundreds — of women who have considered adoption. She has heard a lot of things about birth fathers, and some of them probably weren’t very pretty. In every situation, the response will be non-judgmental and helpful. These specialists are eager to work with you, and you can play your part by speaking with honesty and trusting your adoption specialist.
3. There Are No Bad Questions
Ask away. If you’ve got a concern or are confused about anything, your adoption specialist is there to help you. The whole adoption process is complex. Most people find it confusing. This is especially true when it comes to birth father rights. The outcome will depend on the unique details of your situation, on the laws of the state you live in and on other factors. It’s normal to be confused by all this, and it’s better to ask questions instead of hiding the confusion.
4. Start the Conversation Early
Don’t wait until the last minute to ask questions or share information about the father of the baby. We know how uncomfortable this topic can be, but don’t let that stop you from sharing your full situation with your adoption specialist right from the start.
The earlier you start this conversation, the more time you and your adoption specialist will have to create a smooth road toward a successful adoption. Everything is harder when it’s rushed, and you don’t want a process this important to have any late-game surprises.
If you can be honest, unafraid, inquisitive and timely in your conversations with your adoption specialist about the father of the baby, you will put yourself in a better situation to complete a successful adoption. To speak with an adoption specialist today, you can request more free information about adoption at any time.