How to Not Go Crazy During the Wait to Adopt

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Our adoption journey began back in February of 2017, when we first started contacting agencies and doing research on what type of adoption would be best for our family and what we needed to do in order to get started in the process. By May of 2017, our applications had been submitted, the home study completed and approved, and our family had made a public announcement at our church and on social media to declare our intention to adopt. We have now rolled into 2019, still in our adoption process and in the middle of the waiting to be chosen for an adoption opportunity.

Our story has taken several twists and turns along the way that have contributed to our wait. The day after we publicly broadcast our passion for bringing an adopted child into our family, we found out that we were in fact miraculously pregnant. We could have put our adoption on hold during this time, but we continued with thoughts that if God’s plan for our family was to have two babies, we would receive that blessing with both arms open (literally)! While we were pregnant, some uncertainties arose that made it unclear the outcome of this baby. We were still receiving information about available adoption situations at this time but had to make the decision to not present to a few until we knew our pregnancy was healthy.

Our baby was born in December, and we spoke with a prospective birth mother in February who wanted to allow our family to adopt her daughter who was due in just a few short months. We were ecstatic and humbled at this most precious opportunity our family would have and how sweet it would be to get to watch these two babies of ours grow up together. However, our dreams of this baby girl would not come to fruition. After that adoption disruption, we grieved over the loss of what could have been but have remained on our adoption journey ever since.

Our wait has been anything but normal, especially in the beginning, but our desire to bring a child into our family through adoption has been ever on our hearts and minds. We have presented to several prospective birth mothers during our wait only to receive the news of not this time. Each time we present our profile in hopes of being chosen, we experience the adrenaline and anticipation that fill our souls. I believe with this perspective for each situation, we are holding tight to that hope and preparing for the day when our faith becomes the sight of that new little baby in our arms.

Some couples choose to remain private during their wait to adopt. For these families, this is an approach where less is more. They don’t share when they have the opportunity to present a profile to a prospective birth mother to save their emotional narrative from being told over and over. They keep the information that they share with others during their wait simple. This may be how you choose to guard your family in the process. For our family, we prefer the openness of sharing our story with others. We find it encouraging when our friends ask about the adoption process, and we desire for others to understand the bigger picture of what adoption looks like from the beginning. During our wait, we don’t share the details of situations or prospective birth parents we choose to present to, but when others are curious about where we are in our adoption journey, we share. We tell of different times when we have prayed over a birth mother while she has toiled over the hardest decision of her life. We express the different emotions we have faced and fears that arise with each situation. We share of our match and then consequently failed adoption so that our friends walk alongside us down each path. But mostly, we share about each situation because we want others to see the truth of adoption and our hearts desire to give comfort in a difficult situation.

There are no magic tips for not going crazy during your wait to adopt because for every family, the wait is different, the situation is different, and the emotions are different. Our family’s best support in the waiting has been the encouragement from those around us. That’s why we share our story each step of the way.

Jill is a 32-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 5-year-old and 1-year-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.

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