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Advice for Women on the Fence About Adoption – Thoughts from a Birth Mother
In my experience, when I was truly ready to choose adoption, I had peace about my decision and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that because I knew it was best for my child. I wanted him to have opportunities that I wasn’t able to provide for him at that point in my life. When I did make the decision, my emotions were all over the place. I knew this would be the hardest thing I would ever go through in my entire life, but I also had a spiritual peace about the decision. I knew that once I found his adoptive parents, he would be provided for and I would have to focus on healing. Once I made it, that was that. Nothing was going to change my mind. No personal influence would stand in the way of me getting my child to where he belonged: with the parents that he now calls Mom and Dad. My best advice is this: do not make a decision until you are truly convicted in your heart and have peace about your decision. Adoption is Not an Easy Option I had my son for six months before I was convicted in my heart and had peace about the decision for adoption. I did everything that I could to try and make it work as a mother, unfortunately I wasn’t in a place in my life to be able to do it. Fast forward six years later and I have no regrets about my decision. So, since we aren’t talking about your particular circumstances, and you may be all alone in making this decision, here is the process that I suggest you follow to help you make a decision about whether or not adoption is the best option: First step: figure out why exactly you are on the fence. Here are a few questions that I would ask you to consider:
- What is the reason that you are on the fence?
- Is it a resource issue that can be corrected with assistance programs?
- Have you not found the right fit in a family?
- Keep looking and don’t give up.
- Are you afraid that your family will disown you?
- This is about your child and yourself, and the rest I promise you will find a way to get through.
- Are you thinking about what is best for you?
- Or are you thinking about what is best for your child?
- Under what circumstances would you choose to keep your baby?
- Are such circumstances realistic?
- What are your other options?
- Are you considering placing your child temporarily with family members or friends?
- Is someone pressuring you into adoption even though you believe and know that keeping your baby is the best thing for you and your child?
- Don’t let other people make your parenting decisions for you.
- What sacrifices are you willing and able to make for the benefit of your child?
- If it is to live in an unhealthy environment because you don’t have the resources to provide for your child, then consider whether or not that is really best for your child.
- What do I want for myself?
- What do I want for my child?
- What are the reasons that I am considering adoption?
- What are the reasons that I am considering keeping my child?
- What are the pro’s and con’s in choosing adoption?
- Realistically, what are the barriers that I am facing that are prompting me to consider adoption?
- Can these barriers be overcome?
- Are there other children involved who need my attention?
- What is the wise decision, regardless of how it makes me feel?
- What are the facts of the situation, taking my feelings out of it?
- What are the things that I am afraid of?