When families are considering adoption, one of the most common questions is “How much does it cost to adopt a child?” The amount of money a family has budgeted for an adoption may determine which adoption process they choose — domestic, international or foster care. Understanding the breakdown of costs is essential to choosing the best method for your family. Here is an overview of the three main types of adoption, and the average costs associated with each.
Average Cost with an Adoption Agency: $41,532 Average Cost with an Adoption Attorney: $35,594 Private domestic adoption is the adoption of an infant who has been voluntarily placed for adoption by his or her birth parents. This can be done through an adoption agency, which assists the family from the beginning to the end of an adoption, or independently, with the adoptive family finding a birth mother privately and using an attorney to legally complete the adoption. Using an adoption agency may cost more because the agency is there to support both parties throughout the entire adoption. General costs for domestic adoption may include attorney representation for the adoptive and birth parents, medical costs, counseling, rent, phone and travel for the birth parents, as well as travel, court, home study and networking costs for the adoptive parents.
Average Cost (varies by country): $36,070–$46,412 Intercountry adoption is the adoption of a child from another country. In addition to agency and attorney fees, there are international travel expenses, as well as passport and immigration fees. Other fees may include dossier preparation, in-country travel expenses, and in-country adoption expenses. The cost also varies from country to country.
Average Cost: $2,811 Average Monthly Subsidy: $846 This method of adoption is the least expensive because foster care adoption expenses are often reimbursed by the state. This state-run system gets state and sometimes federal tax money to provide needed services and make adoption plans. Children adopted out of foster care may also qualify for a monthly subsidy or health care through Medicaid. Each year, Adoptive Families magazine polls new adoptive families about the expenses incurred during their adoption process. The most recent data published is from 2014–2015. A detailed breakdown of expenses can be found on their website.
Someone I love very dearly is in the process of making the decision to put her baby up for adoption. It is incredibly painful and heartwarming to watch all at the same time. I would do anything for this person to protect her from harm’s way, but I can’t make this decision for her. I can’t take all the painful emotions away from her. I can’t do the hard tasks for her. I can’t make the decision for adoption for someone else.
When I chose adoption, I faced many obstacles. I knew very little about adoption, and I was venturing out to make this decision on my own. I lost people I loved, experienced betrayal and heartbreak, and ultimately ended up learning that there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for my child. I was so proud of myself for standing up for my son and making the best decision for him, but I also felt shame that I couldn’t handle parenting myself.
The guilt and shame that is involved with the adoption process is incredibly difficult to watch, let alone experience. There are so many emotions that come along with choosing adoption, and they can be incredibly difficult to navigate. I found ways to cope while I was going through my adoption decision. Some of the tools I implemented were self-care, taking breaks, and letting myself be an emotional wreck when it was necessary.
Self-care involved taking care of the basic hygienic functions for me while I was going through my adoption decision. Making sure I was bathed, that my teeth were brushed, and that I continued to eat seemed like impossible obstacles to overcome at times. Waking up in the morning was the worst. I would open my eyes and think to myself, “Another day?” I was terrified every day to face what was in front of me. Yet, I did it. I may have been afraid, but I didn’t let that stop me from taking the necessary steps towards choosing adoption and taking care of myself, no matter how hard it was.
Taking breaks was sometimes an hourly thing while going through the adoption process. I had phone calls to make, appointments to keep, and decisions that needed to be made. In between these, and sometimes during, I would have to step away to give myself a breather. I had to get re-focused when I felt overwhelmed so that I could continue to move forward with the tasks that were in front of me. For the most part, those involved in the adoption process totally understood my need for breaks, and graciously excused me when I took them.
Being an emotional wreck was something that couldn’t be compromised throughout the process for adoption. I had to let myself experience the grief, loss and pain without letting it swallow me. I could only feel that massive amount of emotions that I was experiencing in bits and pieces. I was not only dealing with choosing adoption for my six-month-old son, but I was also facing moving away from my home and being disowned by those I had once called family. The pain was exhausting, and while I had to feel it, I could only take it little bits at a time.
Watching someone I love choose the same decision that I made once is ripping my heart out for them. It brings back memories of what I went through, and reminds me of why I spend so much time focused on healing in my own life. It is so important to be supportive of those you love when they choose adoption, because there is no way for you to know exactly what heartache they are experiencing if you haven’t been through it yourself. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
As recently as 50 years ago, adoption was not spoken about much outside of the family circle — but this doesn’t mean it wasn’t commonplace in society. In fact, adoption has been around since the early days of man. Moses, the Hebrew prophet, was rescued from the river and adopted by an Egyptian princess. Augustus Caesar found out he had been adopted by his uncle, Julius Caesar, during the reading of his will. It was then he learned he was Julius Caesar’s heir, and he went on to become the first emperor of Rome. Those two people alone went on to do noteworthy things. Duante Culpepper, former NFL quarterback and adopted child, said “I am a living testament that you can be adopted and successful.” He is one of many famous adoptees. Here are more famous people who were raised by adoptive families: Kristin Chenoweth – actress
Marilyn Monroe – actress Melissa Gilbert – actress Maya Angelou – writer Charles Dickens – writer Truman Capote – writer Louisa May Alcott – writer Nat King Cole – singer Faith Hill – singer
Tim McGraw – singer Ella Fitzgerald – singer John Lennon – singer George Washington Carver – inventor Steve Jobs – cofounder of Apple Computer President Herbert Hoover President Gerald Ford Nelson Mandela – former President of South Africa First Lady Nancy Reagan First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt Eric Clapton – singer President Bill Clinton
Babe Ruth – professional baseball player Sarah McLachlan – singer Ted Danson – actor (and adoptive father himself) Saint Theresa of Calcutta Simone Biles – Olympic gold medalist Dave Thomas – founder of Wendy’s (and adoptive father himself)
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These are just a few of the many famous and successful people who have been touched by adoption; they are proof that adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents can achieve incredible things.
The Office of Children’s Issues recently issued a notice in response to a high number of inquiries regarding citizenship for adopted children. Many have asked whether children adopted internationally have obtained U.S. citizenship and how to go about documenting U.S. citizenship if acquired. Here, find answers to common questions regarding citizenship for adopted children from the Department of State and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services.
The Child Citizenship Act automatically grants American citizenship to certain foreign-born children adopted by U.S. citizens. Adopted children who satisfy the following conditions before turning 18 will automatically acquire U.S. citizenship:
In order for a child to qualify under the CCA, the adoptive parents must have finalized the adoption in the United States or abroad. For additional information, visit USCIS. Questions regarding Certificates of Citizenship for children who entered the United States with IR-3 or IH-3 visas can be directed to Child-Citizenship-Act@uscis.dhs.gov.
In order for the CCA to apply to your international adoption, your adoption must be “full and final.” Whether your adoption is considered full and final depends on the circumstances of your adoption and the type of visa your child received. Generally, if your child receives an IH-3 or IR-3 visa, the adoption was finalized in his or her birth country, and your adoption will be considered full and final. If your child receives an IH-4 or IR-4 visa, they will not be granted citizenship until you finalize the adoption in the United States. If you have any questions regarding your adoption finalization or citizenship for your child, speak with an adoption attorney.
There is no law requiring a U.S. citizen to have proof of his or her U.S. citizenship status. However, many adoptive parents choose to obtain evidence of their child’s citizenship. Upon finalizing your international adoption, you may apply for a Certificate of Citizenship issued by USCIS and/or a U.S. passport to obtain evidence of your child’s citizenship. To learn more about the international adoption process and obtaining citizenship for your adopted child, contact an adoption attorney or adoption service provider to discuss your individual circumstances in more detail.
Do I regret my decision to choose adoption? No.
Regret is a loaded word. It implies that one wishes they could go back in time and change something, perhaps use a time machine and make one or two different decisions. Fantasies involve different choices, different interactions with people, and taking knowledge we may have in the present into the past with us. I get it. I do. Regret can swirl into a tornado of emotions and negative thoughts. Regret can completely consume us. It has the nasty side effect of causing massive amounts of resentment toward ourselves, our faith, and others. Regret is no joke, and when it’s experienced, it comes with a multitude of pain.
Do I have regrets in my life? That’s a loaded question because the question uses such a loaded word. I have spent a significant period of my life reflecting on the past. Sometimes, the time I spent was productive in helping me to make better choices. Sometimes, it was basically morbid reflection that served no purpose but to send me on a guilt and shame spiral. That’s the thing about being self-aware and reflective; sometimes you can take it too far. I have been known to do that at times. I am better at catching myself now when I commit to unhealthy reflective time, and can more readily snap my mind out of it and shift my focus elsewhere.
I know that more people deal with racing and morbid thoughts than care to admit it. I have been writing long enough about my thoughts to be able to identify similar thoughts that others struggle with. Plus, I’ve had people confess their struggle to me as well. We are not as alone as I think we feel, or even sometimes want to believe. The thing about morbid self-reflection: it serves almost no purpose whatsoever. It can consume us and plant seeds of doubt within our minds about the choices we have made in our lives. I get it though. It happens.
What has all of this got to do with having regrets as a birth mother? Well, I don’t have regrets as a birth mother. I know some of you may be thinking that I sound pretentious and confident, but please know that is not the case. What I am is self-aware. What I have is a belief system and understanding of myself as a woman that has led me to this conclusion. Believe me, I have thought about whether I have regrets. I have racked my brain through fantasy scenarios regarding choosing adoption, and asked myself all the questions. What I know about regret, for myself, is this: I have always made the best decisions I possibly could with the knowledge I had about my situation at the time that I made those decisions. While I haven’t had the experience in my life of always making the healthiest of decisions, I have spent it making the ones that I believed were the right decisions.
When I was facing the decision of whether to place my baby for adoption or to keep custody of my baby, I was on a spiritual, emotional and mental rollercoaster of questions about what decision to make. Remember, I had my child for six months before choosing adoption. I was a full-time single mother for a period, and was looking at making a permanent decision that would change the outcome of not only my life, but the life of my child as well. Let’s not forget the friends and family members who are affected by adoption as well. It is not a decision birth mothers take lightly. I had offers from friends and family members to care for my child for a period while I could “get stable.” I also had people who were closer friends offer to adopt my child so that he could be raised closer to me than if I placed him with a family I didn’t know. I had the option of going to the courts to get child support so I could get on government welfare assistance. I had options.
There is no way for me to realistically say that I have regrets about my decision for adoption, because that would mean that I wish I had made different decisions. The implications of such an idea are more than even my mind can comprehend. Sure, if I had different circumstances, more support, more money, maybe things would have been different. But I didn’t have any of those things. I had the hand that I was dealt, and that I participated in. It is impossible for me to regret a decision I made when, at the time, I believed it to be the right decision. To this day, I am still grateful that I made the decision that I did.
Regret, and giving into the idea of what it implies, is something I have decided to walk away from in my life. Living in morbid reflection of “coulda, woulda, shoulda” is not where I want to mentally live my life today. It’s not that I haven’t experienced the feeling of regret, it’s that I realize it is not productive, and therefore, I have learned how to live without such feelings. If you have regrets, you are not alone, but perhaps you could cut yourself some slack. Perhaps you could allow yourself to experience grief and loss without beating yourself up for an old decision that you made. Part of life is maturing as we grow up. There is an adage that implies youth is a waste without wisdom. Yet, life is what it is. We don’t have time machines. We can’t force ourselves to have knowledge and maturity that we don’t have, or aren’t ready to have.
I’m sure that most people make decisions they believe to be right, even if they may be unhealthy ones. Most people do not set out in life to make bad choices. Most people believe they are good and moral. If you find you are trapped in regret, know that you don’t have to live there. While there may always be some level of pain, and you find that you may need to walk a path of healing, that doesn’t mean that you should live in misery. I implore you to allow yourself happiness. It is yet another choice that we are offered in life. And it is our life to do with it what we choose. Don’t let the regret of the past determine the course of your future. Learn from your mistakes, make different choices, and move on. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Transracial adoption describes a situation where a family adopts a child of a different race. The child may already be living in the United States, or a family may travel to another country to adopt their child. The reasons families choose to adopt a child from another ethnic background are varied. Transracial adoption is much more common than it’s been in the past, so parents are no longer concerned about finding a child who “looks like them.” Today’s families are more diverse than ever. With transracial adoption, parents need to be prepared to talk often and openly about diversity. It is important to talk to their children about their cultural heritage, and be prepared for when their children ask questions about their ethnicity. Adoptive families should make a strong effort to educate themselves on their child’s heritage. Sharing this knowledge with their child can help them create a strong sense of self. Here are some ways to help foster a child’s love for their culture:
“I know a young woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy. She is young and for the most part, on her own. The father isn’t in the picture. How can I help her? I think adoption is the best decision for her, but I don’t want to push her into something she doesn’t want. What do I say to her?”
Want to help someone facing an unplanned pregnancy make the best decision she can for her and her baby? Do you think adoption is her best option and hope she seriously considers it? Wondering how you can help guide her to the most mature decision? If you find yourself in this situation, you are among many who love a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy. Talking to a woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy can be incredibly difficult to navigate. The lack of clarity she has about who she might be and what she might do puts those who love her in a very sensitive position. While you want her to make the best decision, you also don’t her to shut down on you and clam up when you try to approach her. She may feel resentful and trapped when faced with a reality she may or may not be ready to face. Ultimately, she is the one who must find acceptance with her decision, whatever that may be.
I remember when I was amid my unplanned pregnancy. I felt very afraid among a complicated web of other emotions as well. I felt guilty and ashamed that I found myself in the position in the first place. I felt pressure from many people who I knew loved me to make specific decisions. I had pride involving my situation, and didn’t want to admit that I was scared. I kept most of these feelings to myself. On the rare occasion that I was open regarding how I felt, such emotions were not typically received well.
I think that this society fears the unplanned pregnancy. I think most people are afraid of the unknown. I think it is easy to judge a situation when you are not in the middle of it, but instead on the outside looking in. The first step in loving someone facing an unplanned pregnancy, and deciding how to be helpful, is to find your compassion.
Compassion wars with judgement. I think judgement may be an easier option than compassion, because it allows us to distance ourselves from situations that we may not understand. It takes a lot of courage to be compassionate in situations that we don’t understand. It’s not courageous to judge, but it takes boldness to be compassionate. Compassion entails attempting to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and imagining how they must feel. Judging a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy will never help her. Such a simple thing as compassion may be exactly what she needs to come to a mature decision regarding how to move forward. When interacting with a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, my best bit of advice is to listen to her. Listening to what she is feeling is probably the most productive way to help her. You won’t have the magic words, so don’t search for them. Remember, this is her decision to make. While you may have her best intentions in your heart, don’t assume you know what she truly desires. Deep down, she is experiencing emotions she may not be ready to process, and by being a listening ear, you are helping her process what she is feeling.
If you are not someone she already trusts, then perhaps you could become that for her. Perhaps you could let her express herself in a safe place. If she asks for your advice, then give it to her, but only after she has asked. No one likes unsolicited advice, especially when it comes to the most personal of situations and circumstances. If you are struggling to find compassion, and the urge to tell her what to do is great, then I suggest you think of a time in your life when you were struggling. Have you ever felt judged? Have you ever known the right answer but just desperately needed someone to listen to you? Have you ever just wished that you had someone you could trust to be unbiased and non-judgmental? I’m sure you have, and now you can be that for someone else.
The best gift we can give someone we love is to empower them to make their own decisions. Trying to get others to make the choices we think are best is not a way to help an individual learn to make mature decisions. Consider a child: we raise them and train them up in hopes that they will make healthy and mature decisions. When we grow up, it is up to us to take what we have learned and apply it to our lives. So how can you help a woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy? Listen to her, and do what you can to help her make the most educated and mature decision that she can. Empower her through compassion to make a mature and healthy decision regarding her life and the life of the unborn child that she is carrying. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
The Polish government is currently revising its international adoption policies under the Hague Adoption Convention. According to a notice released by the U.S. Department of State, “Poland has indicated its intent to prioritize domestic adoptions, except in the case of intercountry adoption of siblings related to children already adopted through intercountry adoption, intrafamily adoptions, and adoptions by Polish citizens living abroad.” For U.S. families currently adopting from Poland, it is unclear how these intended changes will impact their adoption process. Families who have not yet received referrals may experience extended delays. Questions about intercountry adoption can be directed to USCIS. The Department of State will post additional Poland adoption information as it becomes available.
As parents, there are times when you may have to explain some difficult or abstract ideas to your kids. It begins the moment your child starts asking “Why?” Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why can’t I stay up all night? Why can’t I be a dog? The list goes on. When kids have tricky questions, books can be a great resource. Storybook authors have made their living out of entertaining and speaking to children, so parents can turn to them to explain what they cannot. Adoption is one topic that may be tricky for kids to understand sometimes. If you are an adoptive parent, your child will likely have questions about his or her adoption story at some point: Why was I placed for adoption? What does it mean to be adopted? Why don’t I look like you? Do I look like my birth parents? Here are some suggestions for books that help explain adoption to kids.
Todd Parr’s bright and bold illustrations and kid-friendly writing style help make difficult subjects easier for young readers to understand. This book explores the way people can come together to make a family.
This book highlights “Gotcha Day” and what it means to adoptive families. This rhyming story with diverse family dynamics has the perfect ending for all adoption stories — all babies come from love.
Jamie Lee Curtis can be silly, but her books are also touching and empower kids to be proud of who they are. The girl in this book asks her parents to continually tell her adoption story. She realizes this is a story she will always know by heart.
The front cover of this book is darling — on it, a boy wears a huge, proud smile on his face and holds a banner that says “Yes, I’m Adopted!” This book helps kids feel comfortable with their adoption story.
This darling book tells the story of Horace, a leopard who was adopted by tiger parents. Keller does a nice job of keeping this low-key and reassuring to children.
This book was inspired by the author’s own international adoption story. It captures the happy anticipation parents feel as they wait for their child.
This sweet story follows the conversation between a little bear name Barley and his Mama. He asks many questions that adoptive children may have.
The Hague Convention entered into effect for Ghana on January 1, 2017. The United States will now issue Hague Adoption Certificates for adoptions from Ghana. Individual cases will be reviewed to determine whether an intercountry adoption can proceed in accordance with the Convention as well as with all U.S. laws. Prospective adoptive parents should be aware of potential delays in the adoption process while Ghana works to implement its new adoption laws and procedures. Adoptive parents who began the adoption process on or after January 1, 2017, should work closely with their adoption service provider to ensure they comply with all Ghanaian and U.S. adoption laws. For parents who began the process to adopt from Ghana before January 1, 2017, you may be able to continue using the non-Hague process (known as the Orphan process) if:
If the above circumstances apply to your adoption process, yours will be considered a “transition case.” If your case is not eligible to proceed as a transition case, you will need to adhere to the Hague adoption process. Additional information about transition cases and Hague adoption cases in Ghana is available through USCIS. Questions about adoption from Ghana and the transition process should be directed to USCIS. The Department of State will post additional Ghana adoption information as it becomes available.
