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Can I Still Choose Closed Adoption?

If you’re a woman considering adoption for your baby, you’ve probably heard a lot about open adoption. You’ve most likely running across articles telling you…

How common it is,

How good it is,

Why everyone is choosing it

And more.

But there’s one problem: you don’t think it sounds so good. If you have reservations about the thought of continued contact with your child after an adoption placement, you’re not alone. You’re probably wondering if there are other options; if closed adoption is still a possibility.

In the article, we’ll look at closed adoption in the modern-day process. We’ll discuss why you might consider it, how you can choose it, and pose some questions to consider about your adoption communication plan.

Can I Choose Closed Adoption?

You’re in charge of your adoption process. That’s the foundational truth to keep in mind throughout this whole discussion. It’s important that you feel respected and empowered. If you are feeling pressured and not in control, that’s probably a sign you should be working with a different adoption professional.

What does this have to do with closed adoption? It means that it is your choice to make. There are plenty of factors to consider. At the end of the day, you get to choose what’s going to be best for you.

How to Create a Closed Adoption Plan

Your adoption plan is your roadmap to the adoption process. You decide which turns to take and where you want to go. With the help of an adoption specialist, you’ll create this plan. It’s one of the first steps in the adoption process, and it may surprise you how many choices you get to make.

You choose the adoptive family you want to adopt your baby. You pick the hospital where you’d like to give birth. And you work with your adoption specialist to come up with an adoption communication plan.

The vast majority of infant adoptions today do involve some level of communication between the birth mother and the adoptive family. Oftentimes, this communication is moderated by the adoption specialist. Other times, a family and birth mother will form their own bond.

But, you may be thinking, “I don’t want any contact. How do I make that happen?”

You work with your adoption specialist to create a closed adoption communication plan. Some information may still need to be exchanged pre-placement, but you can channel it all through your adoption specialist and have no contact with the family, if you want. While this is rare, it is possible. Like we said, you’re in charge, and you get to do what’s going to be best for you.

Questions to Consider when Choosing Your Type of Adoption Communication

Closed adoption could be right for you. It’s also true that there are good reasons open and semi-open adoption are on the rise. The last thing we want to do is try to convince you to choose one way or another. Rather, we’d encourage you to consider a few things that may help you determine which type of adoption communication plan is going to be best for your life.

Consider: Many fears about open adoption are diminished when myths are countered with fact.

Ask yourself:  Why is it that I don’t want to have communication with the adoptive family? Your reasons may be completely legitimate. There’s also a chance that you have heard some myths about open adoption and your concerns are tied to these ideas. Ask your adoption specialist what open adoption is really like and pay attention to how this makes you feel. In many cases, previously held fears fade away when common misconceptions about open adoption are corrected.

Consider: There are many benefits of open adoption for the child.

Ask yourself: Do these benefits outweigh my concerns? We know that you love your child. In the course of creating your adoption plan, you’ll perform a balancing act between what is best for you and what is best for your baby. Ideally, these two aims can come together, although sometimes we understand that you need to choose what is best for yourself. That could mean choosing closed adoption. Consider, however, the significant benefits of open adoption for a child. You can discuss these benefits in-depth with your adoption specialist before reaching a decision.

Consider: Many women are surprised by how meaningful open adoption becomes to them.

Ask Yourself: Could an ongoing connection to my child actually make me feel better about my adoption? It comes as a surprise to many birth mothers how good open adoption makes them feel. At first, there’s a concern that leaving the door open could produce regret. Instead, it helps reinforce that adoption was the right choice. As you see your child growing and thriving, you can feel a sense of peace about your adoption plan.

Consider: It is becoming much harder for an adoption to truly remain closed.

Ask Yourself: Am I prepared to consider my closed adoption with every action I take online for the rest of my life? Social media and DNA sites are making it much harder for an adoption to remain closed. It has never been easier for the most tech-savvy generation of adoptees, who happen to have access to the most advanced digital communication tools in the history of the world, to locate their birth parents. In a closed adoption, this is something you’ll have to think about when doing anything online.

You are in charge of your adoption. If you want to choose closed adoption, you can. It is the right choice in some situations. Carefully evaluate the pros and cons of open adoption for your life and, with the help of your adoption specialist, you can create a plan that is best for you.

If you have more questions about choosing a closed vs. open adoption, you can contact us today.