Ways I Express Love to My Son – Thoughts from a Birth Mother
Many people are familiar with the movie, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, and I want to share my favorite line from it: “In Who-ville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!” – Dr. Seuss That is what happened to me when I became a mother. My heart didn’t start out small, but compared to what it became when I transitioned into motherhood, it felt like it was much smaller previous to that. My heart grew too big for my chest. I had so much love to give to this little infant. I poured myself into loving him until I didn’t have him anymore. So I was left with this giant hole in my heart and no idea how to express that love. This is part of the beauty of an open adoption: There are still ways to express that love depending on the level of openness that you may have with the parents of your child. I have had many opportunities to express love to my son throughout the course of his childhood with his parents. Most recently, I have put together a care package. I want to share with you some of the ways that I express love to my child:
- Putting my son up for adoption was an expression of love, and I hope that if you struggle with this that reading my writing will help you believe that it is the truth.
- I communicate appropriately with my son’s parents. When they need to put up boundaries, I respect them. When the dynamic changes, I adapt. My son is too young to understand the healthy boundaries that must be maintained, and it is crucial that I respect the wishes of his parents. After all, they are his parents and that was my choice in the first place.
- I send him care packages every once in a while. The things I send revolve around educational games and toys, coloring books, gifts that I want to pass on to him from my family, and other fun things that a child would enjoy. I always ask his parents first though before shipping a package to their door. The key is to show respect for his parents. I ask them what activities my son is into, what studies in school he is enjoying the most, and if there are certain ideas they are trying to teach him that I could send him in relation to.
- I speak to my son on holidays and go visit him about once or twice per year. His parents are always around and I make sure to keep conversations light and age appropriate. If I’m feeling overly emotional about anticipating a phone call, I will ask them if I can postpone it and they always understand.