How I Chose the Perfect Parents for My Son
• What faith did I want my child to grow up with?
At the time of my adoption process, I was not a Christian yet, so I was hesitant to place my son with Christians. My son’s parents told me that they would lead him with a moral compass. It turns out they are Christians and have a very strong faith in God. I love that.
• How open did I want my relationship with my son to be?
This is a point in which I had to be very clear. I knew that since I had my son for six months prior to placement that I needed to see him more often in the beginning. His parents agreed with this. Remember, the terms of an open adoption relationship are not legally binding, so being clear and up front with the adoptive, or potential adoptive parents, is crucial to the likelihood that you will have the relationship that you are looking for, for you and your child.
• Was there a mutual respect between myself and the adoptive parents?
This was a crucial point. The truth is that people change and relationships evolve over time. The terms of an open adoption will adjust and adapt over time. Faith will grow, people will change, and environments may not always be the same. One very positive thing that you can work towards having and maintaining for your child is to have a mutual respect with his or her parents. Without this respect, in my opinion, the relationship of the open adoption will probably not be sustainable. No matter the bumps in the road with my son and his parents, we still have a mutual respect for one another. Over time, the nature of our relationship has changed, but I believe that the trust between us has only grown stronger.
• Did the potential adoptive parents feel as if my child and I were a perfect match for them as well?
My experience has shown me that openness is important. Just as a birth mother should be open with the adoptive parents, the adoptive parents should be open with the birth mother. If, as a birth mother, you feel any hesitation from the potential adoptive parents in terms of them not being completely open, I would be cautious to move forward with them. I was an open book with my son’s parents, and they were an open book in return. This goes back to mutual respect. If the potential adoptive parents are not being completely open with a birth mother, then it is very unlikely it is going to be a good fit.My greatest suggestion to a birth mother who is searching for her child’s parents is this: trust your motherly instincts. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.