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Pursuing Adoption after Surrogacy [What You Need to Know]

As someone who has had a beautiful child through the surrogacy process, you’ve seen firsthand how there are several paths to parenthood. Biology shouldn’t limit people from realizing their lifelong parenting dreams, and surrogacy provides a wonderful route. Now, you’re starting to consider adoption.

So, how does adoption work for a surrogate parent, exactly? To get free adoption information now, you can fill out our online contact form. But, in the meantime, we’re here to help hopeful adoptive parents like you with this insightful guide. Continue reading to get the answers that you’ve been searching for.

Adoption vs. Surrogacy [Similarities and Differences]

When you pursue adoption after surrogacy, you should know that there are both similarities and differences. There are some things that you may already know, but there may also be some components you aren’t aware of. We’re here to explain a handful of key differences so that you know how to prepare for the adoption process.

Waiting Times [What You Need to Know]

Having a baby isn’t something that occurs overnight. For the most part, it’s at least a nine-month process. You may have guessed this, but adoption and surrogacy increase those waiting times. As a hopeful adoptive parent, you may be curious about how long those waiting times are.

Just as no two surrogacies are the same, neither are two adoptions. Your waiting time will depend on your own unique experience, so there is no definitive, clear-cut answer that we can give you. But, we can provide you with general estimates so that you know what to expect.

Surrogacy: From a general standpoint, surrogacy takes around one to two years. Still, you may have waited less or more than that in your personal surrogacy journey. You have gone through the surrogacy process yourself, so you might be familiar with terms such as “matching” and “screening.” People who become parents through surrogacy often play a more active role when compared with adoption. But, you have to account for the possibility of multiple attempts at an embryo transfer. This could lengthen the process by several months.

Adoption: You can expect your adoption process to last about one year. We should mention, though, that adoption waiting times ultimately depend on the adoption agency that you’re working with. There are other aspects that you will need to consider, too. For instance, waiting times vary based on how long it takes the prospective birth mother to choose an adoptive family. Some families may wait weeks whereas others will wait months for the prospective birth mother to choose them. In rare cases, there is a disrupted adoption, which can add to your waiting time.

But, you could be wondering what you can do to shorten your wait. You could open up your APQ (adoption planning questionnaire), for starters. On top of this, you could be more receptive to the type of birth mother that you’re looking for. When you widen your pool of options and find the best adoption agency, you can expect shorter waiting times overall.

What’s in Your Control [Surrogacy vs. Adoption]

When you completed your surrogacy process, you may have noticed that there were plenty of “unknowns.” As a result, there were some aspects you were in 100% control over, and there were others that you didn’t. Because you are pursuing adoption after surrogacy, you may find yourself comparing the two. You should know that, in both cases, you won’t have full control over each facet of your journey.

It’s worth mentioning, though, that you’ll have control over different things in both surrogacy and adoption. Here’s a breakdown of how that works:

Surrogacy: When you were an intended parent, you may have noticed that you had quite a bit of control. You got to choose your surrogate and, if you used them, gamete donors. Prospective surrogates and gamete donors alike undergo a thorough screening process to ensure that they are committed to surrogacy no matter what. Part of this screening process includes background checks and health histories.

Still, as you may recall, there are some variables beyond your control as an intended parent. For example, maybe the prospective surrogate’s body didn’t respond well to certain fertility medications. Or, they may have needed to make several attempts at an embryo transfer. Elements such as these are out of your control in surrogacy.

Adoption: Prospective birth mothers are in full control of their adoption journey from start to finish. Hopeful adoptive parents, on the other hand, don’t have quite the same amount of control. Until they sign the official paperwork after delivery, prospective birth mothers have the right to change their minds, which is out of your control.

As we discussed earlier, it could take several weeks or many months for a prospective birth mother to choose you. Even after you meet with her, she may decide to pursue adoption with another hopeful family. Factors such as these are in the birth parents’ control, and this is something that you will simply need to accept.

Your Relationship with the Birth Mother

In both surrogacy and adoption, you will foster some type of relationship with the prospective surrogate or birth mother. Although the kind of relationship you have with the other party is up to both of you, there are some differences in how this works in surrogacy vs. adoption.

Surrogacy: When you got to know the surrogate mother, you may have become very close with her. Or, maybe you two don’t speak much anymore. In other words, the amount of contact you share with them is entirely up to you. Your preferences play a significant role.

Adoption: In adoption, building a relationship with the other party is quite similar to how it is in surrogacy. But, the main difference here is how much control the prospective birth mother has. She decides what form of communication you guys will use and how, or if, you guys stay in touch after the adoption. In most cases, you’ll discover a wonderful new extended family member!


If you have some more questions, then we can help! Fill out our online contact form to get more adoption information now. We look forward to hearing from you!