Saying Goodbye at the Hospital [What to Expect]

As a hopeful adoptive parent, the adoption process is often full of excitement. All of the planning and paperwork is worth it because it means you’re bring yourself closer to adding a little bundle of joy to your family.

These are all wonderful emotions to have and you should embrace them. But there’s one thing many adoptive parents are never prepared for:  saying goodbye to their baby’s birth mother at the hospital. You’ve likely spent months getting to know this woman and maybe have come to consider her part of your family. She’s making a brave and selfless sacrifice by trusting you to give her baby the best life possible.

Saying goodbye is often more difficult than most adoptive parents expect. That’s why we’ve created this article to help prepare you for potential emotions you may expect and how to navigate them. You can reach out to an adoption professional today to get additional guidance.

What to Expect

The hospital portion of the adoption will have many ups and downs. You may think you know how you’ll feel on the big day, but end up blindsided by unexpected emotions. When you spend time with the birth mother, you may go through a range of emotions together. It’s important to let these emotions play out naturally. Here’s what you can expect:

Joy

This one probably seems like the most obvious. You’ve just received the most precious gift of all. You have the child you’ve waited so long for. You’ll be able to love and nurture them, and give them everything they need. The amount of pure joy can be overwhelming. It’s a moment that may not even feel real.

When you leave the hospital, you will be leaving as parents. This is an incredible experience and one of the best days of your life.

Sadness and Guilt

These are the emotions most adoptive parents don’t see coming. The difficult emotions that come with saying goodbye to the birth mother can catch you completely off guard. Seeing her experience the pain of her saying goodbye to her child can be incredibly difficult. You may even feel guilty, because at the end of the day, you’re going home with a baby.

These are valid emotions. But remember, she chose you because she trusts you to give her baby the life that she wants them to have. The best thing you can do during this time is support the birth parents emotionally. Let them know that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to reach out.

Gratitude

This emotion flows both ways. The baby’s birth parents are grateful that you will be giving their baby a life full of love and opportunity.  You’ll be grateful that she trusts you to raise her child and is giving you the opportunity to be the parents you’ve always wanted to be.

While there may be feelings of sadness, at the end of the day, both you and the birth parents may feel a sense of closure that you’ve had a positive impact on the other’s life.

Starting a New Chapter

Even after you’ve signed the paperwork and brought your baby home from the hospital, the adoption process is never really over. Just because you said goodbye at the hospital doesn’t mean you said goodbye to your baby’s birth parents forever.  If your baby’s birth mom decided on an open adoption, you’ll be able to stay in contact for years to come. You can communicate through:

• Phone calls
• Texts
• Emails
• Pictures
• Video chats
• In-person visits

The frequency of contact will be mostly up to the birth mom, but it means you‘ll be able to let her know how her child is doing, and check in on how she’s doing. Many adoptive parents come to see the birth parents as part of their extended family as time goes on.

If she chose a semi-open adoption, this means that you will be in indirect contact with her. You’ll be able to update her on her child, but all contact will be mediated by an adoption professional. Some birth mothers will choose this post-placement contact arrangement if they feel like being in direct contact will be too painful for them. Some may start out with a semi open adoption and then transition to an open adoption once they have had the space to heal.

No matter what your contact arrangement looks like, it’s important that you always respect the birth parents’ space. No matter how close you’ve become, being separated from their baby can be incredibly difficult, and they may need time to process and heal. The best thing you can do is just take a step back and let her know that you’ll be there when she’s ready.

There’s no denying adoption is a journey full of highs and lows for both the birth parents and adoptive parents. That’s why it’s important that you be there for each other as much as you both are comfortable with. Allow yourself to feel every emotion in its entirety and process it in your own time. Saying goodbye can be difficult, but it’s not the end. Just the beginning of a new chapter!

To get more guidance on how to prepare for saying goodbye at the hospital or maintaining post placement contact, reach out to an adoption professional today.