Supporting Your Child’s Happiness [Wanting the Best for Them]

Because adoption is full of twists and turns, you’re likely experiencing a lot of emotions. Every adoption experience is different, which means you may not experience the same emotions as other birth moms or you may not experience them at the same intensity. And that’s okay. This is your own personal journey.

You may experience emotions from grief and loss to relief and joy. Or even a combination. No matter how you feel about your adoption, every emotion is valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel about adoption. Some birth mothers who experience feelings of happiness or joy for their child worry that it makes them a “bad mom” because they expect negative emotions such as sadness or loss.

We’re here to assure you that feeling excited or happy for your child’s future doesn’t make you a bad parent. If you’re unsure of how to support your child’s happiness, you can reach out to an adoption professional for guidance or continue reading below.

It’s Okay to Be Happy

It’s easy to think of adoption as an emotionally difficult process. And it often is for many birth mothers. However, some birth moms never feel the feelings of grief and loss. Instead, they may feel relief, joy or excitement because they know their child will be going to live with loving family who can give them an amazing life.

Or they may experience these feelings of sadness, but in conjunction with the happy emotions. That’s okay too. You don’t have to feel things in extremes. It’s normal for your emotions to run the full spectrum.

Feeling happy for your child doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. In fact, it means you care so much that your feelings of wanting the best for your child overpower or coexist with any negative feelings about having to separate from your child. Their happiness is your happiness.

Adoption Isn’t Giving Up

Because of how difficult it often is for birth mothers to place their baby with another family, feeling anything resembling happiness can make you feel like you’re giving up on your child. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Adoption is one of the biggest sacrifices you can make for your child.

Nobody considers adoption because they think it’ll be easy. You chose adoption because you wanted to give your child the life that you know they deserve, but cannot currently give them. You’re putting their needs before your own feelings.

How to Support Your Child’s Happiness

If you’re experiencing positive emotions, it’s likely because you’re excited for your child’s future, and you can’t wait to see them happy with their adoptive parents. The best thing you can do with this happiness is share it! Channel that into supporting your child’s happiness. But how do you do this?

Chances are you likely chose to have an open adoption. This means you have a post-contact arrangement with your child and their adoptive family. You can check in on your child through:

• Texts and calls
• Emails
• Video chat
• Social media
• In-person visits

This allows you to see how well they’re doing. It’s also an opportunity to let your child know how much you love them. You can also update your child and their adoptive family on your life as well. By this point, they may have come to think of you as part of their extended family. They’ll want to know how you’re doing as well, and you sharing information about yourself will only strengthen the bonds you have.

Navigating Emotions

Even the positive emotions can be a bit difficult to navigate. You may be caught off guard and unsure of why you’re experiencing them. Or may even feel guilty and concerned about what it says about you as a birth mother. We cannot stress enough that being happy for your child doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a compassionate and loving one.

If you’re unsure of how to navigate these emotions, there are adoption counselors available to talk to 24/7. To get the emotional guidance you need, reach out to an adoption professional today.