Adoptive Parents: Near or Far? — Thoughts from a Birth Mother

I have experienced both living in the same state as my child and living in another state far from my child. I know that there are pros and cons to both.

Fortunately, I have an open adoption in which I get to communicate with my child no matter where I am living. This means I am also familiar with the ups and downs that come with open adoption, including moving farther away from and closer to my child.

My love for my child grows daily, regardless of where I am living. My bond with my child also grows stronger as he matures in every interaction we have, whether it’s in person or over the phone. No matter where I live or where my child lives, I have been an active part in my relationship with my child.

In my opinion, every prospective birth mother should decide for herself if she wants to place her baby with a local family and have her baby raised in the same state as her, or place her baby with an out-of-state family and search from a larger pool of waiting adoptive families.

Every prospective birth mother has her own idea of what open adoption will look like, and that reality deserves to be honored — regardless of where her perfect adoptive family lives.

If you are a prospective birth mother wondering if your child’s adoptive parents should live near to or far from you, then read on to learn more about open adoption, which option is a better fit for you, and what you can do to start your very own open adoption journey!

What Is Open Adoption?

Open adoption is a type of post-placement relationship in which a birth mother has direct communication with her baby after placing him or her for adoption. This communication can come in any form and any frequency. In an open adoption, adoptive parents and a birth mother choose to maintain a relationship with each other and with the adopted child throughout his or her upbringing.

Sometimes, a prospective birth mother chooses a waiting family who lives in the same state as her. Other times, an expectant mother chooses an adoptive family who lives out-of-state. Regardless of how near or far her child is, a birth mother in an open adoption can not only enjoy watching her baby grow up, but also be as big or as small a part of it as she desires.

If you are considering an open adoption, please speak with an adoption professional. They can equip you with the resources to determine if a successful open adoption can be an option for you!

How Do I Decide: Local or Not?

There are a few things to consider when deciding where you want your perfect adoptive family to live:

  • Do you want to have frequent physical contact with the baby you are placing for adoption?
  • Do you prefer that the adoptive parents live far away from your current residence?
  • Do you want your child to grow up in a certain educational or religious system?
  • Do you want to share only written correspondence and phone calls with the child being adopted?
  • Do you want your child to be raised in a certain climate? Or near a certain landform?
  • Is there a part of the country that you want your child exposed to?
  • Do you want to share holidays or special occasions with your child throughout his or her upbringing?

These are only some of the questions you might ask yourself when making a decision about the openness of your adoption after placement and the location of your child’s prospective adoptive parents.

It is important to remember that this decision belongs to you, the prospective birth mother. No matter what your sphere of influence may be advising you, be sure that you have peace in your decision before moving forward with a waiting family. If at any point you change your mind about how you want to carry out your adoption wishes, be sure to inform your adoption professional right away.

Browse Online Adoptive Family Profiles

There are waiting families across the nation, in every state in the U.S. You can find a local waiting family through a local adoption agency or even a national adoption agency. Many adoption agencies let you browse waiting families on their websites, so you can start envisioning your perfect match today! You can also use online adoptive family profiles to help you determine where you want your child to live.

Dream big when it comes to your perfect open adoption. Let your adoption professional help you turn your own open adoption dream into a reality. Contact an open adoption professional today to learn more about how you can have your very own fairytale open adoption!

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where your child lives physically — only where your child lives in your heart!

-Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption eight years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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