Advice for Women on the Fence About Adoption – Thoughts from a Birth Mother

In my experience, when I was truly ready to choose adoption, I had peace about my decision and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that because I knew it was best for my child. I wanted him to have opportunities that I wasn’t able to provide for him at that point in my life.

When I did make the decision, my emotions were all over the place. I knew this would be the hardest thing I would ever go through in my entire life, but I also had a spiritual peace about the decision. I knew that once I found his adoptive parents, he would be provided for and I would have to focus on healing. Once I made it, that was that. Nothing was going to change my mind. No personal influence would stand in the way of me getting my child to where he belonged: with the parents that he now calls Mom and Dad.

My best advice is this: do not make a decision until you are truly convicted in your heart and have peace about your decision.

Adoption is Not an Easy Option

I had my son for six months before I was convicted in my heart and had peace about the decision for adoption. I did everything that I could to try and make it work as a mother, unfortunately I wasn’t in a place in my life to be able to do it. Fast forward six years later and I have no regrets about my decision.

So, since we aren’t talking about your particular circumstances, and you may be all alone in making this decision, here is the process that I suggest you follow to help you make a decision about whether or not adoption is the best option:

First step: figure out why exactly you are on the fence. Here are a few questions that I would ask you to consider:

  • What is the reason that you are on the fence?
    • Is it a resource issue that can be corrected with assistance programs?
  • Have you not found the right fit in a family?
    • Keep looking and don’t give up.
  • Are you afraid that your family will disown you?
    • This is about your child and yourself, and the rest I promise you will find a way to get through.
  • Are you thinking about what is best for you?
    • Or are you thinking about what is best for your child?
  • Under what circumstances would you choose to keep your baby?
    • Are such circumstances realistic?
  • What are your other options?
    • Are you considering placing your child temporarily with family members or friends?
  • Is someone pressuring you into adoption even though you believe and know that keeping your baby is the best thing for you and your child?
    • Don’t let other people make your parenting decisions for you.
  • What sacrifices are you willing and able to make for the benefit of your child?
    • If it is to live in an unhealthy environment because you don’t have the resources to provide for your child, then consider whether or not that is really best for your child.

 

Adoption is an option, but it’s not always the best option. However, when it is the best option, and you are afraid of how you will heal, just remember: there are resources available that are there to support you.

quoteIf you have a strong faith, or even if it isn’t strong, press into it. The only thing that will truly make your decision for you is a conviction within your heart.

Process: Sit down in a place where you feel safe, somewhere in nature or a room where you feel safe. Make sure you are alone. And put pen to paper and just start writing. Ask yourself these questions and answer them as honestly as you are able to:

  • What do I want for myself?
  • What do I want for my child?
  • What are the reasons that I am considering adoption?
  • What are the reasons that I am considering keeping my child?
  • What are the pro’s and con’s in choosing adoption?
  • Realistically, what are the barriers that I am facing that are prompting me to consider adoption?
  • Can these barriers be overcome?
  • Are there other children involved who need my attention?
  • What is the wise decision, regardless of how it makes me feel?
  • What are the facts of the situation, taking my feelings out of it?
  • What are the things that I am afraid of?

Take your time. Really think about your options. Then, talk to someone you can trust. Even if it is an adoption agent – that’s who I talked to.

My Prayer for Peace for You

When you are ready to make a decision, my prayer is that regardless of all of the emotions that you experience, you will truly find a convicted peace about the decision. Don’t make this decision for anyone else but your child. The weight in choosing adoption is great, but the outcome can be miraculous.

Remember, feelings are temporary, and healing is more than possible. Healing is a reality. You are not alone, and there are people who will support you throughout your life and your decision. If you find yourself lacking support with your decision, know that if nobody else understands, I do.

Know that if adoption is your best option, and you end up following-through with that decision, that you are also strong enough to heal. Find support systems to plug into and don’t ever give up. Adoption is an option, and it is a choice made out of courage and strength.

~Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay Rambo VerticalLindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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