Don’t Assume I’m Pro-Adoption – Thoughts from a Birth Mother

Did you know there is actually an anti-adoption movement — one in which writers are actively attacking the beautiful process of adoption? Honestly, it shocks me how one ignorant, anti-adoption person can shift a political and social climate.

But you know what amazes me even more? The redeeming Power of God — the fact that we can take any experience and choose to learn from it instead of letting it define us.

Before I even made my adoption decision, I asked myself very seriously if I felt I may regret such a decision one day. There were many external voices influencing me in many different directions, so achieving mental silence to hear myself only was a challenge. However, I was able to reach my goal as I realized that I knew 110 percent in my heart that adoption was the best decision for me and for my son.

I know that there are adoption stories that have spent years, maybe even decades, in disappointment and grief. However, one person’s bad experience does not make the decision for what anyone else’s path of healing may look like.

What is Pro-Adoption, Anyway?

I don’t know that I have an exact definition for what pro-adoption is, but I imagine it’s when someone is all about adoption and no other option. I am not of that belief. I have written many times over on all unplanned pregnancy options: parenting, abortion or adoption. However, I still have strong views on the fact that a woman must not only make her own decision but live with that decision, as well. I think that healing is a right and a responsibility of everyone who has faced some sort of heartbreaking event in their lives, including the upheaval of an unplanned pregnancy.

I believe that healing is a journey, and that everyone’s path looks a bit different.

When is Adoption the Right Choice?

I have heard many arguments over why adoption is or is not a bad decision. The truth is, the only way anyone can know if adoption is the right decision or not is if they are the woman who is actually facing the decision.

Something miraculous happens when a woman becomes pregnant and decides to carry a baby to term: she immediately becomes a mother to the life inside of her. Whether she wants the baby or not, she is still the sole provider for the pregnancy.

Whatever her feelings about her unplanned pregnancy, the reality is that she is solely responsible for deciding how to move forward. That sense of responsibility brings with it a new level of consciousness within us, and as women, we can choose to ignore it, influence it or embrace it. It is for this reason that I believe that a woman has a right to choose how she will handle her unintended pregnancy.

So, when is adoption the right choice? When a woman knows without a doubt that adoption is the right choice.

My Fairy Tale Adoption

I love my adoption story, my experience with adoption, and being a birth mother to the most perfect little boy on the planet. I have an open adoption — a very open, open adoption. My son and I live hours apart, but we remain in communication over the year in between visits. I have a wonderful relationship with my son’s parents. While we have had our ups and downs, we have navigated through troubled waters into the calm of the beach together.

Is my adoption truly a fairy tale? No. It’s real life. I still struggle with loneliness as a birth mother, I still struggle with grieving my role as a mother, and I still miss my son sometimes. However, I have a walked a path of healing long enough to know that healing is a journey, not a destination.

I Am Pro-Empowerment

I would consider myself to be more pro-empowerment than anything else. I believe with every fiber of my being that without some sort of foundation in a belief or value system, we will never feel confident in ourselves. I am a big believer in educating myself on topics I am curious about, doing research on decisions I am making, and learning as much as I can with the experience I am given and the time that I have.

Take, for example, my writing career. My higher education is in business; however, I have been keeping a diary almost daily since I was a little girl. Over time, I have worked hard toward becoming a better writer who uses her words to help other women facing unplanned pregnancies be empowered in their own choices. I believe in my cause, and I fall hard for a passion — and, in writing, I have found a way to combine the two.

I believe it is up to every woman to fully educate herself about all of her choices in order to make an empowered choice. If you are a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, please reach out to an adoption agency, like American Adoptions, to discuss all of your pregnancy options, including adoption. Do your research and be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle in the long-term. No matter what, remember more than anything else: You are not alone.

An unplanned pregnancy can be very scary for a woman who is unprepared for it. However, with the strength of a lioness, you can unleash courage into any situation — if you only dig into your own foundational roots. I believe in you.

-Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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