“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.” – Alphonse Karr
I experienced the scare of facing an unplanned pregnancy when I was in college and newly single. I was in no way prepared for the ride I was about to go on. It started with empty promises, continued on to parenthood for six months, led to feelings of betrayal and emotional pain, and ended with an amazing adoption experience. I chose adoption for my son when he was six months old. It was the greatest decision I’ve ever made, and the hardest decision I have ever made. When my son entered into this world, my life was forever changed for the good. My heart is larger. Forgiveness comes easier. My faith is stronger. The list goes on and on. I am forever grateful for the most amazing gift in my life: the gift of my son whom I chose to place up for adoption.
Adoption is a Beautiful Option
No matter how for along in a pregnancy a woman is, or regardless of how young her child is, adoption is an option for any expectant or current mother. Adoption is an option that brings with it amazing opportunities, but also feelings of grief. I went through quite the roller coaster ride when it came to becoming a mother and then choosing adoption. However, I wouldn’t trade my experience with anything in the world. I have experienced pain and heartbreak on a level that many may not even begin to comprehend. As a birth mother, I walk a path of healing to cope with loss, grief, and betrayal as the result of choosing adoption. Yet, it is because of all of these things that seem so negative that I have great joy!
What is so Wonderful About Choosing Adoption?
I chose adoption because I knew it was the best decision for myself and my child. I knew that I wasn’t ready to be a parent, and six months of parenting proved that I wasn’t ready, but I still knew that I had the ability to give my child a different and better life. The way that I chose to give my child the life he deserves was by placing him for adoption. Due to all the pain that I have felt, I now experience the good on an explosive level. When I feel joy, it is a great joy. My life has gone from daily pain in the beginning of post-placement life to an incredibly fulfilling adventure. I have contact with my son in the form of mail, phone calls, and physical visits. I have a healthy relationship with the child who I placed for adoption and his parents as well. I have what I consider a “fairy tale” adoption story.
The Second Chance I Never Thought I’d Have
I have also grown to become a loving, dependable, and independent woman. I have a family today that I love deeply, which includes a husband, step children and a dog. I am living my dream of working on a career as a writer. I love my work, and it rarely feels like a job. I am blessed to spend my working hours writing about what I am passionate about as well: helping other women to walk a path of spiritual healing. It is a perk that I have found a topic that I can pour my heart and soul into: being a birth mother after making an adoption decision. For the most part, I love my life today.
I Have My Life Today Because of My Son
None of my achievements would have been possible if it hadn’t been for my son. I was having a really hard time finding my path in life before I found out I was pregnant. I had just joined a 12-step program to help me work out some issues I was facing at the time, and had only been walking that path for six months. However, what I thought was the end of my world turned out to be the beginning of it. Without my son coming into my life, I have no idea if I would be on a happy and healthy path or not. There is no way for us to rewind the clocks and make our decisions differently, but there is a way to avoid feelings of regret.
No Need for Regrets…
I am a firm believer in being grateful for what you have and avoiding the experience of regret by utilizing healing tools. Being grateful for my child has been my state of being from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I knew this little life was going to change my life somehow, but I didn’t know what that would look like. I have always made the best decisions I can in my life. I have tried to be a good person, a strong woman, and a loving confidant. Every decision I have made has had good intentions behind it, regardless of the outcome. I did not make my adoption decision lightly. I did the best with what I could do at the time, and I know that now. It has taken time for me to process my feelings of loss and walk through my grief, but I can say that I have never regretted my adoption decision.
Be Encouraged, Fellow Potential Birth Mothers!
If you are a woman who is struggling to move forward in the healing process after choosing adoption, please remember this: Every step we take in another chance to change our lives. No matter what you have been through, how it has or hasn’t damaged you, or what decisions you have made, you can always begin to walk a path of healing at any point in your walk. One step at a time is how I got here, and one step at a time is how you will be able to make things better for yourself. My son is the greatest accomplishment in my life, the best thing that has ever entered my life, and the greatest gift God could have given me.
If you are a woman considering adoption, but afraid of how being a birth mother will cause you emotional pain, please be encouraged. There are more and more resources popping up to help birth mothers walk a path of healing. There are online forums, blogs and articles, support groups, counselors, etc. that you can utilize to help you process the negative emotions and truly enjoy the positive emotions. If you don’t know where to turn, start with an adoption agency. Give an adoption agency a call and tell them how you are feeling and that you are considering adoption. They should be able to connect you with the resources they have available through their organization.
If you don’t have a local agency you would like to use, please consider calling a national adoption agency like American Adoptions. They have many resources for birth mothers not only during the adoption decision and process, but for post-placement life as well. Adoption specialists are standing by 24/7 at 1-800-ADOPTION. Don’t hesitate to call. Your life can change for the better today. Be blessed and happy holidays!
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.