Why It’s Important to Live for Yourself – Thoughts from a Birth Mother

I have dreamt for so long that I would do something significant with my life. Then, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby that ever existed. My son became the reason that I functioned. He became the reason that I took a breath. He became my “everything”. He stayed my “everything”, even after I put him up for adoption.

I confessed this perception that I had in therapy rather recently, thinking that there was nothing unhealthy about it, and was told, “You cannot just live for your son. We need to transition you to live for yourself.” Such a statement came as a shock to me, but once it started to sink in, it began to make sense. I had made my entire world revolve around being a birth mother and had lost sight of the other roles that I play in my life.

Faith First

I am a Christian. This means that I believe in Jesus Christ. By putting my son ahead of everything in my life, I was also putting him above my belief systems and my God. In Christianity, this is called “idolatry”. All of my work and actions were based on being a birth parent. In my faith, I believe that God comes first.  People cannot come first because I cannot truly love myself and others without a strong and ever-faithful love for my Creator.

I Am a Woman

After realizing that there was truth in what my therapist said to me, I began considering the things that I truly wanted for myself. I realized that I have dreams and vision for my life that doesn’t focus only on being a birth mother. For example, I have been married for two years. That relationship has been put on the back burner at times when I have isolated myself to having my world revolve only around being a birth parent. My husband is incredibly patient with me when it comes to this aspect of my life, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to grow as a wife.

People who know me well will tell you that I am the type of personality that always seeks to grow in maturity and understanding in every area of my life.  I not only desire to grow as a birth mother in maturity and understanding, peace and acceptance, but also as a loving and mature wife in Christ.

Do It for You

I’m not saying that you have to believe in the God that I believe in. You don’t have to prescribe to the same faith that I do in order to understand the message that I am conveying.  What I’m trying to share with you is that if your entire world revolves around one thing, and you don’t have balance in the other areas of your life, your life and potentially other relationships will suffer as a result of that.

Expand your horizons and seek healing in order to achieve physical, emotional, and spiritual balance in your life.  Take a look at the different areas in your life, and consider how much time and effort you dedicate to them. Make a commitment and take action to achieve a balance between the different aspects of your life. Balance will not be achieved overnight. This will take dedication, hard work, and patience, but it will be worth it as you begin to live a healthier life. I know you will be surprised at the doors of healing and opportunity that will open as such balance is sought after. Most of all make this commitment for you. As you learn to love yourself and find your balance, life will become much more fulfilling. We can go on this journey together, as I am now seeking a more balanced life as well.

“Balance is not something you find. It’s something you create.” ~ Unknown Author

~Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay Rambo VerticalLindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.

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