Considering adoption as a means to grow your family is a wonderful choice. You are able to create the family of your dreams while giving a child the gift of a loving and supportive family. However, if you don’t know much about the options available to you when it comes to adoption or where to turn, it can be easy to look in the wrong places.
Though it is a usually a straightforward process, sometimes just one negative experience or long wait times when trying to adopt can be too much for some waiting couples. In a digital age heavily dominated by the internet, many waiting couples turn to social media to search for adoption opportunities. While there have been some successful adoptions that have resulted from social media, there are heavy risks involved.
These risks often boil down to two potential unfortunate situations: It’s a scam and the alleged “birth parent” is not actually pregnant/considering adoption or you are dealing with an expectant parent who is serious about adoption, but without the proper processes and legal support, you can run into legal issues with disastrous results.
There has been an increasing trend of hopeful adoptive parents looking for adoption opportunities on social media platforms such as Craigslist, Twitter and Instagram. Many have taken to Instagram using hashtags such as “#lookingtoadopt” or “#waitingtoadopt” with the hopes of being found by an expectant mother looking for an adoptive family for her baby.
There have been reports of alleged potential birth parents reaching out to couples using these hashtags claiming they want to place their baby for adoption. In one instance of this, the couple dialoged with the “birth mom” for months, sending messages and pictures back and forth until eventually, the owner of the “birth mom” account blocked the hopeful couple.
While there was no money exchanged, this was a massive waste of time for the hopeful adoptive parents and emotionally devastating. Whether this was someone trying to catfish the couple or a pregnant woman who got cold feet, this is a very real risk of using social media to find an adoption opportunity with no way to verify the legitimacy of the self-proclaimed expectant mom.
An even bigger risk is that you could be scammed out of money in the event of adoption fraud. If the person claiming to be a birth parent looking for adoptive parents charges you for money to adopt her baby and then cuts off communication with you, not only could this transaction be considered illegal (we’ll touch more on this later), but you could also be susceptible to financial damages.
It cannot be stressed enough that it is illegal for you to purchase another individual’s child, just as it’s illegal for them to attempt to sell their child. Depending on your state’s laws, this can be considered adoption fraud or even child trafficking. It is highly illegal for the expectant parent to accept financial compensation in exchange for her child, especially if she has no actual intent to place a child for adoption. In more sinister cases, you have no way of knowing for sure if the child you are paying to adopt actually belongs to the alleged biological parent.
Even if the expectant mother is honest and her intentions are good, the adoption will not be considered legal unless you go through the proper steps. In most states, the adoptive parents must complete a home study, go through the proper legal steps with an adoption agency and/or an adoption attorney, and then have a decree of adoption issued by a court. If the adoption is not above board, authorities could remove the child from your home.
We understand how frustrating it can be when all you want is to have a family of your own and it feels like the odds are against you. We promise there is hope.
Instead of turning to social media to find a child, you should always turn to a properly-licensed professional. Here are three alternatives to risky (and potentially illegal) social media matches:
We know that the stories of lengthy wait times can be discouraging. National adoption agencies complete adoptions all over the country, which means they work with multiple expectant parents at once. This means there will be more adoption opportunities, and shorter wait times to find the right opportunities. When you work with a national adoption agency, you’ll not only have shorter wait times than a local agency, you’ll have access to many useful services and resources for your adoption.
An adoption agency will be able to screen the birth parent to ensure that everything is legitimate and that you will not fall victim to adoption fraud. An adoption professional will be able to walk you through the adoption process step by step to ensure that all your bases are covered and all the proper legal paperwork has been completed so that your adoption can be considered legal. They’ll connect you with an adoption attorney to ensure that your rights are protected.
Adopting from foster care is a beautiful way to add another member to your family while also giving a waiting child a loving and supportive family. Foster care usually focuses on the placement of older children and may not always be a permanent placement, as it is usually a temporary arrangement when the biological parents cannot properly care for them at the time.
The priority is to reunite the child with their birth family in a safe and stable environment. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible. This is where you come in. You can foster a child with the possibility of adoption, or you can adopt a child who is already awaiting adoption.
International adoption is a beautiful way to expand your family, while giving a child abroad a supportive and loving family. International adoption might sound overwhelming at first when you factor in state, federal and international adoption laws, which is why you should always work with a Hague-accredited agency. Your adoption professional will coordinate everything for you so that you can be sure the laws and customs of the country you are adopting from are being abided by.
Before you send out a hashtag looking for an adoption opportunity, consider reaching out to an adoption professional to get free information about your options.
You see the adoption horror stories all the time on your favorite daytime talk shows: A “crazed” birth mother demands her baby back from the adoptive family.
Stories like these are incredibly rare compared to the vast number of successful open adoptions. So why does it seem like ‘open adoption gone wrong’ stories are always making headlines?
The simple answer is sensationalism. The headline “Adoption Gone Wrong” is more likely to pull someone in than a headline along the lines of “Birth Mother Retains Healthy Relationship with Child’s Adoptive Family.” When tragedy occurs, its human nature to be curious about what went wrong.
Media specialists and tabloids know this and are more likely to run a story depicting a devastating event rather than a story that has a happier ending.
Due to what’s known as negativity bias, our brains are wired to pay attention to negative news. This psychological trait that once kept us safe by making us more aware of nearby danger, now makes us more predisposed to latching onto negative headlines.
So while these open adoption horror stories rarely ever happen, they are easy for people to remember and fixate on.
With so much misinformation and sensationalized media at our disposal, it’s easy to feel discouraged or nervous about pursuing an open adoption.
Below are 5 common open adoption myths and the facts debunking them:
Myth 1: The birth parents can take their baby back.
This is one of the most common myths surrounding open adoption that generates a lot of fear in prospective adoptive parents. Once the adoption is finalized and the birth parent relinquishes their parental rights to their baby and the revocation period passes, there is no going back. The myth of the birth parents coming to reclaim the baby is just that: A myth. It’s not legally possible.
The birth mother can change her mind about adoption at any point before then, but since adoption is meant to give the child a sense of permanence, there are rarely any plausible circumstances that would allow for the birth mother to regain custody.
Myth 2: The birth parents will stalk you.
Just as with many of these ‘open adoption gone wrong’ scenarios, this one rarely happens. As the adoptive parents, you will not be required to share any personal information you don’t want to with the birth parents. The sort of post-placement contact arrangements that will be in place after the adoption has been finalized will be up to you and the birth parent to discuss. You don’t have to agree to anything if you feel it is not right for you.
Open adoptions have been proven to be beneficial for the whole adoption triad. It allows the birth parent to know that their child is healthy and happy, the child never has to wonder where they came from, and the adoptive parents will have peace of mind knowing that the birth parent chose them to raise their child.
Myth 3: The birth parent will regret their decision.
This one goes hand in hand with the fear that the birth parents will try to take their baby back. By the time a birth parent has relinquished t heir parental rights, they will have given their decision a lot of thought. Adoption is never a choice that is made lightly. While birth mothers often experience normal feelings of grief and loss, she knows that she is making the right choice for her and her baby.
Myth 4: The child will grow up hating their adoptive parents.
Unlike in the past where a child might be “shielded” from the fact that they were adopted, 97% of adopted children over the age of 5 today know their adoption story. There is less likely to be resentment when their adoption is something that can be discussed openly and honestly.
Myth 5: The child will grow up hating their birth parents.
Open adoption allows for the child to stay in touch with their birth parents, so they never have questions about where they came from or why they were placed for adoption. Children who have some amount of openness with their birth parents have been shown to have more positive feelings about their adoption.
Open adoptions have become more popular in recent decades with 95 percent of today’s adoptions being open to some degree. Open adoptions are generally the healthiest option for everyone involved.
Listed below are just a few of the benefits of open adoptions.
While closed adoptions do still exist, they are less popular due to them not being as beneficial to those involved as open adoptions. The disadvantages that you could face in a closed adoption include:
If you’re new to the world of adoption, you may be overwhelmed and not sure what to expect. An open adoption allows for both the birth parents and adoptive family to have some clarity as they move through the adoption process. Reach out to an adoption professional today to get more answers to your open adoption questions.
If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have enough to worry about without adding contracting COVID-19 to the mix. Fortunately, a vaccine could be an option for you.
As of December 11, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the first COVID-19 vaccine from Pfizer for emergency use. A second vaccine developed by Moderna was approved on December 18th.
The authorization of these vaccines has brought about many questions and concerns, especially among pregnant women. Is the COVID-19 vaccine safe for me if I’m pregnant? Will the vaccine harm my unborn child?
These concerns are valid. In short, if you are a woman who is pregnant, you can receive the vaccine.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, while pregnant women were excluded from the vaccine clinical trials, both the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are an mRNA which does not contain a live or whole virus. This means it’s highly unlikely to harm women who are pregnant or their unborn baby, and have historically been proven to be safe.
While not much is yet known about how the vaccine interacts with pregnancy, pregnant women are at a greater risk of contracting severe cases of COVID-19, which could result in a high risk pregnancy.
If you are a woman who is pregnant and you want the vaccine, talk to your adoption professional and healthcare provider to determine if receiving the vaccine is the right choice for you.
A few things you should know if you’re pregnant and thinking about get the COVID vaccine:
2. The vaccine is an mRNA.
Both vaccines are mRNA vaccines and do not contain a live virus. These vaccines work by using genetic material called messenger RNA (mRNA) that gives your cells instructions on how to make a protein similar to that found in coronavirus. Your immune system recognizes the foreign protein as a threat and starts building an immune response.
3. Pregnancy is a risk factor for COVID-19.
Many side effects of pregnancy such as hypertension and weight gain increase the chance of contracting COVID-19. Researchers recommend that healthcare providers do not withhold the vaccine from women who are pregnant.
You’ve likely heard some myths about the vaccine, including:
Myth 1: The COVID-19 vaccine causes infertility.
One of the most common unfounded rumors surrounding the COVID-19 vaccine is that it can result in infertility. There is no scientific backing to support this, whatsoever. Since the vaccine is an mRNA, it does not contain the live virus and does not interact with genetic material. Other mRNA vaccines have not resulted in infertility in the past.
Myth 2: The COVID-19 vaccine is unsafe because it was developed so rapidly.
The urgency of the pandemic spurred many pharmaceutical companies to invest in a vast amount of resources so that a COVID-19 vaccine could be developed as quickly as possible. Though the development of the vaccine was quick, this does not mean any corners were cut. The development of both the Pfizer and Moderna vaccine followed safety protocols and have been approved by the FDA.
Myth 3: There are severe side effects.
There have only been reports of mild reactions such as soreness at the site of injection, and half of recipients reporting headaches, fatigue, or fever that typically resolves in a day or two. These side effects are a result of your body’s immune system responding to the vaccine, and have been observed with other vaccines.
If you are pregnant woman and worried about COVID-19, you can get the vaccine. If you still have reservations or questions about the vaccine’s side effects or how it might affect your pregnancy, talk to your doctor and adoption professional.
There’s no denying that 2020 was a very, very strange year for us all. The world faced new challenges, and the adoption world was one of the many sectors impacted.
However, adoption professionals, birth parents, adoptive families and adoptees all faced these challenges head on, and adapted. Let’s look back at the obstacles we’ve faced and will continue to surmount.
Here’s what happened this year:
As the world struggled to slow the deadly spread of COVID-19, countries were forced to close their borders, and travel bans were enacted. For families in the midst of an international adoption process, this was devastating. Hopeful parents and children awaiting adoption became separated by national borders and oceans.
International adoptions have been on a consistent decline in recent years as countries encourage adoptive families to consider the many children waiting for a family within their own communities. COVID-19 may signal the end of international adoptions as we know it.
Fortunately, domestic adoption remains an option, even in the midst of an ongoing pandemic.
Unlike international adoptions, domestic adoption was largely unaffected by COVID-19. The primary differences were new social distancing precautions. For birth and adoptive families, this meant fewer in-person meetings and more virtual talks. Many adoptions were even finalized virtually!
Although adoptive families still need to exercise reasonable caution when traveling within the U.S., domestic adoptions have been able to continue safely — a blessing in the chaos for the many families who grew through adoption in 2020.
In a blow for waiting foster youth, more states have granted foster adoption agencies the ability to turn away prospective adoptive parents based on sexual orientation. Data consistenty supports the benefits that LGBTQ adoptive parents provide to the foster care system. Removing these families’ ability to foster or adopt through foster care only serves to harm the waiting children in foster care.
Same-sex couples and LGBTQ individuals are now turning to private infant adoption agencies in the hopes of growing a family, especially the national non-denominational professionals. So, although LGBTQ families will still be able to pursue adoption through agencies, there are now more children in foster care who have been denied a family due to these laws.
Despite the many challenges that 2020 brought, adoption professionals, birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees persevered.
Pregnant women still sought out loving adoptive families for their children, adoptive parents continued to welcome children through adoption and children continued to find loving, permanent homes. Adoption professionals continued to work from home to help support pregnant women and adoptive families. Even at a distance, birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees all continue to grow and strengthen their triads.
Many pregnant women considering adoption as well as would-be-parents who are considering adopting are worried that the uncertainties of 2020 mean adoption is no longer an option for them. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Adoptions continued in 2020, and will continue in 2021. Not even a global pandemic can stop the love that goes into each adoption placement, or the desire to give beloved children the best life possible.
If you’re considering adoption, 2021 may be your year. Reach out to a licensed adoption agency to learn more, and to take your first steps.
2020 was a year of uncertainty, fear and wait-and-see. But through it all, families continued to grow through adoption. After all — babies won’t stop being born just because there’s a lot going on in the world!
As 2021 approaches, you may be wondering if this is the year you welcome a child into your family through adoption. To help yourself decide if you should adopt in 2021, ask yourself these 5 questions:
This is a concern for many would-be parents. But, you’ll be glad to know that unless you are hoping to adopt internationally, the COVID-19 pandemic isn’t likely to affect your adoption process much. Here’s why…
Domestic adoptions, whether through foster care or through adoption agencies, have largely been unaffected by COVID-19. International adoptions, however, were massively affected and have virtually ceased.
We were all hoping that there would be a widely-available vaccine at this point, and that the world would be able to return to “normal.” However, it’s not likely to happen for quite some time. So, for now, international adoptions are not recommended in 2021.
However, this might be the year for you if you’re adopting domestically. One important thing hasn’t changed: There are still women who are currently (or will be) facing unplanned pregnancy and want to find a loving adoptive family for their child.
Adoption is always a costly endeavor (unless you’re pursuing a foster care adoption), but right now, you might be a bit more worried about finances. Many families suffered financial losses as a result of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. If you were similarly affected, you may want to put a temporary hold on your adoption plans while you build your savings back up, so that you can be financially prepared for the needs of a new family member.
This is always a consideration for adoptive families. Are you physically ready to care for a newborn and growing child? Do you have a safe and ready home? If so, 2021 might be the year for you to adopt.
Again, this is something that any hopeful parent must ask themselves and carefully consider. The adoption process is always an emotional experience, but 2020 was an exceptionally tough and emotional year.
Do you feel emotionally ready to start the adoption process? Do you understand the emotional process for the birth parents and adoptees, as well? If so, then you’re probably ready to take the next steps!
Truly, no matter how prepared you might be, no one is ever 100% ready to become a parent, whether biologically or through adoption. But, if you think that you’re physically, financially and emotionally ready to take on the adoption process, 2021 is the time to do it.
There are still countless waiting children in foster care and pregnant women who are making adoption plans for their unborn babies. These children will need loving, safe and permanent families. If you think that could be you, reach out to a licensed adoption professional now to take the first steps!
Hopeful adoptive parents are often worried about bonding with their newborn adopted child. “Will I bond as easily with this baby as I would with a biological child?” “What if he or she doesn’t want me?” “What if I don’t feel the love and special connection right away?”
Adoptive families will assure worried parents-to-be that this isn’t something to fret over. It’ll happen! Additionally, even biological parent-baby bonds require time, consistency and effort, and aren’t inherently stronger just because of the biological connection. All relationships require love and work!
However, learning some tips for bonding with your (adopted) baby may do more to soothe your anxiety than reassurances from experts or experienced adoptive families. These 12 tips are applicable for bonding with any newborn, not just an adopted child:
There are plenty of wraps and carriers on the market that you can try. Even just wearing your baby as you do some light cleaning around the house, running an errand down the street or on a walk around the block can be an easy way to stay close.
In adoption, “cocooning” is a buzzword that has gained a lot of attention. What it boils down to is spending time with your baby in the first few weeks after you bring your new child home. But, it would just be you, your spouse (if applicable) and immediate family members like your other children. No grandparents, extended family or friends, just yet.
Some families like this alone-time together, primarily for settling into a routine and focusing on adjusting to one another.
Eye contact is a simple but effective way that humans bond. Newborn babies can’t see very far, so gently holding (never forcing) loving eye contact while feeding your baby is an easy and special way to feel more in touch with one another. This also helps your baby recognize your face.
Turn story time into a daily habit. Reading to your baby:
Physical closeness is one of the primary ways that humans bond. Never force cuddles or physical affection upon your child. If he or she fusses and doesn’t want to remain sitting in your lap or be picked up, give them some space.
However, find as many opportunities as you can to be physically close with your baby. Hold them during feeding times, relax in a rocking chair together before bed and give as many kisses and hugs as they seem comfortable with.
Never underestimate the power of play and the bonds it can create! As your baby grows, make plenty of time for regular games of peek-a-boo, make silly faces and noises, give gentle tickles and just enjoy making your baby laugh.
From the moment you bring your child home, start speaking to them softly. Talk about anything: Tell them their adoption story, go through your grocery list and tell them how much you love them.
This is especially important after 9 months of hearing his or her birth mother’s voice through her body. This loss can be confusing and upsetting to infants. So, hearing your voice (and feeling the vibrations through your body) help your baby to recognize your voice and associate it with you.
When your baby cries, immediately go and pick them up. If he or she smiles at you, smile back. Quickly and consistently responding to your baby’s physical and emotional cues will assure them that you will always be there, and that they can count on you.
If your employer offers parental leave, always take advantage of it. If both parents can take leave, all the better.
Particularly in the weeks after placement, you and your spouse will want to spend as much time with your baby as possible — for bonding purposes as well as simply taking time to adjust to parenthood and finding a routine.
It can be hard to find alone time with your baby if you’re also raising older children. Try having one spouse spend time with your older children while you spend time alone with your baby, and then switch.
This is only a temporary practice as you focus on one-on-one parental bonding with your new baby. Soon, you’ll want to encourage time spent together as an entire family.
Just like talking, singing lullabies, nursery rhymes or even just along with the radio helps your baby attune to your voice. Even if you’re not the world’s best singer, a quiet round of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” can be enormously meaningful and relaxing to your baby.
Not only do routines help newborns fall into a healthy biological rhythm for sleeping, waking, feeding and playing, it’ll give your child a sense of security. Routines are especially important for adopted children (yes, even infants) as they experienced a major disruption in the first days of their life.
Knowing that you will always be there to read them a book after bathtime, or to give them a goodnight song, will be an important source of comfort and stability as they grow.
Again, we’ll remind you that bonding with an adopted newborn is typically fast, natural and easy.
If, however, you do find that you’re having a harder time bonding with your new child, working with an adoption-competent family counselor may help. Needing a little extra help bonding with your baby doesn’t make you a bad parent!
Good parents put in the patience, love, time and repetition that any strong parent-child bond requires, regardless of whether or not you’re biologically related.
Adoptive parents and adoptees who are out and about together have often heard comments like, “Your son looks just like you!”
Adoptive families who are multi-racial won’t typically receive those comments. Parents and children who don’t share the same race can’t exactly “hide” the adoption, so they’ll instead be asked questions about their story (whether they want to talk about it or not). But, there are many adoptive families who can “pass” as biological.
Why do so many people seem to think these parents and their (adopted) children look alike? For many adoptive families, “You two look so much alike,” is a frequently-heard comment. Why?
We have three theories as to why some people may think that parents and their (adopted) children look alike:
Because the majority of families are formed biologically, people default to that assumption. If they see a child and adult together, they’ll typically assume that the two are biologically related as long as they look relatively similar.
If a child and parent have the same hair color or skin tone, the average person will hone in on even a small similarity as confirmation of their assumption. If the default assumption is that most family members are biologically related, then they will assume this is true until told otherwise.
This has been an observed phenomenon in spouses and couples who cohabitate over long periods of time. The same theory may be applicable to adopted children and their (adoptive) family members.
Research into the theory that couples and non-biological family members begin to look like each other has found that facial similarities don’t converge over time, but rather, the perceived similarities may be a result of human social patterns. Which brings us to…
Humans “mirror” one another’s facial expressions, pattern of speech, body language and more. This is a subconscious behavior that is common among socially-driven animals like humans. That’s why you find yourself picking up your friend’s phrases, falling into your regional accent and more.
Babies, in particular, pick up on these physical cues as part of their natural development. Infants learn facial expressions, speech patterns and emotional response by watching the people they interact with every day: Their parents. This is called “affect attunement.”
This developmental process helps babies understand the correct facial expressions to match his or her emotions. And, because children learn those facial expressions and emotional responses from their parents or caretakers, their facial expressions will tend to match the parents’. Their glad looks like their parents’ glad, and their mad looks like their parents’ mad.
Just like you find yourself “attuning” to your close friends or to your spouse, adopted children don’t need to be biologically related to their family members to attune to them.
The well-meaning person who remarks, “You and your daughter look just alike,” probably intended this as a compliment. But, why? And what message is that sending to an adopted child?
Additionally, the involuntary inheritance of physical traits seems like a far less meaningful “compliment” than:
So, instead of complimenting parents and children on perceived physical similarities, let’s encourage meaningful praise that doesn’t hinge on the assumption that all families were created biologically.
This isn’t your first rodeo. If you’ve adopted once (or even twice) before, you have the benefit of insider knowledge and firsthand experience. But, welcoming a new child into your family via adoption is always going to be a different experience each time — the people and relationships involved are unique.
But first: Congratulations! Taking the first steps toward welcoming a new child into your life is always worth celebrating.
But, what can you expect from this new adoption journey in comparison to your last experience? While there’s a lot that will be familiar to you, you can expect a few differences. Here are 4 things to keep in mind as you begin this new adoption process:
This is especially true if you’ve changed agencies, if you’re pursuing a different type of adoption, or are selected by different birth parents.
However, even if you’re working with the same adoption agency and home study provider — or you’re even adopting from the same birth parents; that doesn’t mean things will be exactly the same as your last adoption. Each pregnancy experience and child is as unique as the people involved in your adoption journey! Be ready to roll with that uniqueness.
One benefit you’ll likely enjoy: An expedited adoption process.
Unless your child’s birth mother has approached you and asked you to adopt your child’s new sibling, you’ll still have to wait to be matched with prospective birth parents. That wait will always vary, and will always be tough.
However, the screening and home study processes may be a little easier this time around, especially if you’re working with the professionals who completed your last adoption. Your agency and home study provider will likely have some of your information and documents on file, so the preliminary steps may be as simple as reviewing that paperwork to make sure everything is still accurate and up-to-date.
If you’re working with the same adoption agency and home study provider, your overall adoption process may cost less than your first adoption. This is typically because there is less administrative work for these professionals if they already have your preliminary documents on file. So, because they won’t need to repeat some of the same steps, these professionals sometimes offer a discounted rate for families who adopt through them again.
The financial support that each individual pregnant woman will need will still vary, so keep this in mind. You’ll also still need to be cleared to adopt, and a home study professional will need to visit your home again to make things are still going well. But, this time there may be a few less steps, which saves you a bit of money.
Adoption is never easy. And, there will always be unknowns. However, this time, you have the benefit of firsthand knowledge and experience.
When you were completing your first adoption journey, you probably felt a little clueless and very nervous. The nerves will be always be there, no matter how many times you adopt, but now you have a firm grasp on the process and what to expect.
So, as you prepare to take on a new adoption journey, you can look forward to some of the same experiences — as well as the new aspects of this next journey (and the unique child you’ll welcome)! If you’re ready to get started, contact a licensed adoption agency now.
Adoption can be expensive. But, with the right tools and steps, you can afford the family-building path of your dreams.
Start building up your adoption funds today with these ideas. We’ve just scratched the surface with this list, so don’t forget to research all the possibilities available to you!
When saving for adoption, make the first place you look your monthly and annual budgets. Just like you would when saving for anything else, create a detailed list of what you spend each month and think about where you can cut corners.
Look at your monthly subscriptions — are you using them enough to justify the cost? Can you reduce the amount you spend eating out each month?
Create a strict (but realistic) budget based on your monthly income and necessary expenses. Stick to that budget and put any extra money into a savings account straight away (more on that below).
“Out of sight, out of mind” couldn’t be truer when it comes to savings accounts. Set up a designated savings account for your adoption journey, and pledge to not touch that money for anything other than adoption. Allocate a set amount of your direct deposit into this account for a painless, straightforward way to grow your savings.
As you look for savings account, make sure to research your options. There are plenty of high-yield savings accounts you can use for free, if you meet certain requirements. A few percentage points can make a stark difference your long-term savings.
Fundraisers can be a great way to add to your adoption funds. Let your friends and family members know that you’re adopting, and make it easy for them to contribute to your fund with online platforms like GoFundMe.
Before you start your own fundraiser, think about the pros and cons. Adoption fundraisers are as controversial as they can be helpful. Talk with your spouse (if applicable) about what you feel comfortable with before advertising your fundraiser to a large audience.
Monetary gifts may not be as exciting as the newest gaming system, but receiving money in lieu of physical presents can add to your adoption funds.
Don’t just ask for money for holidays and birthdays without an explanation. Take this opportunity to explain your adoption decision to your friends and family and express just how important their financial gifts can be. Give your loved ones plenty of heads up before the holidays so they’re not caught off guard.
There’s a lot of DIY financial planning you can do on your own but, if you have substantial debt or assets, a financial planner may provide helpful insight. They can evaluate your personal finances and create a plan to reach your adoption savings goals most efficiently.
COVID-19 has forced us all to embrace virtual activities. An unforeseen benefit? These activities are often much cheaper than their in-person alternatives.
If you spend more money than you’d like on dining in or takeout, think about hosting a socially distant potluck or starting a meal train with a group of friends. Rather than go out to the movies, find one you haven’t seen before on our streaming services and stay in for the night. If you’ve got a habit of buying new books, dust off your library card and take advantage of your free local offerings.
These changes can seem little at the start, but they can quickly add up and make a difference in your adoption savings account.
While adoption is inherently expensive, there are ways you can reduce your expenses. However, with adoption, you get what you pay for — so do your research before making any big decisions.
Take foster care adoption, for example. It’s by far the cheapest adoption option. In fact, most of the costs are covered by the state or reimbursed through the adoption tax credit.
While it may be cheaper, adopting a child from foster care comes with unique challenges. You should never choose aspects of your adoption solely based on cost. Consider what’s best for your family and for the child you will adopt.
The same idea goes for independent vs. agency-assisted adoption. Independent adoption may seem cheaper at first, but understand how the a la carte costs of different professionals will eventually add up to a full-service agency’s costs. If you’re ready for the responsibility of an independent adoption, you could save thousands of dollars.
You might consider a loan to build up your adoption savings, but be wary. Loans can come with high interest rates and end up costing a lot more to pay back — which can be difficult when you have a new addition to your household.
Before taking out a loan to pay for your adoption, talk to your spouse and/or a financial planner and decide if it’s the right financial step for you.
Although adoption grants aren’t guaranteed funds, there are plenty out there that you can apply for. It’s free money — what are you waiting for?
Start your research with this list:
More and more employers are adding adoption assistance to their benefits package. Talk with your HR department and see what options are available to you. There may be financial assistance or grants that you don’t know about!
Don’t have an adoption assistance program at your current company? Consider bringing it up during your meeting about parental leave. Your employer may be able to add more perks and benefits for your specific situation.
When you use them correctly, credit cards can actually make you money. Many providers offer rewards and cash-back credit cards. If you pay off your balance every month, you don’t have to pay interest — and those cash or other rewards can be deposited straight into your account.
Similarly, use online programs like Honey and Rakuten to save and get money back for everyday purchases, respectively. Sock away any of that extra income into your adoption savings account to keep that total rising.
It’s a good idea to talk with your financial advisor before taking this step, but you might be able to save money now by refinancing any existing credit accounts. By lowering your monthly payments, you can put that extra money toward your adoption funds.
Talk with your loan provider for more details about how a refinance could affect your account balance.
When you have some extra income, it’s tempting to quickly splurge it on a treat for yourself. But automatically saving this money into your adoption funds account will help you in the long run.
You’re used to living off your usual income, so view any extra as strictly hands-off savings. You’ll be surprised at how much you can grow your adoption account with even the smallest additions.
Most people have some extra clothes, toys and other household supplies lying around. If you haven’t used yours in years, consider selling them. Sites like Poshmark and Ebay allow you to easily upload your items and make money off what’s been collecting dust in your back closet.
You can also save funds by monetizing your hobbies. If you’re a pro at home improvement, offer your services for small DIY projects. Put any money earned directly into your adoption funds.
Finally, remember that the federal adoption tax credit will reduce some of your financial burden. Although you will need to pay your adoption expenses in advance, you can receive a tax credit in the form of a reimbursement for the year your adoption is finalized. The 2019 limit was $14,080 per child.
Only qualified adoption expenses are eligible for the tax credit. Speak with a tax professional when filing to ensure you receive the proper amount for your situation.
Have any more ideas to save for adoption? Let us know in the comments!
For the final part in our three-part series, we’ve gathered some of the comments and questions adoptive parents are tired of hearing.
Before you jump into a conversation with the adoptive parent in your life, read this blog. Understand why these phrases are so harmful, and strike them from your vocabulary to better spread awareness and education about modern adoption.
An adopted child isn’t just picked off the street, and a transracially adopted child isn’t automatically an internationally adopted child.
An adoptee’s story is no one’s business but their own. The best adoptive parents recognize this, and they won’t feel comfortable sharing their child’s adoption story without their consent.
Furthermore, this question only serves to “other” a transracial adoptee, who likely stands out from their family already. Just as you wouldn’t ask any person of color where they “came from,” don’t do so with parents of adoptees of color.
First off, an adoptive parent is a child’s “real parent.” They are the parents who stay up all night, go to all the soccer games and are there for their child’s milestones. While a birth parent plays an important role in an adoptee’s life, the phrase “real parent” diminishes the hard work and love an adoptive parent shows to a child — just because they don’t share genetic material with their child.
Second, placing a child for adoption or having a child adopted through foster care does not mean there is something “wrong” with a birth parent. Adoption is one of the most difficult decisions a parent can make, and it’s a lifelong journey of grief and loss (even when they know it’s the best thing for their child).
A birth parent should not be described only by their faults, and adoptive parents don’t have the right to share a birth parent’s intimate story to anyone who asks.
An adopted child is not a puppy or a kitten. It’s not only rude to simplify an adoption into financial terms, it’s also unethical. Equating a child with a “purchase” risks human trafficking accusations.
Adoptive parents have to pay for adoption, but it’s not to “buy” a child. Their funds are put toward prospective birth parent living expenses, legal services, counseling and more — all important services to maintain ethical adoption practices.
And, like many other aspects, how much someone paid for adoption is simply none of your business.
An adopted child is no less someone’s child than a biological one. Phrases like these only codify the unspoken “standard” that biological connection is always best.
No matter how a child comes into a parent’s life — through adoption, kinship guardianship or another path — they are still their parent’s “own” child.
Again, an adopted child is their parent’s child — full stop.
Many adoptive parents overcome infertility loss before deciding to pursue adoption. When they choose adoption, they are excited about the possibilities ahead of them.
They don’t want or need sympathy for their previous attempts to have a biological child. Ask any adoptive parent, and they’ll tell you they wouldn’t change anything about their family-building journey.
If there’s anyone “lucky” in adoption, it is the adoptive parents. Adoption allows them to reach their lifelong dream of parenthood, but it doesn’t come without its own challenges.
Children who are adopted may be fortunate to live in a home where they are provided and cared for, just as any biological child is fortunate to live in a home where they are provided and cared for. But being adopted also causes unique traumas. Adoptees are separated from birth parents and have to navigate the complexities of a post-placement relationship, as well as come to terms with their own identity as an adoptee. And those children adopted out of foster care would certainly argue they aren’t “lucky” for the years they spent in the foster care system.
Similarly, you’ll be hard-pressed to find adoptive parents who believe they should be congratulated for how they built their family. They may have brought a child who was in desperate need of a home into theirs, but the desire to become a parent or add a child is inherently self-serving. Any good adoptive parent will be the first to admit that.
You wouldn’t say biological parents are any more selfless or worthy of praise than anyone else — and the same goes for adoptive parents.
There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption, but this is the one that seems to persist the most. It comes from a misunderstanding of exactly how adoption works. Adoption is permanent, and open adoption is not co-parenting. An adoptive parent is an adopted child’s legal parent, often at the choice of the birth parents themselves.
Educate yourself before talking to any adoptive parent about their adoption to avoid commonly asked questions like these. An adoptive parent will thank you for it.
Pop culture sells us plenty of “separated at birth” and “didn’t know they were adopted” stories — but that’s simply not the reality of adoption. Adoptive parents commit to being open and honest with an adopted child as she or he grows up. An adoptee knows their adoption story and, in many cases, has a direct relationship with their birth parents.
Asking this question will likely earn you an eye roll or an incredulous look. Of course an adoptee will know their adoption story; it’s not a decision that’s up for discussion.
Adoption is not right for everyone — and neither is every adoption option.
Each adoption path comes with its own challenges and rewards. It’s up to an adoptive parent to decide which option is best for their family. It’s not a decision they make lightly, and their choice doesn’t need your scrutiny.
Accept that an adoptive parent made the choice that was best for their personal needs and don’t pry. It’s no one’s business but theirs.
Any other comments and questions that we missed? Drop them in the comments below.
And check out the other two parts to this series: “10 Things Never to Say to an Adoptee” and “10 Things Never to Say to a Birth Parent.”
