Reflecting on Holiday Gratitude for Birth Mothers

Gratitude can be a very personal attitude if we choose to make it so. There was a long time in my life after I chose adoption for my baby in which gratitude became paramount to my survival. I had suffered such a great loss in choosing adoption that I never thought my grief could fade. However, in the beginning of post-placement life I clung to the gratitude I had for my child, his adoptive parents, and my adoption agency.

Wrapping up the Holiday season and heading into the New Year, gratitude was on my mind once again.

WHAT IS GRATITUDE?

Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines “gratitude” as the state of being grateful or thankfulness.

In sobriety recovery, we say that “Gratitude is an attitude.”

Gratitude.org claims:

“Benedictine monk Br. David Steindl-Rast suggests that two qualities belong in our basic definition of gratitude. The first is appreciation: You recognize that something is valuable to you, without consideration of its monetary worth. The second quality Br. David mentions is that gratitude is a response to something freely given to you — gratis.”

I consider gratitude to be a way of living. Gratitude isn’t just FEELING grateful, it’s ACTING grateful.

For example, I don’t just say “thank you” when someone does something kind for me like holding the door open when I enter a store. I smile, look them in the eyes, and make sure my heart is heard when I say, “thank you.” You see, it’s not just what we say, but how we say it that matters. Also, I like to give others little gifts to show gratitude like handwriting them a card, or I might do something kind and helpful for them to show them my gratitude.

MY HOLIDAY GRATITUDE LIST

As I reflect on this holiday season, I put together this list of things I am grateful for to help share the blessings that I have in my life today and maybe even help you ponder blessings that you have as well:

• My journey of healing as a birth mother and the opportunity to share my spirituality with other prospective & healing birth mothers.
• A platform to share my heart with other women who may also be working through the pains and the gains of choosing adoption for their babies.
• My amazing, smart, polite, and loving son, our communication, and his heart for me,
• My son’s patient, open-minded and heartfelt parents, our walk together since we met, and the wonderful life they are providing for my child.
• The strong support system I have built around me of quality, like-minded women who appreciate and encourage me.
• My adoring & supportive husband, who is always rooting for my well-being and happiness.
• A life in which all my needs are met today… I’m fed, clothed, housed and clean every day of my wonderful life.
• Hot coffee with creamer every morning when I wake up to sip while I say my morning prayers and prepare for another day.
• My relationship with my God, my strong & courageous faith, and my dedication to never giving up on myself or those I love.

GRATITUDE PROMPTS

Now it’s your turn to write a gratitude list! Whether you share it with others during this chilly season to warm another person’s heart, or you keep it to yourself as a reminder of every blessing you have, take this opportunity to use these prompts to create your very own gratitude list:

• Name three people who support your choice to place your baby for adoption and how they specifically show their support.
• List two positive traits you have found within your character that have been revealed through your adoption decision.
• Share about how your strength and courage as a birth mother has inspired someone else in your life or helped someone else walk through a difficult time.
• Talk about your own faith, no matter what your beliefs are, and how it has helped you mature on your healing journey.
• Celebrate five things you have accomplished this past year that you find encouraging and that help you to continue moving forward positively in your own life.

SHARING GRATITUDE

Now that you have compiled your gratitude list, take some action and share your thankful heart with another. Whether you share your list with a loved one, make it a post on social media, hold the door open for a stranger, give your time in holiday charity, or help someone else in a way that makes them feel good; Remember that gratitude is a way of living, not just a feeling.

BIRTH MOTHER & ADOPTION GRATITUDE

I am also very grateful for every birth mother who joins me in walking a healing journey. It takes the courage of a lioness and the strength of a giant to get through the adoption journey. But in my experience, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I have an overflowing of blessings in my life today, especially when it comes to my son and his parents.

If you are considering adoption for your baby, please know that you are not alone. Feel free to reach out for guidance, information and help by calling (800) ADOPTION. Adoption specialists are available 24/7 to assist any woman who may be ready to start inquiring about adoption. I encourage you to empower and educate yourself and know that there is healing for every birth mother who takes this journey!

-Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay Arielle is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption more than a decade ago. Over the years, Lindsay has chronicled her post-placement healing walk via her writing to share her experience, strength and hope with other birth mothers on their own paths of healing. Lindsay’s blogs boldly reflect that, “Healing is a journey, not a destination.”