Some Thoughts for Women Considering Adoption – Thoughts from a Birth Mother
“I am thinking about putting my infant up for adoption. I have already given birth, though, and I am hesitant that no one will want to adopt a baby unless they have been involved in the pregnancy. Am I even allowed to do this? How do I decide if I can put my infant up for adoption? How do I decide what is right for my baby while still considering what is right for me? How do I know if I am making the best decision? I’m so torn between the promises I have already made to keep my baby and the deep desire to place my child up for adoption. What do I do?”
I Can RelatePerhaps you find yourself thinking along these lines. Perhaps you have many questions. Perhaps you have been thinking about adoption, but have felt too fearful to follow through. Perhaps now you are realizing that adoption really is the best option, but you have waited a while to make the decision and now your baby is a few months old. Perhaps you are on the fence about adoption and have no idea how to even begin to make that decision. Wherever you are coming from, whatever your situation is, whatever fears are plaguing your mind or thoughts that are racing through it; you are not alone, and you are not trapped. My goal in writing is to help other women heal who have chosen adoption. I also have the hope that I can be of assistance to educate throughout the process as well.
My ExperienceI chose adoption when my son was six months old. Many of the racing thoughts that I have outlined above, I have experienced. I had so many questions and felt so afraid of the life that was ahead of me. I was living in fear of letting people down whom I loved. I had made a commitment to others and to myself to keep my baby and be an amazing parent. When it came right down to it: I wasn’t ready to parent my baby, and I didn’t know how to go about placing my child up for adoption.
You Are Not AloneIf you find yourself experiencing confusion regarding your decision about adoption, or if you find you are becoming more and more curious to learn about your options, please educate yourself. Know that there is an informational gap when it comes to adoption. There are so many stereotypes out there regarding adoption, birth parents, and adoptive parents. I have had an amazing experience as a birth mother, but not after facing many challenges. In fact, it took about two years of very determined healing before I began writing about healing. I couldn’t fathom healing from adoption at one point. I knew almost nothing about adoption and felt so many twisted relationships in my life pressuring me to keep my baby.
Experiences Are What We Make of ThemPeople are typically afraid of the unknown. There is a terrible, but in my opinion, truthful phrase: “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.” You may be a struggling parent, like I was, and the fear of not knowing what adoption entails may keep you from making the right choice for you and your baby. Thankfully, I made the decision to be bold. I broke free from the chains that were bound to me in the form of fear and ignorance. I took it upon myself to become educated throughout every step of the adoption process. I went through adoption in 2011, and fast forward to today: I am learning there are more resources available today than were available seven years prior. Yet, there is still such an information and support gap for birth parents.
Adoption IS an OptionIn my opinion, adoption is not for every struggling mother, but it should be an option for every woman who is facing the fear of an unplanned pregnancy or a difficult parenting experience. I believe that education should be more prevalent regarding adoption. It saddens me that there is so much talk of parenting versus abortion, yet so little talk of the viable option of adoption. Adoption is beautiful when we decide it is beautiful. Adoption is deplorable when we find it inappropriate. There is so much judgement in society. What if we applauded birth mothers and birth parents?
Considering Adoption?If you find you are considering adoption, there are some lines of thought I would like to suggest that you consider:
- We have choices that we must make. Adoption, parenting, abortion…. These are choices that we have.
- Choices have benefits and consequences.
- Maturity means dealing with life and making decisions regardless of how it makes us feel at times.
- Choices that we make are ours and ours alone. While we may be left to feel lonely because of our choices, that doesn’t automatically mean we made the wrong choice. In fact: “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”
- Adoption was the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever been through.
- Adoption is the best decision that I have ever made. Adoption is one of the greatest things that has ever occurred in my life.
- My child is the most wonderful thing I have ever created in my life, and I would do anything for him.
- There is nothing that was going to get in my way when I chose adoption. The sacrifices were great. The losses seemed unending for a period. Grief was overwhelming. I felt alone.
- Healing from adoption has been a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything. I have learned more about my abilities, strength, and boldness than from any other experience in my life.