Why Birth Mothers are Great Mothers — Thoughts from a Birth Mother
What makes a mother in the first place? What is the difference between a good mother and a great mother? How can you judge whether a mother is great or not?
What Makes a Good Mother and What Makes a Great Mother?
There are so many different types of mothers parenting in modern-day society. There are legal mothers, custodial mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, adoptive mothers, natural mothers, spiritual mothers, and more. With all these different mothers raising our children, how are we to judge which ones are good and which ones are great?
The difference between a good mom and a great mom is as simple as this: A good mother loves her children unconditionally, but a great mother also makes sacrifices unconditionally for that love.
I know all types of mothers, and all of them are great mothers because they all make tough sacrifices for their children. Birth mothers are great mothers, too — and not just because they choose adoption.
Why are Birth Mothers Great Mothers?
Birth mothers not only choose a better life for their children with different parents, but they also continue to be birth mothers for the rest of their lives. Birth mothers make plenty of sacrifices after choosing adoption for their children, including facing friends and family, continuing a relationship with their child in an open adoption, and always knowing there is a child out there who calls another woman “mommy.”
How can we minimize or even judge the sacrifices that all mothers make, regardless of what those sacrifices are? Every mother in her own way is a great mother, including every birth mother.
Adoption is a Decision that Requires Great Sacrifice
Prospective birth mothers have a lot to consider when it comes to making an adoption decision. Not only do they have to decide if adoption is right for them, but also who they will choose to raise their babies and how they will continue forward in their own lives.
I know firsthand that adoption comes with even more sacrifices than just grieving the role of legal and custodial mother. There were so many sacrifices that I had to make as the result of my adoption decision. For example, I was abandoned by many loved ones when I placed my child for adoption. I had family members threaten me, bribe me and disown me. I lost many relationships as a result of my adoption.
The sacrifices that birth mothers make for the sake of their adopted birth children are monumental. All of these sacrifices equate to the fact that birth mothers are great mothers!
Considering Your Child’s Future Makes You a Great Mother
When a prospective birth mother is considering choosing adoption for her baby, I can almost guarantee you she is thinking about the future of her child. She will be asking herself many questions, some of which include:
- What will I tell my child when they grow up?
- Will my child be resentful of me for my adoption decision?
- Will my child’s adoptive parents love them as his or her own?
- Is my child better off without me raising them?
- Can I have an open adoption with my child while he or she is growing up?
- How can I ensure my child grows up in a happy and healthy environment?
- How do I know who his or her perfect parents will be?
Those are only some of the questions that I know went through my mind when I was a prospective birth mother.
Today, I have new and different questions about the future of my child after being a birth mother for more than seven years. I know that I am not the only birth mother who considers her child’s future, no matter where she is on her journey in life, and that is just one reason why birth mothers are great mothers!
No matter their personal circumstances, birth mothers are undoubtedly great mothers to their children. The sacrifices that we make for our children and the future that we consider for them as a result of our decisions are only a few of the many reasons that make birth mothers great mothers.
Unfortunately, birth mothers are not typically recognized as great mothers. Therefore, I challenge you to find a birth mother and do something to make her feel as great as I know that she is! If you ever have the opportunity to interact with a birth mother, take it as a chance to make her feel special. I know that it will touch her heart, and probably yours as well.
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.