A new anthology aims to spread awareness of the challenges of the U.S. foster care system, told from those who have experienced it firsthand — current and former foster youth. “The ReMoved Anthology Project,” published May 2019, is a “coffee-table-worthy” collection of poems, stories and art from foster youth. The inspiring and heartbreaking stories give an inside peek into what it’s really like to be in foster care. Co-creators and married couple Christina and Nathanael Matanick gathered submissions from current and former foster children across the globe and worked with artists worldwide to create the anthology, funded by Kickstarter backers last year. The anthology is an extension of their video series, ReMoved, which they started during their process to become foster parents. The Matanicks found little content to help them understand the world of foster care beforehand and so stepped in to fill the gap. “A lot of people feel like their story is the only one out there — that no one else has experienced that kind of difficulty — and they feel alone,” Christina says. “Unfortunately, it is a common experience. “We want, for those to have experienced this, to not feel like there’s something wrong with them because of their childhood experience.”
Back in 2013, the Matanicks were in the midst of their own foster care journey — the journey to become foster parents. Along the way, they were inspired to share the voices of the kinds of children they were trying to help. Thus, “ReMoved” was born. It’s a short film that focuses on a young girl, removed from her family and placed in foster care. The film flashes back and forth between her current placement at a home with a well-meaning foster parent and the trauma she experienced back at her biological mother’s house. “There were so many people asking us, ‘Why would you be willing to become foster parents?’ The first film was kind of our answer to that,” Christina says. “Sure, it will be hard for us, but imagine what it will be like for that child.” The Matanicks went on to make two more “ReMoved” films since then. Along the way, they received their first foster placement, who they officially adopted two years later. Their film series began to draw traction, too. Soon, the Matanicks were receiving constant emails from those who have been affected by foster care, sharing their stories of heartbreak and thanking the filmmakers for expressing their experiences in such a realistic way. It got the couple thinking: They shouldn’t be the only ones reading these stories. So, they put the ReMoved Anthology in motion.
The Matanicks put out a call, asking foster care youth for their honest stories. They received hundreds of submissions of art and writing, telling each person’s individual truth and experience. But, to make the project a reality, they needed the funds. So, they created a Kickstarter to publish the book. More than 600 backers pledged more than $70,000 to help make “The Removed Anthology Project” a reality. The Matanicks worked with artists worldwide to create the book, which was published in May 2019. Since then, it’s sold more than 3,500 copies, most one-by-one. Each page contains a compelling story, but one of Christina’s favorite comes from a foster youth named Katie, who recalls the impact her social worker had during the toughest moments of her life: My last social worker never gave up on me, even though I barely graduated high school. I remember her telling me, “You are more than just your story.” Because I knew I mattered to my social worker, I decided to go to community college… My social worker inspired me to be the caseworker I wanted when I was younger. Reading Katie’s story, Christina says, “I think that’s profound, to say that you’re not just the sum of what happened to you… Who you are yourself is more than just what you’ve experienced.” But the couple’s work doesn’t stop with this anthology. They’re continuing to develop more films, including a foster care documentary with Northwestern University about foster youth transitioning out of the system upon adulthood. The Matanicks also encourage foster care professionals, parents, and advocates to use their films for training and awareness. Christina urges individuals to assist their local foster care systems however they can — by becoming a foster parent or resource family, by donating to local organizations, or simply being a supportive figure to any parent or child struggling in your community. “We’ve just been really inspired and amazed by people that have really gone through awful, awful things, but have overcome and chosen to give back and to make a difference and to try to help other kids… not be alone and know that there’s hope,” Christina says. You can order “The Removed Anthology Project” online here.
A Tennessee bill protecting adoption agencies’ rights to not place children with LGBT parents is headed to the governor’s desk, all but ensuring anti-LGBT discrimination in adoption will be legal in the Volunteer State.
Like similar “religious freedom” bills presented across the nation over the last few years, Tennessee’s bill prohibits requiring any private child-placing agency in the state to place children for foster care or adoption if doing so violates “the agency’s written religious or moral convictions.” The legislation also prevents the state from denying a license or government grant to agencies if it refuses a placement on those grounds.
Supporters of the bill argue it will protect the religious freedoms of agencies, but critics point out what many in the adoption industry already know — that LGBT individuals adopt out of the foster care system at a higher rate than heteronormative individuals. The bill, they argue, will make it harder for children to find the supportive, welcoming homes they need, especially after years in the foster care system.
The Human Rights Campaign, one of the most prominent LGBT-rights advocacy organizations, has released a report questioning whether or not this discrimination violates that widely-held “best interests of the child” standard.
This bill comes on the heels of similar proposals in other states and a national proposal from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) in late 2019. Republican Gov. Bill Lee has 10 days after receiving the bill to sign or veto it, but his office has already told local paper The Tennessean that he will sign the bill as soon as it reaches his desk.
So, you’ve decided to start your search for your birth parents. Congratulations — you are taking a brave step to learning more about what makes you “you”. It takes a lot of strength and dedication to start this journey and prepare yourself for the ups and downs you may feel along the way. But, you may have found yourself facing your first challenge before your search even gets off the ground — opposition from your adoptive parents. Your parents are supposed to love and support you no matter what, so it may have come as a huge shock when they reacted to your search announcement in such a negative way. It sucks, but know that you’re not alone. While many adoptive parents are supportive of and involved in their children’s searches for birth family, you’ll unfortunately also find a great deal of stories of adoptees who have to deal with angry and resentful adoptive parents upon announcing their birth parent search. As much as we wish it wasn’t, it’s a common struggle that adoptees go through. So, what can you do when your adoptive parents respond in a negative manner? The first thing you should always do is secure your safety. Sometimes, emotional struggles can boil over into physical actions, so reach out to a loved one who supports your decision. If you want them to, they might accompany you to any future conversations you have with your unsupportive parents. They should also provide the support and love you need during this journey. Here are a few more tips for moving forward after a parent reacts negatively to your adoption news:
Some adoptive parents respond negatively to birth parent searches because they take it personally. Often, they have unresolved emotions regarding their infertility and their “need” to turn to adoption to complete their family. When they take your birth parent search personally, they probably have some degree of insecurity about their role as your parent. If you can, try to help them understand that your decision to find your birth family has nothing to do with their parenting. Instead, your curiosity is a natural extension of being an adoptee. There simply is nothing like knowing your biological history, but wanting to learn more doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate all they’ve done for you as your parent. With time, some adoptive parents will come around, seeing that they were viewing your birth family search from their own perspective, not yours.
But, if your parents are stuck viewing your birth family search as a personal affront, they will likely lash out in harmful ways. You do not deserve any of this criticism; remember, you are 100% normal for feeling what you are feeling. If your adoptive parents try to guilt you or make you change your mind in any way, make sure they know how unfair their criticisms are. Simply say to them: “Wanting to find my birth parents isn’t selfish. It’s normal. You know your biological history and heritage, but I don’t. I can’t be at peace until I know more about my personal history. Don’t you want me to know more about my medical and social background?” Don’t be afraid to turn the conversation around to them by asking why they feel the way they do. Most times, adoptive parents can’t explain why they’re so offended by this search. If they keep calling you ungrateful or selfish, remove yourself from that conversation and situation.
If you’ve already made contact with your birth parents, you might refrain from introducing them to your adoptive parents until you’re sure it will go well. No matter their circumstances at the time, your birth parents made a brave and selfless decision to place you for adoption. They probably trusted that your adoptive parents would support you in every aspect of your life growing up. It could bring up feelings of grief for them to see your parents mistreat you for your birth family search. They also deserve to be protected from your parents’ ire, which can be easily turned on them for connecting with you in the first place.
When your parents don’t support your birth family search, they may try to manipulate you into changing your mind or cutting off your new contact with your birth family. It can be hard to know that you are disappointing your family members, but it’s important that you stand up for what you want. You’ve probably spent a long time deciding that this search was the right move for you, so it’s important that you protect your rights to your personal history. If you need to, don’t hesitate to remove yourself from the conversation with your parents or exclude them from your adoption search. This is where having a trusted, supportive loved one on your side will help.
Finally, it’s important that you remember why you are pursuing your birth family information. It can be tough to be told you are “ungrateful” or “selfish” for doing so, but when your parents call you this, it’s a reflection on them — not you. Adoptees are already forced to walk a fine line all of their lives. Society tells adoptees to be grateful and celebrate their placement, but it’s also a separation that causes unresolved trauma and sadness. It’s normal to feel torn between your adoptive and birth parents as you start out on your search, but you must do what is best for you. Finding your birth parents and learning more about your personal identity does not make you a “bad” son or daughter; it just means you are naturally (and understandably) curious about where you came from. If your parents can’t see that side of your desire, it can be difficult — but you should not let them pressure you into changing your mind or feeling bad about your upcoming journey. If you’re struggling with unsupportive parents during your birth family search, consider reaching out to a local counselor experienced in adoption reunions for guidance.
On April 1, 2020, the Republic of Congo will officially become the 102nd country to enter the Hague Adoption Convention. The U.S. Department of State is currently determining whether the U.S. will process Convention adoptions from the Republic of Congo in accordance to U.S. law. The Hague Adoption Convention is an international agreement between countries, establishing safe, legal and ethical practices for the adoption of children across international borders. International adoption agencies encourage American would-be parents to always work within the Convention countries for the safest and most effective adoption process. The Department of State will post additional Republic of Congo adoption information as it becomes available. Please monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information or contact the Office of Children’s Issues with any questions.
Breastfeeding is an opportunity that many new mothers look forward to. This can be especially significant for adoptive moms who have longed to have the same experience. For many, it’s an important first step in the parenting process that they’ve been dreaming of. But even if you are not planning to breastfeed your baby yourself, there is another way to give your baby many of the same benefits — by using donated breast milk. If you’ve read about what it’s like to breastfeed an adopted baby, then you’re probably familiar with donated breast milk. Learn more about it here.
The decision of how to feed your baby is an incredibly personal one, and you are the only person who can decide whether breastfeeding (or bottle feeding using donated breast milk) is right for you. Those who choose this path often do so because of a few common benefits. Breastfeeding isn’t just great for the baby, it’s great for you, too. On one hand, you’ll have the amazing opportunity to bond. On the other, your baby will be exposed to a number of health benefits and nutrients they’ll have a hard time finding elsewhere. Although breastfeeding isn’t the right path for every mom, many consider it a great way to make sure their baby is getting their best start to life. Choosing to breastfeed is a very personal decision, so we can’t tell you if it’s right for you. You should plan to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.
Although not impossible, it can be difficult for many adoptive moms to provide enough breast milk on their own. Some moms will have easier time producing milk, while others may be prone to struggle. Both situations are normal, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re having trouble on your own. Either way, all adoptive moms will likely have to supplement their breast milk in some form to make their dreams of breastfeeding a reality. Donated breast milk can come from a variety of places, but the safest way to receive and use it is through a donation bank, hospital or someone you know and trust. Each has their own pros and cons, but we will mention that a donor through a reputable bank or hospital program is heavily screened to make sure that any milk she provides is safe. After the screening, the milk is then processed and ready to use. Although the milk donation banks receive is prioritized for certain needs, this is one of the best ways to make sure the breast milk you use is absolutely safe for your baby. If you’re struggling to find a donation bank or another safe alternative, talk to your doctor to see if they can refer you to any safe local resources. The last thing you want is to receive donated breast milk that does more harm than good.
Donated breast milk can be a great way to help new adoptive moms who are ready to nurse, but there are some things you should consider. Most importantly, you need to think about where you plan on receiving the donated breast milk from. In some cases, using informal milk sharing can have dangerous consequences You should always stay away from buying donated breast milk online. You should also stay away from those offering their services as a wet nurse, a situation that’s equally risky. While donated breast milk is readily available online, there’s no way to guarantee that it’s safe. You can’t trust everything that someone tells you online. There have been a few instances of breast milk that was purchased on the internet that actually contained cow’s milk or another type of liquid instead of the pure human milk that was advertised. This way, if the unscreened donor can’t make enough milk, they can still make a profit by pretending there is more volume in each package. Unfortunately, there’s no way to tell if the milk you’re purchasing is 100 percent human milk. While there are some women who are milk‐sharing out of the kindness of their hearts, not everyone has the same values. Another risk is the presence of bacteria and other harmful viruses. And you can’t be certain of how well the milk was stored before it reaches you and if it’s safe to use. Taking a chance on an unscreened donor means that you don’t know what exactly is in the milk you’re purchasing. While it is possible to have a successful experience through informal milk sharing, it’s important to be cautious. Unless you know the donor extremely well, using this method to give and receive breast milk is generally unsafe. You’ll have to be the one to determine if the risks are worth it. Although you might have an easier time receiving donated breast milk through informal sharing, it should only be from a friend or someone you know just as well. While this isn’t the best way to eliminate any potential risks, it’s much better than reaching out to someone you don’t know or have never met in person.
With enough knowledge, you can rest assured that any donated breast milk you use is perfectly safe for your baby. To learn more about donated breast milk, reach out to the following resources:
If you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent, there’s a lot you have to consider. Will there be enough room in your home for another child? Are you prepared for the joy and sadness when a foster child returns to their biological parents? Most importantly, have you thought about what you’ll say to the kids already in your household? How can you explain foster care in a way that’s easy for them to grasp? Thankfully, there are many ways that you can explain foster care to your child in an age‐appropriate way. No matter how your other children came to your family – biologically or through infant adoption or foster care – here are some ways that you can explain foster care to your kids.
If you’re about to prepare your children for life with a foster child, here are some tips for handling that difficult conversation.
When a child learns about foster care, it’s natural for them to be curious about what life is like for a foster child. These are just a few questions that you might get from your children, as well as some age‐appropriate ways for handling them.
Your children might have questions about foster care for a long time. It’s your job to answer them in the best age‐appropriate way you can. Getting to experience the need for foster families firsthand can be a great way to familiarize your child with the need for permanent homes for other children. It will also open up their hearts to how other children live and impact them for years to come. If you’re looking for more ideas on how to explain foster care to your child, please contact your local foster care organization.
Ah, the new year. The slate is clean, hopes are high, and motivation is strong. It’s a great time to think about what you want to achieve in the year ahead and start making plans to reach those resolutions. If you’re like many hopeful parents, one of your priorities may be adopting a baby in 2020. If so, here are six goals you can set for yourself as you embark on your adoption journey this year. No matter how far you get in the process, setting — and keeping — these resolutions will make your adoption that much easier.
There are few topics as complex and beautiful as adoption. When you’re new to the process, it can all be a little overwhelming. You probably have questions and concerns about open adoption, what it’s like to parent an adopted child and more. Take the time to learn as much as you can about these topics, and you will be better prepared for the journey ahead. Here are just a few of the ways you can educate yourself on adoption in 2020:
Of all the adoption topics you can learn about, the most important might be the adoptee experience. Adoption is a lifelong process for everyone involved — but especially for the adopted child. Before even bringing your child home, it’s important to understand how this experience will affect them and what you can do as a parent to help them develop a strong sense of identity. Know how you will talk about adoption with your child, how you will address their feelings of grief and loss, and more. Make a point of learning from other adoptee voices, and make it a goal to have a plan in place by the time you bring your baby home. At the same time, adoptive parents also have plenty to learn from the other side of the adoption triad — birth families. Unfortunately, there are some persistent myths about birth mothers out there. Educate yourself about potential birth parents and the process they go through to place a baby for adoption, and let go of any preconceived ideas you might have about who birth parents are and why they make this choice. Talk to birth parents about the things they wish adoptive parents knew or, if you don’t know any birth parents personally, read their stories online.
If you plan on adopting a baby, chances are you will need to create a profile that prospective birth parents can look at as they search for adoptive parents. Exactly what you include in this profile and how you create it may vary depending on the adoption professional you work with — but in every case, you will need to include a variety of current, high-quality photos. You can get ahead of this process by thinking about the types of photos you want to showcase in your profile. These don’t need to be professional, posed shots — in fact, prospective birth parents would rather see you and your family in action! Keep this in mind during any upcoming activities, vacations and family get-togethers, and look for photo opportunities that capture day-to-day life with your family. It is also a good idea to gather a few photos of your home, pets and extended family, as well. Start a special folder on your computer to save any pictures you may want to use in your adoption profile. Make a goal to have everything you need saved in one, easy-to-find location — this will speed your process up when it is time to put your adoption profile together.
For most families, it takes careful planning and preparation to afford the costs of adoption — and the new year is a great time to set some financial goals that will get you closer to covering your adoption budget. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Choosing an adoption professional is one of the first and most important steps you will take in your entire process. If you haven’t already committed to an agency or attorney, make that one of your first goals in 2020. Research the different types of adoption professionals and determine which will fit your needs, then spend some time contacting various agencies and reading their reviews. Look for an agency that responds in a timely fashion, provides honest answers to your questions and offers all of the services you need for a successful adoption. The professional you choose will set the tone for the rest of the process, and they’ll be there to guide you each step of the way. Make selecting the right adoption agency one of your resolutions for the new year, and you’ll be well on your way to reaching your 2020 adoption goals!
Whatever other goals you set in 2020, one of the best things you can do for yourself (and your adoption process) is to stay organized. Make to-do lists, save copies of all your paperwork in a centralized location, and set reminders when it is time to update any of your home study documents or background clearances. If you make organization a goal from the get-go, the process will be much smoother in the months to come!
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If you are hoping to adopt, what are some of your goals and resolutions for 2020? Let us know in the comments below!
This month not only marks the end of 2019 but the end of a decade that has brought substantial change to the adoption industry. When looking back on adoption history, it’s amazing to recognize where we’ve come from — and where we’re heading in the next decade. So, in that spirit, we’ve explored six of the biggest changes we’ve seen over the last 10 years. We applaud the direction the adoption industry is taking, and we look forward to the positive changes we can expect in 2020 and the years to follow!
After decades of civil rights fights, LGBT individuals finally received the ability to marry a person of the same sex, thanks to the landmark ruling of Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015. But this ruling not only allowed LGBT couples to get married; it also changed how they could build their families. Many LGBT would-be families were prohibited from adopting with certain agencies and departments prior to this ruling — but it wasn’t outwardly because of their sexual orientation. Instead, many adoption professionals required that adoptive couples be married to be eligible. So, when LGBT individuals could not marry in their own state, they were effectively prohibited from adoption. Obergefell v. Hodges changed that forever. Now, LGBT individuals can marry in any state and have their union upheld throughout the U.S. They also have the right to adopt as a married couple, if they so desire. While there are still battles to won for discrimination based on religious beliefs, and international adoption presents a whole different set of challenges, LGBT individuals are freer than ever to build their family the way they want to in the United States.
It’s no secret that international adoption numbers have been on the decline. In fact, the U.S. Department of State released numbers this year showing that international adoptions have declined more than 84 percent since 2004. That number is only expected to grow in the years to come. There are a few reasons for this. Throughout the last 10 years, politics have played a huge role. In 2012, Russia banned Americans from adopting Russian children, stopping adoptions from one of the most popular countries for American would-be parents. Before 2012, Americans had completed more than 46,000 Russian adoptions. The ban was a result of strained diplomatic relationships between the two countries for years, and it doesn’t appear to be reversed anytime soon. Russia isn’t the only country cracking down on international adoption. In the last 10 years, major countries such as Ethiopia, China, South Korea and Guatemala have either completely banned or set major restrictions on international adoption to the U.S. It’s a reflection of recent investigations into unethical adoption practices and processes, many of which harm the child at the center of the process. Of course, issues with international adoption aren’t just confined to children adopted within the last decade. With the increased pressure on undocumented residents in the U.S., many international adoptees in their 20s and 30s have discovered they actually aren’t American citizens — and some have even been deported to their countries of birth. Without major change, it appears that international adoption is a family-building process on its way out.
The 2010s saw the explosion of services like 23andMe and Ancestry, designed to help the everyday person connect with their biological heritage. But these services were especially important for the millions of adoptees with no connection to their birth family. Countless stories were reported over the last 10 years about adoptees and birth parents being reunited after years and even decades of searching for each other. While DNA testing services bring positives for many adoptees and birth families, they’ve also changed the closed adoption landscape. Today, birth parents that choose a closed adoption (or semi-open adoption with limited contact) aren’t provided the same privacy as they might have been decades ago. Today, any birth family can be found with a quick swipe of the cheek, leading to just as many disappointing reunions as joyful ones. DNA testing services have also caused just as much heartbreak among those who may not have known they were adopted, revealing unfaithful spouses and untruthful parents.
On the same note, social media services like Facebook allowed for greater access to family connections than ever before. While DNA services may have revealed who biological relatives were, social media allowed adoptees to easily find and contact them in a neutral space. Social media has also become a great contact option for developing and maintaining open adoption relationships. The ease of sending messages and photos back and forth has allowed adoptive parents to keep their children’s birth parents up-to-date on their children’s lives, without all the back-and-forth required with agency mediation. It’s also a source for good when it comes to sharing positive adoption stories. We’ve all seen the viral stories of successful adoption hearings, reunions and more. Social media allows that positivity to be easily spread to millions of people, bringing more awareness about the adoption process and helping people understand just how wonderful it really is.
For decades, adoption legislation favored the rights of a birth parent to remain anonymous — without considering the negative effects that privacy would have on an adoptee searching for their biological identity. Fortunately, advocates have made great strides in the last decade to protect an adoptee’s right to their original birth certificate and birth information. New York is just one of the most recent states to open up adoption records. Over the last 10 years, states including New Jersey, Indiana, Oregon, and Pennsylvania have opened up adoptees’ access to original birth certificates. While the national landscape for openness in adoption records is more progressive than ever, there are still dozens of states that restrict an adoptee’s rights to their most basic personal information. But new legislation is in the works in several states, and we hope to see the trend of openness continuing in the 2020s.
This decade saw the premiere of our favorite adoption-themed TV show: “This is Us.” Following the story of parents Rebecca and Jack and children Kevin, Kate and Randall, the show addresses all the complications and joys of a transracial adoption, from birth to decades later. And, like with many popular adoption references in the 2010s, writers on the show aren’t afraid to show the challenges of adoption and its reality in the U.S. today. Take “Lion,” for example. It’s a movie based on a true story of an adopted Indian boy, who returns to his home country in search of the birth parents he was accidentally separated from at an early age. The movie includes all the heartbreak of losing and eventually finding birth family, as well as the complications that brings to the son’s relationship with his adoptive parents. Other standouts from the decade include “Philomena,” “Instant Family,” and the “Despicable Me” series.
The 2010s was a great decade for adoption. It ushered in some major changes that will carry through in the years and decades to come. Here at Considering Adoption, we’re excited for a future where adoption is a normalized, positive part of everyday life. What were some of your favorite adoption moments from this decade? Let us know in the comments!
Every year, we love to look back on the positive adoption moments from the last 12 months. Let’s be real — adoption can be really challenging, so we want to celebrate and cherish the joys of the process, too! So, without further ado, check out seven of the most heartwarming adoption stories that 2019 brought us this year!
When foster parents showed up to finalize the adoption of their foster child Michael, they weren’t alone. Accompanying them was Michael’s entire kindergarten class. After fostering Michael for a year, his mother floated the idea of inviting his class to his adoption hearing — and his teacher loved the idea. Together, they organized the outing, where Michael’s fellow students supported him with big red hearts mounted on wooden sticks. When the judge asked everyone in the room to explain what Michael meant to them, his classmates didn’t disappoint, saying “Michael’s my best friend” and “I love Michael.” Watch the video below for the whole heartwarming story:
When Melissa and Carl heard there was a baby girl in California waiting for them, they quickly booked a Southwest flight to their destination. And, when their flight attendant asked if there were any special celebrations on board, Melissa timidly told the flight attendant they were on their way to get a baby. To help celebrate the parents-to-be, two flight attendants asked the other passengers to write down well wishes for the couple — but that wasn’t all. When Melissa and Carl landed at their destination, Southwest employees welcomed them with handmade signs and a Southwest-inspired baby kit.
This couple got to the airport as fast as they could when it came time to meet their new family member. What they saw when they landed took them completely by surprise. pic.twitter.com/BfKcROdK5M — Southwest Airlines (@SouthwestAir) July 24, 2019
This couple got to the airport as fast as they could when it came time to meet their new family member. What they saw when they landed took them completely by surprise. pic.twitter.com/BfKcROdK5M
— Southwest Airlines (@SouthwestAir) July 24, 2019
When 4-year-old Gabby, adopted from China, told the story of meeting her parents for the first time, she melted hearts all over the world. Her mother recorded a clip of Gabby recalling her adoption story for her mom, saying how she and her younger sister Lily were “very excited to meet you and our daddy.” Her sweetest words come just a few moments later, when she asks her mother if she knew what happened to Gabby’s heart when she first saw her mother. “Well, when the first time I saw you, my heart fell in love with you,” Gabby says. Watch her tell her story below:
When Gabrielle and Shannon Fessenden first began fostering, they already had two biological children. But, when they first browsed the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange’s website, they quickly fell in love with three siblings — Jordan, Jay and Myah — who would be separated if they didn’t find a home together soon. So, Shannon and Gabrielle stepped up and, one year later, the three siblings were adopted by the couple. In the years to come, they would find that the siblings’ birth mother would have three more children. Each of these children would end up finding a home with Shannon and Gabrielle, who are now happy parents to 10 children. “It’s never quiet. There’s lots of love and chaos,” Gabrielle told “Good Morning America.” “There’s always scampering feet, laughing and giggling, running. Our family’s hashtag is #theresneveradullmoment.”
Liz Smith had plans to become a mom but, as a single pediatric nurse, she put the idea on the backburner after unsuccessful attempts at sperm donation, IUI, and IVF. But, her life changed forever one day working at Boston’s Franciscan Children’s Hospital. There, she met Gisele — a premature baby who would become her daughter. Gisele was born at 29 weeks, weighing less than two pounds, after exposure to narcotics during pregnancy. While Smith’s original goal was to reunite Gisele with her birth parents, when they failed to meet reunification requirements, Smith stepped in to be the parent Giselle needed. “You love them so much that you can’t imagine anything else,” Smith said.
Hopeful adoptive couple Andie and Danny chose adoption knowing pregnancy would be hard for Andie as a type 1 diabetic. But, they couldn’t have imagined how hard adoption would be, too. In early 2017, the couple was matched with a prospective birth mother six weeks before the due date. After the baby was born, Andie and Danny were able to take care of them for the first two days — but the birth mom changed her mind, leaving them heartbroken. But it was all meant to be — because it led them to their son, Cooper. Watch their whole story below:
It was 70 years ago that Elizabeth Pullen placed her daughter for adoption. And it was this summer that she finally got to meet her daughter, Lynn, for the first time. The reunion was made possible by Pullen’s granddaughter, who took a DNA test and noticed a name she’d never seen before. The woman was Lynn Wray, who had written on her profile, “I am adopted, and I have never met my birth family.” Pullen’s granddaughter reached out right away, eventually leading to a reunion between Pullen and Wray for the first time since Wray’s birth in 1949. Her granddaughter photographed and recorded the reunion. “When you give a gift, you know someday it’s going to return. I knew I’d find her. I knew that was in God’s plan. I knew that I would see her someday,” Pullen told Inside Edition.
It’s clear that 2019 was a beautiful year for adoption moments — and we look forward to seeing more to celebrate in 2020 and the decade ahead! What were some of your favorite adoption moments from 2019? Drop them in the comments below!
For many, the holidays are something to look forward to all year long. This season gives us an opportunity to celebrate with loved ones, take part in cherished family traditions and make lasting childhood memories. And, if it’s your first holiday season with your newly adopted child, you might be especially excited to include them in the fun. But these wonderful moments are also exactly what can make the holidays complicated for many people — including children who were adopted at an older age. Whether it’s your child’s first Christmas in your home or you’ve celebrated several holidays together, this time of year can bring up some conflicting feelings. It’s important for any parent to be mindful of that and to take steps to make sure their child is comfortable. Here are five things you can do to help make your child’s first holiday in your home as merry and bright as possible:
Between community events, volunteer opportunities and celebrations with friends and family, it can be easy to over-schedule yourself during the holiday season. This can be overwhelming for anyone, but especially for a child who is new to your family and traditions. Consider scaling back on the number of events you attend this year, and make sure to leave plenty of room in your schedule for downtime. Also remember that your child may be overwhelmed meeting lots of extended relatives right away; if you are still in the “cocooning” phase, it may be wise to limit the number of people you celebrate with this year to your closest friends and family. In addition, you might offer to host the festivities at your home this year. Your child’s daily routines are already being disrupted by new people and new holiday traditions — being in a familiar environment can make these changes a little easier to handle. Plus, it can give them an “out” if they start to feel overwhelmed and need to spend some time alone in their room, for example.
By now, your holiday traditions are likely well-established. Eating a special breakfast, attending a religious service or going to Grandma’s house for Christmas dinner may be so natural to you, you don’t think to explain these customs to your new child. But preparing your child for what to expect can go a long way in making them feel comfortable and included in the festivities. Before hosting or attending any celebrations, talk to your child about how you expect the day to go. Explain where you’re going, how you’ll get there, who you’ll see, how long you’ll stay and what you’ll do while you’re there. This conversation will help alleviate some of the anxiety your child might have about participating in unfamiliar traditions or fitting in with the rest of the family. And, speaking of preparations — it’s also a good idea to prepare your loved ones for what to expect from your child. Let your friends and family members know ahead of time about any dietary restrictions, cultural or religious differences, behavioral challenges, specific concerns or other needs your child may have.
When an older child joins your family, they may have their own established beliefs and traditions that differ from yours. Talk to your child about how they’ve celebrated the holidays in the past, and incorporate those traditions into your family’s festivities. If your child has a different religious or cultural background from yours, take the time to learn about those holiday customs. Blending those beliefs and practices with your own can help you create new traditions and make your child feel like a valued member of the family.
When you adopt a child internationally or from foster care, open adoption may not always be possible. However, when it is safe and healthy to do so, helping your child to maintain relationships with their loved ones can be very beneficial. Depending on the situation, you may consider arranging a time to celebrate with your child’s siblings, birth parents or even prior foster families. Alternatively, if you have up-to-date addresses, you can assist your child in sending small gifts, cards or care packages. If direct contact with your child’s birth family isn’t possible, there are other things you can do to help your child feel connected to them during the holidays. You might include them in family prayers, donate to charities that support struggling families in your community, hang a special ornament in their honor, or help your child write a letter or create a special gift for them, even if it won’t be delivered right away. This is an emotional time of year, and your child may be anxious about whether their loved ones are doing okay. If possible, reach out to former caseworkers to see if they have any updates about your child’s birth family. At a minimum, knowing that their relatives are safe, warm and cared for can ease your child’s worries.
Let go of the expectation that your child is nothing but joyful, grateful and excited during the holidays. The grief and loss adoptees feel is very real — and those feelings may be especially pronounced during this time of year. It’s important for parents to understand that and be aware of the emotions their child might be wrestling with. Keep in mind that grief can be expressed in many ways; your child may withdraw, rebel, have temper tantrums, become withdrawn, revert back to younger behaviors, etc. Do your best to be patient during this time, and try to identify the feelings behind those behaviors. Acknowledge and validate those difficult feelings, and make sure your child knows you are always there to talk and to listen when they need you. Navigating the holidays with a newly adopted child may require a little preparation, sensitivity and flexibility — but it is always worth taking the extra time and care to ensure your first holiday season as a family is a positive and memorable one. If your child is having a particularly hard time this holiday season, or if you just need more guidance and suggestions, don’t be afraid to reach out to your caseworker or a licensed counselor.
