I’ll never forget looking at the profiles of prospective adoptive parents that my adoption agent provided me with. My son was 6 months old at the time, and I was very specific about what I was looking for with potential adoptive parents for him. It turns out, the profile I picked ended up being the perfect match for my son and me.
What stood out to me the most about the adoptive parents’ profile was their obvious genuineness. I needed to find a prospective adoptive couple that I trusted, and that meant that I needed them to be genuine from the start. Prospective birth mothers may all be looking for different specifics in potential adoptive parent profiles, but we are also all looking for a potential adoptive couple that we can trust with our child.
As a potential adoptive parent, you may be wondering how to create an adoption profile that will stand out to a birth mother.
The first and most important tip for your profile is this: Be genuine.
Prospective birth mothers may be looking for something specific, but most importantly, we are interested in who you are. Perhaps you believe in a specific religion, but you are compassionate to other beliefs. The compassion you show in your profile will mean more to a prospective birth mother than the religious beliefs themselves. No matter what you decide you want to share about yourself, make sure you share it in a heartfelt way.
Every birth mother may be looking for something different, but honesty and transparency are the most important pieces of the puzzle for her. She wants to know that her child will be in good hands, and that your environment matches the one she is looking for her child. Don’t be afraid to get creative with your adoption profile if it suits your personalities. Traditional values may mean a more traditional profile. Whatever the picture being painted looks like, use the adoption profile to achieve it. Adoptive parent profiles should be fun to create and exciting to view.
Good luck on your search, adoptive parents! I know the right birth mother is out there for you all, so hang tight and be patient!
-Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
As a woman who has faced an unexpected pregnancy, I know how difficult it can be to balance life. Not only did I have to figure out how I was going to re-structure my life for a baby, but I also had to maintain health during my pregnancy. Choosing adoption adds more stress into the mix, as prospective birth mothers have to make a significant decision about choosing adoption itself and who they will choose as adoptive parents, as well.
The steps of the adoption process can seem overwhelming, even with the help of an adoption professional. However, with the right balance in your life and the appropriate forms of support, choosing adoption while remaining healthy during a pregnancy can be accomplished.
There are many aspects of pregnancy health that need to be considered during any pregnancy — and especially during a pregnancy that will result in an adoption. Not one factor is more important than the other, as the overall health of mom and baby is crucial during any unplanned pregnancy. The components of health to be maintained during a pregnancy and adoption process are financial, nutritional, medical, spiritual, mental and personal health, in no specific order.
Many women who choose adoption may require financial assistance from their adoption agency during a pregnancy and adoption process. The good news is that many states allow for adoption-related expenses, and even living expenses, to be paid for by the adoption agency that will be facilitating the adoption. Finances are stressful enough for most people, let alone women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and choosing adoption. Please speak with your adoption professional to have them assess you for any financial assistance for adoption that you may qualify for.
We hear it all the time: “Eat healthy, especially when pregnant.” But, why does it matter so much? Don’t I have enough stress on my plate during adoption without having to monitor everything I eat?
The truth is, pregnancy means you are not only responsible for your own physical health but the health of your baby, as well. Even if you are choosing adoption after you deliver the baby, you are still responsible for the growth and development of that life while it is inside your womb. Many state governments across the country offer a program that is known as WIC, which stands for Women, Infants and Children. WIC focuses on healthy nutrition and other healthy habits for women who need extra assistance during a pregnancy up until their baby turns 1 year old. Please check with your county’s Health and Human Services Department to determine if you qualify for any nutritional benefits they may offer, whether it be WIC or even additional food assistance.
One of the first aspects of health that a woman learning of an unplanned pregnancy should look at is her medical health. Finding a doctor as soon as you realize you are pregnant and keeping up with appointments is critical to not only baby’s health during pregnancy but also mom’s health during pregnancy.
I highly recommend finding a doctor whose beliefs line up with yours regarding what you want your pregnancy to be like. There are many doctors out there who can help you; the key is finding the right fit for you. Some women prefer to work with a midwife and have a more natural pregnancy and delivery. Other women prefer to be advised by an OBGYN who will guide them through every step with their medical expertise. Whatever health care provider you choose, make sure to follow through on all of your recommended pregnancy care.
One of my greatest struggles during adoption was remaining strong in my spirit, despite all the chaos and betrayal that I felt was around me. I needed supportive and faithful relationships during my adoption, but they were hard to be found. One of the most helpful people I could turn to was my adoption agent. She was incredibly supportive, would listen to me cry and would revel in moments of joy with me. However, she wasn’t my faith. My faith was my God, and I spent quite a bit of time in prayer. As far as when I felt alone and needed to express myself, I used a diary. The diary I kept during my adoption process ended up revealing a great testimony of the Power of God in my life, and His restorative powers.
It is up to each prospective birth mother to determine what tools she can implement within her own adoption process to help her get through the process. Once you find something that helps you cope, don’t give it up, and remember to be faithful to your own beliefs and not the slew of voices that may be full of judgement and condemnation.
I have struggled with mental health issues for a long time, and they ramped up during my pregnancy and throughout my adoption process. One of the best things I did for myself was to obtain adoption counseling. I had asked my adoption agent for assistance with paying for it and was able to attend counseling with a therapist I trusted during my adoption process. I also stuck close to my treatment team during my pregnancy for support.
If you are a woman who has struggled with mental health before pregnancy, be sure to see your psychiatrist. There are certain medications that are safe during pregnancy, while others are unsafe for your baby. If you are a woman who may be experiencing depression for the first time in your life during your unplanned pregnancy, then talk to your doctor. A doctor can refer you to a mental health professional who can assess you for any needs you may have and begin a treatment plan specific for you.
This is the part of a general health assessment that may seem the most difficult to deal with: personal relationships. When I decided on adoption, I had very little support from friends and family. I felt very alone most of the time and confused as to why I was facing so much judgement and condemnation. I had to take a step away from many of the relationships I had in my life, as they began to reveal themselves as the toxic relationships they had always been.
If you are accurately assessing the personal relationships in your life while going through an adoption process, you may find that you need to set up extra boundaries with others or even step away from a relationship for a while. I can promise you that with time and walking a path of healing, some of these relationships may not only be restored but can be stronger than ever in the future.
If you are a woman considering adoption and trying to balance your health during an adoption, please know that there is support available to you. If you have already chosen an adoption agency, then be sure to communicate your needs and struggles to your adoption professional. If you haven’t chosen an adoption agency yet, then do your research first. Adoption agencies, whether local or national, offer additional free resources to prospective birth mothers. Be sure to ask what resources are available to you before you commit to working with a specific agency.
Please feel free to reach out to an adoption agency like American Adoptions for any kind of help you need (1-800-ADOPTION). Even if they can’t provide you the resource you need, they should be able to refer you to an organization or resource that can assist.
Balancing all aspects of health during pregnancy may seem daunting, but with the right support, you can have a healthy and happy pregnancy even with an adoption decision.
I chose adoption seven years ago — when my heart was so broken, I couldn’t find the pieces to put myself back together. I knew that adoption was the right decision for me and for my child, but knowing that didn’t change the hurt that I experienced. My life felt like an absolute mess when I chose adoption, and I didn’t know how I would ever come out of the fog. I had so many hurts from my past, and they all seemed to resurface when I faced my adoption decision.
In the moment that I made up my mind regarding adoption, I found a strength within me that I didn’t know I had. It was almost as if there was some Creative Force supplying me with courage so that I could get through my adoption process and commence a path of healing.
The strength I found inside of me was something I knew as soon as I felt it. It was the Love of God. My God. I have heard many people say to me throughout my life, “You are strong. You can do this.” The truth is, on my own, I am weak. I need a faith to elevate me to higher places of insight and wisdom.
No matter what your beliefs are, everyone has a foundation of a faith. Whether you believe in God, yourself, nature or some other creative being, there is a place within us reserved for strength and courage. I was able to begin to tap into my faith during my adoption process. No matter how hard it got, I had a foundation to lean on. While it didn’t feel stable, looking back, it was just enough for what I needed at the time.
So, if you find yourself needing strength and courage during an adoption process, please search diligently within yourself to find your faith. Perhaps these songs, their lyrics and the accompanying tune will help guide you to find a place of strength and courage within yourself. As you listen to these songs, consider what you believe in, who you believe in, and how you can apply that faith to your adoption situation. No matter what you are going through in your adoption process, know that you are not alone.
If I can get through adoption and come out the other side as a healing testimony, then you can get through it as well. There is healing on the other side.
While you are listening to the following playlist, please consider asking yourself some of the following questions:
Feel free to journal about your answers. How you go through the questions is up to you. The most important part of asking yourself these questions is to answer them honestly. If we can’t be honest with ourselves, then we shall never find true freedom.
For those of you who are ready for it, please soak yourselves in this playlist, and hopefully you will find a song that expresses your soul, speaks to your heart, and helps you in identifying your own strength and courage. I promise you: strength and courage in adoption can be found by searching diligently through your faith.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=EPJSkSn7rt0
Please always remember, you are never alone. If you are really struggling with your adoption decision, and you would like to talk to someone, please reach out to your support system. You don’t have to go through this alone.
If you can’t find anyone to talk to, consider calling an adoption agency like American Adoptions and asking about healing resources available to you, including unplanned pregnancy and adoption counseling. Remember, strength and courage may only be one more song away!
With the recent reorganizing of and new restrictions on adopting internationally as a U.S. citizen, it’s a good idea for all hopeful parents considering this path to understand how international adoption works. How exactly does the U.S. Department of State oversee international adoption? What are its requirements for parents, and what are the different steps of the process?
A wealth of information is available on the Bureau of Consular Affairs’ website, but we’ve broken down the basics of this legal process below:
Any adoption completed by U.S. citizens in another country is subject to the regulations and approval of the U.S. Department of State before a child can be brought into the country. The U.S. Department of State not only oversees adoptive parents and internationally adopted children but also the professionals who provide services to these parents. When this agency’s regulations and requirements change, as they have under the Trump administration, the approval that certain professionals have expires, and adoptive families have to follow different steps to safely and legally adopt a child from another country.
For example, adoptive families today must pay an additional $500 intercountry adoption fee after one of two accrediting agencies halted their business. This, in turn, came from a new reinterpretation of state department requirements for accrediting agencies.
Like any other adoption agency, those agencies and professionals providing international adoption services must be accredited by the U.S. government to complete legal and safe adoptions. So, the Department of State’s influence on the accreditation of these professionals plays a direct role in how many providers are available to hopeful parents and, therefore, which countries they may be able to adopt from.
As part of its international adoption regulations, the Department of State requires several legal steps in this process to protect adopted children from deportation and adoptive parents from criminal repercussions.
The Hague Convention on the Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption is an international agreement between countries, enacted to protect the children at the center of the adoption process. The Hague Convention established a set of standards that all nations in the agreement must comply with.
This includes:
The U.S. Department of State provides a step-by-step Hague process explanation for prospective adoptive parents. Anyone who adopts from a non-Hague country will still need to follow the Hague requirements for the process in the U.S., but they need not follow the same regulations in the country where their child is adopted.
If you are considering adopting a child from a Hague-member nation, you will need to work with a properly accredited adoption professional both in the U.S. and in your child’s home country. These professionals can explain a bit more about the particular process awaiting you. There will be certain pre-placement requirements to meet, like completing an international home study.
Once you decide where you wish to adopt from, you will need to apply for adoption eligibility. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services will be the agency that determines your eligibility. They will review your forms, only after which will you be able to start your search for an adoption opportunity.
Once you have worked with an adoption professional in another country to obtain a placement and adopt your child, you will need to have the proper paperwork to return back to the U.S. While you will already have a passport, your new child will need a visa to enter the United States as your adopted child.
Visas are issued at the U.S. Embassy or Consulate in the foreign country where a child was adopted. It’s important that a child is eligible for an immigrant visa under the U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act. If you work with a U.S. adoption agency, they will typically ensure any adoption opportunity presented to you meets those requirements.
Again, there are two separate paths to obtaining a child’s visa, dependent upon whether or not he or she was adopted from a Hague nation. After you have taken custody of your child, you will complete the application process at the local U.S. Embassy, which includes a visa interview and requires the submission of an adoption or guardianship order.
There are two kinds of visas given out for international adoptions:
If a child is brought into the United States on an IH-3 Visa, their certificate of citizenship should be sent to adoptive parents by the USCIS auto matically. If a child is brought into the country on an IH-4 Visa, their adoption must be finalized in the U.S. before they can file the federal application for a certificate of citizenship.
Many attorneys in the United States will finalize adoptions or complete re-adoptions within the U.S. to protect adoptees and their American parents. Talk with a local attorney to learn more about what additional legal steps may be required in your situation.
In addition, always speak with an accredited adoption agency or a representative from the Department of State about any questions you have regarding the legal requirements of international adoption.
When the second Sunday in May rolls around, people make a great deal of celebration about the women who are currently parenting children — whether those children are biological, adopted or conceived through assisted reproductive technology. But, there’s another group of women who often don’t receive the same praise and recognition — birth mothers.
Just because a woman is not raising the child she has given birth to doesn’t mean that she is any less of a mother. In fact, the women who choose to place their children for adoption are often the bravest kind of mothers — women who have made the selfless choice to give their child the best opportunities in life with another set of parents.
If you are an adoptive parent, you know how important your child’s birth mother’s decision was. After all, hers was the choice that led your child to you. However, knowing how to celebrate your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day can be complicated, especially when you’ve waited so long to celebrate this day yourself. While Birth Mother’s Day is traditionally celebrated the first Saturday in May, you can also make your child’s birth mother an important part of Mother’s Day, as well.
Remember, every adoption is different, and only you will know what is best for your child, your family and your adoption relationship. Below, find a few suggestions for acknowledging your child’s birth mother on this important day.
If you have an open adoption, your child likely has a personal relationship with their birth mother. Whether that’s through in-person visits, texts or emails, they are able to communicate with their birth mother — who may have a more active role in their life than birth mothers in more closed adoptions. Therefore, your child’s celebration of their birth mother may be more personal, as well.
Depending on every party’s comfort level, you may consider these ideas:
Whatever you and your child decide to do, make sure that your appreciation is from the heart. Mother’s Day is difficult for many birth mothers, no matter their satisfaction with their adoption, and taking the time to make her feel heard will help her through any challenging emotions she has.
Children in open adoptions understand the different roles their adoptive mothers and birth mothers play in their life. Don’t hesitate to celebrate their birth mothers for fear they will be confused about these roles. Even children adopted at an older age from foster care reserve different roles and emotions for the two mothers in their lives.
If you have a mediated adoption relationship, it may be a bit more difficult to directly acknowledge your child’s birth mother — but that doesn’t mean you should forget this step. Work with your agency to send a special photo and letter package for Mother’s Day, or consider sending a small gift or bouquet of flowers through your agency, if possible.
Your child may naturally have an increase in questions about their birth mother as they prepare for Mother’s Day at their school and other extracurricular activities. Whether or not you can answer their questions with the information you have, make sure to address their queries in a positive way. Answer what you can and be honest about those questions you can’t answer. No matter what, make sure you express your appreciation and love for your child’s birth mother and remind your child to do the same.
Even if you have little information about your child’s birth mother (or the information you have could put your child at risk), make sure you talk about her in a positive way. Whatever situation your child’s birth mother was in that made her choose this path or caused the authorities to place your child in foster care, your child did end up in the best situation possible for them.
Again, help your child understand that their birth mother loved them very much, no matter what led to their adoption. Even if you cannot directly express your appreciation to the birth mother, consider celebrating her in other ways, like:
Remember, whatever you do to celebrate your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day, it is quite literally the thought that counts. It’s not parenting or genetic connection that makes a mother; it’s love, which birth mothers (as well as adoptive mothers) have plenty of, regardless of their situation. They are an important part of your child’s history and identity and deserve just as much recognition as any other woman on this special day.
May is National Foster Care Month, a time to recognize the role we can each play in enhancing the lives of children and youth in foster care. It’s also a time to acknowledge the many foster parents, family members, volunteers, mentors, policymakers, child welfare professionals and other members of the community who are already doing their part to support these children.
Included in this group is a very special type of foster parent: kinship caregivers. Often, when a child enters foster care, child welfare agencies will first turn to that child’s relatives for placement. This is done in an attempt to help the child maintain important connections with his or her family. With the theme for this year’s National Adoption Month being It’s All Relative: Supporting Kinship Connections, now is a time to celebrate and support these family members who step forward when a child’s parents are unable to care for them.
Here are five things you should know about kinship foster care this National Foster Care Month:
Some children may be placed with their relatives privately (informal kinship care), while others are formally placed in kinship care by a child welfare agency (public kinship care or kinship foster care). Informal kinship care arrangements may or may not involve legal processes (like a temporary guardianship) to recognize the caregiver’s role and are often done before a local child welfare agency becomes involved.
Relatives may also have the opportunity to permanently adopt the children in their care if their parents’ rights are legally terminated. For grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives raising children informally, a formal relative adoption may provide their family with more permanency and stability.
Child welfare agencies attempt to place children with biological relatives whenever possible. This is done in the child’s best interest to help ease the transition of being removed from their home and their parents.
Research suggests that children in kinship care are often better able to adjust to their new environment, less likely to experience school or behavioral problems, and less likely to be moved than children in non-relative foster homes.
An estimated 2.7 million children — 4 percent of all kids in the U.S. — are being raised by grandparents or other kinship caregivers. One-quarter of children in foster care are placed with relatives, and it’s estimated that many more children are being raised by grandparents or other relatives outside of the foster system.
Like any other foster family, relative caregivers are often eligible for financial assistance through their child welfare agency, as well as services like therapy and counseling, respite care and more. If you are currently raising a grandchild, niece, nephew or other relative in your home, talk to your caseworker about these services, and take advantage of the resources that are available to you!
With so many children being raised by relatives other than their biological parents, chances are you may know someone in your own community who is currently raising a child in kinship care. Like anyone raising a child, these caregivers deal with the same kind of emotional, financial and physical stress — but it’s often amplified because of the unique situation their child is in.
The next time you speak with a kinship caregiver, take the time to offer them support in whatever way you can. Perhaps cook them a meal, or offer childcare services so they can have an evening to their selves. Find local support groups for kinship caregivers, and support them with donations.
If you are raising a relative in your home, seek out local support groups and online support groups to connect with others in similar situations. It can be lonely to be a kinship caregiver, but learning from others can make the process a little easier.
Remember, children are placed into the custody of kinship caregivers for many reasons — whether by parents themselves or through a child welfare agency. Celebrating the work of these caregivers is an important part of understanding the many types of families in the world and the love that connects us all.
