The Peruvian government has announced a suspension of all domestic and international adoptions pending an internal review of adoption procedures and cases over the past five years. Peruvian officials say this review stems, in part, from concerns related to post-adoption reporting compliance. The Department of State is working with the Peruvian Central Authority to seek more information on the terms of the suspension and to address concerns involving adoptions to the United States. For updated information, continue to monitor adoption.state.gov.
The Department of State issued a statement Friday discouraging U.S. families from beginning the international adoption process in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). Despite the Congolese government’s recent approval of exit visas for some children in exceptional circumstances, the exit permit suspension for adoption remains fully in effect at this time. There are no exceptions to the exit permit suspension for adoptions by relatives, prospective adoptive parents of Congolese descent, or any prospective adoptive parents who intend to take their child out of the DRC for the purpose of immigration, even where one parent maintains Congolese citizenship. The suspension will remain in effect until new adoption laws are passed and enacted. The Congolese government has not provided a timeline for when such laws might be passed. The statement also noted that the Department of State continues to advocate for families whose already adopted children have not received exit visas. Questions or concerns about the DRC exit permit suspension can be directed to ExitPermitSuspensionDRC@state.gov, or 1 (888) 407-4747 from inside the United States or (202) 501-4444 from outside the United States.
Where did I come from; the dreaded question that all children eventually ask. As if the birds and the bees weren’t complicated enough, let’s add talking about the fact that a child has been adopted into the mix and not forwarding the message onto the stork. But, what if it didn’t have to be complicated? How many families these days are nuclear? How often do you actually see an original two parent household? I’m not from one, and I don’t know many people who are. So, what do we do? I’ve got a great idea; let’s stop treating the non-nuclear family as if it isn’t a family in the first place. Let’s start talking about where we come from and all the people who actually comprise a family through the one tie that binds us: love. You want to know how children thrive. It’s through love! And how do they understand that love; by being treated with it. Dorothy Nolte was a family counselor who wrote a poem describing this idea: those children learn what they are taught by learning through what they live through. If parents live like adoption is normal, then children will see it as normal. Here is her poem:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
The main reason that I chose an open adoption was so that my son would never have questions that went unanswered. Whether he asks me or his adoptive parents, we have answers because we aren’t trying to hide the truth. My son is adopted. He has twice the family, which means he has twice the love and support of a child who was born into a family. If we stop behaving as if adoption is weird, and we stop acting uncomfortable when we talk about adoption, then we will teach our children, whether they are adopted or not, that adoption is totally okay. We will teach them that there is more than enough love to go around. And maybe even more importantly than that, we will teach them that their love is enough to go around. I firmly believe that adoption should be not only accepted, but encouraged in situations when it is truly the best option. So, let’s stop condemning, and start empowering our children. It’s not just those who have been adopted, but those who see children who have been adopted who need to know that this is an empowering thing. Teach all children that adoption is beautiful and we will raise a generation of adults who believe that adoption is beautiful. Children know what they are taught to know. If we teach them that adoption is weird, then that is what they will grow up thinking. It is much easier to teach a child something right out of the gate than to re-train your thinking as an adult. We look at the world through filters that we create and that are taught to us as children. It is very difficult to overcome such filters as an adult. And while everyone has to get over their childhood, shouldn’t we start making it a little easier? Just because we were raised in a generation that thinks adoption is out there, but happens infrequently, doesn’t mean we can’t teach our children that accepting it should come naturally. Imagine what kind of society we would live in if adoption was considered a normal thing. Consider the fact that is that responsibility of parents to raise educated, empowered, and independent thinkers. Jim Taylor, writer for Psychology Today and Ph.D. states: One of your most important goals as a parent is to raise children who become independent and self-reliant people. Certainly, in early development, your children count on you. As infants, they rely on you for nourishment, cleaning, and mobility. As your children grow, they become more independent in these basic areas of living, but still depend on you for love, protection, guidance, and support. As your children reach adolescence and move toward adulthood, they become less reliant on you and gain greater independence in all aspects of their lives. This process of separation prepares your children for the demands of adulthood. But this progression toward adulthood is not inevitable and is often stymied by well-intentioned, but misguided, parents. Parents, what are we teaching our children? “Children are like wet cement; whatever falls on them makes an impression.” ~ Haim Ginott ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
I was given my first diary when I was about 11 years old by my mother. I took to it immediately. Since then, I have written in a diary or a journal almost every single day of my life. The benefits have been unbelievable. I have the ability to think through a complete thought process, talk things out in my head, and I don’t have to bottle up emotions because they all go in my journal. Utilizing this tool throughout the process I went through as a mother and as a birthmother has enabled me to process emotions that I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to process. My journal is a safe place for me, and it was especially crucial that I had a safe place when I felt like I was going through the adoption all by myself. I highly recommend expressive writing to anyone, especially someone who has been through a traumatic event. If you have never written in a journal before, start by asking yourself a series of questions to prompt a thought process, and then write down everything that comes to mind. Some questions you can ask yourself are:
It’s very typical in therapy for a therapist to ask you, “And how does that make you feel?” So, if they are doing it to help us, why can’t we do it to help ourselves? Another tip I have for journaling is to read meditation books, whether religious or not, and write about what you think about the meditation that you just read. Some questions you can ask yourself about a meditation or positive affirmation are:
I could go on and on, but for those who are new, the above suggestions are a great start. So what have the benefits been for me in the long-run from journaling? Here are some of the ways my creative expression has paid off:
For those who have been active in keeping a journal, I’m sure that you have received great benefits from it, just as I have. I would love to hear about others’ experiences in journaling, as I have never heard of a bad experience in creative expression. If writing in a journal isn’t your thing, find another creative outlet to express yourself. We have to work through the feelings if we want them resolved, so let’s put pen to paper and start processing! ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Recently, Citizens Bank has begun a partnership with the National Adoption Foundation (NAF) to help families finance their adoptions. The partnership will give hopeful families easier access to adoption loans. The National Adoption Foundation has been working since 1993 to provide affordable options for families across the country. This new partnership offers a flexible loan program. In addition, Citizens Bank will be making a $100 to NAF for every loan made through their organization. Norman Goldberg, head of NAF, said the following to Business Wire: “Having Citizens Bank as our partner, with their flexible adoption loan program, gives us every confidence the financial needs of the adoption community can now be served in a fair and timely manner. And most importantly, this lets prospective parents to focus their attention on what really matters – the creation of their families.” Find more information at the Citizens Bank site. Sources:
As I lay me down to sleep, I dream of my son before I wake, His eyes, his hands, his smile, A happy momma does he make.
I pray his blessings flow abundant, I know he smiles big, As his life is filled with love, Deeper in this dream I dig.
Friends, girls, college and more, He has a future so full, I fall deeper into this dream, Closer to my heart strings he pulls.
Until my dreams become surreal, And a nightmare begins, Reminded of all the pain, When it was just me and him.
All alone, yet they were there, Family tends to stay close, But no matter how much I asked for help, They stayed back and kept their pose.
Screaming at the Lord, my God, To relieve me from the sorrow, And then I finally heard Him answer, “Do not fear the morrow.”
And if I die before I wake, No matter how bad the dream, I know my son is safe, For on his parents he can lean.
The nightmares comes, and then they go, Temporary like always, Yet as the sun rises in the sky, From dreams I will always wake.
I dream of my son often. Sometimes, I do not share these dreams with anyone. They belong to me. We have special moments together in my dreams. Even though I cannot be with him often in reality, life is different in my dreams. I love dreaming about him. To me, it is our secret place. I wonder if he dreams of me? Sometimes, my dreams turn into nightmares. And that is okay too. Nightmares and dreams are a way for our subconscious mind to process emotions and experiences. Just remember that they are not real. We must be realistic with ourselves in terms of what our reality is, but it doesn’t mean we can’t feel good also. It is okay to have dreams about our children. They are normal. Enjoy them. I know that they may not mean anything to anyone else, and that is okay. They matter to me. So if you have something personal and special that reminds you of your child, enjoy it! “You know what’s good about a dream? You can be with people who are impossible to be with in reality.” ~ unknown author It’s okay. Go ahead and dream. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
A new study from the University of Missouri has shown that in adoption, children and parents can both benefits from open communication. These findings, like many others, support the belief that adopted children have the best outcomes when adoptive parents and birth parents work together to communicate about adoption. By studying the narratives of adoptive parents, the researchers also noted that the relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents has a direct effect on the relationship between birth parents and children. “These themes are all about storytelling,” says MU Assistant Professor of Communication Haley Horstman, “but with the process, we saw that the adoptive parents are the gatekeepers to the relationship with the birth parent.” For adoptive families, this means that a healthy relationship with a birth mother can nurture a positive outlook on adoption for the child. The study was accepted for publication in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, and additional research will be presented at the National Communication Association Conference in November. Sources:
Every year in the United States, thousands of children are adopted domestically. While these children vary in age, race and background, they all share one very important characteristic: By being adopted, they are provided with opportunities and experiences to which they otherwise may have never been introduced. One of these children possessed an inherent talent that was awakened by his adoptive parents, taking him all the way to the 2006 Olympics in Torino, Italy.
In August 1977, a couple from a Chicago suburb, Al and Georga Parchem, always wanted to start a family but were having difficulties with infertility. Their journey to parenthood led them to adopting a baby boy, whom they named Aaron. His adoption was never kept secret from him nor his adopted sister. After all, they were biracial, and their parents were white. “It was never something that was hidden from me,” Aaron said. “I was an adopted kid. Even at 6 or 7 years old, it didn’t make a difference. What was always important to me was the love and attention I received from my parents.” Georga was integral in introducing her son to various activities, ranging from flag football, to gymnastics and even to tap dancing. Aaron’s interest in these activities usually only lasted for one or two seasons, but there was one that stuck with him – figure skating. “I would’ve never been in skating if it wasn’t for my mom, especially,” Aaron said. “She was so open to putting me in so many different things, allowing me to have all of these diverse experiences. I was hooked once I did my first ice show.” Skating was a big part of Aaron’s life throughout his teenage years, and he relied heavily on his parents to help him continue his young skating career. Before he could drive, it was his parents who had to wake up early in the morning to take him to the skating rink before school, wait for him to finish practice, drive him to school, and then repeat the same routine in the afternoon. The long hours of practicing kept Aaron and his parents busy; however, he never made it to national competition as a singles skater. Figure skating remained a hobby rather than a blossoming career. Aaron graduated high school and then traveled south on I-65 to attend Butler University in Indianapolis. “I spent two years at Butler with the intention of phasing out ice-skating and slowly getting into the real world. However, during my time there, there was a coach who got me interested in skating pairs. I caught the bug again and decided I wanted to really try to be my best at this so I made a major move to come to Detroit.”
The Detroit Skating Club is renowned for the number of figure skaters it has produced. Aaron Parchem would be its latest. Aaron first paired up with Stephanie Kalesavich, and they qualified for Junior Nationals within their first eight months of skating together. By the next year, they won the event. “It was great, but it also freaked me out because I never imagined things would happen so quickly,” Aaron said. Things didn’t slow down after that, as he teamed up with new partner, Marcy Hinzmann in 2004. Aaron and Marcy received third place in the 2005 U.S. Figure Skating Championships, which would have qualified them as alternates for the Olympics in an Olympic year. Indeed, it was an achievement, but Aaron and Marcy wanted a guaranteed spot in Torino. With another year of experience and training together, they hoped it would be enough to reach their ultimate goal. However, the unexpected happened during the 2005 season Marcy tore her ACL in her non-landing knee. After having surgery on her knee, Marcy had a four-month recovery time before she could put skates on again, and six months before she and Aaron could get back to training together. “We had five months to try our best to get ready to make one big push to get to the Olympics,” Aaron said. “Those were some of the best experiences and worst experiences in my life. Being so disappointed I couldn’t sleep and being so elated from a standing ovation two weeks later that to this day was the best moment in my skating career. We learned a lot in that six-month snippet of time, but ultimately it got us to be in a position to qualify for the Olympics.” The 2006 U.S. Figure Skating Championships were held in St. Louis. After Aaron and Marcy’s first program, they sat in second place with one more performance to go. They would end up beating the third-place team by less than half of a point, promising them a spot on the U.S. Olympic Figure Skating Team.
During the opening ceremonies of the 2006 Olympics in Torino, Aaron proudly walked through the coliseum with Marcy and the rest of the U.S. Olympians. Amongst all the cheers, a familiar voice stood out from all the rest – his mom’s. Among the thousands and thousands of spectators, Georga and Al had made it all the way down to the front rows to see their son in one of his proudest moments. Aaron was even able to snap a picture of his parents. By just being there in that moment, Aaron felt that he had already won. “Coming into the Olympics, we knew we didn’t have a shot at a medal,” Aaron said. “The achievement for us was qualifying for the Olympics. The whole Olympic experience to Marcy, myself and our families was to just enjoy the celebration and to be part of something that was vastly bigger than ourselves.” Aaron and Marcy ended up placing 13th. They had two good skates, which Aaron said he and Marcy will be proud of for the rest of their lives. This was would be the unofficial end to his competitive skating career. “Skating into your 20s and 30s is a difficult proposition. There is opportunity cost there, but to us it was worth it because we got to achieve and experience things that we would otherwise never have been able to do. I’ve been across the world in different countries and able to soak in different cultures. I’ve been able to compete against different people who I never would have otherwise met. To me the experience that we gained was worth the cost of sticking around and letting the rest of life slip by to a certain extent.”
Figure skating provided Aaron with some amazing experiences, but undoubtedly the best thing it led to was meeting his wife Zuzanna, a former Olympian herself from Poland. Zuzanna served as Aaron and Marcy’s choreographer and continues to coach at the Detroit Skating Club, where she and Aaron first met. They have a 2-year-old daughter together, Sofie, who has some big shoes, or skates, to fill. “Being a father is the best thing that’s happened to me in my life. I think back to my experiences growing up and I’m glad that I can pass the love that has been given to me. “We have hopes that our daughter excels in something, and whether that’s sports or school, I’ll be happy just to experience something new. If my baby girl wants to be a skater, we will wish her luck, but she will also have to understand that she has two very demanding parents,” Aaron jokes. Aaron often thinks back to those long hours at the ice rink where his mom or dad would be waiting for him to take him to school, the moment when he told them he had qualified for the Olympics, and at the opening ceremonies where he could hear their cheers among the thousands of others. “The support I received from my folks – emotionally, logistically, financially – none of this would have been possible, none of it, if it wasn’t for the support I got from them.” So, the question remains: Would Aaron Parchem have been an Olympic figure skater if he wasn’t adopted? No one will ever know. But he knows one thing: “Adoption changed my life. I don’t know if it was for the better or not, and that’s simply because this is the only life that I know. But what I can tell you, and what I truly believe, is that I’m lucky to be adopted. The opportunities that have been afforded to me, the love that has been given to me and the family I now have all stem from a decision that I couldn’t make – a decision I’m sure weighed heavily on my birth parents’ hearts. However, for my story, there was a happy ending.” This article originally appeared on AmericanAdoptions.com’s Blog and is reposted on ConsideringAdoption.com with their approval.
“I felt more love for my baby than I had ever experienced before. But I found that the more I loved him, the more I wanted to find out what would be best for him throughout his entire life. The things I wanted most for him (a stable family with a mother and father, a home to live in, a mother who could stay at home with him, financial security, etc.) were things I could not provide.So it was because I loved him so much that I chose adoption.” – Martina
When you decide what is best for your child, you don’t just do it once. You chose what is best for them throughout their whole lifetime. Sometimes that means making that decision through adoption. Adoption is always an option. Adoption is not for everyone. There are tons of supportive resources available especially for single or low-income parents. If you do not feel that adoption is right for you and your child, then please don’t do it. If your child is older but you just know in your heart that adoption is the best decision for both of you, then that is OK. It is a myth that you can’t place an older child for adoption. I personally didn’t place my son until he was six months old. While I had considered adoption during pregnancy, the reality of being a full-time, single mother did not hit until I actually had my son for a few months. I felt a lot of pressure to keep custody of my son from friends and family. I was told by quite a few people that they would help me out with him, and when the time came for them to step up, most of them were not there and the ones who were there were barely there. I felt completely alone as a parent. None of my friends had children, so they didn’t understand what it was like to be a parent. If adoption feels like it is the best answer in your heart, then trust your motherly instincts. I knew it was the best decision for both of us. I think it is probably easier to place a child for adoption before they are born and a birth mother bonds with them, but just because it’s harder doesn’t mean that it still isn’t the right thing to do. Healing can be a reality for a birth mother no matter how old her child is. There are plenty of potential adoptive parents in the world looking for a child and the right fit will not discriminate against age. Again, it is crucial to ask yourself the tough questions and I believe the hardest one that requires the most brutal level of honesty is this: What is truly best for my child? ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Recently, Bachelor alum Michelle Money appeared in a promotional video and talked about her experience of placing a baby for adoption. When she was just 15 years old, she made a decision that she says was “not an easy one but it was the right one.” For those who don’t watch The Bachelor, Money is a familiar face on the show – but this is the first time she has opened up publicly about her adoption journey. The story appeared in a video for skincare tool PMD and featured footage of teenaged Money holding her newborn son. “When the moment came to say goodbye and hand him over to the social worker, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she says. Money is currently not in contact with her 19-year old son, but she hopes to reconnect with him someday in the future. She also has an 11-year old daughter named Brielle. Since opening up about her adoption story, Michelle has received largely positive feedback online. Her response to the supportive messages can be found on her Facebook page. Sources:
