Is it even a choice? How can you compare the two? Some people would say that one has to do with a woman’s right to choose and some would say it’s a right to life. It would be easy for me to give my opinion on this topic, but I honestly believe it boils down to what is in the heart of a person. So let’s get really honest here about why I choose adoption instead of abortion. First of all, since I started having sexual intercourse I used protection. I was very well educated thanks to the fact that my mother was a nurse. I knew the risks involved with sex: becoming attached to someone, contracting an STD, and worst of all… becoming pregnant. So I had it in my mind that those could be very bad things, especially getting pregnant. I believed that it was wrong to become pregnant until I was ready to be a mother. I had been using the birth control pill and had severe endometriosis when I conceived. The thought didn’t even occur to me that I could become pregnant with the pill and an autoimmune disease working against my reproductive system, yet, miracles do happen. Now, some people in my life looked at that miracle as an accident. These are two very different lines of thinking. Miracle or accident? I choose to believe it was a miracle. I choose to believe that there are miracles everywhere. Not everyone thinks this way, and when I was in the middle of it, it didn’t feel like a miracle. To be completely honest, when I was told that I was pregnant by my doctor, I felt like I was in some kind of surreal nightmare. I drove around in my car for an hour and a half just contemplating what I was going to do. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I also realized that I just could not abort this little life, or thing depending on what you believe, that was inside of me. When I became aware of how I truly felt about being pregnant, I knew I was going to keep the baby. (I put him up for adoption when he was six months old.) I think that is the biggest factor in this decision making process. It’s who we are and what we truly believe that comes out. My pregnancy was no accident. How could it have been? I just don’t see it that way. After having my son, I spoke with many mothers and very few told me that their pregnancies were planned. Being a mother taught me that getting pregnant is not the worst consequence of sex. It’s a beautiful pro-creative byproduct of sex. I have had one night stands, I have been in a couple long-term relationships, and now I am happily married. Sex has held different meanings for me throughout my life. It has taken me some time to mature in my viewpoints. In this birth parent’s opinion, pregnancies are not accidents. The issues with abort versus adopt goes much deeper than just discussing what is on the surface. I believe it is a matter of how you see yourself, your view on sex, and your view on the relationship or relations that led to the pregnancy. I had to ask myself these hard questions. I have come to realize that making the choice to have sex (and I am only referring to when it is a choice), means accepting the responsibilities that come with it. That means making mature choices and educating and empowering ourselves to be able to make those choices. So ultimately I believe it’s up to the individual and the partners to determine one thing: is this an accident or a miracle? It’s up to us to determine how we want to look at ourselves and our lives. I have found it important to take personal responsibility, mature, and really consider the effects that my choices will have on myself, on others, and those I may not even know yet. – Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
I’m sure you have heard the quote; “United we stand, divided we fall.” What an appropriate quote for the life of a birth mother. I was all alone when I made the decision to put my son up for adoption. There was nowhere for me to turn. My decision was made regardless of how painful it was. My son was with his family, the ones he was always meant to be with. There was no one left in my corner since I had been disowned by almost everyone that I loved. It was just…. me. My son was gone, my family wasn’t to be found, and my friends didn’t understand. I have a Master of Art’s in Organizational Management with a specialization in Project Management. One thing that I know how to do is research, and I did my research. I searched and searched for resources that would help support me and guide me in my journey of healing. Of course, it didn’t feel like healing at the time; it felt like complete and utter despair and unending pain and suffering. So with all of the research that I did, what did I find? I found pockets of resources on random websites. Every website had something different to offer, but none were united to encompass everything that a birth mother goes through. Some of the websites looked promising at first glance, until I realized that they were inactive. I sent out messages, sought out friends on the Internet, and was let down time and time again. Adoption and birth parent support for me? Where? Almost nothing to be found… I went to a support group once and felt like I didn’t fit in at all. Coloring pictures and making macaroni necklaces was not my idea of in-depth healing for a birth parent. I needed substance, depth, understanding, encouragement, and most of all, someone to tell me that what I was going through was normal and that I wasn’t alone. What did I expect to find? I expected to find answers, help, anything that would ease the pain. I still felt all alone…. This is not the experience a birth parent should have after putting their baby up for adoption. This is not the experience anyone should have to go through after a traumatic event. Trauma affects us all in different ways, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t all need the same amount of support. Support is paramount in the process of healing. My stance on healing as a birth parent is grounded in the relationship that I have with myself, my God, and my son. I believe that everyone has a right to heal in their life from whatever pain that they may be going through. My reason for focusing on the healing of birth parents is evident in the fact that I am a birth parent. As you read my blog, and get to know me better, it will be obvious that I believe that healing is also the responsibility of a birth parent. I believe this because, ultimately, it is what is best for the child. Adoption is a selfless decision, and so is healing. It is much easier to hold on to pain than to work through it. Yet, if we chose to focus on the pain, what kind of future can we have for ourselves, and potentially what kind of future relationship will we be able to provide for our children and loved ones? I have an open adoption, which means that I have contact with my son and his parents. And while I will go into more detail in later articles about the nature of our relationship, I can tell you this much: being in pain does nothing to help him grow and understand where he came from. Healing, and being joyful about where my son is, is ultimately what is best for him. As a parent, I will always consider what is best for my child first. So, while I may not have legal or physical custody of him, he has my heart, and I want him to have it whole and healthy. If he ever needs anything, I am here for him. And if he doesn’t ever need anything from me, I still need something for myself and that is to love myself. Our right to heal is important, but our responsibility to heal is crucial to not only our children, but to ourselves. I recently listened to a sermon in church about unity. There were scripture quotes outlining how crucial it is to remain united, to remain selfless, and to remain humble. The sermon was given by a woman. Of course, I felt empowered, but I also felt a bit alone. I have been on a mission for years to reach out to other birth mothers. I have constantly been searching for support and understanding. I have been looking for other women who understand my heart. Sometimes I wonder where they all are hiding. The opportunity that I have been given to blog for ConsideringAdoption.com is not something I see as a personal quest for greatness and fame. This is an opportunity for me to continue in my own healing and play a part in the healing of others. This is an opportunity for us to meet each other and support one another. Whether you were referred to this website or stumbled upon it on your own search for healing, I hope it eases the load. I know that having a united front of support is crucial in healing, and I know this because I didn’t have it. Consideringadoption.com has reached out to me, and will continue to reach out to all of us. We can come together here and share with one another, laugh with one another, cry with one another, and be joined in our common bond. It’s not just what happened to us that bonds us. It’s not just a decision that we made one time that bonds us. What truly bonds us is that we are all searching for a way to live again. We all want to be happy, healthy, and whole, and it takes support and encouragement in order to do that. Let that be what bonds us! It is my hope that together we will stand united in loving our children, loving one another, and helping those who feel as alone as we may have to find comfort and companionship. I also hope that we are able to educate those who may not understand how truly beautiful adoption really is. I want to hear from you. I want to know that you are out there. I don’t want to feel alone anymore, and I don’t want you to have to feel alone. Let’s come together so we don’t have to go it alone! Welcome to ConsideringAdoption.com, where birth parents matter too even after the fact. You are not alone, and if you are feeling alone, please let us help you. Resources, support groups, articles, and blogs… use all of your resources to help you begin the healing process. And remember, healing is not only a right, but a responsibility “We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.” – Gwendolyn Brooks – Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
As a result of a new policy, certain groups who were previously denied new social security numbers will now be able to obtain one. If you adopted a child after September 1, 2015 and were denied a social security number, you can now request one from the Social Security office. In the past, if a child was adopted by a stepparent or grandparents, or if he or she understood and knew about the adoption, then he or she was not eligible for a new social security number. This could sometimes create a miscommunication or unnecessary exchange of information between adoptive parents and birth parents, as states will sometimes identify parents using social security numbers. “Using the old number can lead to confidentiality issues too,” explains adoption attorney Heather Strickland. “In one case I had [a] Grandmother who adopted the child, fell on hard times, and sought state cash assistance. The state had the child’s social security number in their system so they knew the name of her birth father. Even though the child was adopted, and had a new name, the state automatically notified the birth father that an application was made on behalf of the child.” If you would like to request a new social security number for your child, contact your local Social Security Administration office. References:
On Thursday, U.S. District Judge Daniel Jordan deemed Mississipi’s same-sex adoption ban unconstitutional in a court hearing. The state has prohibited same-sex adoption since 2000. After four couples sued for their adoption rights last year, the judge banned Mississippi from enforcing the law, citing the Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage. The couples who sued, as well as all other same-sex Mississippi couples, will be able to legally pursue adoptions for their families. The new ruling marks the legalization of same-sex adoption in all 50 states. References:
Last week, the Supreme Court unanimously voted to reverse an Alabama court’s decision not to recognize a same-sex adoption. The case involved an Alabama woman who, after separating with her partner, sought visitation and custody rights over their children. The Alabama court refused to recognize her parental rights because the children are biologically related only to the other partner, and the adoption they pursued was completed in Georgia. According to the court, the state of Georgia did not adhere to its own adoption laws in this process, and therefore the adoption was not valid. Then, the case moved on to the Supreme Court, who roundly rejected the reasoning of the state. The adoptive mother was allowed visitation with her children, and the decision marked yet another movement by the Supreme Court to protect the rights of same-sex parents. References:
A bill has been introduced to the Florida legislature that would give judges the ability to make a decision in the interests of an adopted child – even if it goes against the desires of the birth parents. The bill was unanimously approved in both the House and the Senate, and now it will move on to be reviewed by the governor. The proposal was initially introduced to clear up some inconsistencies in current Florida statutes. While birth parents can and should have a say in who adopts their child, this bill would only apply to extenuating circumstances. If passed, the bill would also protect the interests of children in foster care. With the introduction of this bill, the state of Florida is moving in a direction to ensure that its laws serve the well-being of adopted children in all situations. References:
One of Disney Junior’s beloved characters, seven-year old Doc McStuffins, will be welcoming a new sibling in the spring episodes. Unlike Doc and her brother, the new member of the family will be adopted! Doc McStuffins focuses on the titular character Doc, who wants to be a doctor and devotes her time to fixing broken toys. With the help of a magical stethoscope, she takes off on adventures of all kinds, traveling in time and bringing her toys to life. Some of these animated toys make regular appearances in the episodes. Also important to the show are Doc’s family members – her mother is a doctor, her father is a stay-at-home dad, and she has a younger brother named Donny. On March 4, the new series of Doc McStuffins episodes, will begin, and the new storyline will focus on the family’s journey to adopt a baby. The preview (which you can view on YouTube) approaches adoption in a very positive way, and the whole family expresses its excitement over the new addition to their “forever family.” The new storyline will make a great resource for parents who want to introduce their child, adopted or not, to the subject of adoption. Be sure to tune in to the Disney Channel on March 4 for the beginning of the series! References:
On Monday, the Nebraska Legislature’s Judiciary Committee voted to forward a bill that would ensure the permanency of adoptions for adoptive parents. If the bill passes, it will ensure that parents will not lose their parental rights in the event that contact agreements with the birth parents change. Under this bill, parents would not risk losing their parental rights to their child, even if their agreement for contact is broken. The purpose of the bill, lawmakers say, is to protect the home environment and stability of adopted children. The movement passed in a 6-1 vote, but some legislators are in opposition. Senator Ernie Chambers argues that the bill would leave birth parents disadvantaged. Now that it has passed in the Committee, the bill will move on for further review. References:
After a hold on adoptions in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 159 children are finally being released to their adoptive parents, most of whom are American. After a spike in the adoption of Congolese children in recent years, the government put a hold on the process to review cases, expressions concerns such as child trafficking issues. This left hundreds of children effectively stuck, their adoptive parents waiting to welcome them into their homes. Last November, the DRC signed off on exit visas for around 70 children, and after mounting pressure from other countries, they are beginning to lift the suspension on adoptions little by little. References:
Jep and Jessica Robertson, stars of the show Duck Dynasty, bring adoption to the spotlight in their spinoff show Jep and Jessica: Growing the Dynasty. The show revolves around the couple and the latest addition to the Robertson family: the baby boy they adopted.
Thanks for the love! This has been a crazy, awesome ride but so worth it! Me and Gus signing out! #JepAndJessica pic.twitter.com/ps0MMcLdGJ — Jep Robertson (@JepDuckman) January 21, 2016
Thanks for the love! This has been a crazy, awesome ride but so worth it! Me and Gus signing out! #JepAndJessica pic.twitter.com/ps0MMcLdGJ
— Jep Robertson (@JepDuckman) January 21, 2016
Jep and Jessica named their baby boy Jules Agustus, calling him “Gus” for short. The new TV series has been created to follow the couple as they raise their new baby, along with their four biological children. Other members of the Robertson family are sure to make regular appearances on the show, but the focus lies on Jep and Jessica. Jep and Jessica met in 2001, and they were married later that year. After having four children – Lily, Merritt, Priscilla, and River – Jessica encountered some health risks that prevented her from getting pregnant again, and it wasn’t long before the family started thinking about adoption. Now that they have brought the baby home, they couldn’t be happier. Jessica told Life & Style Magazine, “We wanted it to happen for so many years, so to actually have him and hold him and know he’s actually ours and we’re his forever family, we’re excited.” Follow the family’s journey on Jep and Jessica: Growing the Dynasty, which premiered on January 20, 2016.
