Adoption is a brave, loving and selfless choice. If you’re considering this path for your unplanned pregnancy, it’s because you want to give your baby the best life imaginable. A life filed with love, opportunities and an environment they can truly thrive in with their adoptive parents.
But even so, you may worry that the child you place for adoption won’t understand any of that. It’s normal to wonder:
“Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?”
“How can I get my child to understand my adoption decision?”
“Will my child know how much I loved them to choose adoption?”
These are a lot of big questions to ask yourself. Many women worry that the baby they place for adoption will have negative feelings or resent their birth parents. But we want you to know that most adoptees today who were raised in an open adoption have nothing but love, respect and admiration for their birth parents. In fact, for adoptees like Diana, she has nothing but understanding for the selfless decision her birth parents made:
“I know my birth parents love me, and I know that they wanted the best for me, and this is how they could achieve that,” Diana, an adoptee, said. “And I’m grateful that that’s what they did. It was the hardest choice they probably ever had to make, but it’s a choice that I respect, knowing that they loved me enough to do this for me. “
Many of the best adoption agencies have personal adoption experience and they’re familiar with women asking, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?”. Because they’re made up of adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees, they know just how much love, thought and care you’re putting into this life-changing decision. So when you need someone to talk to, you’ll find someone who knows exactly what you’re going through and can help put your mind at ease.
To find an agency now, you can start by filling out our free information form. But if you’re ready to learn more about how adoptees feel about their birth parents, keep reading below.
How do Adoptees Really Feel About their Birth Parents?
It’s common for many people to believe that adoptees in general have some resentment towards their birth parents. This, of course, makes it easier to understand why so many women wonder, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?” In reality, more than 90 percent of adopted children age 5 and older have positive feelings about their adoption. Today’s adoptions are more open than ever and allow birth mothers more control throughout the process. , Most adopted children are now raised to understand their birth parents’ unconditional love and selfless choice. As a result, adoptees tend to think highly of the courageous people who gave them a chance at a better life.
Today, 95 percent of adoptions involve some level of openness, or ongoing contact between the birth parents and adoptive family. This means that almost all adopted children are aware of their adoption story. This increase in openness has had a positive impact on all members of the adoption triad — women who place their children for adoption report an increased peace of mind, less grief and less worry. Receiving pictures and letters from the adoptive family can reassure you that you made the right choice and your child is growing up healthy and happy. Best of all, adoptees who have more openness in their adoption report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness compared to adoptees of closed adoptions.
What Does Open Adoption Look Like?
An open adoption can look however you want it to. In a fully open adoption, you can share as much contact with the adoptive family as you’d like. This can include pictures and letters, phone calls, emails and even in-person visits. You could even choose to have a semi-open adoption. With this type of contact, any information you share will be mediated by the adoptive family. This is great for those who want to stay in touch, but also want to maintain a bit more privacy. And, most importantly, both semi-open and open relationships can help quell fears of, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?”
Having at least some amount of contact with your child is the best way to make sure they know that they’re loved and cherished. For birth mothers like Randi, keeping that connection to her child and the adoptive family was the perfect way to make sure her daughter grew up with a positive image of her:
“I just have this feeling that every baby is going to wonder when they get older who their birth mother is and why they weren’t involved and why they didn’t care or all that stuff. So I just didn’t want Juniper to ever think that.”
If you’ve been feeling anxious wondering, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?” an open adoption ensures you have nothing to worry about. You can tell them yourself that you made this decision out of love. And if you’re unsure of how much communication is right for you, your adoption professional would be more than happy to help.
Is Open Adoption Good for Adoptees?
Adopted people also benefit greatly from an open adoption. Having a healthy relationship with their birth parents can help improve children’s sense of identity and self-confidence. They can get answers to their questions and be reassured of their birth parents’ love and reasons for choosing adoption. Diana attributes her positive feelings towards her birth parents to her open adoption:
“I credit the openheartedness of my birth and adoptive families as the reason why I have such positive feelings toward my adoption. Without an open adoption, I’m sure I would feel as if I were missing a part of myself and I’d likely have some resentment. Research consistently backs this up.”
What Do Adoption Professionals Say About Open Adoption?
Adoption professionals now strongly encourage adoptive parents to talk about adoption with their children early on and assure them that they were placed for adoption out of love. They know that many women wonder, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?” and want to do everything they can to reassure them of the opposite. Experts agree that adoptive parents should do their best to create a positive image of adoption. As a result, most adopted children grow up with a deep appreciation and respect for their birth parents.
By choosing adoption for your child, you are doing what all great parents do — providing a wonderful home, a stable and caring family, and every possible advantage and opportunity for your child. With the proper guidance and support, your child will understand that and will love and appreciate you for making that choice.
If you’re ready to learn more about the benefits of open adoption, or if you’re asking, “Will my child hate me for placing them up for adoption?” we can help. Please fill out our free online form to get more information.
