If you’re just starting to look at your options for an unplanned pregnancy, you may be thinking that adoption is the best choice for you and your baby. But even so, it’s normal to ask questions like, “Is it hard to ’give a baby up’ for adoption?”
The answer to that question is yes and no. While the logistics of the adoption process are fairly straightforward, this process will likely be one of the most emotionally difficult decisions you’ll ever have to make. And for many women, grappling with the emotional side effects before and after placement is harder than the adoption process itself.
If you’re worried about the difficulty in “giving a child up” for adoption, here’s what you should know.
IS IT EASY TO PUT A CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION?
No matter what anyone else says or believes, it’s never easy to place a child up for adoption, at least emotionally. In fact, it’s nearly impossible to place a child for adoption and completely block out normal feelings of grief and loss. This is not a decision that you can come to overnight, and it may take a long time before you can feel secure in your choice.
The reality is that every birth parent’s experience with adoption is different. However, many women, during the process and long after, experience many stages of grief before finally coming to the last stage of acceptance. While many do find their own ways of coping, everyone handles grief differently. Some birth parents may need very little support after placement, while others struggle with common feelings of grief and loss, like, anger, shock, disbelief, guilt, and more. It’s also normal for these feelings to come and go in waves.
But things worth doing are rarely easy. And for many women, the knowledge that they made the right decision to give their baby the best life possible makes all the difficult feelings worth it.
“I love my son fiercely. Finalizing the adoption was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made,” said Rebecca, a brave birth mother. ”I see happiness in my son’s life with every picture and video. His smile is contagious and he makes me proud to be his mother every day. Making him proud is what I strive for in everything I do.”
While your adoption professional can’t make your worries disappear, they will be with you every step of the way to support you through the hard times. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to them or other members of your support team as you make this difficult decision.
STARTING THE ADOPTION PROCESS: HOW EASY IS IT TO “GIVE A BABY UP” FOR ADOPTION?
Making the decision to place your baby up for adoption won’t be easy. As you may have heard from statements that placing a child up for adoption can be difficult, considering adoption is one of the hardest things a woman will ever have to face. But, how easy is the process of putting a baby up for adoption? With the guidance of an adoption professional, the practical steps of the process are actually fairly simple:
- Step 1: Work with your adoption professional to create an adoption plan. They’ll help you make a number of decisions that will guide the rest of your adoption process, from choosing the characteristics you want in an adoptive family to determining the amount of contact you want with your child and more.
- Step 2: Choose an adoptive family for your baby. This choice can sound overwhelming, but your adoption professional will use your adoption plan to help narrow down your choices and present you with profiles of families you can choose from.
- Step 3: Get to know the adoptive family, if desired. Your adoption specialist can coordinate contact with the adoptive parents you choose so you can determine they’re really the best choice for your baby.
- Step 4: Sign the paperwork at the hospital. Your adoption professional will help prepare you for this step before your hospital stay, so you will understand your rights and exactly what you are signing when it is officially time for placement.
So, while the process is emotionally difficult, it is logistically simple. In fact, your adoption professional will do most of the work for you, so you can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and making the best decisions for you. And, remember, your adoption professional will always be able to provide unbiased information about all of your unplanned pregnancy options, not just adoption. They will also provide counseling throughout the adoption process, so you can talk to them about any difficult emotions that pop up.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT WILL MAKE THIS PROCESS EASIER?
Adoption will never be a walk in the park, but there are services an adoption professional will offer that can make your journey a little easier. When you start looking for an adoption professional, try finding one that can offer these key services:
- 24/7 availability, so you can get the support you need, whenever you need it
- Educational resources on all of your unplanned pregnancy options, not just adoption
- Full-service support, from adoption planning and case management to preparation for your hospital stay
- Financial assistance to help you with pregnancy-related living expenses during the adoption process
You should also look for a national agency that works with adoptive families from across the country. This will give you the most families to choose from, so you will be more likely to find the exact type of parents you’re looking for. Also, seek out an agency that has adoptive families, adoptees and other birth parents on staff — they’ll be best able to support you. Because they’ve been in your shoes, they will go above and beyond to make sure all of your needs are met. These services will help you put your needs first. As a woman considering adoption, you already have so much to worry about, and we don’t want to make it any harder.
“I want to encourage people to always do what is right for them and understand that adoption is a positive alternative. I was very fortunate to have my son’s adoption go through so smoothly, but I believe it was because of the people that I encountered along the way and all the support I received through my counselor, school, friends, and family,” said Michelle. “It is because of them that I am able to talk to others about adoption and share my story with so many wonderful people in the adoption community.”
Michelle can talk you through the emotions you’re experiencing and would be more than happy to answers your questions.
Of course, you can always reach out to an adoption professional to learn more about what they offer before you decide to work with their agency. If you’re wondering how hard it is to make an adoption plan, you might decide to talk to more than one agency before you decide so that you can get a good look at all of your options.
HOW EASY IS IT TO FIND AN ADOPTIVE PARENT WHILE PREGNANT?
Many women ask themselves when they’re just starting out, “How hard is it to find adoptive parents for a newborn?” and “I have an accidental pregnancy; how hard is it to put up a child for adoption and find a family for them?” It’s actually a lot easier than you might think. In fact, with hundreds of families to choose from, there’s a higher chance that you might end up feeling pretty overwhelmed with choices. But, although finding the perfect family for your baby may feel challenging, your specialist will guide you from start to finish.
Like other steps in your adoption process, you’ll be in the driver’s seat the entire way — which means you’ll be the one finding a family for your baby. When you make an adoption plan, you can tell your specialist exactly what you’re looking for in your child’s future family. You don’t have to worry about spending hours finding the perfect family all on your own, as your specialist will do most of the heavy lifting for you. With their help, you can easily narrow down your options from hopeful families across the country.
Many women worry that they won’t be able to find a family that fits their criteria, which also leads them to wonder how hard it is to find adoptive parents. But the truth is that you will never have to worry about finding an adoptive family who will love your baby as much as you do. With the help of an adoption professional, you can exactly what you’re looking for — no matter how long it takes.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
So, is it difficult to give a child up for adoption? When it comes to the process, not necessarily. But no matter what it looks like from the outside, it takes tremendous courage to place your child for adoption. This selfless decision will never be an easy one to make.
Even when your worries feel too much to bear, always remember that there’s someone ready to listen. You may experience some emotional difficulty in deciding to “give up” a baby for adoption, but agencies everywhere will do whatever they can to make this process as smooth as possible. You can always reach out to an adoption counselor or therapist who specializes in adoption, close friends or family, or other birth parents who know what you’re going through.
“With time, healing and maturity, I have started to rely less on other’s responses as validation and just enjoy sharing my story as a way for me to open the door to human connection,” said Katheryn about her emotional healing process. “It’s as if my experience is only one of the infinite ways to say, “I have felt pain, too; it has made me who I am, and I am proud of that.”
To speak to a trained adoption specialist near you, contact us now to get more info. An adoption professional will reach out to you and can answer questions about all your unplanned pregnancy options, not just adoption.