Choosing adoption for your baby is a brave and selfless decision because you’re giving your baby a life full of love and opportunity. Still, you might be asking yourself:
Is it wrong to give your child up for adoption? Is it selfish to give my baby up for adoption?
The answer to both of these questions is a resounding “no.” Adoption is a brave and selfless decision. The fact that you’re asking these heavy questions in the first place speaks volumes. Not only does it show that you care deeply about what this decision will mean for you and your child, but that you’ve put so much thought into this incredibly selfless decision.
Naturally, you’ll have a lot to think about before you make this decision. If you’re thinking about placing a baby for adoption, but you’re asking if adoption is selfish, wrong or if it makes you a bad person, here are a few things that you should know.
“IS GIVING MY BABY UP FOR ADOPTION SELFISH?”
Absolutely not. Placing a child for adoption is the most selfless gift any woman can give her child. We know that you might not believe it yet, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing what’s best for you or your baby and putting their needs first.
It’s normal to put a lot of thought and care into this decision, and of course, you want to do what’s best for your baby. But you might also be considering adoption in part because of your own goals; maybe you want to continue your career or pursue an education, and raising a baby would make those things difficult. Or, maybe you’re just not sure that you can really provide for this baby right now; you might be worried about making ends meet, providing for any older children you have while also caring for a newborn, or managing a baby as a single parent with little support. You might feel selfish or guilty for wanting to place this baby for adoption as a result.
“You are absolutely, in no way, selfish for what you are doing. A mother’s love for her child is like no other love,” said Natasha about the emotions she experienced placing her baby for adoption. “To be able to put that feeling aside because you want the best for your child is the most unselfish thing I know. No one will ever understand that pain until they are in your shoes. You are not alone! As they days go on, the pain slowly fades little by little. It will not always hurt as much as it did the month, week, or day before.”
As Natasha said, the truth is that choosing adoption is not a self-centered decision. When you choose this path, you’re actually giving your child the greatest gift: the gift of the future you always wanted for them. Whatever your reasons for considering this choice, it is so incredibly selfless to “give a child up” for adoption — you are making the ultimate emotional sacrifice to place them in a home that is prepared for them, with parents who have been longing for a child. No one should make you feel guilty for doing what’s best for yourself and your baby. This is a decision that takes unyielding courage, strength and determination, and you should never feel like making this responsible decision is self-serving.
“AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?”
Even if you think you’re absolutely certain that adoption is right for you, it’s normal to second guess yourself. On top of wondering if your adoption decision is selfish, you may be thinking, “Is giving your child up for adoption cowardly?” Or, “Is it bad to give your baby up for adoption?”
Questions like these can lead you to wonder if you’re really doing the right thing. While the answer to these questions will always be no, know that you’re not alone if these thoughts have crossed your mind. When faced with one of the biggest decisions of your life, it’s normal to waver in your decision or worry about what others may think of you.
If you are like many women who have chosen adoption, those doubts and fears will go away the moment you see that your baby is where they’re meant to be.
“My eyes just watered as they placed her into Jenn’s arms,” Angelica said about placing her baby for adoption. “She was no longer mine, but I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. Seeing how happy she made them and their family and seeing how happy their family was just reassured me that I had made the right decision.”
Ultimately, you are the only one who can decide if adoption is right for you and if you’re making the right choice. Instead of asking if it’s wrong to put your baby up for adoption, you should be asking if it’s right for you. It will take a lot of time and soul-searching before you can find an answer that you feel confident in, but when you do, you’ll know. Before making this decision, look deep inside yourself and explore all of your options for an unplanned pregnancy — not just adoption.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t ever tell yourself that you’re a “bad” mother for considering adoption for you baby. Women come from all walks of life and choose adoption for all kinds of reasons. Whether you’re just thinking about it or you decide to actually go through with it, you’re never selfish for thinking of adoption for your baby, and you should never feel guilty if you do decide to place your child for adoption.
“IS IT WRONG TO PUT MY BABY UP FOR ADOPTION?”
Lastly, many women wonder, “Is putting my newborn up for adoption wrong?” No. The only way that an adoption could ever be wrong is if it doesn’t truly feel right for you. If you’re having constant second thoughts and you continue to question your decision, it may be helpful to speak to your adoption professional for their advice about what to do next. Ask yourself, however, if you feel like adoption is wrong because of what your friends and family are telling you, or because you truly feel like you’re making a bad decision that doesn’t align with your beliefs. It is common for unsupportive friends and family members to discourage you from choosing adoption, listing all of the reasons why putting a baby up for adoption is a “bad idea.” Stay in touch with your feelings, and you will come to the right answer in time.
If, like other brave birth mothers, you know that you are making a heroic decision based on love, how could your decision ever be considered “bad,” “wrong,” or “selfish”?
“I knew that what I was doing in placing in Charlotte for adoption was 100 percent out of love. I loved her so much that I had to be selfless,” said Lindsey about her decision to place her baby for adoption.
Whether you think adoption is wrong, or right, is entirely up to you to decide. Choosing adoption for your baby is one of the most personal decisions a prospective birth mother will ever have to make. We won’t tell you that adoption is the perfect solution, because the truth is, it might not be right for you. The most important thing to do is plenty of research to make sure this life-changing decision is the right one for you.
This is not something that you’ll be able to decide on overnight, so it’s okay if you need time to mull over your options. At the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you and your child — whatever that choice may be. No matter what you decide, there are countless people ready to aid in your decision.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
While adoption may be the hardest decision you ever make, it might be the best choice for you and your baby. If you know in your heart that adoption is the right decision, then you should feel confident that you’re making a positive, brave, loving and selfless decision. However, if you’re curious about your other options, or if you have more questions about what is “bad” about “giving a child up” for adoption, remember that it’s never too late to speak to an adoption specialist or a counselor to get the support you need.