How to Cope After “Giving a Baby Up” for Adoption [4 Steps]

Placing a child for adoption is a decision that involves many different emotions. While most are focused on love and hope, for some women, this selfless act can also create a sense of grief and loss.

You never have to go through it alone.

When it comes to postpartum grief, especially after adoption, the reality is there is no one-size-fits-all answer or solution that will make it easier to cope with “giving a baby up” for adoption. The way each birth parent feels after they “give a child up” for adoption depends on their own unique situation.

While everyone grieves differently, here are four tips that may be helpful if you’re wondering how to cope with “giving your baby up” for adoption.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings

Before you can truly begin the healing process, you must get in touch with your own feelings. Your emotions are valid, and you shouldn’t pretend that they don’t exist. In fact, ignoring them can do more damage than you might think.

No matter how you’re feeling, remember that it doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision. In fact, you made your decision to give your baby the best possible life, filled with love and opportunity. You are truly a hero.

Every adoption situation is unique. Not everyone will have the same thoughts and emotions after placement occurs. If you don’t go through the grief and loss process as strongly as other birth parents, then that’s okay, too. Remember that these are your feelings, and you have the right to process them in your own way and in your own time. No one can tell you exactly how to deal with “giving up” a baby for adoption.

Not everyone has them, but It’s important to let go of any feelings that you “gave up” on yourself or your baby by choosing adoption – and that starts with changing the language you use to think about your adoption decision. Although you will see the term “giving a baby up for adoption” used throughout this article, the meaning behind the phrase is not an accurate reflection of your adoption decision.

You made an incredibly brave, selfless, and loving decision to give them the best life you possibly could. You did not give up.

Step 2: Reach Out to a Professional

You may be going through the grieving process on your own time, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything on your own. There are plenty of people in your life who are ready to listen to what you’re going through, and it may be helpful to reach out to those who care for you.

Your adoption specialist or a counselor will have plenty of experience when it comes to helping someone cope with “giving a baby up” for adoption. They can also provide more information about emotions you might experience during the adoption process and the effects of placing a child for adoption.

While your professional will be a great source of comfort during this difficult time, it might be helpful to reach out to other birth parents as well. The experience of placing a child for adoption is wholly unique, and it can be a relief to talk to someone who’s walked around in your shoes. There are a number of birth parent support groups and forums that you can reach out to.

And don’t forget, your friends and family are here for you, too.

Step 3: Focus On Yourself

As you learn how to cope with putting your baby up for adoption, your emotions will vary. One minute, you’re hit by feelings of grief, and the next, you’re feeling relieved and confident about your adoption decision. The most important thing to know is that these feelings are very common and normal.

If you can, carve out some space and time to focus on getting back to you. It’s okay to take some time to pamper yourself and do what you love. Put some extra work into your hobbies, find a new one, or reconnect with the people you care about. Whatever you decide to do, find something that makes you feel like your old self — or, better yet, like an even better, stronger, new version of yourself.

Step 4: Explore Open Adoption

Realize that reaching acceptance for your adoption decision is a lifelong process. There is no set time limit to “get over” what you’re feeling, and you’re not in a race to feel better.

Many women who have struggled to cope with “giving a baby up” for adoption find comfort in having some degree of openness with the adoptive family and their child. Knowing that your child is happy, loved, and safe with the family you handpicked may ease some of the painful feelings you’re experiencing.

Knowing how your child is doing can help you feel pride in your decision and feel confident that you’ve made the best choice for you and your baby.

You can stay in contact through pictures and letters, phone calls, emails, and even in-person visits. Remember that choosing adoption doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on a relationship with your child. You are always able to build a relationship with them if you choose to.

Moving Forward

Processing your feelings toward your adoption will be a lifelong journey. But you’re never alone. Remember that adoption agencies offer free counseling throughout the adoption process and long after.

If you ever need to reach out to someone to talk, or you need more resources on how to deal with “giving a baby up” for adoption, a specialist will be ready to answer.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings

Step 3: Focus On Yourself

Adoption Grief and Loss [Feelings to Expect]

Is it Hard to Place a Baby for Adoption? [Getting Started]

Is it Wrong to Put My Baby Up for Adoption? [3 Questions]

How to Cope After “Giving a Baby Up” for Adoption [4 Steps]

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings

Step 2: Reach Out to a Professional

Step 3: Focus On Yourself

Step 4: Explore Open Adoption

Moving Forward

Emotions of Adoption

Adoption Grief and Loss [Feelings to Expect]

Is it Hard to Place a Baby for Adoption? [Getting Started]

Is it Wrong to Put My Baby Up for Adoption? [3 Questions]