Adoption and Unsupportive, Uninterested or Unknown Birth Fathers
If you are working with an unsupportive, unknown or uninvolved birth father, adoption is still an option for you.
Can I place my baby for adoption without the father’s consent? Is adoption possible without knowing who the father is? What if I want to place my baby for adoption, but the father doesn’t?
These are common questions for many pregnant women considering adoption. If you are considering adoption for your baby, some of your first concerns may be regarding the birth father, his role and rights in the adoption process and the impact he might have on the adoption plan.
An adoption agency and adoption attorney can help you navigate the adoption process when you want to give a baby up for adoption without the father’s consent.
Contact us today by filling out this form to get more information on giving a baby up for adoption without the father, as well as how a trusted and experienced adoption agency can guide you through the process and connect you with an adoption attorney.
Uninvolved Birth Fathers
Adoption can be possible in a variety of situations where the father of the baby is unsupportive of your adoption plan. Understanding adoption laws and birth father rights in your state with the help of an adoption specialist and adoption attorney can ensure your adoption options remain open.
Here are some common scenarios where it may be possible for you to place your baby for adoption without the father’s consent:
I want to pursue adoption, but the baby’s father does not
Often due to fear or uncertainty, the birth father can be unsupportive of an expectant mother’s adoption plan. In these cases, the father may need to demonstrate his desire to provide support and take custody of the child to retain his parental rights.
The father is in and out of my life
Many women choose adoption so that their child can be raised in a stable, two-parent household. If the baby’s father has a habit of coming and going in your life, his sporadic behavior may not change upon the baby’s arrival.
If you determine that adoption is the best choice for your baby in this scenario, your adoption attorney will work with you and the father to discuss his rights and attempt to continue the adoption plan with or without his consent.
The father is in jail
If the father of the baby is in jail but is supportive of the adoption, he can still play a role in the adoption process. Post-placement, he will still have the opportunity to receive pictures and letters of the child, if he so desires.
If he is unsupportive of the adoption, your adoption professional can explain the rights of incarcerated birth fathers and how his incarceration might impact the adoption process according to your state’s laws.
The father is abusive
Abusive relationships have serious, lasting physical and psychological effects. When you choose adoption, you receive counseling and support from an adoption agency and specialist during and after the adoption process. Your adoption specialist can offer assistance and access to additional resources to help you remove yourself from an abusive relationship.
In some states, in instances of abuse or rape, the father’s consent will not be required for an adoption to proceed. Explain your situation to your adoption specialist or adoption attorney, and he or she will be able to coordinate any necessary communication with the father on your behalf.
Complete this form today to get information on how to proceed with an adoption without the father and how to get counseling and support for placing your baby for adoption in an abusive relationship.
The father wants me to get an abortion
Your baby’s future is ultimately your decision. Abortion is commonly misconstrued as an easy solution to an unplanned pregnancy, but it is a big decision that can have lasting emotional and physical effects.
If the father of your child is trying to convince you to abort the baby, suggest that the two of you speak with an adoption specialist to learn more about adoption.
Remember that it is your choice, and no one can force you into making a decision you don’t believe is right, including the father of the baby.
In some cases, even when the father of your baby wants an abortion, sitting down and talking through your options can result in the birth father changing his mind and understanding the benefit of adoption.
This was the case for Candice and her husband who became pregnant during a separation.
“I became pregnant at the worst possible time of my life. My husband and I were separated. He wanted me to have an abortion, and I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I talked with him about adoption and he agreed.”
Often times, weighing your options together can get you both on the same page with the best possible outcome.
I don’t know who or where the father is
For any number of reasons, many women considering adoption are unsure who or where the baby’s birth father is. As long as all efforts are made to find the birth father, you may be able to pursue an adoption plan without his consent. In some states, fathers must register with the Putative Father Registry to protect their paternal rights.
If you want to give up a child for adoption but don’t know who the father is or where he is, get connected to an adoption professional to discuss your options for moving forward.
Do I Have to Tell the Birth Father About My Adoption Plan?
There are many reasons why you might be nervous or hesitant to talk to your baby’s birth father about your pregnancy and your plans to place the child for adoption.
You should talk with your adoption specialist or an adoption attorney to determine what the father needs to know in your specific situation and under your state’s laws. In general, you should keep these three items in mind:
- In many states, the expectant mother is not required to advise a man of her pregnancy, but some state laws do prohibit you from lying to the father of your baby about your pregnancy or the baby’s expected due date. This means that you must answer truthfully if the birth father asks you whether you are pregnant and when the baby is due, or you must ask your adoption professional to tell him the truth on your behalf.
- If the father is aware of your pregnancy and adoption plan, you may be entitled to financial support from him during the pregnancy. Speak with your adoption specialist or adoption attorney about putative father laws in your state. If the birth father offers you financial support, talk to your adoption specialist. State laws vary in how this may affect the adoption process.
- In every adoption, the birth father has to relinquish his rights before the adoption can legally be finalized. However, if the birth father does not want to participate in the adoption or is not supportive, he does not need to be included in the adoption plan.
If you are apprehensive about raising the topic of adoption with your baby’s father, your adoption professional can help advise you on how to talk with the birth father about your adoption plan and may be able to mediate your communication or contact him for you.
How Should I Inform the Father of My Adoption Plan?
When you are ready to talk to the birth father about placing the child for adoption, you have several options for how to approach the topic. Here are three ways to tell him:
- If possible, tell him in person or by phone – This is usually the best way to deliver any big news and will allow you to be sensitive when you inform him and answer any questions he may have about the process.
- Write a detailed letter or email – Depending on your situation, it might be necessary to explain your adoption plan in a letter or email. You must put thought into the words you use and carefully explain why you are choosing adoption and what the next steps of the process are. Take your time with your letter or email so your thoughts are accurately conveyed.
- Have your adoption specialist or attorney speak to the birth father on your behalf – If your state laws allow it, your adoption professional may be able to contact the birth father for you. He or she can talk to the birth father about your adoption plan, his rights and responsibilities in the process, and his option to create his adoption plan.
However you decide to inform the father of the baby of your adoption plan, it can be an emotional time for both of you. To help you through the conversation, you may want to follow these tips as you discuss adoption in person or in writing:
- If you have the opportunity to talk to him in person, find a private, quiet place free of distractions.
- Be as honest and descriptive as possible. Focus on the positives of adoption, explain the reasons why you think adoption is the best option for both of you and your baby, and describe the type of life you hope your child will have with an adoptive family.
- Avoid arguing. Do your best to remain calm, allow him to respond, and listen to his thoughts, questions and concerns.
- If you want him to be involved in the adoption process, let him know. Invite him to be as involved as you are comfortable with — helping to choose the adoptive family, accompanying you to the hospital or participating in pre-placement phone calls and visits with the adoptive parents, for example.
- Suggest that the two of you meet with an adoption professional to get more information about the adoption process. If he is upset or unsupportive of your adoption plan, an adoption specialist may be able to help educate him about adoption and give him the resources and support he needs.
Remember that the laws regarding birth father rights vary from state to state, and these laws may affect your adoption plan. Your adoption specialist or attorney is committed to helping you pursue your adoption plan, and you should work with them to discuss your options and any impact the father may have on the adoption.
Fill out this form to get connected with a trusted and experienced adoption professional and learn more about giving a baby up for adoption without the father.