Can You Change Adoptive Couples? [3 Reasons Why You Might]

If you’re asking yourself, “Can I change adoptive families?” because you’ve changed your mind about adoption or the hopeful adoptive family you’ve chosen, this is an option for you.

Choosing the adoptive couple that is best for your baby is one of the most important decisions in the adoption process. You may have specific hopes for your child’s life — that they grow up loving nature, or they have the opportunity to be with siblings. Whatever your dreams for your baby are, choosing the right adoptive parents will set them on that path.

Given all that depends on this decision, it’s understandable for anyone to feel the pressure of this choice, even after you’ve already chosen an adoptive couple. If things aren’t going how you had envisioned with the adoptive parents you choose, you may be asking, “Can you change adoptive couples?”

The answer, in most situations, is yes, you can change adoptive couples. But this issue is more complex than that. There are other factors to consider, and other potential outcomes of changing adoptive couples. We’ll break all of that down in this guide to how to change adoptive families.

If you are looking for a new adoptive family for your baby, you can browse waiting families’ profiles here. You can also contact an adoption professional today to get answers to your questions and free support as you make this important decision.

CAN YOU CHANGE ADOPTIVE COUPLES?

As a prospective birth mother in the domestic infant adoption process, you are in charge. This means that, yes, you can change your mind about an adoptive couple and choose a different family for your baby if you need to.

Lindsay, a proud birth mother, shared how she knew she had found the right parents for her baby:

“I had a feeling,” she said. “This wave of comfort came over me. I was full of joy and began laughing so hard my chest was jumping. I couldn’t remember the last time that I laughed that hard. It was then that I knew they were the ones. My friend had told me that I would know when I met them, and she was right. They were it. I had found my son’s parents.”

You deserve to feel that same sense of certainty about the family you choose for your baby. Changing adoptive couples is a major decision, and it can’t be taken lightly. If any other options are possible, it is good to explore those first. But when it comes down to it, you can always make the decision you feel is best.

HOW DO YOU CHANGE ADOPTIVE COUPLES?

How to change adoptive families will depend on the adoption agency you are working with. Typically, you will want to talk to your adoption specialist or counselor about your concerns about the adoptive parents as soon as possible. From there, you’ll work to determine if there is something else that can be done to address those concerns.

Do you need to have more open lines of communication? Is there a specific question you have of them that could make things better? If something came up that you weren’t aware of from the adoption profile, can that specific thing be addressed?

If none of this helps, then you and your adoption specialist can move onto choosing new adoptive parents. \You will be presented with all of the adoptive family profiles that your adoption specialist believes are a good fit for you, and the adoption process can continue as usual when a new adoptive family is chosen. You can look at as many profiles as you need until you are sure you have found the perfect parents for your baby.

“I wanted to keep my options open, so I asked [my adoption professional] to email me some more family profiles,” Angelica said about the search for her baby’s parents. “Eventually, she had sent me every single one of the waiting couples on the whole list.”

Generally speaking, this is how to change adoptive families. Ask your adoption professional about the unique details of your adoption process.

REASONS TO CHANGE ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

There are several different reasons you may be asking how to change adoptive families. It could be that you have a vague sense of uneasiness about the situation. Understanding why you are ready to move onto a new adoptive family is important, as knowing what was wrong will inform your choices moving forward.

Here are a few reasons you might be considering the possibility of changing adoptive families:

• Issues in Pre-placement Contact

Everything seems awkward. The adoptive parents won’t warm up to you. It seems like something is being kept secret, or every answer to a question is a little defensive. These things and many others could occur during your pre-placement contact with the adoptive family. While it’s understandable for things to be awkward, especially at first, you may come to the point where you realize that you want to change adoptive parents because of these issues.

• Discomfort with the Family

What do you do if the family you meet during pre-placement contact is completely different from the one you saw in the adoption profile? Sometimes it can be hard to truly capture the essence of a couple in a profile. You may find that what you saw in the profile and the couple who you are meeting seems so different that you want to choose new adoptive parents for your baby.

• Reconsidering Adoption

Choosing adoption isn’t easy. As an expectant mother, you love your baby. That’s why you are trying to do what is best for them. Could it be that the issues you are having with the adoptive couple are actually issues with adoption? It’s always okay to reconsider adoption, and you should be able to talk freely with your adoption specialist about this.  

At the same time, it’s important to remember that no one is perfect, and some of the concerns you might have about the adoptive family could fade away as you get to know them better. Doubt is a completely normal part of the adoption process, so talk through any fears you are having with your adoption professional before you make any decisions.

HOW CAN I MAKE SURE I CHOOSE THE RIGHT ADOPTIVE FAMILY?

How to change adoptive families is one thing, and making sure you choose the right parents after you’ve changed is another. Things didn’t work between you and the first adoptive parents you chose. This is hard, and it’s not how you imagined the adoption process would go. There are steps you can take to help make sure the next adoptive parents you choose are the right ones for your baby.

• Work with an agency that pre-screens families, that way you know that any family you choose will be good for your baby.
• Find an agency that creates extensive adoption profiles. Not all adoption profiles are created equal. Some agencies have larger and more dedicated teams of media specialists who help adoptive families create a profile that really communicates who they are. Watching adoptive family video profiles can be a great way to connect with potential adoptive parents, see how they interact with each other and hear about their excitement to adopt.
• Ask your adoption specialist if you can set up pre-match calls. If you have three adoption profiles that all seem great, you can have pre-match calls with these hopeful parents to get an idea of who will be best.

Choosing the right adoptive couple can bring a sense of peace and confidence in your adoption decision. Many birth parents describe a gut feeling of “just knowing” when they find the right family. Take it from birth mother Lindsey:

“I just knew that was the family for my baby,” she said simply. “I don’t know what it was…I just knew.”

Watch this video to see more birth parents describe the moment they knew they’d found the right adoptive parents.

With the right steps, you, too, can be confident in the family you pick for your baby. Reach out to an adoption specialist now to get connected with the perfect family to raise your child.