Let’s talk about my son’s birth father. I was six months sober when I met this man who was 10 years older than me. I thought he was incredible. My young hormones clouded my judgement, and before I knew it, I was in a very unhealthy relationship with a very unhealthy person. I broke up with him, and found out one week later that I was pregnant. Of course, I went back to him, only to be disappointed much more expediently the second time around. I can tell you that I loved him, and I loved him even more when I knew I was carrying his child. I can also tell you that I hated him, and I hated him even more when I found out he got me pregnant.
My son’s birth father has never met my son. He went to one doctor’s appointment with me while I was pregnant, and that was the only time he was involved in my pregnancy. After my son was born, and during the six months that I was a mother, I never allowed for him to be in my life or my son’s life, as he had proven to have some serious emotional issues to sort out.
My son is now asking questions about his biological father. His parents have a picture that they have shown him, and told my son what his birth father’s name is. However, that is the extent of the information that my son has, and honestly the extent that the adoptive parents know. My son’s parents know that my son’s biological father was a poor influence on me and that little boy. They have never spoken with the birth father, nor have they wanted to.
For the past seven years, I have texted the birth father once per year just to make sure that he is still alive and that I know how to get ahold of him. About three years ago, I received an apology and an amends from the man whom I used to love. He felt great remorse over the choices he made, and insisted that he has changed. Fast forward to the present: My son is asking questions about his birth father. It’s one thing to help my child learn about where he came from, but it’s another story to face the fears and trauma I’ve been through regarding that same person. I am in a conversation in my head, torn between this man being someone I used to love, and the same man being my son’s birth father. I must keep stability in my life and my son’s life as much as I am able to as a birth mother, but I also must face old traumas.
I have been in communication with my son’s birth father lately. We have had a few conversations. He has learned enough about my son to give him a picture that he is happy, healthy and well taken care of. I sent him a picture as well. At this point, conversations are going well. It will take time before I will be comfortable with the birth father speaking with the adoptive parents, and that is alright. It’s more important to navigate this relationship wisely rather than diving in head first like I did seven years ago.
My greatest challenge in communicating with my son’s birth father is understanding how I feel about my son’s birth father. I haven’t walked a path of healing in this area yet. Realizing that I still have healing to do in a whole new area is not something that scares me, though. I know that I have come this far with healing, and since it’s a journey, I’ll be walking it for my whole life on this planet.
The greatest comfort I have in wading through these emotions is leaning on my faith. I believe that God is walking next to me on my path, and that he will never leave my side. Not everyone who reads this will believe in God, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have faith. Use your own spiritual principles to navigate feelings regarding a birth father.
The other resource I have that is greatly helping me is my support network. Between friends, family and therapy, I have a lot of people in my corner. I can talk to my loved ones and support system about how I’m feeling and what I’m going through. They will listen and give advice when I need it. While I don’t frequently talk with my son’s parents, I know they care about me as well. They completely and fully support me in my conversations with the birth father. They trust my judgement, and know I would only give information if I was completely comfortable with it. Knowing that I am in their hearts brings me much joy. After all, I love them with all my heart and respect them for the parents that they were, are, and will be. If you find yourself dealing with confusing emotions regarding a birth father, get some support. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times, and even be confused. It’s just important to remember to ask for help and support when you need it. As you navigate the open waters of an open adoption, listen to your faith, trust your child’s adoptive parents, and make sure you take care of yourself as well. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
School is back in full swing, which also means that the dreaded homework assignments are also now a part of parents’ evening routines. But, on top of helping with math and reading assignments, parents are also instrumental in one homework assignment in particular: creating a family tree. These assignments can be difficult enough for any family (tracing lineage isn’t always the easiest task), but when it comes to families who have added to their family through adoption, the assignment is even trickier. After all, how do you create an adoption family tree when the assignment is so focused on the biological aspect of a family relationship? What does a family tree for an adopted child look like? With a little creativity, you can learn how to show adoption on a family tree in a way that’s respectful and makes your child happy. Remember, adoption is always something to be proud of — and there are several ways you can incorporate your child’s unique adoption story into his family tree assignment. Here are some tips if you’re wondering how to show adoption on a family tree:
While we’re all familiar with what a typical family tree looks like, you will likely need to be creative with the design when you’re incorporating birth and adoptive families into this assignment. Instead of a traditional tree design, you may wish to look to other adoption family tree templates. For example, some people create a family “forest,” incorporating multiple trees for an adoptee’s birth and adoptive family. Others place an adopted child in the roots of the tree, with different branches representing parents (and smaller branches diverging off of those main ones).
Perhaps an adoption family tree isn’t the most positive experience for your child, especially if they don’t know much about their birth family history. With the permission of your child’s teacher, you may wish to complete a less-literal family tree. You could create a “family meadow,” where you include not only family members but also your neighbors, your community and anyone else who is present in your child’s upbringing. To stay with the family tree theme, your child may instead choose to complete a family tree for a famous person in history, like a president. You can view some other ideas for family tree and history assignments here.
When you have an adopted child, it’s important that your child’s teacher understands their family situation from the first day of school. This way, they can be inclusive of your child in activities like family trees or genetics lessons that typically emphasize biological connections over any other familial relationship. When your child is assigned a family tree lesson, make sure you express your concerns to their teacher, so they know to expect a slightly different assignment from your child. They may even have suggestions for how to show adoption on a family tree or alternative assignments your child can complete. For the most part, an adopted child’s schooling should not be any different from a child with any other kind of family structure — but it is important to recognize how these structures can affect a child’s ability to complete a certain assignment. There’s not just a different family tree for an adopted child but for any other child who has divorced parents, or a single-parent or other nontraditional household. So, if you do find yourself struggling to complete an adoption family tree, we encourage you to reach out to not only your child’s teacher but also fellow adoptive parents and adoptive parent resources to find out what options are available to you.
I recently had the blessing in my life in the form of a visit from my son and his parents. My family and I moved out of state a few years ago, and visits have become more challenging due to about a 12-hour drive. However, they decided to come for a visit! We had been planning it for months, and I was so excited. I went through a wave of emotions while my son was here. He is so mature for his age, and just had a blast!
There is a plethora of emotions a birth mother may experience when visiting or talking with her birth child. I know because I have experienced many of them. Regardless of how long it has been since placement, what forum we are communicating in, or how old he is, I always experience powerful emotions when I interact with him. The following are some emotions that are perfectly normal to experience and some tips on how to manage those feelings:
Grief is one of the most powerful emotions that I experience as a birth mother. While I have processed through much of this, I still have waves of its stages. In the beginning of our adoption relationship, I would experience grief in a very substantial way. I would lay my eyes upon him and must hold back tears because I was so sad that I couldn’t provide for him. I felt angry at the people who weren’t supportive while I was a mother. Over time, through therapy, and with support, I have come to a place where the grief has lessened so substantially that I barely notice it.
I was a mother for six months with an infant, and nine previously when I was pregnant. I didn’t choose adoption immediately upon learning that I was pregnant. I had the mentality that I was a mother, and that I was going to raise a child. Now that I am a birth mother, my role has changed to my son. I am not the one who puts him to bed, disciplines him, or teaches him daily. Sometimes I still find that I will experience confusion regarding my role in his life. There are moments when I desire to parent him when I am with him, moments when I miss him, and moments when I’m not even sure what to say to him.
The greatest feeling of joy that I have ever felt is when I am with my son. No matter what is going on in my personal life, when I talk to him or see him, it gives me the energy to keep moving forward in my own life. I know that what I did by choosing adoption was brave, and his happy and healthy life only further proves that it was the right decision. I have felt depressed before interactions with him, and by the time the interaction ended, I literally have wanted to bottle up the joy I felt and save it for later when I need some happiness in my life.
Peace is the goal I think. No matter what you have been through as a birth mother, no matter what obstacles you have overcome as a woman, and no matter how difficult life can be, peace with adoption is the goal of being on a healing journey. I can confidently claim to have a level of peace in my life today. I saw my son recently, and just could enjoy my time with him. I was in the present, didn’t obsess over what was or what could have been, and truly got to love on him and was able to let him love on me. If you experience negative emotions while engaging in interaction with your birth child, keep in mind that it is completely normal. You might tear up a bit, you might even have to step away to cry. What’s important is that you take a breath and remember what a blessing you have given this child. Look at his or her life and be grateful for what that child has. The adoptive parents that you choose should bring you comfort as well, just by knowing that you choose them and they choose you and your child. If you find that phone calls and visits are proving a bit too challenging, don’t beat yourself up. Perhaps it is best to limit your visits to an hour or two, and phone calls to five to ten minutes. That’s what I have done, and his adoptive parents sometimes need these limits as well. If we can all respect each other’s needs, we get through the difficult times together. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
One of the most common questions that lawyers receive from both current parents and hopeful parents is, “What is the difference between adoption and legal guardianship?” The biggest and most important difference when it comes to guardianship vs. adoption is the time period for which it is effective: Guardianship is temporary while adoption is permanent. However, because the legal difference between adoption and legal guardianship can be nuanced and complicated, it’s easy for current parents and prospective parents to get the two processes confused. As with all legal adoption topics, it’s recommended that you speak to an experienced adoption attorney to learn more about your state’s specific laws on the matter before moving forward. An attorney can also examine your personal situation to determine whether adoption vs. guardianship is best for you.
The reason why adoption and legal guardianship are so confusing is because the two options have many similarities. They both accomplish the goal of providing a child with a stable, supportive parent — although, as you’ll find out below, the legal implications of that vary between adoption vs. guardianship. In both situations, a parent is given the responsibility of caring for a child who is usually not biologically theirs. They have all the parental responsibilities involved with taking care of a child, like providing financial and emotional support and ensuring they receive all of the basic necessities required to survive, including a proper education. Both legal guardians and adoptive parents have the right to consent to medical treatment for the child.
While both adoption and guardianship provide a stable parent to a child in need, the intended length and legal consequences of each process vary to two different extremes. A legal guardianship is a temporary caregiving situation for a child. When a parent chooses to place their child in a legal guardianship, it’s to ensure the child receives necessary care that the legal parent can’t provide at the moment — but intends to after a certain period of time. Legal guardianships can give guardians custody of a child until they’re 18 years old; however, the legal parents retain all legal parental rights for the child. Therefore, the child’s legal parents can always terminate the guardianship and reclaim custody of the child, as well as pass inheritance along to the child. A legal guardian cannot pass along their own inheritance to the child in their custody unless a special provision is made in their will. Adoption, on the other hand, is a process that legally terminates the rights of a child’s legal or biological parents as they are placed into the custody of new adoptive parents. Unlike guardianship, adoption is not temporary; it’s a permanent decision that legally separates a child from their legal/biological parents. After an adoption, a child’s legal or biological parents cannot reclaim the rights to their child. An adoption also excludes legal parents from any child support obligation and any rights to visitation, unless previously agreed upon in an open adoption agreement. Depending on when an adoption takes place and what kind of adoption is completed, the legal adoption process can be much more involved than a legal guardianship process. For example, if a domestic infant adoption takes place, the adoptive parents and prospective birth mother will go through a different adoption process than two relatives completing an older child adoption.
Usually, if a person is wondering, “Adoption versus guardianship?” it’s because they know of a situation where there’s a child in need but aren’t sure of what’s the best option for the child’s parent. Ultimately, this decision is always up to the child’s parent. But, knowing the important differences between adoption and legal guardianship, how does a parent decide what’s the best caregiving option for their child? Before deciding between the two, parents should ask themselves these questions:
When it comes to guardianship versus adoption, there is no one right answer — just the right answer for your situation. It’s not a decision to make without serious research and consideration, but there are many experienced adoption attorneys who can offer the legal advice you need to make the best choice for you. Reach out to an attorney near you to learn more about the two processes and, when you’re ready, to start the one that’s best for you and your child.
All I could do was the best I could at the time with what I had. That’s all we can ever do.
I remember when I had my son and he was about five months old. I told my friend about how hard parenting was for me. I told him I had many negative thoughts and didn’t know what to do. His response was that it was normal for me to feel the way that I did. He didn’t offer support, advice or help. He just said it was normal and left it at that. Needless to say, I placed my son for adoption one month later.
I have an open adoption with my son. I placed him for adoption when he was six months old. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, yet it was the best decision that I have ever made in my life. When I was a mother, I was almost completely on my own. I had very little support, and was very likely suffering from postpartum depression without knowing it. I knew that adoption was the best choice, but it was by far not the easy choice. The birth father was busy being a confused, young man who just wasn’t ready to take care of a child.
In the beginning of the adoption lifestyle, I saw my son every month or two. Since I was a mother for six months, it was very hard for me to not have frequent contact with him. As time went on, we weaned the visits. Over the years, we have changed visit frequencies to about once per year. I speak with him on holidays and sometimes in between over the phone.
My open adoption is also open for my son. He knows who I am, and will ask his parents questions about me. They openly talk about me with him, and encourage him to have a relationship with me. I tell people that I have a fairy tale adoption. It’s not perfect by any means, but considering what a rough start my son and I had, our lives have increased in abundance immensely. We are not lucky, we are blessed. I was blessed by a visit from my son and his parents recently. It was ever so bittersweet. I laid my eyes upon his face and felt my soul ignite. Seeing my son didn’t bring sadness, it brought great joy. I enjoyed my time with him; sitting next to him over a meal, watching him play video games, and just chatting with him on his age-appropriate level. My favorite moment: When it was time to say our goodbyes, I gave him a huge hug and whispered: “You know I’m proud of you, right?” His perfect response, “I know Mama Linz! You tell me all the time!” What else could a birth mother ask for?
My son was playing with some toys and his parents let me know that he has started asking about his biological father. I was floored. I have been walking a path of healing as a birth mother for seven years and have never truly dealt with my feelings regarding the birth father. Hearing that my son has some questions was not something I was ready for yet. I knew the day would come, it just came a little too soon. I’m sure that is normal for a parent — after all, they grow up way too fast. My ideology regarding my role as a birth parent is that when my son needs me, I am here for him. No matter what, when he needs me, I will always be here. That means, at times, facing my own fears, swallowing my pride, and doing what is best for my child. I told his parents that I would get ahold of the birth father, see how he is doing, and find out if there is any potential for a relationship with him for my son. No matter what my personal issues with his birth father happen to be, it is my responsibility as a parent to set those aside and do what is best for my child. I don’t know what to expect from here, but I know I will protect my son no matter what. I did text his birth father, and it sounds as if he is a changed man. Time will tell what the future holds. In the meantime, I am a focused and determined woman who will begin a new path of healing in regards to my son’s birth father.
I am a firm believer in education regarding all aspects of life with children. If you do not educate them and plant happy and healthy seeds of faith, how will they ever have the right tools to make the important daily decisions that they need to? Even more than that, if we don’t teach them, and they fail, then who is really failing? It is us failing them.
As far as children asking questions about where they came from in an open adoption, I keep a few guidelines on my heart and outline some boundaries as well. If your birth child is asking questions regarding adoption, please consider the following:
No matter which stage you are in of the open adoption life, there are going to be challenges. Face your fears as they come, enjoy those moments with your child that you can cherish, and always show respect to the care and concern of adoptive parents. You are not alone, so reach out for help if you need it. If I can get through it, I know you can too. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
September is Baby Safety Month, an awareness campaign sponsored by the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association to educate parents and caregivers about the importance of using straps on children’s products. Today, the leading cause of non-fatal injuries among young children is falls — but this campaign aims to end that. Every day, about 8,000 children are treated in the emergency room for fall-related injuries, many of which could have been prevented by using proper protective restraints in children’s products. From sleeping to traveling to hanging around the house, children can easily be protected by their parents taking easy, simple steps to keep them safe. The JPMA has hosted a Baby Safety Awareness campaign since 1986, with the week extending to a month-long campaign in 1986. Along the way, they’ve picked up several helpful hints to help keep your baby safe from unexpected injuries. Here are some of the tips the association has provided to help you “strap in for safety”:
Car seats are extremely important in keeping a child safe while driving. As with any children’s product, make sure to fully read and follow the manufacturer’s instructions and warning labels. All straps should fit snugly and allow no slack or sagging. Chest clips should also fit snugly (with one finger between harness and shoulder) and be positioned in the mid- to upper-chest area near the armpits.
The most important thing to remember with strollers is to always use straps, no matter how short a trip is. Children can easily climb up and out of the seat in a matter of seconds, leading to injury-causing falls. Remember to read the manufacturer’s instructions to make sure you’re securing all of the straps correctly. Any child who sits in a stroller should be secured by straps, no matter their age, and you should never leave them unsupervised.
If you’re using a baby carrier, you’ll want to make sure your baby’s weight is distributed evenly and all safety straps are secure. Always keep one hand on the baby while adjusting straps or putting the baby in or taking them out of the carrier.
Many parents enjoy the hands-off time that a swing, infant seat or bouncer can provide, but remember that it’s never “attention-off” time. Children should always be supervised while using these products. In addition, babies should always be buckled into these products securely (read the manufacturer’s instructions to do so correctly).
Changing a baby’s diaper is difficult enough, especially when they’re active and like to move around during the process. That’s why it’s so important that parents strap babies into changing tables to avoid them rolling off the table and causing serious harm to themselves. Always keep one hand on the baby while they’re on the table; you’ll need to make sure your supplies are within arm’s reach. And always make sure that your changing table, if it’s not a freestanding piece, is securely attached to the surface it’s placed on before putting your baby there.
Children should never stand in high chairs, and the easiest way to prevent this is by using the straps that come with the product. Straps should be secured snugly, without allowing children to wiggle around in the chair. The crotch restraint strap will help prevent them from slipping down during meal time.
As mentioned, just because a child is secured by straps does not mean that they don’t have to be under constant supervision. While straps can help prevent harm in case of a children’s product flipping over or falling, damage can still be done. After you strap your child into a product, make sure to always keep him or her in your sight, proximity and hearing. To learn more about Baby Safety Month and how you can help spread awareness of this important topic, check out the organization’s website.
Adoptive parents know it well: love, not DNA, is what makes a family. Transracial adoptive families especially know that you don’t have to look like someone to love them — and according to a recent study from the Institute of Family Studies, this sentiment is growing in popularity. The study reveals that transracial adoptions have become more common than ever over the past decade; since 1999, the proportion of adopted kindergartners being raised by a mother of a different race has increased by 50 percent. In fact, about 44 percent of adopted kindergartners were being raised by transracial adoptive parents at the time of the study. The study also breaks down the percentage of adopted children being raised by parents of another race or ethnicity:
Many expect these numbers to continue to grow as society becomes increasingly multicultural. This increase in transracial adoptions is a positive step for the U.S. during a new age of complicated race relations; recent events in Charlottesville alone highlight the types of complex racial issues that transracial families have to contend with. But, as this study shows, there are still plenty of prospective adoptive parents ready to embrace all of the rewards and challenges of transracial adoption and parenting. To learn more about the Institute of Family Studies’ research and transracial adoption, visit American Adoptions.
Whether an adoption is closed, semi-open or fully open, there will usually be a time when the adoptee at the center of the process expresses natural curiosity about their birth family. They may even want to meet them. As adoptive parents, you’ll probably be excited to help your child learn more about their background and their personal identity, but you may also feel conflicted; you may be concerned that reconnecting with your child’s birth family and birth story may not answer all the questions they have, and for those it does, they may not be the answers they’re looking for. However, it’s important that you continue to support them throughout their journey, even when it becomes difficult. To help your child through their search and reunion process, here are some things you can do:
If your child hasn’t had visits with their birth parents before, it can be a shock for them to meet each other with no prior preparation. Instead, give your child the chance to read any letters or look at any photos you have from their birth parents before they meet them and, if their birth parent is comfortable doing so, have them exchange written or phone communication before meeting your child in person. The more your child can ease into communication with their birth parents, the better prepared they’ll be for an eventual in-person meeting.
You may already be able to answer some of the questions that your child has, like why they were placed for adoption and who their birth parents are. If so, make sure they have all the information about their birth parents that you know before meeting with their birth parents. In many cases, it’s better for them to hear the details of their adoption from you ahead of time, rather than during a meeting that they’ve built up in their head for so long.
An adoption reunion is not just about what your child wants; it will also be about what their birth parents are comfortable with. Your child may be envisioning a “happily ever after” where their birth parent instantly becomes a regular presence in their life, but they should be prepared for the possibility that their birth parent isn’t ready for that kind of relationship. A reunion is only successful if both parties are comfortable; otherwise, it may end up being a negative experience that neither your child nor their birth parent will enjoy.
While it’s rare that an adoptee regrets their decision to seek out their birth parents, especially in closed adoptions, what your child is hoping for may not come to be. Whether that’s because they don’t instantly feel a connection with their birth parent, don’t share a physical resemblance or another situation, your child should be mature enough to prepare for and handle that disappointment before they begin their search. Whether they can is also a good indication of whether your child is ready to seek out their birth parents.
Adoption search and reunions can be a long, emotionally draining process. It may be a good idea for you and your child to find support from people who are also going through this process or have already completed it. Although each search and reunion is unique, this is usually a great way to learn more about what to expect and how to prepare for the process ahead. Your adoption professional may also be able to give you advice or connect you with other adoptive families who have gone through the same journey. When your child first approaches you about reconnecting or meeting their birth parents, it may come as a bit of a shock — but remember that it’s a natural reflection of the interest they have in who they are. Therefore, it’s important to support them through every step of this search and reunion story, especially if the results are unexpected. You will always be their parents, and your love during this important time in their life will mean the world to them. Similarly, if your adopted child has no interest in finding or meeting their birth parents, don’t push them to do so. Respect them and their preferences, no matter which end of the adoption reunion scale they’re on. Follow their lead and let them proceed with whatever steps they’re comfortable with — and be by their side the entire way.
While your adoption professional will have likely prepared you for talking to your child about their adoption, sometimes your child may ask you questions that you’re unprepared for. Young children who are curious about where they came from may not have a full grasp of what their adoption means, and when they start recognizing that their birth story is different from their friends’, they’ll start asking why. Some of these questions can be difficult to answer, but it’s important to remember that it’s natural for your child to be curious. So, how do you answer some of the more difficult questions they have? It’s a good idea to speak with your adoption specialist for individualized advice, but here are some common questions you may get from your adopted child as they grow up:
Young children will likely see pregnant women or hear about family and friend’s pregnancies and wonder whether they became a part of your family the same way. This is usually one of the first questions that children have about their birth story and a great opportunity to explain how adoption works. Tell them that they grew in their birth mom’s tummy: “She loved you very much, but when she found out she was expecting you, she knew she couldn’t take care of you on her own. So, she found us, and we became your parents through adoption.”
Once they understand adoption, this is usually the next question that an adoptee asks. It can be difficult to see your child feel neglected and unwanted when they ask this question, so make sure you emphasize that their birth parents loved them very much and that they did not “give up” on your child by choosing adoption. “Even though they wanted you very much, your birth parents knew they couldn’t take care of you. Babies need a lot of care, like food, clothes and a place to live, and your birth parents weren’t able to give you all of that. So, they chose to place you with parents who could — us.” As your child grows up, the information you give them about their birth parent situation may become more detailed, based on what you think is age-appropriate for them to know.
Adoptees who have younger biological relatives will hear people commenting often on the way that children look like their parents, and they may not get those comments about themselves and their parents. This can be hard for them, as it highlights their differences in a time when they want to fit in. Remind them that they have the same beautiful looks as their birth parents. “We got our looks from Grandma and Grandpa, just like you got yours from your birth parents. But just because we don’t look the same doesn’t mean we aren’t a family. We love the way you look, especially your curly hair/blue eyes/etc.”
When adoptees understand that their birth parents placed them with another family, they may worry that you will do the same at some point. Remind them that adoption is a decision that lasts forever, and you will always be their parents, to love and take care of them.
It’s important to emphasize that your child’s birth parents loved them very much when they placed them for adoption, so of course they remember. This may be a good opportunity to show them any letters or communication you share with their birth parents. “Your birth parents will always love you, and they love seeing you grow up through the pictures and letters we send them. They will always remember who you are and be proud of you.”
Obviously, the answer to this will depend upon your individual open adoption situation. If you have photos and letters from your child’s birth parent, you may want to show them. Tell them it may be difficult to see their birth parent if they live far away, but emphasize that you will always support them if they want to meet their birth parents one day.
It’s natural for children to be curious about where they came from, but they may feel like they’re betraying you if they ask questions or think about their birth parents. Make sure they know it’s okay to ask you any questions they have, and you understand what they’re feeling. Remind them that you also think about their birth parents, too. “We think about your birth parents probably as often as you, especially on your birthday. We are so happy that they gave us the gift of being parents to you, and we will always love and respect them for the choice they made — and you can, too. We’ll always answer as many of your questions as we can.” While these are just a few of the questions your child may have, they can give you a good idea of how to talk about their adoption in a positive and healthy way. Remember to always reach out to your adoption specialist if you need more advice on how to talk to your child about their adoption.
The Russian adoption ban and its repercussions have certainly been in the news lately, but a new documentary will delve into the issue with more detail — focusing on the innocent people most affected. “To the Moon and Back,” a film by Susan Morgan Cooper to be released this fall, takes a deeper look into the history of the adoption ban by Russia and how it did (and continues to) affect U.S. families and Russian orphans desperately in need of homes. Cooper told Adoption.com the inspiration from the film came from a Russian girl named Olga who approached her at one of her screenings, saying “‘You must make a film about the Russian adoption ban.’” “My mission was to make the public aware of what was going on so that they could understand what exactly was the adoption ban,” Cooper said. “More importantly, my mission is to bring the children caught in the ban, many of whom have disabilities, home to their loving families in the U.S.” The documentary explains how political retaliation between Russian president Vladimir Putin and U.S. president Barack Obama eventually led to the adoption ban in 2012 — as well as how Putin attempted to turn the blame on Americans and gain support from his people for the ban. Today, about 250 families are still waiting to adopt the children they fell in love with before the ban, some even taking steps to sue the Russian government. It’s estimated that 650,000 Russian orphans in total are still waiting for homes — homes that, prior to the adoption ban, many American families provided. Unfortunately, the Russian adoption ban is a complicated issue that won’t be resolved easily, especially with new political situations adding fuel to the fire. However, any attention brought to this terrible situation is a step in the right direction. You can watch the trailer for “To the Moon and Back” below and stay up-to-date on release information by liking the film’s Facebook page. To help make a difference and start bringing these adopted children home, contact your congressman or congresswoman or state representative to express your concern for repealing this ban.
