Reciprocity is when both parties engage in a relationship. If you give honesty, you get honesty. If you are receiving transparency, give transparency. In the relationship I have with my son’s parents, this concept was defined from the start. That’s always the best place for it: in the beginning of the relationship. It is the beginning of a relationship that the rest of the relationship will be built upon. Set a great foundation from the start, and watch as respect and reciprocity blossoms going forward.
When meeting with a potential birth mother for the first time, she will hopefully be as honest as possible about what she is looking for in adoptive parents. I’m the kind of woman who likes to get straight to the point, and I don’t believe in wasting time. There is no point, in my opinion, in pretending to be something you are not when the issue at hand goes so deep and is so crucial. After all, we are talking about providing a life for a child, and I take that very seriously. Searching for the family that will raise her child is not something a birth mother takes lightly, and my advice to birth mothers is to be prepared to cover some hard topics within the first meeting. My advice to adoptive parents includes doing the same and keeping in mind that while this may feel like the most intense interview if your life, it isn’t about that. It is about finding the right fit for the child and the birth mother so that as the relationship moves forward, there is reciprocity, respect, honesty, and transparency.
The foundation that my son’s parents and I have built is strong, and for almost seven years, it has endured and strengthened. We are a family. My hope is that you find the same. I pray that adoptive parents remain patient and honest as they go through the journey of meeting their child and that child’s birth mother. My faith is strong these days, and I truly believe that just because we gave birth to a child, doesn’t mean we were meant to raise them. When adoption is the best choice, it is not a choice to be taken lightly. This is a decision that a birth mother will live with forever. I have watched from afar as my son has grown up with the same values that his mother assured me she would raise him with. I have heard his manners over the phone. I have seen pictures of his genuine smile. I have listened to stories about the friendships he is developing and how intelligent he is. He travels, participates in sports, and goes to a great school. He knows he is loved. He is secure. All of these things are what I couldn’t fully give to him, and now he has them.
My son’s parents, and the life that they are providing him, were worth the wait in my adoption story. Don’t settle for less. As adoptive parents, your actions will speak louder than words, and I’m positive that the birth mother will see and appreciate your patience. Overcoming the wait is something that speaks volumes to the character of a person, especially when it comes to desiring to become a parent. Let your potential birth mother know about what you have gone through and how dedicated you are to raising a child. If her values and desires seem to match yours, then perhaps you have found her.
I would rather act for the long-term when it comes to something like adoption, rather than thinking in the short-term. What I mean by this is that a relationship of a lifetime is being established upon your first meeting. While there will be bumps in the road, the mutual respect and transparency that will be created will help to endure and navigate those bumps. I have worked through bumps in the road with my son’s parents as we traverse the unchartered waters of our relationship. We define boundaries when necessary, and respect them once set. We adapt to changes as our son grows up, and we consider his needs above all of our needs. The open agreement has been maintained, and I am soon to look forward to another bundle of photographs with an update. I love receiving updates, and I cherish the moments when I interact with my son and his parents, whether it be in person or via phone. Remember the golden rule from scripture: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12 ESV ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Parenthood is not for the faint of heart. From the moment you find out you’re going to be a parent, you’re in for an adventure. Each day brings something new, something different. There will be joys, and there will be challenges. It is the ride of your life. While all parents face similar highs and lows, each family is unique, with its own set of ups and downs. But being adoptive parents brings a whole new set of challenges that biological parents don’t always have. Here are some struggles that adoptive families face, and ways to alleviate the stress. Overcoming infertility – Adoptive parents may have already faced loss and disappointment due to complications with infertility. They may struggle with feelings of jealousy toward others who can have a baby biologically. Regardless of the circumstances, adoptive parents need to have their feelings acknowledged and addressed before taking on the stress of the adoption process. They can turn to support groups or individual therapists. Adoptive parents need to understand they are not alone in their struggles with infertility. Understanding the adoption process – The adoption process can seem cumbersome and overwhelming at times. There are many decisions to be made, from the type of adoption to pursue, to what to do when you have been matched with a child. The home study process can seem especially daunting. A good adoption agency can help you manage the process and provide emotional support through every step of the journey. Again, adoptive parents can turn to support groups for a sense of community and answers to their questions. It is so helpful to talk to other families who have been down the same road. Waiting for a placement – To some adoptive families, this is the hardest part. It is important to keep life as normal as possible during this time. Keep your regular routines, because once the adoption is finalized and your child is home, life will be anything but regular. Along with your normal activities, make time for stress-relieving activities, like exercise, pampering, time with friends, time for hobbies, a glass of wine, whatever. It may seem like not much is happening during the waiting, but the stress of waiting can take its toll. Handling post-adoption depression – This is similar to post-partum depression. After months of anticipating parenthood, the finalization of the adoption may lead to a feeling of letdown in some parents. The reality of parenthood sinks in, and the stress may be heightened by a lack of sleep, possible behavior issues, or even troubles bonding with the new child. In some cases, these feelings resolve themselves after life settles down and the family gets into a routine. If the depression continues, peer support or help from a therapist (especially a professional with experience in adoption issues) can be extremely helpful. Again, parenthood is tough, and adoptive families have added issues that birth families don’t face. Find your “village” and know you aren’t alone. It is a roller coaster of emotions, but it is WORTH it.
The first time that I met my son’s adoptive mother, I was blown away by her transparency. I believe she was blown away with mine as well. So here is my tip to potential adoptive parents: be transparent, honest, and open-minded.
I wrote an article on this same topic for birth parents, so the content was different but the message is the same: It is crucial to create a foundation of transparency and respect for all parties when meeting for the first time. This is a relationship with a goal to persevere through changes, and adapt when necessary. The best way to ensure that such challenges can be met, in my opinion, is to commence the relationship appropriately. Everything else will fall into place from there.
The first time that I met with my son’s mother, I was impressed by how genuine and kind she was. I brought up hard topics, and she answered them honestly. The topic that I remember bringing up vividly was the foundation of values on which my son would be raised if she were to become his mother. My son’s soon-to-be mother explained that she would instill values in him, like respect, manners, and kindness. She expressed how foundational such values were in her marriage already. She communicated that growing up, she was raised by these values and wanted her child to have the same values instilled in him or her. I could tell that she was being genuine. The transparency of her responses and the evidence of her respect for my concern did not go unnoticed. She didn’t know it at the time, but I knew then that she was meant to raise my son and become his mother. Later that week, I met my son’s father. He was quiet for the most part, but when he did speak, it was with confidence and honesty. He showed me pictures of his family, their dogs, and relayed to me how much he wanted to be a father and how crucial it was for him to raise an upright child. This is exactly what I was looking for. This couple was kind, respectful, didn’t shy away from the tough questions, and was open with me. I knew they would give my son the life I truly believed he deserved to have and that I wanted so badly for him. On the day that my son’s parents met my son, his mother gave me a necklace with a compass on it. I welled up with tears. I knew she meant what she said and respected me. Although it was beyond pain I have ever felt when I watched them drive away with our son that day, I also felt immense amounts of relief knowing that my son would be safe, secure, and have the best life that any child of mine could have asked for. My son was going home to be with his parents, and I was ever so ecstatic for him.
I think it is important that adoptive parents keep in mind the following: Just because you are meeting a birth mother and want a child, does not mean that it will be the right fit. I think it is more important to find the right fit than to rush into a situation. I know that some adoptive parents have waited years to meet their child, but I believe deep within my heart that every adoptive parent and child who is meant to be together will find their way to one another. I also believe that a birth mother needs and deserves a good fit with her child’s parents, and sometimes, finding the right fit can take time. I have heard too many horror stories to believe that rushing into a potentially bad match is worth it. It is crucial that birth mothers and adoptive parents have a mutual respect for one another, and this can be established in the first moments of meeting. While it may sound like my opinions put a lot of pressure on the first meeting, I don’t believe so. Basically, my suggestion is to just be yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t. Trust that the birth mother you are meeting has some idea of what she is looking for in adoptive parents, and that she has the child’s best interests in mind. If it’s not a good fit, and your values don’t parallel one another, then perhaps this is not the relationship that Divine Intervention has in store for you. God Bless You in your journey, and just like I tell birth mothers on the path of healing: Don’t give up. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
The arrival of a new child is always cause for celebration. What expectant family doesn’t look forward to a shower, celebrating their baby-to-be? It is a rite of passage these days. When parents are growing their family through adoption, they can benefit from a shower as well. Adoptive parents deserve just as much love and support as birth parents. However, the typical rules may not apply when planning a shower for adoptive parents. It can be difficult to organize, because often with adoption, the parents may not know the gender, age or arrival date of their child. So, before scrolling through Pinterest for baby shower ideas, here are some things to consider:
Some families may worry that having a shower before the child arrives may “jinx” the adoption, or it may seem insensitive to the birth mother. Regardless of reason, make sure the family wants a shower before planning it.
Whether domestic or international, adoption timelines are often uncertain. Maybe the family wants to wait until the adoption is finalized. Maybe the family needs help preparing their house for their new child. They can let you know what works best for them.
Not all families adopt an infant, nor do they always know if they’re getting a boy or a girl. Be very specific on the invitation, so guests can bring appropriate gifts. And on the topic of gifts…
Encourage the family to register, regardless of the age of the child. Target and Amazon offer “wish list” registries, in addition to a typical baby registry. If the family knows they are adopting a newborn, think of items they’ll need the minute they bring baby home. This will be like a typical baby shower. However, if an older child will be joining the family, encourage them to register for age-appropriate items, whether it be books, toys, clothes, or even furniture for their room.
A shower doesn’t have to be overflowing with pink/blue/yellow décor, nor do you have to plan typical baby shower activities. If the adopted child is from another country, maybe incorporate some of their heritage into the festivities. If the shower is occurring after the adoption is finalized, consider a “sip and see” event, where the family brings the child to the party. Circling back to the timing of the shower, make sure the family has had adequate time to settle in with their child before introducing them to the masses.
For new parents, consider having guests write down parenting advice in a scrapbook. In lieu of a card, ask guests to bring a storybook, either about adoption or a childhood favorite. Parents will be looking for opportunities to bond with their child. If the parents have not requested specific gifts, guests can bring gift cards to restaurants, museums, movie theaters…any venue that will help the family create memories. No matter how parenthood comes to a family, it’s a miracle worth celebrating.
The institution of adoption, and open adoption, is still a fairly new concept in the United States. In the 1980s, we saw a new option of open adoption emerge. This has transformed the scandal of what used to be the hidden adoption into the birth of a new relationship with a new family. With the political climate at an all-time dramatic high, I think it’s common that we find ourselves asking questions that are founded in one of our most basic concerns: “What is important to us?” In this country, we have seen so much hate lately rise up and take hold, that I think it’s important to remember what is good. I am aware of the political climate that surrounds adoption, and I am floored by the hate that surrounds this issue as well. For those who have a problem with the idea of adoption and being a birth parent, I say this: “Adoption is NOT the problem.”
Saying adoption is the problem is like saying that any other noun is the problem in the world. It is an option, a choice, but it is what we do with it that can be a problem — not the thing in and of itself. I have an open adoption, and I have had an open adoption for close to seven years. I have seen highs and lows in the relationship between myself and my son’s parents. Yet, I have never regretted my choice. As a birth mother, I spent time feeling incredibly lonely and confused in regards to the emotions that took hold of me when I chose adoption. I had immense amounts of grief to process, and I lost relationships that were dear to me in the process. What I have learned since then has been absolutely pivotal in my life: “Healing is a choice.” In reference to those on their death beds, pining over what could have been, Bronnie Ware wrote: “Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
As birth mothers, we face one of the most difficult choices anyone ever faces: choosing adoption. We all have choices to make every day. Some choices are more critical than others. While choosing happiness may seem like a smaller choice when it comes to the scale of choices we make every day, I think it is rather large when you look at the full scope of it. Choosing happiness means so many vital things to everyday life. Happiness will help us make positive decisions, bring good things to our lives, and guide us to more healthy choices. We can all choose to be happy. Here are a few tips to help you choose to be happy in your everyday life:
All of these factors are within your control and can help you feel happier overall — even despite external influences.
Let me be clear, I am not referring to those who suffer from depression or other mental health conditions that would actually chemically impact one’s ability to choose happiness. As a sufferer of depression, it took me years to find the right medication that would correct a chemical imbalance and actually allow me to choose happiness. So if you find that you want to choose happiness, but are perpetually unable to, perhaps it is time to consult with a doctor.
I know from experience that happiness is a choice, just as healing is a choice. By choosing a path of healing, I have chosen happiness. Misery loves company, but do you really want to hang out with old ghosts? Consider these questions for choosing happiness:
I truly believe that every birth mother has a choice to be happy. When adoption is truly the best option, healing is an option as well. No matter how miserable you are now, I know that it will get better for you if you put in the effort to make your life better. Also, remember, feelings are temporary and always change. Don’t rely on them to dictate your choices. Push past your feelings in order to find the desires of your spirit, and most importantly, remember: You are not alone. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
If you are a single adult and you have no serious criminal record or history of abuse of children, then more than likely, you will be able to adopt a child. This is a rising trend, particularly when it comes to adoption. In 2011, nearly one-third of adoptions from foster care were completed by unmarried people, including single men. But while the law is permissive regarding single people adopting, there are certain cultural and institutional biases that can affect the ease with which single people can adopt. Fortunately, society has become increasingly accepting of single people raising children on their own. All adoptions in the State of New York require a home study, which usually includes an interview with the particular adoption agency you choose to utilize. The Court will also need to approve of the adoption in order for it to become finalized. As a single person, there will be certain questions and scenarios that you should anticipate and offer solutions for. Some questions the authorities will ask are:
A single person adopting must be prepared for these questions — more so than a married couple. You will also need to show that you are financially able to care for the child, since you will most likely be a working parent, bringing home only a single income. None of this is meant to discourage you from adopting a child, but simply to make you aware of the inherent suspicion from the courts concerning the ability of a single parent raising a child all on their own. The adoption home study can feel invasive — a social worker will inspect your house and ask personal questions about your family and friends. It is important to remember that the state is relinquishing care and control of a child to you, and the best interest of the child is of paramount importance to the courts. While these questions and studies can feel uncomfortable, it is all done to ensure that the parent and child are set up to have a successful adoptive familial relationship. If you are seriously considering adopting a child as a single person, there are many factors for you to consider, including how it will affect your future dating life (including the possibility of marriage). It will certainly affect your finances and free time. Seeking out the advice of a licensed, competent attorney will go a long way in answering any questions you might have, as well as allowing you to fully consider all of the implications an adoption might have on your life. In the event that you find yourself facing any of these questions, please do not hesitate to contact Zurica Law at 917-538-3670. We will be happy to assist you in answering your questions and representing your interests.
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Anthony Zurica is an Attorney specializing in Adoption Law and a guest writer for Considering Adoption. Based in New York City, Anthony stands by his clients as an ally and friend during the entire process of adoption, from application to successfully becoming a parent. Although adoption can be an emotional and oftentimes lengthy process, Anthony is committed to being there every step of the way, 24/7. Dedicating his life to inspiring optimism and encouraging patience, Anthony works closely with individuals and families. Furthermore, Anthony is a proponent and advocate for LGBT families. Anthony also volunteers as a CASA (court-appointed special advocate for children), and is on the junior board of the New York Foundling, a charity that that empowers thousands of children and families to live independent, stable and fulfilling lives throughout NY. Find out more and feel free to get in touch through his website, www.nycadoptionlawyer.com, Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.
Adopting a child is a serious decision that requires a huge investment of money, emotion, and time. It is a hugely rewarding undertaking, but it should not be pursued lightly. Luckily, the law is designed to fairly well ensure that no prospective parents decide to adopt a child on the spur of the moment. The costs of adoption (both in time and money) depend largely on the circumstances in which you decide to adopt. For example, a matter where a stepparent decides to adopt their stepchild will likely be relatively quick — all that is required is a background check and a home study, and then the judge will more than likely approve of the adoption, particularly if the stepparent has been raising the child without issue for several years. If you decide to adopt a child another way — that is through a private agency or public adoption, there will be a longer wait to finalize the process. In New York, according to the Office of Children and Family Services, it may take up to six months from the day you apply until a child is actually placed in your home. But there are additional steps after that, which may extend the time period anywhere from three months to twelve months before the adoption is actually finalized in court. The adoption process is fraught with paperwork and procedural steps that should be followed closely. For this reason, it is wise to seek counsel from a licensed attorney in your state. The adoption process usually begins with the parent choosing which adoption agency they wish to use. Some agencies specialize in foreign adoptions, which can cause adoptions to take even longer. Others specialize in domestic adoptions, or are part of the foster system through the state. After deciding what kind of adoption to pursue, you must file an application for adoption. Once the application is submitted, the process kicks off, and the clock starts ticking. First, various background checks (including criminal checks) are performed. There will also be an inquiry into whether or not you have been involved with Child Services. If you pass all of these checks, and sometimes even if you don’t, you will proceed to the adoption home study. This usually happens within four months of your application. Do not be discouraged if you made some youthful indiscretions before you begin the adoption process; if your background check reveals some checkered past, the home study investigator may simply inquire further as to the facts and circumstances of your background. Meanwhile, you will usually be expected to attend some form of parent training with whatever adoption agency you have chosen. Once all of this has been completed, your agent will work with you to place the right child with you and your family. Obviously, this is not an exact science, and this can be what takes the longest for the adoption to be finalized. Finally, once the child is successfully placed with your family, you will likely complete a number of post-placement visits. For example, New York State law requires that the adoption agency monitor and supervise the placement for no less than three months. The appropriate petition, papers and order must be filed with the Court before it can actually be finalized. A lawyer can help expedite this process and ensure it is done correctly. A judge must still finalize the adoption, often soliciting testimony from the prospective parents and even the home study investigator. If the court determines the adoption to be in the best interest of the child, it will approve the adoption. As you can see, the entire adoption process takes at minimum three months, but very often lasts at least a year or more. Hiring a competent adoption professional can make the process much smoother and easier for you, and provide a voice of reason and assurance in what can be an emotionally fraught time for you and your family. In the event that you find yourself facing any of these questions, please do not hesitate to contact Zurica Law at 917-538-3670. We will be happy to assist you in answering your questions and representing your interests.
The answer to most modern-day legal questions is usually: “It depends.” State adoption laws determine who is eligible to adopt a child. In New York, the main laws regarding adoptions can be found in Dom. Rel. §109-117. Generally speaking, the following requirements must be fulfilled before the adoption of any baby can occur:
So, as long as you are over the age of 18, you can at least start to be qualified to adopt your sister’s baby in New York — it would be treated just as the adoption of any other baby. In other words, there is no legal impediment otherwise to you adopting your sister’s child simply because it is the baby of your sister. If you do decide to adopt a relative’s baby, it is prudent to get the advice of an attorney, as the adoption process is lengthy and paperwork-heavy. In New York, parents can consent to the adoption by signing a formal document called a “surrender.” It must be done either in court, before a judge, or outside of court. The downside is that if the surrender is executed outside of court, the parent has the chance to change their mind within 45 days and the child may be returned. If it’s done in court, the surrender is final and cannot be changed. If your sister (and/or her partner) is willing to terminate their parental rights, then in New York, there are several steps you need to take before the adoption can be complete. If the child in question is part of the New York Family Services agency, more steps are required. First, you will have to submit to a background check, provide a medical history and a check to make sure you do not have any investigations by Child Services. You will need to go through a home study to ensure that your residence (and the other members of the family living with you) is safe for a child. After the child is placed with you, you will need to work closely with the child’s caseworker and the agency to ensure the child is adapting well before the adoption is finalized. If you and your sister have a private agreement concerning the adoption of the child, you still need to undergo the necessary background checks and home study, after which you will need to be certified by the court. However, the process would be more streamlined and efficient if your sister agrees to terminate her rights and voluntarily place the baby. The relative adoption process varies based on each state’s laws. An attorney can help you begin this process, and ensure that all the documents are filled out properly. Overall, an attorney will be essential to making sure the process is initiated and finalized. They will know what is required, which documents to file and where, and can even tell you what to expect during the home study. Overall, there is no obvious impediment to adopting your sister’s baby, provided you are a good candidate to adopt a child in general. In the event that you find yourself facing any of these questions, please do not hesitate to contact Zurica Law at 917-538-3670. We will be happy to assist you in answering your questions and representing your interests.
Healing is not something that I have been able to do in isolation. It has taken me utilizing friends, recovery programs, and professional support in order to walk this path. I want to outline some various forms of support and the benefits that I have found in them as far as healing as a birth mother goes.
I think that therapy is the most obvious form of support for me. I have been in therapy on and off for a very long time. I have never seen anything wrong with going to therapy, but I have had conversations with people who think that going to therapy makes them weak in some way. I have never felt or thought that going to therapy made me a weak person. In fact, I have always believed the opposite. Therapy services are not easy to utilize, as it requires being brave to open up to another individual. I have benefited greatly from therapy, as having an unbiased individual to bounce ideas off of and talking through my problems has served to help me gain clarity about whatever situation I am faced with. Not every therapist matches with every client. There have been therapists that I have had a few sessions with and realized we did not click as I needed. Yet, I have also had experiences with therapists who seemed as if they got their degree just to counsel me. If you have never been in therapy, but are considering utilizing this resource, my advice is to take your time with getting to know a therapist and allowing them to get to know you. It takes time to begin an intimate and confidential relationship with another person. Don’t expect to have them give you all the answers to all of your problems. Therapists are supposed to help guide you to your own answers. Healing takes time, so please be patient with yourself. Make sure you find a good fit for a therapist and take your time as you grow an honest and trusting relationship with them.
Case management takes many forms and is available through different organizations and statewide programs. The case management that I have experience in is called “person-centered planning”. This type of case management requires the individual who is seeking treatment to work with their care team in order to set goals and objectives and meet them. I utilized case management for a number of years and found that it taught me some valuable lessons about goal reaching and objective setting. One of the aspects of case management is crisis planning. You don’t necessarily need a case manager in order to set up a crisis plan, yet this was where I learned about it. Crisis planning is when you take a look at triggers that can send you into a mental crisis and implement a plan as to who you will call and where you will go if these triggers are met and you find yourself in crisis. I have struggled with depression for years; hence crisis planning was something I greatly benefitted from. The other great thing about case management is that I had someone to check in with regarding my weekly, monthly, and life goals that I was working on setting for myself. Case management reminds me of life coaching. I learned that it is okay to set goals for myself regardless of what I was going through. I now use a planner in order to keep track of my tasks and objectives. I suggest case management for those who find it hard to complete daily life tasks and meet life goals. As a birth mother who was incredibly lacking in purpose for a while, case management helped me to sort out the mess and start to work towards creating a life for myself.
Seeking out assistance in order to accept life’s circumstances and move forward with one’s life takes courage. In order to open up to another individual or group, we are required to have strength and some form of focus. If you find that you are struggling in isolation to heal, please seriously consider seeking out one or more of these resources for yourself. After all, your life belongs to you and you are the only one who can take the steps necessary in order to walk a path of healing. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Second parent adoption is an important and significant legal issue for same-sex couples. In the case of a same-sex couple with biological children, only one parent is the biological mother or father of the child. In the case of a same-sex couple with adopted children, it is often the case that only one parent is the legal parent. Therefore, the other parent’s legal rights to raise the child or to make important child rearing decisions can be in jeopardy. In a second parent adoption, the biological or legal adoptive parent can allow their partner to legally adopt the child. Under these circumstances, the couple does not have to have a legally recognized union, nor do the biological or adoptive parent’s rights have to be terminated. Currently there are 14 states that allow for second parent adoption, including California and New York. For a comprehensive list, please see the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR). In states that permit second parent adoption, procedures are in place to assist the co-parents in creating two legal parents for their child. The process can be used by:
See also Second Parent Adoption Laws Equality Map The basis for needing a second parent adoption is to protect the rights of the non-biological parent and the family unit. In a committed family, the non-biological parent often spends as much time caring for the child physically, psychologically, emotionally and financially as the biological mother or father. Hence a strong parental bond is established and should have the option of being legally protected. In addition, the rights of the child and the parent should both be protected in the instance of: death of the biological parent, social security benefits, insurance benefits, medical benefits and health care decisions and inheritance. All of these rights can be adequately protected with second parent adoption. However, there are seven states that prohibit second parent adoption. In these states, other avenues of protection can be pursued in the event that the non-biological parent is in the position of defending, or attempting to establish, their rights as a legal parent. Even states that prohibit second parent adoption have begun to recognize that significant parenting is often done by a non-biological or non-adoptive parent. The phrase used to describe a situation such as this is “psychological parenting,” “de facto parenting” or “parenting by estoppel.” A determination that the non-biological parent has performed this type of parenting on a consistent and long-term basis can be evidence that the parent should have a legal right to continued contact with the child. Under these circumstances, the court will look at the following factors;
These factors can be proven based upon the daily activities of the family, the inclusion of the child in the non-biological parent’s will, co-parenting agreements regarding child rearing and discipline, responsibilities for school, extracurricular activities and social events, and records of financial support. All of these shared, family-oriented responsibilities will give the court a basis for finding a parental bond between the child and the non-biological parent thereby protecting the rights of their relationship with each other. In a world where the composition of the family is ever-changing, new laws are needed to protect the rights and the relationships between all parents and their children. Hence, second parent adoption procedures are necessary and needed to ensure that all parents’ rights are considered and encouraged. In the event that you find yourself facing any of these questions, please do not hesitate to contact Zurica Law at 917-538-3670. We will be happy to assist you in answering your questions and representing your interests.
