Adoption is not just for teens. You are never too young, or too old, to place your baby for adoption.
You can choose adoption at any age.
Common misconceptions about women in their 20s, 30s, or 40s is that they are in a relationship, or married, have a job with a stable income, and want to start or grow their family when they become pregnant. Some women may have those things and still choose adoption in their 20s, 30s, or 40s for their unplanned pregnancy.
All three unplanned pregnancy options — parenting, adoption, or abortion — are available to women of all ages. Unplanned pregnancy can affect many women at any age and at any point in their lives.
Let’s take a look at the facts about women in their 20s, 30s, or 40s who choose adoption and why adoption was the best choice for them and their babies.
Facts about Adoption in Your 20s, 30s, or 40s
When you’re unexpectedly pregnant in your 20s, 30s, or 40s it can be hard not to compare yourself to other women around you. It’s normal to think about what your family, friends and peers will think when you choose adoption for your baby.
If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy at any age, you are just as likely to experience fear, denial, hopelessness and anger. Women who choose adoption also express feelings of relief, joy, hope and contentment. An adoption support team and an open adoption with your child’s adoptive parents can give you the confidence and peace of mind you need when you choose adoption for your baby.
Lindsey, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption, was caring for a child with special needs and going through a divorce when she found out that she was pregnant with her second child. “When I got pregnant for the second time, I was very, very scared. I recently separated from my husband. I had a little, pretty much newborn baby; she wasn’t even a year old, she was a little bit over 6 months old.”
She shares how she dealt with the following people in her life.
The baby’s father: He is likely also in his 20s, 30s, or 40s and wondering if he can be a parent or if he wants to be involved in your baby’s life at all.
“I was with someone that I didn’t know very well,” Lindsey said, “so I didn’t know, you know, could this guy take care of me and my children?”
Your Family and Friends: They may be excited for you to raise a child because they think you’re old enough or that you should be happy to be a mother.
Lindsey talks about telling her family and friends about her choice of adoption.
“I had a few family members, at first, that weren’t supportive. ‘Well, Lindsey, I know moms that have several babies that can do it, that make less money than you.’ And, you know, I would tell them as a mom I have to decide what’s best for my children. I can’t look at other moms and if they can do it, I knew that I could not do it. And I knew that, you know, I had to think about my babies and not worry about what everybody else thought, because it didn’t matter.”
Your Peers and Others: They may not know you very well, but they probably have their thoughts and opinions about your pregnancy, and they may not be shy about offering their opinions.
Lindsey experienced confrontation at times about her adoption decision.
“I did have co-workers that found out [about my adoption] and people that weren’t close friends and family that were harsh. They were not nice to me. They said I ‘gave my baby away’, that I ‘didn’t love her,’ that [adoption] was ‘the easy way out.’ This was not the easy way out.”
But, she leaned on her adoption specialist for support and maintained her confidence in her adoption decision. You can do the same.
Choosing Adoption in Your 20s
In your 20s, you’re growing in understanding of yourself and what you want. You are laying the groundwork for your life.
An unplanned pregnancy in your 20s can be like a stop sign in the middle of a busy street. You can see the upcoming milestones in your life, but you may feel like you can’t move toward them because you’re expecting a baby. If you choose to focus on your life while still giving your baby the best possible life, then adoption could be your best option.
Angelica, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption, was 20 years old and the mother of two boys that she was raising while living with her aunt. She chose adoption because she did not believe that her situation was ideal for raising another child. After placing her daughter for adoption with the perfect adoptive parents Angelica said, “I know that she has the best life that she could possibly ever have, and I’m very thankful for that.”
There is no hard and fast rule set in stone for what your life will be like in your 20s, but adoption is a solid and reliable option that has many positive benefits for you, your baby and the perfect parents that you choose.
You can always contact an adoption professional online at any time, whether you have questions about adoption or you would like to start your adoption journey today.
Placing Your Baby for Adoption in Your 30s
Your 30s may be the time when you’re settled in the perfect career and married with children. But, the reality is that some women in their 30s are still trying to find their path in life. Raising a child after an unplanned pregnancy in your 30s may not be what is best for you right now.
Here are common questions that women have when experiencing an unplanned pregnancy in their 30s.
Women are Supposed to be Mothers in Their 30s, Right?
Although this may be the prevailing belief in many cultures and societies, the truth is that parenting in your 30s is just one of your three pregnancy options. You always have the right to choose if adoption or abortion is better for you.
If you are not ready to be a mother in your 30s, there are always hopeful families ready and dreaming of raising a child. You can choose the perfect parents for your baby and have peace of mind in knowing that your child is safe and loved.
Now that I’m in My 30s, Shouldn’t I Want and Be Ready to Raise a Baby?”
No one can tell you what you should or should not want for yourself and your unborn child. Colleen, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption, thought that she would be in a different place in her life when she reached her late 30s. She was in a busy career and single when she found out that she was pregnant.
“I was 38 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was very busy with work; traveled all around the country which I really, really love, but I don’t really spend long periods of time in one spot. I always pictured in my late 30s that I would be more settled and probably already had a family at that point — it just didn’t work out the way that I planned. I probably could have raised a child on my own, but they wouldn’t have had the same lives that they would with a family.”
If you have thoughts of placing your baby for adoption in your 30s, you can contact an adoption professional online at any time to get counseling and support for your adoption decision. At the end of the day, your age does not matter when you choose adoption for your baby in your 30s. The safety and welfare of you and your baby are the most important factors in your adoption decision.
“Is it wrong that I think my baby will be better off with a family who is excited and prepared?”
It is never wrong to choose adoption for your baby — adoption is always worth it. You are not a bad person for choosing adoption in your 30s. In fact, you are brave and selfless to fulfill the dreams of hopeful parents by giving them the gift of a child.
It’s perfectly reasonable to know that now is not the right time for you to care for a new baby in your 30s, especially if you are beginning to establish, or have established, your life. The following situations are common reasons for women in their 30s to choose adoption out of respect for themselves and their babies.
You may want to:
- focus on your career
- focus on raising your other children
- keep your family as it is because you believe your family is complete
- continue pursuing your life goals that would be difficult while raising a child
- ensure your child has access to opportunities you’re not able to provide
There are hopeful parents who are ready to love and care for your baby. You can view as many adoptive family profiles that you would like and you can contact an adoption specialist online when you find the perfect parents for your baby.
Choosing Adoption for Your Baby in Your 40s
If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy in your 40s, you are not too old to choose adoption. Women in their 40s can be equally as surprised and just as afraid as pregnant teens and women in their 20s and 30s. You have valuable life experience in your 40s and the wisdom to know what is best for you and your baby.
Sara, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption, shares her story about choosing adoption in her 40s.
“I have two other kids, Lucas who’s 23 and Jacob who’s 22. I love them so much, I mean they’re the center of my universe and you know without them I feel like I would be nothing. I wake up for them every day. I live for them. It was a very overwhelming feeling to find out, at 41, that you’re pregnant and you have two kids; and how do you even tell your kids? You know, that was probably the most shameful part, [it] was having to look your kids in the face and tell them that this is the situation that I got myself into and not having an answer in the beginning about how we were going to live with this choice that I made.”
Being physically pregnant in your 40s does come with increased medical risks for you and your baby, so prenatal care is very important. If you do not have health insurance or are living in a difficult situation, you can contact an adoption professional online at any time to learn how your medical and living expenses can be paid during adoption.
Sharon, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption in her 40s, shares her story of why adoption was her best option.
“I am not the typical birth mother. I just turned 41 last week. I have 3 children at home. My oldest is 19 1/2. Two younger ones 12 and 9. I would have expected grandchildren before another baby of my own. I didn’t have a long term relationship with the father. Becoming pregnant wasn’t anything either of us were ready for, like many men, the father wasn’t interested in the baby at all. I couldn’t manage 4 kids alone at this time in my life. I knew I wasn’t prepared to give her the love, attention and life she deserved.”
Starting Your Adoption Process in Your 20s, 30s, or 40s
No matter your age, adoption is always an option. Remember these three basic steps to start your adoption process in your 20s, 30s, or 40s.
Step 1: Know that adoption is the right option for you.
Step 2: Get all of the adoption information that you need.