For many women, an unplanned pregnancy is an emotional, complicated journey. Depending on your situation, you may be feeling a range of emotions like shock, anger, denial, and disappointment all at once — and that’s completely normal.
An unplanned pregnancy is a situation that many women don’t want to find themselves in, but this unexpected news does happen more often than you might realize. If you think you might be the only one, consider that about half of all pregnancies in the United States are considered unplanned every year, and there are plenty of resources available to help you during this difficult time. While you’re thinking about your next steps, here are five tips for coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy.
When you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you should never feel like you’re alone. While they shouldn’t make any decisions for you, having a strong support system of people you can count on can help lift the burdens that you may be facing.
Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy choose their friends and family to be the first ones to hear the unexpected news. Your loved ones can be a great source of comfort if you’re looking for someone to lean on. If you can, and you know that the birth father will be supportive, having him by your side can make coping with an unplanned pregnancy much easier, as well.
You should always remember that you’re the one in charge of your body and your unplanned pregnancy. The only people who should be involved in your future decisions are ones that you trust wholeheartedly, and who are ready to do everything they can to support you.
There are plenty of people outside of your immediate circle who can give you professional advice. Some ideas for who you can reach out to include:
If can be hard, but putting your needs first will help tremendously. Remember to eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise — if you can. These small steps can go a long way toward improving your mental health. You can take this time to try new hobbies, or just spend time with your loved ones when you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
If you’d like to speak with other women who understand what it’s like to have an unplanned pregnancy, there are in‐person and online support groups. You can also ask an adoption specialist or counselor for information on in‐person support groups in your area. While these support groups can be extremely helpful, it’s important to always be vigilant about receiving unbiased information. It’s very important that in‐person and online support groups are not your only means of finding information about your unplanned pregnancy options.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, it’s easy to less the stress and anxiety of the future overwhelm you. But no matter what you decide to do, always remember that there are so many people who love you and only want the best for you. It may seem impossible to imagine now, but we can promise you that you are going to be okay. No matter how bleak everything may feel, you can handle everything that comes your way.
Throughout your entire pregnancy, you are in the driver’s seat. You might not be able to come to a decision about your next steps right away, and that’s perfectly understandable. Whatever decision you come to, know that help is always available.
There are many ways for hopeful adoptive parents to build a beautiful family. Now, a relatively new option is rising in popularity, and is it one that lets waiting parents experience the joys of pregnancy and the birth of a family. This new type of “adoption” is commonly known as embryo adoption.
But is embryo adoption really “adoption”?
Although embryo adoptions do have some similarities to an infant adoption, there are also some big differences that adoptive parents should consider when thinking about which method is best for their family. This article gives a brief overview of what embryo adoption is, and some differences between this new type of “adoption” and a traditional infant adoption.
In an embryo adoption, also called an embryo donation, a couple or an individual who is struggling to have a child on their own will turn to embryo donors to grow their family. These embryos are kept frozen, and are given by embryo donors who have already gone through in vitro fertilization (IVF) and still have unused embryos.
Just like a traditional infant adoption, adoptive parents will be able to find the best adoption agency that meets their needs, and when they’re ready, they can begin the matching process. With an embryo adoption agency, adoptive parents will also need an approved home study along with providing other necessary documentation.
Embryo adoption is commonly called an “adoption” because it involves the process of legally transferring rights from one parent to another, and because the recipients of the embryo donation will raise the resulting child as their own even though there is no genetic connection. Embryo adoption agencies also have their own legal requirements that adoptive parents must meet. One thing to note, however, is that “adoption” traditionally only applies to children after they are born. While adoptive parents will have legal custody of the embryo, they won’t technically have any parental rights until the child is born — which is why many in the legal community consider the term embryo “adoption” to be a misnomer.
In a traditional infant adoption, the adoptive parents rely on a prospective birth mother to carry and deliver a baby. After the birth of the child, the birth parents will relinquish all parental rights. In an embryo adoption, parents will carry and deliver the child themselves and the child is legally theirs at the time of birth. In some infant adoptions, however, there is some chance that the prospective birth mother might change her mind, and adoptive parents should always be ready for that possibility.
Embryo adoptions put hopeful parents in the driver’s seat of their adoption, and it gives them a sense of relief when they’re in charge of their prenatal care. Adoptive parents also complete all legal steps before the transfer of the embryo, so there won’t be any surprises down the road. However, there is a chance that the frozen embryo won’t result in a live birth, and for families that spend so long waiting for the chance to become pregnant, it can be extremely heartbreaking to have to try all over again with a new embryo or a new donor altogether .
Ultimately, you have to decide whether or not embryo adoption is right for you. Although embryo adoption is still pretty new, some adoptive parents can’t imagine any other choice to grow their family, and can’t wait to experience what an embryo adoption has to offer over a traditional infant adoption. With any type of adoption or assisted reproduction, it’s important to do your research and to weigh the pros and cons before making this life‐changing decision.
While embryo adoption is not for everyone, it can be a blessing for many couples who are unable to carry their own child. For some families, any possible drawbacks to an embryo adoption can be well worth it for the chance to build their family the way they always hoped to.
No matter what you choose to call it, embryo adoptions are becoming more popular every year, and can be an amazing experience for hopeful adoptive parents who want to build the family they’ve always dreamed of. Whether you choose an embryo adoption, an infant adoption or another family-building option, you should always make the best choice for yourself and your family.
With any type of adoption or assisted reproduction, it’s important to do plenty of research to decide which option is best for you and your family. Reach out to an infant adoption professional or an embryo adoption agency today to learn more about all of your options.
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be incredibly scary. But if there’s one thing to remember, it’s that you never have to be alone during this difficult time. No matter who you choose to tell about your pregnancy and your adoption plan, you’ll have a whole team of people ready to help. When you need help, here are five people that you should reach out to during your pregnancy.
There are thousands of other women who have been in your shoes, and many of them have chosen adoption for their babies. When you’re feeling alone, it can be reassuring to speak to other women who understand what you’re going through. There are many in‐person or online pregnancy support groups available for women in your situation. While both of these are great options if you feel like you have no one to turn to, you should always consider adding adoption qualified professional, like an options counselor or adoption specialist, to your support group.
Your adoption specialist will be a pillar of support and guidance during your pregnancy. The right adoption specialist will be able to understand exactly what you’re going through. While you should absolutely form your own strong support group, your adoption specialist is a great person to turn to when you need help making a decision for your unplanned pregnancy or if you just need someone who can offer a kind word of advice. A good adoption specialist will provide non-judgmental information and will be available whenever you need them. You adoption professional should also be knowledgeable about all of your unplanned pregnancy options, not just adoption. If you decide to work with an adoption agency, you’ll never have to worry about costs, as counseling is part of your adoption plan.
It can be scary to open up about your pregnancy and adoption plan with your family and friends — especially when you’re unsure of how they’ll react. The most important thing to remember is that you always have options when it comes to building a strong support team. Although it may be hard, your family and friends love you, and they want the best for you and your baby. Having people around you during your pregnancy will make a world of difference, so you should consider it as you’re creating your adoption plan.
Your doctor is one of the best people to reach out to during your pregnancy. It’s important to find the right medical professional who can meet your needs, so it’s a good idea to prepare a list of questions to ask before you meet them. Of course, if you’re having trouble finding a medical professional in your area, your adoption professional can help you find the best one that meets your needs. If you are having any medical concerns, don’t hesitate to reach out to a medical professional right away.
If you can, and if the birth father is supportive of your pregnancy and your adoption plan, he can be a great member of your support system. If he is ready to get involved in the adoption process, the two of you can decide what kind of family you envision for your baby, along with other important decisions to make in the adoption process. Having the birth father involved in your adoption can offer a new perspective, and having a supportive birth father who cares about your adoption plan and your pregnancy can make a huge difference. Of course, this decision will always be up to you. Who gets to be a part of your support group will always be your choice to make. If the birth father is supportive and ready to be involved, an adoption specialist can work with you and the birth father to create your own adoption plan. You might also find that you and the birth father have different ideas the ideas about the adoption plan, like how much interaction to have with the adoptive family and your child, and that’s okay, too. Your adoption specialist can help you make the best adoption plan that fits both of your needs.
It’s easy to feel like you’re on your own in an adoption, but we want to reassure you that that’s not the case. There are so many people who are ready and willing to help meet all of your adoption‐related needs. Asking for information does not mean that you’re obligated to make an adoption plan, so learn more about your options from an adoption professional today.
When thinking about some of the most important people in your life, many times moms take the cake. But what an unparalleled impact a great dad can make in the life of a child. This Father’s Day, let’s celebrate fathers, fathers-to-be, hopeful fathers, and men who take on the role of fathers. Let’s reinforce the importance of the title father and, by our encouragement and admiration, incite a fervency in the worth of a father. No matter what specifics make him a father, figure out the best way to celebrate him this holiday.
For a father who has identified the desire to be a parent in his heart but the dream hasn’t quite come full circle yet, this holiday can be sad and stressful. No doubt that just last month he was comforting the hopeful mother who felt cheated out of Mother’s Day celebration. Her vulnerability and emotions can sometimes more easily be seen. But trying to deal with your own emotions and at the same time show strength for your spouse can be a struggle for some. Your honesty with each other is one of the best things you can do, even on days when you grieve. Support one another in the good times and the not-so-good. On top of sharing with one another, you can spend time together where you enjoy one another’s company and take the focus for a day off of infertility or adoption or the waiting to refresh each other.
Fathers of adopted children have a precious view of fatherhood and the unique path you walked. Not only can you celebrate with your loved ones and those who call you ‘dad,’ but you share a connection, whether you are acquainted or not, to a birth father of your child. You may not have a relationship with your child’s birth father, but having a representation of his impact on your celebration of Father’s Day is important for you and your child. No one outside of your position can fully understand the feelings you possess, but without your child’s birth father, your day would look a lot different. Make it a special focus this holiday celebration to communicate your passion as a father to your child and the gratitude for a man who also made it possible.
When a child needs extra attention or a father appreciates having all hands on deck from others who love their child, men who take on roles as “surrogate” fathers have supplemental duties and hardly get any of the praise. A close uncle or grandfather, a teacher or coach, a family friend, or a willing neighbor — fathers can all look very different and play vital parts in a child’s life. The generosity and sacrifice of men who step into a role like this deserve acknowledgment and esteem. Show him your appreciation.
If you are an experienced father and identify with the way Father’s Day celebrations have evolved over the years with the stages in your life, the best thing you can do this holiday is to encourage and support a dad or hopeful dad who can be comforted by your wisdom. Throughout each of life’s phases, a day like Father’s Day takes on new meaning and points toward the journey you’re taking. Be mindful of what new perception you see this Father’s Day and celebrate with those you love.
—
Jill is a 32-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 5-year-old and 1-year-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.
Adoption is filled with its own ups and downs. There are overwhelming times in adoption, emotional vulnerability, and so many possible unknowns that we should be vigilant to avoid cutting corners along the way. Adoption involves the thoughts and feelings of two families, legal processes each step of the way, and the need for guidance and encouragement from helpful and experienced professionals who ensure the validity of each step of your adoption.
When so many lives are affected by this journey, not finding an adoption professional who meets all of your needs can directly affect your adoption outcome. One of the most important decisions you will make when bringing home a child through adoption will be partnering with an agency that provides virtue and accuracy throughout one of the most important chapters of your life. Pay attention to what constitutes an ethical adoption, and follow these five tips to ensure your adoption is ethical:
Make sure that your adoption expert is sharing any and all details about your adoption with you, as well as answering any questions you may have throughout the process. Adoption requirements, verbiage, and legalities can sometimes be confusing. So, insist on being in the loop and having a good understanding about any specifics of your adoption. If an attorney or adoption professional refuses to acknowledge requests to be more helpful, they may not be the one you should work with.
During any step of your adoption, taking a shortcut could be detrimental for the birth family, your family, the child’s future, or the legal process involved. An adoption is not the time to find the cheapest way or easiest solution if that means they are unethical and threaten the legitimacy of the adoption process. Be certain all i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed appropriately. Doing this may require you to educate yourself on the adoption prerequisites and to stay informed with your adoption professional.
If you are made uneasy by anything pertaining to the adoption, take notice of those feelings and investigate. You may not even be a parent yet, but your parenting instincts have started to kick in because you want to do what’s best for the child you will be matched with and bring into your family. Be looking for what’s best for everyone involved and follow those parenting instincts you are cultivating.
Respect. One word that carries so much weight for the birth family in an adoption. Respect the decision made for adoption. Respect any fears or anxieties a potential birth parent may have. Respect the wishes for contact before and after the birth. Hold your respect for them to such a high standard that you look out for them throughout the entire adoption process and make sure they are not neglected in any way.
From smaller amounts of money spent on background checks, postage for mailing profiles, application fees to larger sums allocated for home studies, legal fees, and birth mother expenses, finances will be a significant topic of discussion for any family walking through an adoption. Not only should you keep record of every adoption expense for tax purposes, but you can ensure that your adoption fees are ethical as well. Ask an adoption professional about their fees and to see a detailed statement of what it pays for. Also, be careful that during a match a fee is not being used to coerce a prospective birth parent in any way to reaffirm their adoption decision because not only would this be wrong but illegal.
At any time during your adoption process, you can request a second opinion from someone else in the adoption or legal field to offer further expertise in the event that you feel it is needed. Adoption is permanent, and getting things done the right way is crucial for everyone involved.
Honest communication is the key to every successful relationship, and adoption is no different. If you’re a prospective birth mother or a hopeful adoptive parent, you might be wondering why having an open adoption is so beneficial for adoptees — and why open communication is healthier for everyone involved. While open adoptions have numerous benefits for adoptive parents and birth parents, there are many reasons why a fully open adoption will have the biggest impact on the third member of the adoption triad — adoptees. Keep reading to learn more about some of the advantages of having at least some amount of contact.
Over the years, we’ve learned a lot about how open adoptions should work, how beneficial they are for everyone involved, any why they continue to be the preferred option for everyone in the adoption triad. Here are just a few of the advantages of open adoption for adoptees:
Adoptees that grow up in an open adoption can continue to grow their relationships with their birth parents into adulthood. Growing up, adoptees can get to know their biological parents through pictures, letters, and sometimes, in‐person visits. By building a relationship with the biological parents throughout their entire life, adoptees can continue to maintain a connection to their roots. In a closed adoption, adoptees may have a difficult time trying to find their biological parents, and even when they do, navigating their post‐reunion relationship can be overwhelming. Open adoptions give adoptees higher self-esteem, and they experience fewer feelings of isolation.
In any type of adoption, there are some questions that the adoptive parents might not be able to answer. Having a constant connection to their birth parents can help answer difficult questions about the child’s history.
The relationship between the adoptee and their birth siblings is just as important as the one with relationship they build with their birth parents. The adoptee’s siblings are a big part of their identity, and building that relationship can be beneficial for their identity and self‐esteem.
There’s plenty of room for every member of your child’s family (adopted and biological) to have a place in their life. Having plenty of people in their life to love and support them will do wonders for their self‐esteem and is one of the most amazing benefits of an open adoption.
In an open adoption, adoptees are better able to understand the reasons for their adoption.Because of this,adoptees who grow up knowing their open adoption story tend to have more positive feelings toward their birth parents.
For adoptees in an open adoption, there’s never a need to search for or dream about what their birth parents are like. Open adoptions help fill in the blanks for adoptees, giving them more self‐confidence as they get older. They’ll be able to ask questions like, “Who am I?” and learn about their own family history without any obstacles.
While providing accurate medical history is a requirement for all adoptions, an open adoption gives an adoptee the chance to obtain up‐to‐date information throughout their life, not just at the time of their birth. If any new symptoms appear as they get older, they’ll always be able to reach out to their biological parents if they have any questions.
There are plenty of ways to connect with other adoptees who have grown up in an open adoption. Knowing their open adoption story and being able to share it with others, either through social media or blogs, can foster a sense of belonging.
Although no two open adoptions are the same, having at least some amount of contact will do wonders for the adoptee, and will play a vital role in their development. If you’re considering an open adoption, it can be helpful to talk to an adoption professional who can help you make the best open adoption plan for your family.
Although video games give hours of fun and exciting entertainment, there are also a few things that we can learn about adoption from different games. While most adopt-and-raise-a-baby games don’t cover everything there is to know about this process in real life, new players can still enjoy them for the fun experiences they do offer. If you’d like to learn more, here are three things that you can learn about adoption from some of our favorite video games.
There are some people that wonder, “If you’re adopted, do you get treated differently than your other family members or siblings?” The answer, of course, should always be no. Adoptive parents never make a distinction between their adopted children and their biological children. Games that handle this well include The Sims, My Time at Portia, and Stardew Valley — just to name a few. In these virtual baby adoption games, when your child is adopted they are treated just like every member of your family. These games are very adoption-friendly, and there are also no language differences between “adopted child” and “biological child” when you play these games and adopt a virtual baby.
Working with a private domestic infant adoption agency is one of the best ways to build your family. But that’s not the only option available to families who are hoping to build the home of their dreams. In The Sims, not only can you adopt an infant, but you also have the option of adopting a toddler or an older child — similar to a real-life adoption from foster care. Unfortunately, however, you won’t be able to adopt a teenager in this adopt-a-virtual baby game. If you choose to adopt a child in The Sims 4, you’ll be shown a pool of selectable children to build your virtual family. After that, they become a permanent member of your family, and you’ll interact with them the same way you would with any other child. In The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, you can adopt an older child with the necessary expansion pack, the Hearthfire DLC. The Skyrim adoptable kids that you can choose from are all older, so if you’re looking to adopt an infant, you might have to try a different game. Other than that, adopting a kid in Skyrim is a great way to build your virtual family.
Some life‐simulation games — like Stardew Valley— are all about the relationships we build. In games like Stardew where you have the option to create a family, same‐sex couples can choose to build their families through adoption. But, if you’re like many players who want to take their time enjoying this heartwarming game and seeing what it has to offer, you might not want to jump into raising a family as soon as the option becomes available in this adopt-a-virtual-kid game. In Stardew Valley, your chosen spouse will ask you if you’re ready to start a family once you’ve met all of the necessary requirements, including building a bigger home. And just like in real life, you have the option of saying no and waiting until you’re ready. When you are ready, the option will always be available to you. One of the most important takeaways from these adopt-a-virtual-baby online games is that if you’re considering adoption, you always want to be communicating effectively with your partner, and that adoption will always be an option when you’re ready — so you should never have to feel like you’re rushing into a decision.
While these games do a good job of covering some aspects of the adoption world, they don’t exactly have enough information to cover everything that adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees go through. For that, we recommend talking to an adoption professional who can give you plenty of information to get started.
There are so many women I see daily fighting the good fight, and there are ones I see who have forgotten how to suit up. I have experienced both ends of the spectrum — from being motivated into action to letting stress paralyze me. I have been learning quite a bit lately about how to empower myself to be a more confident and productive woman. I hope that the following helps you find that spark you need to kickstart yourself back into motion again if you are struggling, or the encouragement you may have been needing to keep your pace up in your current endeavors. Whatever reason you may need empowerment in your life, these musical meditations offer a great exercise in confidence and strength. Take some time for yourself to listen to each song, think about what it means to you, and allow the music to reveal to you a new tactic for empowering yourself as a birth mother.
You have probably heard this song on pop radio, but have you ever experienced the depth of the lyrics? The artist is searching and seeking for hope in dealing with a loss so great that it made her question her identity. Can you relate? I know that when I choose adoption, I felt a great loss in my life. While I was relieved that I made the best choice for myself and my child when I chose adoption, I also had to grieve a life I would never have. It was a sadness so great and a soul chasm so deep that it required a resolve just as powerful: faith. For myself, I rely on my faith to pull me through my everyday life. I pause throughout the day to pray, I try to listen to my gut instincts when I make decisions, and I stop to think about my actions more frequently instead of acting impulsively. I also have leaned on my faith in times of darkness, using it as the only beacon of light I could see. While Lauren Daigle is a Christian music artist, you don’t have to subscribe to her beliefs to appreciate her message of a hope in the faith that you rely on.
This is without a doubt an epic love song. The artists are singing about how in love they are and how loved they feel in return. This song was featured in the movie, “The Shack,” a film based on a book about a man struggling with his Christian faith during a time of great turmoil in his life. While you are listening to the music, pay attention to who comes to mind when you listen — really listen — to this one. What does this song make you think of? Or who does it make you think of? If you think of a person, you may want to re-evaluate where you place your spiritual alignment. People are not perfect, which means if you have high expectations for them, it will eventually cause problems. Seeking a person to solve your problems is not an effective solution to most questions. Placing my child for adoption felt like it left a hole in my heart for a while. For every step forward I took in healing, it seemed as if I took two steps back in grief. I looked outside of myself for some peace — just something or someone to have faith in. I sought relief from my emotions in personal relationships, hoping that another person could offer a solution. I have even been guilty of putting my son’s adoptive parents up on a pedestal, hoping that their love would somehow make everything better for me. It turns out that I will never find spiritual peace in another person, no matter whether I am healing from adoption or working on my next walk in growth. I need a spiritual foundation rooted in a belief system I can really dig my fingers into. I need a God who can fill the spiritual gap, the soul hole left from choosing adoption, the emptiness that causes me to believe the lie that a person can save me. It is wise to worship in a faith if spirituality is important to you. This also means that you may decide to stop relying on people and start relying on your Creator within your own personal belief or values system.
Don’t worry about reading into the lyrics with this song. This one is all about a beat that turns your head and makes you move around with the music. After I chose adoption for my baby, I had a really hard time just enjoying my life again. Everything felt so serious all the time, and every day brought a wave of grief that I had to fight just to function. I thought that all my problems needed to be dissected one-by-one to be solved. While it’s true that you have to solve your problems, that doesn’t mean they all have to be solved right this second or the whole world will come crashing down. Sometimes you just need to “keep it light,” let go of your stress, and just let your body unwind. This is one of the beats I bop my head to in the car. It’s great for when I have the house to myself, as well. I blast this song and dance around my house like no one is watching. It feels good to let loose occasionally and let the music take my worries away.
I have many moments in which I doubt myself, my gifts and talents, and even moments in which I fall into the awful fear that I will fail. One of the areas I find most challenging today is my work. I love all the projects that I work on, whether it’s writing about spiritual healing for adoption or doing business administration work. I am very talented and productive at what I do. However, that doesn’t mean I am always confident about my work or even just my time management skills, relationships, daily financial balance, and more. Sometimes we need a little push to keep walking our path and face whatever obstacle is perceived to be in our way. There is nothing wrong with needing a little inspiration to start your day out, or even restart your day with. If you can relate to lacking motivation at times, then turn your music on and let it give you the nudge you need. It works for me, and if you allow it, the music can bring you back to productivity again, as well. Choosing adoption was a very difficult task. I had much to lose and did. I had to say goodbye to people who disagreed with my decision. I was betrayed and abandoned by members of my family who didn’t want me to choose adoption. I felt empty and alone as I watched my entire life change over one choice: adoption. However, there were so many moments I spent with my son and his prospective adoptive parents that gave me more hope to go on fighting for my child. The moments I spent getting to know and bonding with my child’s prospective adoptive parents helped me to envision a future for my son, and that kept me pushing forward in my adoption decision. We all need a little inspiration to get motivated. This song makes me feel like I can reach my goals, no matter what obstacle I’m facing.
Remember in high school, when life was all about “fitting in” — but sticking out just enough in just the right way to be “popular?” I do. That was no fun. As an adult, I have learned a lot more about who I am, including my quirks, my guilty pleasures, what I like, and what I don’t like. Just because I know who I am doesn’t necessarily mean that I am automatically going to embrace it. I have dealt with the fear of not fitting in even as an adult. Becoming a birth mother helped me to understand that life is not a popularity contest. Birth mothers like me learn that not everyone will like the choices that we make but, if the decision is important and right, we must make it. Just like the decision for adoption, I had to learn that I shouldn’t to try and please everybody every day. As a mother, I have learned that giving out of self-sacrifice is more rewarding than trying to be something I’m not. I am elated to report that today, I am who I am. You can like it or not. Your words can hurt my feelings, but they will not make me question my identity. This song reminds me that I am a strong woman who can handle anything she sets her mind to. I do not fit your “mold.” I am okay with that today. Remember, you are who you are, and that is okay today, too.
Empowerment through music is something I hold very close to my heart, as music has pulled me through many tough times. Of course, music is not the only coping tool in my spiritual toolbox. If you or someone you know is struggling with confidence, there is nothing wrong with seeking counseling services or additional help. I have found that the best way to cope with hurt and pain is to just start somewhere. So, go on, enjoy these tunes, and reach out for help if you need it. “We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.” — Sheryl Sandberg ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
After months — and sometimes years — of dreaming of this moment, some adoptive parents are surprised to find themselves filled with sadness after bringing their child home for the first time. While this can be an exciting occasion, it’s not uncommon for many new parents to experience a rapid change of emotions during this transition, especially if their adoption opportunity comes sooner than they anticipated. Becoming a new parent is challenging, and when you are experiencing a lack of sleep, feelings of guilt associated with the birth parents’ loss, and feeling like there’s less support and understanding for your situation than there is for postpartum depression, it’s not surprising that you might be overcome with the “post-adoption blues”. But experiencing post-adoption depression does not mean that you’ve made the wrong decision to become a parent and does not reflect upon you as a person. The most important thing to know if you think you may have post-adoption depression is that you’re not alone. There are thousands of parents that have been in your shoes, and help is readily available.
Post-adoption depression is a term used to describe feelings of sadness and anxiety that many new parents feel after bringing their baby home. Much like postpartum depression, post-adoption depression is actually very common for new parents. These feelings can be brought on by:
In some cases, these emotions can resolve on their own as adoptive parents adjust to their new life and daily routine with the baby. In other cases, these feelings may linger, and it may be time to reach out to a professional.
Even if you only have one or a few of these symptoms, you should still reach out to your doctor if you think you may have post-adoption depression. Some of these symptoms include:
While changes in mood are to be expected after becoming new parents, you should reach out to your doctor if any of these symptoms last longer than two or three weeks. If left untreated, early symptoms of post-adoption depression can become life‐threatening. If you have any thoughts of harming yourself or your child, seek help immediately by reaching out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline though their Lifeline Chat or at 1-800-273-8255.
Often, the hardest part about any form of depression is finding ways to cope in the meantime. Here are some tips on how to cope if you’re waiting to speak to a professional.
Remember, there is help if you think you might have post-adoption depression. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor if you identify with any of the symptoms of post-adoption depression.
Placing a baby for adoption is one of hardest things that any parent can do, and it’s not uncommon to experience feelings of grief and loss during your pregnancy and after the adoption. But while feelings of sadness are normal after the birth of your child, it’s not uncommon for it to grow into something more. The truth is that postpartum depression can happen to any woman, no matter what her circumstances are, and it happens more often than you might think. Even if you know adoption was the best choice for you and your baby, that might not be enough to stop one of the most common experiences for birth mothers. If you’re wondering about what’s normal, what the common symptoms of postpartum depression are, and when it’s time to seek help from a professional, keep reading to learn more.
Any woman can experience feelings of sadness after giving birth to a child. Normal “baby blues” typically starts within the first few days after giving birth. While these feelings can be less severe than postpartum depression and are often much shorter, it’s important that you don’t ignore any changes happening in your body. In an adoption, the birth of your child can be a very overwhelming transition, and you might feel everything from sadness to anger, denial, and much more during this period. It is normal, and even expected, to go through a grieving process after placing your child for adoption. But, in addition to these feelings of grief and loss, it’s possible to suffer from symptoms of postpartum depression, as well. Postpartum depression usually lasts longer than two weeks and can be severe. While you can find ways to cope with the traditional feelings of grieving after the birth of your child, depression can start to feel like a constant in your life — and it can become so insidious that you may feel as if you’ll never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Common signs of postpartum depression to look out for include:
If left untreated, symptoms of postpartum depression can become life-threatening. If you start to have serious thoughts of hurting yourself, please seek help immediately. You can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 though their Lifeline Chat or at 1-800-273-8255.
If you’re noticing any of the above symptoms, here are some suggestions for how to cope in the meantime.
It’s so important to keep an eye on your mental health as the pregnancy progresses so that you’re able to spot any red flags. The best person to speak to about postpartum depression will always be your doctor or a medical professional, but don’t be afraid to reach out to your adoption specialist for additional support while you’re waiting to be properly diagnosed.
