May is National Foster Care Month. Throughout the month, we’ll be sharing articles and information highlighting foster care and foster adoption. Today, we’re exploring the differences between foster care and private adoption so hopeful parents can choose the path that’s right for their family. As a hopeful adoptive parent, you have many choices to make before you can start building the family of your dreams. While foster care and private adoption do have some similarities, there are some notable differences between these two types of adoptions. To help make this big decision a little easier, here are eight differences between adopting and fostering that you should keep in mind.
During a private infant adoption, the prospective birth mother is able to decide on every aspect of her adoption plan. She also has the right to change her mind at any time during the adoption process. Because she is in charge of relinquishing her parental rights, a private infant adoption is considered a voluntary placement. An involuntary placement, on the other hand, is made under specific circumstances that can vary by state. This is the most common way that children enter foster care.
If a prospective birth mother decides to make an adoption plan, she gets to choose the perfect family for her baby. Her social worker will send her a group of adoptive family profiles, and, once they’re matched, they’ll move onto the next stage in their adoption. In an infant adoption, the prospective birth mother can rest assured that she’s found the perfect family for her baby. In foster care, parents usually don’t get a say in which family their child stays with. However, the state does the best they can to match foster youth with foster families who can meet their needs.
While it is more than possible to have some degree of openness if you’re adopting from foster care, it’s much less likely than in an infant adoption. With most domestic infant adoption agencies, adoptive parents are required to be open to an open adoption — although what this may look like depends on their adoptive family and the birth parents’ unique circumstances. Most prospective birth mothers also prefer an open adoption, so they can feel reassured in their adoption decision. If you’re adopting from the state, you may not have as much interaction or involvement with your child’s birth parents; however, this might vary depending on the situation. In some cases, it may not be the best idea to maintain a relationship with certain biological family members. It’s always best to have an honest conversation with a caseworker in these instances.
Infant adoptions can get expensive, fast. Sometimes, adoptive parents can expect to pay around $50,000 for the chance to build their families with a private adoption agency. To make their dreams come true, some adoptive families look to fundraising to help cover some of the costs. In most cases, becoming foster parents or adopting from foster care means that you’ll have will have to pay very little — if anything — for this family-building option. In some cases, foster parents even receive a stipend, among other benefits.
The main goal of foster care is always reunification with a child’s biological parents, unless their rights have already been terminated. In most cases, however, the biological parents are able to retain their rights while the child is in foster care. Adoption, on the other hand, is always permanent. Once the birth parents have terminated their parental rights and the adoption has been finalized, there’s no way to go back and change your mind. The option that you choose will depend on your personal goals for adoption.
Depending on the type of private adoption agency, adoptive parents can usually expect to wait around a year to meet the newest member of their family. But this wait can be much longer or shorter in foster care, depending on the circumstances, including whether a child’s parents’ rights have been terminated or not.
If you’re considering foster care, you should do so because you want to help children, not if your only goal in mind is adoption. While you can adopt a child from foster care who’s waiting to find a permanent home, foster care is usually meant to be a temporary solution to provide a safe, stable environment for a child. If you go into it with the mindset that every situation will lead to adoption, you’re only setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment.
For most adoptive parents, working with a private adoption agency means adopting an infant. This can be a great option for families who can’t wait to experience every moment of their child’s life. The vast majority of foster care adoptions are for older children. It’s very rare to adopt an infant from foster care, and parents who are hoping for the chance should anticipate a long wait. You should discuss which age you’re comfortable with your partner and your family. Both private adoption and foster care aim to build loving and supportive families. No matter which type of adoption you’re leaning toward, we encourage you to do plenty of research before making a final decision and to reach out to an adoption specialist or a caseworker if you have any questions.
May is National Foster Care Month. Throughout the month, we’ll be sharing articles and information highlighting foster care and foster adoption. Today, we’ve rounded up some of the best foster care adoption stories, resources and more to share with our readers. Because foster care is a unique type of adoption, educating yourself about the process will help tremendously. If you’re curious about adopting from foster care, wondering if you can place your child for adoption through the state, or just looking to read stories from those who know what it’s like to set off on this fulfilling journey, set aside some time to read through these in‐depth and informative articles during this year’s National Foster Care Month.
There are plenty of differences between foster care and other types of adoption. If you’re looking to learn more about this popular family‐building option, here is where you should start:
Sometimes, women considering adoption wonder if that means their babies will go to foster care. Learn a little bit more about how the foster care system works and what your rights are here:
The best way to learn about foster care is from people who’ve lived it. Whether it’s from other foster parents or foster children who have become parents themselves, there are plenty of resources available.
May is National Foster Care Month. Throughout the month, we’ll be sharing articles and information highlighting foster care and foster adoption. Today, learn more about maintaining openness after an adoption from foster care. Your child is in a new environment, and they finally have a permanent home — but now it’s possible that they’re ready to maintain a relationship with their biological parents or other family members. If so, you may be concerned about the best ways for doing so as a new parent in a foster adoption. If you’re on the fence about maintaining a relationship with your child’s biological relatives, here is what you should know about open adoption after adopting from foster care.
While closed adoptions used to be the norm, most modern adoptions have some degree of openness. Although this is more common in a domestic infant adoption, it is still possible if you’re adopting a child from foster care. Open and semi‐open adoptions help children form a better sense of self and identity. If they’re able maintain a relationship with their birth parents or siblings and other relatives, they can ask any questions about their history that they might not have known otherwise. Although you may be wary at first, and open adoption from foster care isn’t right in every situation, the most important thing to remember when it comes to an open adoption is that educating yourself goes a long way. Ask plenty of questions about what it’s like to have an open adoption from other foster parents, as well as your options for creating a healthy ongoing relationship. Because no two open adoptions are every the same, you can make a plan that fits your unique situation.
Your relationship with your child’s biological family is important, and you might be worried about the best way to handle your future interactions. To give you a good starting point, here are some tips for opening up a relationship with your child’s biological parents, siblings or other relatives.
In some cases, maintaining a relationship with the biological parents after foster adoption just isn’t possible. Whether that’s due to abuse and neglect, or the biological parents aren’t able to follow established boundaries, not every relationship can be maintained — especially when it becomes toxic. Your job as a parent is to use your best judgment in order to provide a healthy environment for your child to thrive in. If you feel as if you may need to take a step back before pursuing an open adoption, that’s okay. If you do need advice on establishing contact, you can always reach out to a social worker who understands your situation.
Did you know that birth mothers have a holiday entirely devoted to us? That’s right; Birth Mother’s Day is the Saturday before Mother’s Day.
So, how does a birth mother even begin to celebrate such a day depending on where she is at in her healing process? Some birth mothers still feel shame and guilt even years after choosing adoption, while others are coping with those fresh emotions immediately following placement. Regardless of their personal journey, many birth mothers celebrate Birth Mother’s Day as an opportunity to empower themselves and feel peace regarding their adoption decision.
Whether you feel like celebrating or not, please give it at least an honest shot. I recommend that every birth mother celebrate all the blessings of adoption on Birth Mother’s Day, including and especially the sacrifice that was made by her out of love.
I encourage even a woman in a closed adoption to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day for herself. There is so much healing power in finding gratitude in any situation. Even if we can only come up with one reason to celebrate ourselves, it’s enough to make a start.
So, if you are celebrating this day alone, please consider some of the following tips on how to celebrate:
Celebrating Birth Mother’s Day with the child whom you placed for adoption is an amazing way to spend any day! If you are one of the birth mothers who are able to enjoy this, please don’t take it for granted.
Depending on your post-placement relationship with your child and his or her parents, celebrating this holiday with your birth child may or may not be an option. If it is, then consider these ways of celebrating:
First of all, notice how the above title mentions the word “supportive?” I used that word with the intention to bring notice to it. Don’t spend Birth Mother’s Day with anyone who doesn’t support you in your adoption decision. Trust me, I know firsthand that putting expectations on others for even just one day is the repeated insanity of a fool.
Birth Mother’s Day will look different for every birth mother as she creates her own traditions and walks down her own path of healing. Just remember that the following choice is yours: You can take Birth Mother’s Day as an opportunity to share in gratitude, or you can use it as a reason to dwell on painful and sad memories.
While this holiday is not always easy for me, I am choosing to turn into a happy one. Are you ready to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day with me?
-Lindsay Arielle
Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption seven years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Waiting for anything can be irritating. I cannot think of anything in our society today where waiting is a joyful experience. The suffering before the satisfaction makes waiting one of the most arduous paths, and getting through it requires nothing but time. The thought of time slipping away in anticipation of what is to come can have a maddening effect. The emotions that come with waiting may begin with a hopeful disposition, but so many times, the wait eventually starts to feel like a slow deflation of our heart. This could not be truer than of the time spent waiting to become a mother. No matter the method being sought, becoming a mother doesn’t just happen overnight, and for some, it doesn’t happen in nine months. So, as you approach this day in May that you have dreamed of celebrating for so long, but today you still dread its approach, take time to air out the emotions of the wait.
For some women, becoming a mom is something they have envisioned for themselves since playing “house” with their baby dolls as young girls. We can agree that no matter how many years have come and gone since you first dreamed of fulfilling this role, the emotions will always be raw as this holiday approaches. Take time to acknowledge your own emotions so that your reflection can be impactful. Waiting to become a mother can be a road of torment and uncertainty for something you have never wanted more. Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of what you don’t have but long so deeply for. Some experience anxiety as May approaches, thinking another year has come and gone on their journey to motherhood. Their apprehension stems from thoughts of failure or feeling helpless in their situation. Anger finds its way into our mood on more occasions than we’d like to admit. Jealousy creeps in and feels like it’s out of our control. The physical symptoms of waiting and worry are all too real, as well. Lack of sleep, too much sleep, headaches, no appetite, and the real feeling that your heart aches are all fleshly reminders of the nothing that’s going on. What are your emotions? How does the waiting affect you today? Have you talked to anyone about your own journey to motherhood? We are all different, and each mother claimed that title in her own way. Know that many of the women you are seeing as joyous mothers around you now have been in your shoes. Many who may seem to have come to motherhood so easily may be the very women who suffered for years with infertility or waited through countless times of being turned down for adoption only to finally have been blessed with the title, “mom.” Approaching Mother’s Day this year may invoke some of these emotions more fiercely than a normal day in wait. That’s ok. No one claimed that waiting, doing nothing, letting go of control was easy. Some days it’s excruciating. But the lessons we learn in the waiting can be paramount to shaping who we will become as a mom. The day will come. It will almost never come how we planned it, but your days of waiting will be given a new perspective one day. Pray today that in your wait you will be strengthened, so that you can someday help someone else in whose shoes you have walked.
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Jill is a 32-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 5-year-old and 1-year-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.
May is National Foster Care Month, a time set aside to honor the amazing people — foster families, social workers, and mentors — who step in and dedicate their time to enhancing the lives of children in foster care. This year’s theme is “Foster Care as a Support to Families, Not a Substitute for Parents”. Every year, thousands of children enter foster care due to a number of complicated reasons. Many of them stem from their biological parents’ use of drugs and alcohol, financial hardship, a mental health disorder, or because of special needs. But, that doesn’t mean that these children are unloved, or that they don’t have a home that’s waiting for them with open arms.
Whether you’re a family who is considering adoption, or you’re just looking to spread awareness about National Foster Care Month in your community, there are many ways that you can start supporting reunification between foster children and their biological parents.
Reunification is the process of returning a child in foster care to their biological family as quickly as possible. While many children are temporarily removed from their families in order to provider a safer and stable environment, their biological parents or family members are doing everything they can to bring the child into a safe, permanent home. The best methods for doing so will depend on the family’s unique circumstances, but they are usually focused on family engagement and parental education. The primary goal of the foster care system is reunification; only after a biological parent has been given many opportunities to complete a reunification plan will their parental rights be terminated by the court, and the child will be legally available for adoption by a new family.
This year’s National Foster Care Month theme highlights the primary goal of the foster system and encourages foster families and members of the community to partner with biological parents to support reunification. Here are six ways that you can support reunification and help support foster and biological families.
One of the best ways that you can support reunification is to provide a safe, temporary, and stable home for a child in need — and to go into the process with a willingness to partner with your foster child’s biological family on the road to reunification. Foster care agencies are always looking for foster parents to open their hearts and home to a child. You can call your local foster care organization to learn more.
Building a relationship with biological parents whose children are in foster care and opening up the line of communication with them will go a long way. You should also be willing to offer assistance and support to a parent on their reunification journey. This could include counseling, job training, transportation, and more.
Encourage others in your community to learn more about foster care, and to support foster and biological families in any way they can.
Many children in foster care have little that they can claim as their own, so donating everything from school supplies to toys, backpacks and suitcases to a foster care agency in your area is a great way to get involved. You could also choose to simply donate money or organize a drive in your neighborhood to support local organizations. Reach out to your local foster care organizations to find out what they need.
Another type of organization that you can support is one that focuses helping adults get back on their feet. These organizations focus on helping adults struggling with homelessness and addiction find adequate housing and employment. Many adults who are fighting these issues either already have children in foster care, or are doing everything they can so that they won’t have to go through the heartbreaking process of reuniting their families in the first place — all they need is a little help to get started.
Becoming a mentor or a tutor is an amazing way that you can make a huge impact in the life of a child in foster care. You can become a mentor for children of all ages through different organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters and Foster Care to Success.
As this year’s theme highlights how supportive relationships can help achieve family stability, reading stories from real foster families and foster youth can help open up the conversation about what you can do to support reunification.
While the main goal of foster care will always be reunification, there are children who are still in need of permanent families and homes to thrive in. Providing a safe environment for foster youth is an amazing opportunity, and one that many adoptive parents take advantage of to build their family. If you choose this route, it’s important to educate yourself about the difference between foster parenting and fostering to adopt. This can include learning about getting certified to be a foster parent, reading stories about adoption and foster care, or reaching out and getting to know other foster parents through a support group or a forum.
No matter how you choose to do so, there are plenty of ways that you can make a difference in the lives of children and families in foster care. If you’re interested in learning more about how you can make an impact, reach out to your local foster care agency to learn more about how you can get started today.
If you’re a woman considering adoption, it’s so, so important that you’re honest with your adoption professional from the very beginning. We know that opening up to someone you’re just getting to know can be scary, but, most of all, we want to reassure you that your adoption professional is dedicated to helping you every step of the way. If you’re asking yourself when it’s time to ask for help, here are eight times to be honest with your adoption professional.
Questioning your decision is normal, especially in an adoption. This is a huge, emotional undertaking, so it’s no surprise if you’re wondering if this is the right decision. If you’re having doubts, please talk to your adoption specialist as soon as you can. They’re here to help you in any way they can, they understand that adoption might not be the right option for every prospective birth mother, and they will never pressure you into a decision that you’re not comfortable with. Your adoption specialist can give you plenty of information on your other unplanned pregnancy options if you think adoption might not be right for you.
As a prospective birth mother, you have to right choose the best family for your baby. While an adoption professional will work closely with you to help you find the right family the first time, if you think the adoptive family that you’ve chosen doesn’t quite measure up to what you were hoping for, you can absolutely change your mind at any time. If you’ve decided that the adoptive family that you’ve chosen isn’t right for you, your adoption specialist will help you reevaluate what you want and continue to help you find the perfect family for your baby.
One of the first things your adoption professional will ask you to fill out is your social and medical history form. For many prospective birth mothers, this is the cause of plenty of stress, especially if they’re worried about divulging a history of any substance use. In this case, we want to remind you that your adoption specialist is not here to judge you. The reason that they ask these questions is not to scare you, but to make sure that you and your baby are getting the right amount of care.
Of course, an ideal situation would include having a birth father 100 percent on board with your adoption plan, but this isn’t always the case. Maybe your baby’s father doesn’t agree with your adoption decision, or maybe you’re not entirely sure who the birth father is. You may simply be in a situation where you’re scared to tell the birth father about your unplanned pregnancy, in fear of his reaction. Your adoption professional is there to help you through all of these potential scenarios and more.
You might not be in the same living situation throughout your entire pregnancy. It’s incredibly important that you let your adoption professional know as soon as possible, not just for your baby, but for your own mental health. Finding a new place to live is stressful enough as it is, but your adoption agency can help you find housing options and financial support during your adoption if something in your situation changes.
Even though most modern adoptions have some degree of openness, many women have questions about the possibility of a closed adoption. While it is more than possible, we recommend speaking with an adoption professional first. There are numerous benefits to an open adoption, so it might be helpful to weigh the pros and cons before making your decision.
If you decide to make an adoption plan for your baby, you’re going to have a lot of information thrown your way. If you ever have any questions about your adoption plan, or you want to change anything, your adoption specialist is always ready to help.
Adoption is an emotional journey, and you’re going to need the support of family, friends, and especially your adoption specialist. A kind word of advice or just having someone to listen to what you’re going through goes a long way. Remember, your adoption professional is always here to help. No matter what the situation is, you can always reach out to them. If you identify with anything on this list, reach out a professional as soon as you can.
National Infertility Awareness Week is a time to raise awareness about infertility and those who have struggled to build their families. To wrap up National Infertility Awareness Week 2019, we’re uncovering some of the options available to hopeful parents who have struggled with infertility so they can consider the best way forward for their families.
Building a family can be one of the most hopeful and heart-wrenching times all at once. This journey for any couple almost always begins with excitement for what your future holds. It is usually what comes next that determines the feelings a couple has when interpreting the reality of how your family will expand. Emotions are raw, and people may feel suffocated under the weight of the decisions they have before them to determine how their family will grow.
My husband and I watched our best friends struggle for years trying to get pregnant so they could bring a child into their family. We experienced complex emotions of welcoming our own child at a time when our friends loved and yet grieved their own emptiness. Seeking several different opinions and medical routes, they finally did seek the direction that brought a baby to their family.
Their story was our most personal connection with infertility up to that point in our lives. We researched with them, made inquiries, prayed for them, held their hands, and listened when they just needed to talk. When my husband and I were faced with medical issues a couple years later, we started having the same emotions about being able to carry any more children and what the future of our family looked like. What we have found is that the options for building a family are numerous and the sensitivity of the subject ever-reaching. But everywhere we turned, either with our friends or for ourselves, we were met with answers, encouragement, and support for what our future held and how our family could grow in numbers or feel completely adequate in the journey our family is already on. To understand the best options for your family, research these options and seek direction from your medical professional so that you will be better prepared to take the next step.
This option will more than likely be a doctor’s first suggestion for a couple trying to conceive naturally to have biological children. Medications can be used for males or females and can address concerns a doctor may have about boosting a couple’s chances or probability of getting pregnant without further medical treatments.
When seeing an infertility specialist, after a trial of fertility drugs may have been unsuccessful, couples can then turn to procedures that assist even further in trying to become pregnant. Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a procedure that inserts sperm into a woman’s uterus during her ovulation by using a soft catheter. For this procedure, the woman is usually still taking fertility medications and being administered hCG shots to prepare her body for an implantation. IUI can be used with the male partner’s sperm or donor sperm that is collected, cleaned, and readied for the procedure in the doctor’s office. IUI is a relatively brief procedure with minimal discomfort and without the use of anesthesia. In vitro fertilization (IVF) requires a little more invasive approach than IUI. For IVF, a woman’s egg and a man’s sperm are taken in a lab setting and combined to create an embryo. The woman will still be taking fertility medications to increase the possibility of retrieving one or more eggs from her uterus. Your doctor will perform the egg retrieval in the office, but the procedure will be slightly more uncomfortable than an IUI procedure. The next step is creating the embryos and confirming the viability of each embryo. Once the best embryos are chosen, your doctor will perform an embryo transfer into the uterine cavity with mild discomfort. IUI and IVF can both be completed by using your own sperm and egg, or you can use sperm, egg, or embryo donations that you choose. While either of these options can increase the possibilities of conceiving a child, they are not usually covered by insurance, are not always successful, and can have side effects from the medications taken. Consult with your physician for more information.
This option may not always be as popular, but it can be a possibility for couples who want to have a biological child but are unable for any number of reasons to carry the child themselves. Surrogacy involves the use of another woman who offers to complete an embryo transfer in the attempt to become pregnant with your child. Some states have differing surrogacy laws, so you will need to research what your state allows and meet with a lawyer specializing in reproductive law to counsel you on what the agreement between a couple and surrogate can look like.
While many families desire to be blessed with a biological child, there may come a time in your infertility journey when you are considering trying a medical procedure again, waiting longer to conceive, or moving forward with another option that will bring a child into your home and hearts: adoption. Adoption can be achieved through a foster-to-adopt program in your state, domestic infant adoption, or international adoption. Each opportunity is different and will be comprised of various conditions to fulfill. But the end result through adoption will be the hope and love that touches not only your family but also celebrates the courage of another family for their gift. For more information on the specifics of adoption, contact an adoption professional now.
While some couples may see this option as defeat, after the emotional ups and downs of attempt after attempt to grow your family, others can see this decision as freedom. Freedom from medications and doctor visits. More financial independence again. The ability to control your choice after years of being shackled to the whims of fate. Whatever the reason a couple chooses to suspend infertility options and see their life in a different light, their resolve did not come without heartache and their peace without pain. It is sometimes in our most confusing and difficult times of life that we seek clarity and boldness to create a new path for a fresh start. Living child-free can still bring joy and excitement for a couple and can also be celebrated by doing what’s best for their family.
Good news in the international adoption community — on March 6, 2019, Honduras ratified the Convention on the Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption Convention (better, and more succinctly, known as the Hague Adoption Convention). As of July 1, 2019, Honduras will officially be subject to the regulations of the Convention. Honduras is the 101st nation to ratify the Convention, which is an international agreement establishing important safeguards to protect children and to increase security, transparency and consistency for all parties in international adoptions. Without the Convention to set the standard, international adoptions can be poorly organized and regulated, and the safety of children can suffer. We hope that more nations around the world will join Honduras under the Hague Convention in an effort to protect children! Stay up-to-date on international adoption changes through the U.S. Department of State and the National Council for Adoption.
April 21-27 is this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week, a movement created to raise awareness about infertility and to encourage those who have struggled with building a family to share their stories. It’s estimated that 1 in every 8 couples is diagnosed with infertility. In other words, this means that over 7 million people are living with this painful experience. Many adoptive parents have struggled with infertility before considering adoption as a way to build their families, and at Considering Adoption, we want to offer any support and information we can to those who have faced this journey. This year, RESOLVE is dedicated to uncovering the truth about living with infertility, and — whether you are experiencing it yourself or you’re just trying to find ways to support someone that you care about — there are many ways that you can get involved during National Infertility Awareness Week.
Watching your loved ones struggle to build the family of their dreams is absolutely heartbreaking. But there are ways that you can advocate for those struggling with infertility and support them through their journey.
It’s not easy, but there are ways to move forward. If you’re going through this painful struggle, here are some coping strategies that we recommend.
If there’s one thing that you should remember about National Infertility Awareness Week, it’s that you’re never alone. Many families share your unique experiences and know exactly what it’s like to live with infertility, so don’t be afraid to reach out for help from someone you trust if you need someone to talk to.
This year’s National Infertility Awareness Week theme is #InfertilityUncovered, and there are many ways that you can get involved in the movement. If you’re comfortable, you can share your story with you friends, family, your community, or even on social media. No matter what kind of way you choose to get involved, your story can inspire others who may be experiencing the same struggle.
