Aside from choosing to pursue adoption for your baby, selecting the right family may be the hardest choice you have to make throughout the adoption process. It may seem daunting, but when you find the perfect parents for your child, you can be assured that he or she will grow up living the life you imagine for him or her.
Still, knowing where to start as you evaluate waiting adoptive families can be difficult. If you are feeling overwhelmed with parent profiles, consider these tips:
Every November, adoption professionals and members of the adoption triad come together to celebrate the adoption process and help share their stories and experience. This is known as National Adoption Awareness Month, and we’re proud to help spread the word at Considering Adoption. But, what exactly is National Adoption Awareness Month? National Adoption Awareness Month is an initiative of the United States Children’s Bureau. It aims to increase national awareness and bring attention to the need for permanent families for children and youth in the U.S. foster care system. Many of those in the domestic infant adoption triad have also embraced this month as a way to share their stories and spread awareness of all kinds of adoption processes. An awareness campaign specifically designed for adoption has been around since 1970, when Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis announced an Adoption Week in his state. In 1984, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the first National Adoption Week, which was then expanded into the full month of November by President Bill Clinton in 1995. So, now that you know what National Adoption Awareness Month is, how can you get involved? Just as you can do even without a national campaign, you can spread awareness about the joys of adoption on your own. Use your social media accounts to tap into adoption hashtags (like #AdoptionRocks and #AdoptionisLove) to share your story and your support for adoption professionals and all they have done for your family. Make sure to follow important social media accounts for adoption organizations, and share their posts to spread more accurate information about what the adoption process is really like. You can also directly get involved with adoption groups and provide assistance to those children who most need it. Many foster care adoption professionals are always looking for volunteers, whether that’s to help out at the agency or by donating much-needed supplies like pajamas and toiletries. Reach out to your local foster care professional to learn what kind of support you can offer to help these children. Finally, one of the best ways you can participate in National Adoption Awareness Month is by serving as a positive example of adoption in your community. Whether you’re a birth parent, an adoptive parent, an adoptee or anyone else affected by the adoption process, be proud of your story — it’s a beautiful one. Don’t be afraid to share it and your positive experience with others to help them understand just how important adoption is in the world today. After all, about 135,000 children are adopted in the U.S. every year — so it’s definitely a more common way to build families than people may think. To learn more about National Adoption Awareness Week and find out what you can do to help, please visit the Child Welfare Information Gateway’s website.
Adoption has always been a beautiful way to build a family. In fact, it’s been a family-building process that’s existed for as long as humans have. It’s not surprising, therefore, that there are mentions of adoption throughout important texts in history, including adoption scriptures in religious texts like the Bible. Whether you’re religious or not, the adoption process can be a spiritual journey full of self-discovery and soul-searching. Some adoptive parents choose to look for scripture on adoption to help them through this process, as these Bible verses about adoption can provide the religious support and advice they need. No matter your religious leanings or belief, these wise adoption scripture verses may be able to provide you a different understanding of the adoption process, whether you’re an adoptive parent, a birth parent or an adoptee yourself. While some may or may not be direct references to the adoption process, many of the Bible verses about orphans and God adopting man as his own can be interpreted as messages that also can apply to the adoption process. We’ve collected a few of the most impactful references to adoption in the Bible in this article:
Not only are there scriptures on adoption in the Bible, there are also many references to adoption in many life stories of Biblical figures. For example, Jesus was adopted by Joseph, and other figures like Esther, Samuel and Moses were taken in by adoptive parents. So, if you’re looking for adoption scripture, the Bible is a wonderful place to start. Like most of the religious text, many of the phrases about love and family are open to interpretation — and can certainly be applied to your own adoption and family-building story.
A new case regarding same-sex couples’ right to adopt came to light this week, once again showing that, despite federal laws against it, certain adoption professionals continue to discriminate against LGBT couples pursuing adoption.
The professional in question in this case is a Kentucky judge, Judge W. Mitchell Nance, who routinely handles adoption cases. The Kentucky Judicial Council Commission recently released a complaint about his practices, through which it became apparent that he was not upholding the right of same-sex couples to adopt children in Kentucky.
Earlier this year, the judge required lawyers to notify him if they had an adoption case involving an LGBT individual or couple adopting a child. Why? So he could recuse himself from that case because of religious beliefs — despite the fact that a same-sex couples’ right to adoption is one of the many state laws all Kentucky judges swear to uphold without bias.
Shortly after the charges were filed against him, the judge submitted his resignation.
The Fairness Campaign, an organization that advocates for LGBT rights, considered his resignation a success but still wishes for the charges to be investigated and the judge to face the full consequences of his actions, which many argued perpetuated stereotypes about the ability of LGBT couples to parent.
“It’s unfortunate that he has not acknowledged the basic discriminatory nature of his actions,” Chris Hartman, the director of the Fairness Campaign, told the Lexington Herald-Leader.
In addition to the Kentucky Judicial Council Commission, Lambda Legal, the American Civil Liberties Union, the ACLU of Kentucky and a University of Louisville law professor are parties to the ethics complaint. For updates on the case, read the Lexington Herald-Leader.
For more information about the rights of same-sex couples to adopt in the United States, speak to your local adoption attorney or adoption professional.
I am an advocate for adoption when it is the right decision. However, an unplanned pregnancy for a young woman does not automatically mean that adoption is the best decision. When adoption is the right decision, it can truly be an incredible journey. Watching your child grow up in a happy and healthy home is incredibly rewarding. There is no greater joy in my life than seeing my son have opportunity after opportunity that I would have never been able to provide for him. Adoption is a blessing. There are situations in which adoption may seem like a good option, but it is truly not the best option for mother and baby. Here are some things to consider when determining if adoption is the right choice for you and baby:
I have chosen to put this first on the list because it is one of the greatest factors in determining whether keeping a baby is an option. Many women who end up with unplanned pregnancies who are considering adoption are already living in poverty. Of course, this situation grows a bit more complicated when you have another mouth to feed. Government assistance is an option in the form of cash, food and medical assistance. However, government assistance will only take you so far on the poverty spectrum. Such assistance is granted for those in poverty, but the amount of assistance is determined on a case-by-case basis.Finances are likely a consideration in the choice for keeping a baby or placing him or her for adoption. There are so many costs included when it comes to being a parent. Not only are there basic expenses like food, shelter, clothing, utilities, etc., but there are also planned and unplanned expenses. For example, diapers and bottles are a must, while emergencies may arise that need to be addressed as well. Some women are blessed in the regard that they will not have to worry about finances for their unborn baby due to support from family, friends, or a partner. However, many young women who face an unplanned pregnancy will need to find a way to overcome this hurdle if they decide to keep their baby instead of choosing adoption.
Mental health issues and disorders are now becoming acknowledged in our society. We have a better understanding of depression, including post-partum, now more than ever. Medication for different mental disorders is more available as understanding increases. It is possible to be pregnant and to breastfeed and be on certain medications that treat the symptoms of depression. It is amazing what modern-day science can and does offer us in terms of treating mental illness. It is also a relief to see that organizations like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) exist to help increase understanding of such mental disorders and how many people who suffer from mental illness can function within society. While a woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy may have the option of being treated for mental illness while raising her baby, some women may find it harder than others. Struggling with mental illness, and learning how to cope, may take many years. A woman suffering from mental illness may be in one of many stages in the progression of treatment, and she may not be ready yet to care for another life while she is learning how to care for her own.
Faith is the foundation of life. No matter what you believe, there is some sort of faith that guides you and your choices. Whether it’s a moral compass, Jesus or Mother Earth, you have a guiding force within yourself that helps you make everyday decisions, whether they are small choices or big decisions. It is important to remember that everyone is in a different place on their spiritual journey. While some people are firm in their convictions, others may be at a point where they are exploring who they are and what is important to them. Respecting someone’s spiritual walk means understanding that everyone is on a different path to get to the same place: peace. Some women facing an unplanned pregnancy may find peace in choosing adoption for their child, while others may not. Some women are so secure in who they are that they feel prepared to guide the life of a child. However, some women truly just need to live a bit more life before they will be prepared and feel prepared to parent.
Friends and family may or may not surround a woman who finds herself in a tough situation like an unplanned pregnancy. In my opinion, babies are a blessing no matter what their circumstances are. Some do feel, though, that babies can be a burden. While it’s unfortunate, it is true that friends and family may not be so keen on supporting a young woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy. A woman may lose friends or family members depending on their level of agreement, judgment or support. However, it is in times of trouble that we learn who our real friends and family are. Regardless of how many people may not be supportive, there are those people who will stick by you matter what. Also, there are plenty of support resources available to women via pregnancy counseling, support groups, and hotlines and online forums. Keep close to these resources regardless of whether the decision made is to keep baby or place baby for adoption. Remember that it takes a village to raise a child.
There are many other factors that go into determining whether adoption is the right decision for a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy. Every woman is in her own specific situation with different circumstances. The best advice I have for anyone considering adoption is to look realistically at the different aspects of your life and honestly assess if you are ready to parent or not. If adoption is the right decision for you, at some point throughout the process, you will have peace of mind. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Podcasts seem to be entering a new age of relevance and popularity today, with more than 67 million Americans listening to the media form monthly (up 14 percent from 2016). You can find podcasts on all sorts of topics, from sports to entertainment to religion — and you can also find infertility podcasts and adoption podcasts, as well.
If podcasts are your kind of entertainment, you may be interested in finding some of these family talk podcasts online — but it may be difficult to sort through them to find the best ones. Fortunately, we’ve compiled a list of some of these family-focused podcasts in this article to help you get started.
But, what if you’re a podcast newbie?
Here’s what you need to know: A podcast is essentially like a radio talk show but made available on the internet for downloading to your mobile device to listen to at your convenience. Typically, podcasts are available in a series format, in which you can subscribe and receive new files when they are posted. Many podcasts last about an hour and are posted weekly.
Podcasts are a great resource to learn new information in an easily accessible manner — and infertility podcasts, adoption podcasts and foster parenting podcasts are no different. Here are a few to start downloading today.
Infertility is a more common issue than people may believe; one in eight couples has trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. However, the topic remains taboo for many people, preventing those who are struggling with infertility from finding the community support they need and deserve at this challenging time in their lives. However, infertility podcasts can help provide the advice and information that many hopeful parents want. Start by listening to these:
Adoption has a strong, active community of adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees who share resources, stories and advice among each other. Whether you want to learn more about the adoption process before starting, want advice as you’re going through the adoption process or are simply interested in adoption, check out these adoption podcasts:
Foster care and foster care adoption is another family-building option that deserves more attention and respect, and several foster care podcasts exist to do just that. Like any other parents, parents of foster children need support and advice for many incredibly challenging situations and can find them in these podcasts:
In addition to podcasts that specifically focus on infertility and family-building options, there are also many podcasts out there that touch on these subjects. Even though they are classified as more general information podcasts, you can still find helpful episodes about family-building processes and infertility published throughout their seasons:
According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.”
Emotional intelligence is something that can take time to learn, just like any type of intelligence. Emotional intelligence is learned through experience and self-discipline. Generally, people who are self-aware have a higher emotional intelligence than people who have a lack of self-awareness. Healing and emotional intelligence are directly related. In my experience, healing from the choice for adoption means developing emotional intelligence, and increasing your array of self-help tools. Healing from any trauma or painful experience takes time. Along with time, it takes self-discipline, a desire to heal, and the action required to move forward on the path of healing. With every step toward healing you take, you are one step further in your walk for emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is important for multiple reasons. Emotional intelligence allows an individual to process through their emotions, whether they feel good or bad. It also guides us in how to speak to others and how we treat others. It assists in the decision-making process. Most importantly, emotional intelligence reflects how we look at ourselves. People who have confidence and stand up for themselves likely have a higher emotional intelligence than those who are insecure and don’t set personal boundaries with others.
So, what does emotional intelligence have to do with choosing adoption? Choosing adoption not only requires a level of maturity, but handling the emotions that come with the choice in the short-term and the long-term requires a level of self-awareness. A birth mother will process the grief of losing her role as a custodial mother, the physical absence of her child, and perhaps the loss of other relationships in her life as the result of the decision for adoption. These situations have emotional components to them. The higher your level of emotional intelligence is, the easier it will be for you to process those emotions and walk a path of healing.
Emotional intelligence can be measured with every choice that you make in your life. These are a few questions that someone who is self-aware might ask themselves when assessing emotional intelligence:
Increasing emotional intelligence is something that occurs over time and with experience. A person who has lived an easy life and isn’t very in touch with themselves or the world around them may struggle when it comes to emotional intelligence. However, someone who has lived a harder life and come out the other side walking a path of healing might have a higher level of emotional intelligence. There are resources available to assist in increasing emotional intelligence. Some of these resources include utilizing a support group in a healthy way, going to therapy, and studying a bit on what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is crucial in many aspects of life, including healing after adoption. Without emotional intelligence, the struggle to heal will feel more overwhelming. However, every step you take counts, and the first step is the most important. Walk your path of healing, and watch your emotional intelligence increase as you do. ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
Adoption is an exciting, beautiful way to build a family — and there are many birth mothers, adoptive families and adoptees out there that are proudly sharing their adoption stories. Many of them keep a blog or social media account to document what their life is like with adoption, to spread awareness of why adoption is important and to just provide insight into how normal life can be for members of the adoption triad. However, when you search the internet for “adoption blogs,” you’ll likely get a huge number of results. While the majority of these blogs are likely good sources of educational and entertaining adoption stories, not all will be. So, how do you find the ones that apply most to you? We’ve made it one step easier for you in this article. Here, find several adoption blogs we recommend, separated into different themes and topics so you can choose the ones you’re most interested in:
There are many blogs out there that tackle various aspects of adoption. Some (like our blog!) address all aspects of adoption, serving as an educational resource for prospective birth parents, adoptive parents and anyone else interested in the adoption process. To learn more about general adoption information, continue checking in with our Considering Adoption blog and check out these other adoption blogs:
Because adoption is a fascinating and rewarding journey, many adoptive parents feel compelled to write about their experiences going through the adoption process and raising adopted children. Their adoption blogs help shed a light on what it’s really like to be an adoptive parent, providing a great resource to other prospective adoptive parents who want to hear about the experience from someone who’s actually been through it. Here are some to follow:
Likewise, just as adoptive parents want to write about their experiences, there are many older adoptees who have decided to reflect upon their experience in a public forum like a blog. Perhaps they went through a closed adoption and wanted to document their adoption reunion stories, or just want to share adoption stories from adopted children to build a greater online community for adoptees. Some blogs to take a look at include:
While there are admittedly fewer adoption blogs written by birth mothers than by adoptive parents, these voices are important in the adoption process — and should be listened to and learned from. Check out these blogs to learn more about what it’s like to be on the other side of the adoption journey:
Transracial adoption is another process where prospective adoptive parents look for advice and support from others who have been through the process. Whether you’re currently parenting a child of a different race or considering pursuing this kind of adoption, you can learn more from these adoption blogs:
Being a foster parent or adopting a child from foster care is a uniquely difficult process, and many of these parents turn to blogs to express their feelings, challenges and joys throughout the process. These adoption blogs are good reminder that, in the end, all of the difficulties are worth it. Read these parents’ blogs to learn more:
Finally, international adoption blogs are another great resource to read and learn from. In most circumstances, international adoption is a whole other beast than adoption within the United States, and these parents’ blogs are a great way to find out more about what the process is really like:
If you don’t find an adoption blog within this article that fits with your situation, keep researching — there are many more adoption blogs online, covering every aspect of the adoption process you could ever think of. If you’re of the creative mind yourself, you can always start your own adoption blog and start spreading awareness of what you think is most important in the adoption process, too!
Our choices matter. There are many factors that go into making choices, including our social environment, how we were raised, our morals, our experience, etc. One of the crucial factors that determines how we make choices is our level of maturity. Immature decision-makers typically make immature decisions, and vice versa. Choosing logic and wisdom over making a snap decision requires a level of maturity. Of all the decisions that essentially require maturity, choosing adoption would be one of the more significant decisions.
Maturity may be defined by a dictionary, but the true measure of maturity comes with watching someone make decisions in their life and what they consider when making those decisions. For example, two people may be facing the same decision. One reacts quickly without regard for consequences due to intense emotions, while the other stops to think about it and considers the effects the decision may have on their life and the lives of those around them. Which person seems to be acting in maturity? Maturity is not a one-size-fits-all idea. It comes in different forms for different people. While a person may be mature in some aspects of life, they may be more immature in other aspects. Some people are just generally mature, while others just cannot seem to get beyond their immaturity. So how do you determine whether you are making mature decisions? Ultimately, you must be self-aware and assess yourself.
It is easy to judge others. The flesh promotes judgement, and the society that we live in only encourages that. With individuals comparing themselves to others, the media feeding into it, and social environments circling around social issues, how can we avoid judging someone else’s maturity? The same decision made by two people may show maturity for one, and immaturity for the other. The truth is, you cannot judge whether someone is making a mature decision or not unless you can understand their circumstances.
So, if you cannot assess whether others are making mature decisions, then what is the point of understanding maturity? Assessing your own level of maturity in any situation will only help you on your path in life, and your path in healing. You know yourself and your own situation better than anyone else, and you can assess whether you are making a decision that is mature for yourself. Considering setting aside feelings, not making snap judgements, and looking at how choices may affect others. These are all signs of maturity in the decision-making process. Choosing adoption is a decision that can be made from a place of maturity or immaturity. Unfortunately, there are situations in which women, especially young girls, are pressured into choosing adoption. It causes a deep sadness in my heart, since those are usually the stories you hear about in which a birth mother regrets her decision. With those cases aside, let’s look at those who are not pressured into choosing adoption.
There is a terrible stereotype in which birth mothers are considered selfish for choosing adoption. Perhaps, at times, it’s true that a woman who chooses adoption is doing so out of a selfish desire to avoid her responsibilities. However, in my experience, that is just not the typical case. I was immature in general when I became pregnant. I had somewhat of an idea regarding what parenting would take, but no one can really grasp it until they are living in the throes of it. While I was immature in quite a few areas, I did seriously consider my adoption decision, and still believe that I made it from a place of maturity.
No one can judge another’s level of maturity; however, you can self-assess how maturely you may be handling decision-making within your life. Making a decision like choosing adoption requires a woman to take an honest look at her life. Whether she was mature enough to make the decision before she was facing it seems to become irrelevant when it comes to facing it. I grew up very quickly when I had to face the decision for adoption. I just didn’t have the time or the energy to have anything but maturity guide my decision. I believe that when facing the decision for how to handle an unplanned pregnancy, and facing the option for adoption, a woman is essentially forced to mature in some capacity. While she may be making poor choices in her life and different aspects of it, an unplanned pregnancy will wake you up rather quickly to the reality of life. Maturing throughout the decision-making process for adoption is almost inevitable.
Not only is maturity required for the decision for adoption, but post-placement requires it as well. In post-placement, a birth mother may be dealing with an open adoption in which she communicates with her birth child and his or her adoptive parents. Regardless of whether the adoption is open or closed, a birth mother will still have to engage with friends and family members who may or may not have approved of her adoption decision. Choosing adoption, and dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, will very likely catapult a woman into a level of maturity that her peers may not have grasped yet. The most important relationship that requires maturity is the relationship that a birth mother has with herself. The choice for adoption ends up giving a woman a second chance in life, as opposed to keeping the baby and struggling. Making mature decisions is something that comes more naturally as one decides to start making them.
If you find you are in a situation, whether regarding adoption or something else, in which you need to make a mature decision, but you don’t know how, my suggestion is to seek informed wisdom. Talk to people you trust about your options. Do some self-searching to find out what you honestly desire the outcome of your decision to be. Consider how your decision could affect others. The bottom line is this: Choosing adoption is generally a highly mature decision to make. It takes a brave soul to choose to sacrifice herself for her child. I applaud all birth mothers and your maturity! ~Lindsay Arielle Lindsay is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption 7 years ago and hopes to use her experience to support and educate other expectant mothers considering adoption, as well as adoptive families.
While not all prospective adoptive parents have gone through infertility struggles, a great many of them have. For them, it was often a journey of sadness and loss before they decided to turn to adoption. But even after they successfully become parents, their infertility struggle is many times still a prominent memory that they live with every day. That’s why October is Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Month — a time to recognize the difficult feelings so many people experience not only during their infertility journey but also throughout their entire lives. Because so many of these parents keep their disappointment and loss to themselves, this awareness campaign aims to help destigmatize those feelings and memorialize those children and pregnancies lost early on. Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Month was originally started by President Ronald Reagan in 1988 to recognize the importance of this issue for many Americans. About 15 to 20 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and, in 2015, about 3,700 infants died unexpectedly in the U.S. The organization “Remembering Our Babies” selected October 15 as Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Day to memorialize losses through a candle-lighting movement. Organizers encourage people all over the world to light a candle at 7 p.m. in their time zone and keep it burning for an hour to create a continuous wave of light over the entire globe. But a candle-lighting event may not be the right way for every person to commemorate their loss. Because this topic is so personal to so many people, it’s important to mark this day by doing what’s best for you. Here are some ideas to consider:
As they should with any traumatic experience, it’s important that parents who have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss recognize the grief and sadness associated with this event. Refusing to acknowledge your feelings will only cause you more grief; an essential part of the emotional healing process involves accepting what you’re feeling, no matter how difficult it may be. That’s not to say that acknowledging your feelings means you will instantly feel better; this loss will always be a heavy one that you won’t — and shouldn’t — forget. However, taking steps to accept what is gone and moving forward with a positive outlook will be instrumental in your parenthood journey. If you’re having difficulty acknowledging and accepting your feelings, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted counselor to help work through these emotions in a healthy and positive way.
While it can be easy to let your negative feelings overcome you during this time, many parents find that doing something positive can help them find closure with the grief associated with this memory. While these actions may be bittersweet, it can help to know that you’re making something positive out of something negative — honoring your lost child with a beautiful action. You may choose to donate to a charity that supports infants and children and their families, or plant a tree whose blooms will remind you of the beauty in life. Some intended parents find closure in a memorial service or through symbolically releasing balloons or butterflies. Remembering Our Babies offers some more options here. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it’s right for you, your family and your situation.
Unfortunately, there are far more people living with the grief and loss of a miscarriage or infant death than we may know. Because the subject of miscarriage and infant loss is still a taboo in some ways, many people have to find ways to cope with their emotions on their own, never knowing there is a whole community of other people who have suffered like they have. Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Remembrance Month was created in part to help people find those communities and resources they need. Many people host walks, ceremonies or other activities to raise awareness of this issue. Others decide to join infertility support groups and share their stories with others who have gone through similar tragedies. Only by spreading awareness and sharing information can more people know they’re not alone and know how to help those that have suffered this kind of loss. Whether you’re a parent who has suffered this loss yourself or a friend or family member of someone who has, we encourage you to take steps to discuss this important topic and shine light on something that receives far too little attention. For those feeling grief and sadness, a little kindness goes a long way. For more tips on how to commemorate Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month, check out Remembering Our Babies’ website or speak to your local infertility awareness support group.
