Many times, when people talk about adoption, they tend to neglect the emotions and involvement of birth fathers. So, if you’re the father of a baby being placed for adoption, you may be unsure of how much involvement you can have in your baby’s adoption and what the best solution is for you and the baby’s mother. First off, know that you can be involved in the baby’s adoption plan along with your baby’s mother. Of course, this involvement will depend upon your relationship with the baby’s birth mother but, if you make clear your support for her adoption decision, it’s likely that she’ll welcome you into the adoption process for the best interest of your unborn baby. If you find out that a woman is placing your unborn baby for adoption and you want to be a part of it, here’s what you can do:
Even if you are fully supportive of the adoption plan, you should speak with a lawyer (either the mother’s or your own) to learn more about what parental rights you have and whether your consent will be necessary for the adoption.
Adoption is difficult time for all prospective birth parents, so being there for your baby’s mother during this time will be invaluable to her. Remind her that she’s making the best choice for your baby, and that you will support her and her decision until the end.
When you support the adoption plan for your baby, you can help your baby’s mother make the best choices for your baby’s future. You two can decide together what kind of family you want to adopt your baby, what kind of contact you want with them in the future and more.
While you and your baby’s mother will support each other throughout the adoption process, it’s also a good idea to share your situation with trusted friends and family members who you can turn to in case you need them.
After you and your baby’s mother choose a family to raise your baby, you might want to meet them in person or talk on the phone to learn more about them and get a better idea of what your baby’s future will be like with them. Through this meeting, you can also start determining what kind of contact you want with them and your baby through an open or semi-open adoption (if you’re comfortable with that).
Depending on the comfort level of your baby’s mother, she may want you at the hospital when she gives birth. Being there to support each other through this emotional process will be invaluable, especially when she and the baby are discharged. Being there for placement gives you a chance to see the adoptive family interact with your baby — giving you some closure you may have not otherwise received. While there is a stereotype of birth fathers not being interested in the adoption process, we know that’s not always the case. There are plenty of supportive birth fathers who want to ensure their baby is cared for properly and has the safe and supportive start to life that they need. If you’re one of these men, it’s important to discuss the adoption plan with your baby’s mother as soon as you find out about it. Remember, you can play an important role in making sure an adoption plan is perfect for your baby. If you think your baby’s mother may be pursuing adoption, reach out to her, her adoption professional or an adoption attorney to find out how you can be involved in the process.
Adoptive parents understand the importance of telling their children about their adoption from the moment they bring them home. Adoption should be a normal, everyday conversation and, for most adoptive parents, that’s an easy thing to do. However, sometimes a child’s adoption story isn’t as picture perfect as we would like it to be. Perhaps their birth parents were facing addiction, a criminal history or other challenges at the time of your child’s birth. When adopted children start asking about the details of their adoption stories in these situations, the questions can be difficult to answer. Just remember, there is a difference between age-appropriate explanations and stretching the truth to avoid hurting your child’s feelings. One of the best things you can do in this situation is to speak to your adoption professional or a trusted counselor. They likely have some experience in these manners and can give you individualized advice for your particular situation to help you explain your child’s adoption story in a positive and healthy way. In the meantime, here are some things to keep in mind when telling your child about the hard parts of their adoption story:
Even if certain details about your child’s adoption story are negative, it’s important that you always speak about his or her birth parents in a reassuring and respectful way. Younger children especially consider themselves solidly connected to the person who gave birth to them, so if you speak ill of their birth parents, they’ll see it as a reflection upon themselves. Focus on the positive qualities in their birth parents when you speak of them, and emphasize the love they had for your child to make the choice for adoption.
Don’t make your child’s birth parents into someone they’re not; if you create a fictional adoption story to avoid answering those harder questions, your children will eventually find out the truth — and it could forever impact your relationship with them. Instead, tell them the truth about their birth parents as they ask for it — but in a way that’s age-appropriate. Your adoption professional can help you understand what that may look like.
If you don’t have a lot of information about your child’s birth parents, it’s better to stick with what you know than draw assumptions about them. Remember, it’s okay to answer some questions with “I don’t know.”
You may wish to protect your children by keeping difficult details from them, but it’s important that you let their natural curiosity about their birth parents exist. Don’t try to shut down their interest in their birth family or refuse to answer their questions. Instead, give them the truth (in an age-appropriate way) and support them in any search they may wish to make for their birth family. For many children who were adopted later in childhood or through the foster care system, they may have vague memories of the true story of their adoption and who their parents were. Therefore, it’s important to affirm those truths that they already know, rather than confusing them by offering them information that’s not entirely true. Explaining the truth about difficult adoption details to children can be complicated, but with the proper preparations and counseling, you can tell your child’s adoption story in a positive, respectful way that helps them learn more about their identity and their past.
Choosing adoption is a difficult decision for any pregnant woman to make. So, if you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, how do you know if adoption is right for you? One of the best things you can do is talk to an adoption professional about all of your unplanned pregnancy options. Each woman’s situation is different, so the reason why you may be considering adoption is likely different from another woman’s reasoning. Nonetheless, here are some common reasons why a woman might consider adoption.
Being a parent is expensive; raising a child to age 18 costs an average of $233,000. Many women choose adoption when they simply can’t afford to add another human being to their household right now. (And remember — adoption is completely free for prospective birth mothers.)
There are plenty of successful single mothers in the world today, and it’s certainly an option for many expectant mothers. But, some women choose adoption because they want their child to grow up with two parents and they know the baby’s father won’t be involved.
Perhaps she wants to graduate college, advance in her career, or explore the world before starting a family. For many women, choosing to parent means making their child their first priority — and they have to put these goals on hold.
Some young expectant mothers feel that their age puts them and their baby at a disadvantage — not only is it difficult for many young mothers to afford a child, but they may simply feel like they aren’t prepared to raise a child at this time in their life. On the other hand, if a prospective birth mother is older and has already completed her family, raising a baby may cause difficulties in her career or disrupt the lifestyle she wants for herself and her family.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, many women feel that abortion isn’t an option for them, but they also know that they aren’t ready to give their baby the life they want them to have. For these expectant mothers, adoption might be the best solution. Of course, these are only a few of the reasons why a woman might consider adoption for her unplanned pregnancy. Other reasons may include the many benefits of choosing adoption — not only for the baby, but for the birth mother and the adoptive parents, as well. While deciding on adoption is not always the easiest choice to make, for birth mothers who do choose it, they rarely regret their decision. With the proper education and understanding of the adoption process, an expectant mother can make an informed decision for her future and her baby’s future. If you are pregnant and need help preparing yourself for this decision, we encourage you to contact an adoption professional for more help on deciding what unplanned pregnancy option is best for you.
Thanks to Donald Trump, Jr.’s meeting with a Russian lawyer, the Russian adoption ban is being heavily discussed in the news today. This may have many in the adoption circles wondering: Can the Russian adoption ban ever be reversed? Unfortunately, due to the complicated political entanglements of the U.S. and Russian governments, a reversal of the Russian adoption ban seems highly unlikely. Although Trump, Jr., claimed that adoption was the subject of his meeting with a Russian lawyer, he recently released emails that proved it was not. Still, the idea of a discussion of the adoption ban reversal may have renewed some other discussions among adoption professionals in the U.S. If the Trump administration (or any other U.S president, for that matter) had actually wished to reverse an adoption ban from another country, how would it work?Reversing an international adoption ban will be highly specific for each country, depending on the reasons behind the ban and the current political climate between the U.S. and that country. We’ll use Russia as an example, although this process could likely be tailored to different international adoptions, as well.
Adoption bans are put in place for many reasons. For example, Haiti stopped its international adoptions shortly after its devastating earthquake in 2010. Aid groups encouraged this out of the fear that misplaced children would be adopted in other countries before being given the proper time to find and be reunited with their Haitian families; the relaxing of international visa requirements led to an adoption boom that dramatically affected Haiti’s orphan population. In response to pressure from other countries, the Haitian government began to tighten adoption rules. The U.S. Department of State Office of Children’s Issues also warned against Americans adopting Haitian children because of the lack of proper regulation and resources right after the earthquake. When the Haitian government finally instated Hague Convention requirements for its international adoption program in 2014, the U.S. began processing adoptions from this country again. In a situation like Haiti’s, international adoptions can usually be reinstated after a recovery time period to make sure people adopting children can be effectively screened and approved prior to an adoption. However, Russia is a bit more complicated, as the adoption ban is largely a political move. Russia initially enacted its adoption ban in 2012 in response to a U.S. law that targeted Russian human-rights violators. This political back-and-forth only escalated the tense relationships between these countries. Prior to this political step, there were already complications in the Russian adoption process, including widespread corruption and bribery of officials to find an adoption situation. Therefore, when it comes to reversing the adoption ban in Russia, specifically, the problems are two-fold: resolving the political turmoil between the two countries and then reforming the unsafe practices in the Russian adoption process.
Putting political complications aside, many adoption bans could be reversed by addressing the very reasons they were created in the first place — concerns over the adoption process. Usually, this involves the safety of the children and the effectiveness of the country’s adoption requirements in ensuring it. However, when the reversal of an adoption ban is left entirely up to government officials, a huge piece of the puzzle is missing — the insight of adoption professionals who know the most about this process. If two governments were to seek the reversal of an adoption ban, it would be important that the conversation also involve adoption professionals from each country. This could include top international adoption agencies (like Holt International or Bethany Christian Services) that would have a vested interest in reopening adoptions in that country, as well as adoption agencies that intentionally chose not to work with that country previously. In the case of Russian adoption, large, national domestic adoption agencies like American Adoptions could communicate the concerns they had — and still have — about the international Russian adoption process. The advice of these professionals would bring balance to the discussion of whether to reverse an adoption ban and, if so, help create an adoption process that’s safer for all involved. In addition, legal adoption experts from each country should be present (like representatives from the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproductive Attorneys) to recommend proper legal requirements for adopting across country borders. Along with officials from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services, all of these professionals would have to have serious discussions about the details of the intercountry adoption process to find a solution that makes both parties happy. Only then could an adoption ban reversal become possible.
Of course, the complicated process would require multiple discussions before any tangible changes could be made to any international adoption ban. For countries that have gone through this process, there has not been a lot of success. Back in 2008, Guatemala passed a law to shut down all intercountry adoptions at the request of the United States. The “Ortega law,” as it was called, was designed to give Guatemalan adoption professionals time to refine their process for the safety of the children involved after allegations of Guatemalan families selling their children, improper requirements and child kidnapping. Today, the USCIS has determined that Guatemala still has not met the Hague Convention requirements to be freed for Americans to adopt from. Other nations, like Cambodia and Vietnam, are still undergoing revision to their current adoption process. U.S. officials are working with these countries to help them meet Hague Convention requirements and eventually open up their borders for international adoption once again. Currently, a special needs adoption program is available in Vietnam for American citizens. Not every country has a history of establishing adoption bans — and in many cases, these countries are the best choice for Americans seeking to adopt internationally today. China is a great example. Since 1999, more than 79,000 Chinese children have been adopted by Americans in a program that is well-regulated and still going strong. If countries with adoption bans hope to reverse those and allow for American adoptions again, they should be encouraged to model new adoption procedures after China’s and South Korea’s. These countries’ safe, regulated adoption processes may be the future of international adoption, should it ever come back from the “adoption cliff” it experienced after the turn of the millennium. For those looking to complete an international adoption, it’s important to do your diligent research before moving forward with this process. For those who are specifically interested in a Russian adoption, expect a long wait as both Russia and the U.S. work out these political differences — a result that seems highly unlikely at this point. Until political relationships improve and governments start involving domestic and international adoption professionals in the conversation, international adoption bans will likely stay in place. There are many aspects to consider in regards to international adoption, and you may discover that foster care or domestic infant adoption is best for you instead. You should always speak to an experienced adoption professional about your options before beginning the adoption process.
When you’re a prospective adoptive parent, you have a lot of choices to make when it comes to your adoption preferences. One of the decisions you’ll make regarding your adopted child is whether or not they have special needs. An adopted child with special needs doesn’t always fit the definition of special needs we’re familiar with (for example, physical or mental disabilities). In general, if a child is labeled “special needs,” it means they are less likely to get adopted for one reason or another. If you’re considering adoption, you might want to learn more about special needs adoption. While it may come with some unique challenges, it will also provide some wonderful rewards, as well. Here’s what you should know before moving forward with a special needs adoption.
When we think “special needs,” we usually think of children with mental, emotional or physical challenges. While these certainly apply to adopted children with special needs, a child may also be considered to have special needs if he or she is:
Whether a child is defined as “special needs” or not will depend upon the qualifications and regulations of the state they’re being adopted from.
A special needs adoption will have challenges, but it can also bring benefits to prospective adoptive parents. For example, if you are open to adopting a child with special needs, you will usually wait shorter for a placement because there will be a greater number of potential adoption opportunities available to you. In addition, a special needs adoption may not be as difficult as it seems. In international adoptions, medical conditions that are difficult to treat in the child’s home country may be simple and covered by the adoptive parents’ insurance in the United States (for example, a baby born with a cleft palate). In some cases, adoptive parents can even receive financial assistance for adopting a special needs child from foster care, usually in the form of a monthly subsidy.
Obviously, how challenging a special needs adoption is will depend upon the types of needs the adopted child has. Fortunately, there are many resources available to not only help adoptive parents prepare for their special needs adoption but also to cope with the challenges that come with raising a special needs child, however severe their condition. If you’re interested in a special needs adoption, there are several adoption professionals who specialize in this kind of adoption:
Remember, you will have the ability to choose what degree of special needs you feel your family can meet. Your adoption professional will be able to prepare you for your special needs adoption (especially if you adopt through the foster care system), but you may also want to connect with support groups for children with special needs. This way, you can learn more about the challenges awaiting you and, as your child grows up, have a support system to turn to for help in your unique situation. Special needs adoptions are not always easy, and it’s important to understand exactly what your adoption will involve if you take this route. However, for those adoptive parents who do choose to adopt a special needs child, they will tell you they wouldn’t have it any other way.
On Wednesday, July 19, The Department of State Office of Children’s Issues issued a notice for potential adoptive parents regarding changes to adoption dossier requirements in China. According to the notice, The China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) recently announced changes to requirements for adoption application dossiers submitted by foreigners. Key changes to these requirements include:
For more information about adoption in China, contact the Office of Children’s Issues at adoption@state.gov.
Since 2012, Americans have been unable to adopt orphans and children from Russia — and recent developments in the relationship between the U.S. and Russia seem to make a reversal of this adoption ban even more complicated. Reversing the Russian adoption ban has been a goal for both the Obama and Trump administrations, but new information regarding Donald Trump Jr.’s meetings with Russian government officials may have brought those discussions to a standstill. Whereas Trump Jr. originally said a meeting between him and a Russian lawyer regarded the sanctions and the Russia adoption ban, he recently revealed that the subject of the meeting was instead obtaining damaging information on presidential candidate Hillary Clinton during his father’s campaign. Reversing the Russia adoption ban seemed possible as recently as this January. But, for many U.S. government officials and adoption professionals, these developments seem to make any further discussion of these sanctions far more difficult. The Russian adoption ban’s original reason for being enacted was in response to a U.S. law that targeted alleged Russian human-rights violators from traveling to the U.S. or owning real estate or other assets in the U.S. The Russian adoption ban was a diplomatic retaliation that strained the previously strong relationship between the two countries. Before the ban was enacted in 2012, Americans completed more than 46,000 Russian adoptions— and these were only the adoptions counted by the U.S. Department of State since 1999. Russia was consistently one of the most popular countries for Americans to adopt from, but where Americans adopted 748 children from Russia in 2012, only two Russian children were adopted by Americans in 2014. The Russian adoption ban did more than just restrict prospective adoptive parents from adopting from Russia; it also disrupted many adoptions already in process. More than 200 families were in the immediate process of adopting when the ban took effect, with more than 1,000 prospective adoptions in various stages of the process. Many of those families lost the money and time they had invested into the process, as their prospective adoptive children were instead placed into Russian homes. Despite the complications surrounding the U.S.-Russian adoption relationship, a U.S. diplomat is still scheduled to meet with the deputy Russian foreign minister this month. The diplomats will likely include the matter in general talks about resolving the growing conflicts between the two countries, although it’s difficult to say if any progress on the Russian adoption ban issue will be made.
The situation with the Russian adoption ban is a good example of the inherent risks involved in any international adoption. Intercountry adoption policy is usually not among the highest priorities of any nation, but it’s a process that can frequently get caught up in negative political relationships and, therefore, be impacted without warning. This is why many adoption agencies caution prospective adoptive parents from pursuing an international adoption without proper research. While there are risks inherent with any adoption process, international adoption often adds political instability to the existing international adoption risks. But, what exactly are these other risks to be aware of? Many times, children adopted internationally have an uncertain health history and are unable to have access to their medical records. Because other countries’ adoption processes are less regulated than the U.S. process, children placed for adoption may also be victims of child trafficking or kidnapping (like in Guatemala), used primarily to make a profit off internationally adopting families. Therefore, there is a level of uncertainty with internationally adopted children’s parents and whether their parental rights have legally been terminated. American Adoptions was one of the agencies that cautioned its prospective adoptive families against adopting from Russia even before the adoption ban was enacted — and continues to encourage those families to choose the safer path of a domestic adoption instead. “Before the ban was enacted, we knew that the political climate in Russia and its relationship with the U.S. could impact those adoptions in progress and future adoptions — and it did,” American Adoptions executive director Shawn Kane said. “Families looking to adopt internationally should educate themselves and assess the country they’re thinking of adopting from. If you want to go to a country and adopt an orphan where there are issues like civil war or political instability, that’s honorable, but there’s a good chance those issues will also lead to challenges in the adoption process.” Instead, if a parent is set on international adoption, American Adoptions and other adoption agencies frequently suggest China as a nation from which to adopt children. Unlike children in other countries who are made available for adoption because of special needs or negative personal history, children in China are frequently placed for adoption because of the nation’s population restriction and parents’ gender preference for boys — meaning more healthy adoption situations are available. But, like any international adoption, adopting from China always runs the risk of disruption in case its relationship with the U.S. takes a negative turn. “The adoption proces is about risk-management,” Kane said. “There are risks with any adoption process, but by adopting domestically, you are protecting yourself from the possibility of another ban like Russia’s being enacted.” If you’re considering an international adoption as an American citizen, it’s important to fully educate yourself about the process before moving forward. You can learn more about the international adoption process here.
For many prospective adoptive parents, an ideal adoption includes being matched with a prospective birth mother early in her pregnancy, having the chance to get to know her and being able to prepare for the upcoming hospital stay and adoption process. However, this is not always the case. It’s more often than you may think that a prospective birth mother chooses adoption late in her pregnancy or even at the hospital after she has given birth. For her, the adoption process may be expedited to quickly find her baby a safe home — which may lead to a surprise phone call for you if she chooses you as adoptive parents. If you receive an unexpected phone call telling you you’re about to become parents — and the baby is already born — you may be overwhelmed. You’ll be excited to finally meet your new baby, but your lack of preparation may lead to some stress. If you’re in a situation like this, don’t worry — your adoption professional will walk you through every step of this process. Here’s what you should do if you’re presented with a pop-up adoption:
Pop-up adoptions may not come at the most ideal time, and you may be worried because you’re not practically ready to bring a baby home yet. However, remember that your adoption professional and the hospital will help you out. For example, the hospital can give you extra diapers and baby supplies until you are able to go shopping yourself, and your adoption professional will be there to provide counseling and advice. Instead of freaking out, embrace your excitement — your baby’s birth mother will want to see your confidence when she meets you.
Your adoption professional should have advised you to make preparations even before you went active with your agency, should a pop-up adoption occur during your waiting period. This means notifying your employer of the potential need to leave work suddenly for an unknown amount of time, finding care for any children or pets you have and knowing who you can lean on for support during this exciting process. If you receive a call about a pop-up adoption, make sure these things are taken care of.
When your adoption professional calls you with the adoption opportunity, they will likely give you as much information about the birth mother as possible. Make sure to take notes during this conversation; the more you know about the birth mother in advance, the fewer surprises there will be when you finally meet her. Having this information will also help you feel more prepared in a time where you may be overwhelmed by everything else.
Part of making the proper preparations means finding a way to get to the birth mother in the hospital as soon as possible. In many pop-up adoptions, the baby will be discharged within 36–48 hours after you are contacted, so getting to the hospital quickly gives you more time with the birth mother and her baby. Once you get the call, start driving (or try to find a flight) as soon as you can. Your promptness in arriving will reassure the prospective birth mother that she chose the right family.
Because they are last-minute in nature, pop-up adoptions require flexibility from adoptive parents. The exact discharge date of the baby and birth mother can vary, and you may need to stay in the birth mother’s state for a few weeks if your adoption is subject to ICPC regulations. While the unknowns of a pop-up adoption can be stressful, it’s important to recognize that your baby’s birth mother will also be going through an emotional time. Therefore, it’s important to remain friendly and confident around her and not reflect any uncertainty you may be feeling. Your adoption professional will work closely with you during this adoption process to make sure you’re aware of what’s going on. Pop-up adoptions can be stressful, but with the proper foresight and assistance from your adoption professional, they can be manageable situations. Whenever you start the domestic infant adoption process, it’s important to prepare yourself for the possibility of a pop-up adoption ahead of time. While it may be a whirlwind process during, at the end, you will finally have the baby for which you’ve been waiting for so long.
When you’re an expectant mother, finding out that you’re carrying a sick or special needs baby can be difficult. But, when you’re choosing adoption for your baby, this can make the process even more overwhelming. Will you be able to find adoptive parents who want a sick baby? Will your adoption process be different because of your baby’s special needs? If you’re wondering, “Can I put a sick or special needs baby up for adoption?” know that adoption is just as possible for you as it is for any woman carrying a child who is not sick or doesn’t have special needs. There is always the perfect family for every baby, so don’t worry — you will be able to find supportive adoptive parents who will love and cherish your child, no matter what. If you find out your unborn baby is sick or has special needs, it’s important to learn as much as you can from the right professionals so you’re fully prepared for your unique adoption process.
Your OBGYN is likely one of the first people who will tell you if something isn’t right with your unborn child. After they diagnose your baby, they can tell you exactly what to expect from your child’s special needs. They can also communicate this to your baby’s future adoptive family and your adoption professional to make sure everyone is properly prepared for the challenges ahead. Maybe you’re an expectant mother who intended to parent before finding out your child is sick or has special needs. Once your doctor explains to you what your baby’s diagnosis will mean as they grow up, you might be considering adoption instead. That’s totally okay; knowing that you can’t provide the care your baby needs and choosing adoption is not “giving up” your baby or being a bad mother. Instead, it means you’re making the selfless choice to find a family for your baby who can provide all of the care they’ll need as they grow up.
Your adoption agency will work closely with you to find a family that’s perfect for your baby with special needs. While most adoption agencies can help you find a family for your child with special needs, there are also agencies that specialize in the process of putting a special needs baby up for adoption, like:
When you’re an expectant mother choosing adoption for your sick or special needs baby, you will likely go through a highly emotional journey from your child’s diagnosis to their placement with an adoptive family. That’s why it’s so important that you have a support system of family and friends whom you can lean on during this difficult time. You may want to reach out to support groups for birth mothers whose children have special needs or support groups for families of children with special needs to learn more about what you may expect for your child’s future and from your future semi-open or open adoption. Your adoption professional may be able to connect you with other birth mothers who have placed special needs children for adoption or appropriate support groups for your situation. They may also be able to refer you to a trusted counselor or therapist to talk through your feelings with you. Placing a child for adoption is never easy; choosing to go through the process of putting a special needs baby up for adoption can be even more overwhelming. But, with the proper support system and experienced professionals, you’ll be able to create an adoption plan that you’re comfortable with and that will provide your baby a family who is prepared for the unique challenges of their condition.
Unless they’ve been directly affected by the adoption process, many people today don’t understand how adoption really works. The process has changed a lot in the past 100 years but, unfortunately, many people don’t know the difference between those older adoptions and today’s modern adoptions. Whether you’ve been involved in an adoption or you’re considering adoption for your family, you may have come across some confusing adoption myths. Working with an adoption professional will help you understand better how the adoption process works but, in the meantime, here is the truth about some of the common misconceptions people have.
First off, a woman choosing adoption is not “giving her baby up.” Instead, she’s placing him or her for adoption because she knows that it’s the best option for her and her baby. Many times, a birth mother would do anything to raise her child herself, but she selflessly chooses adoption to give her baby the life she knows she cannot provide.
This is far from the normal; in fact, it’s much healthier for a child to know they’re adopted and understand their personal history. Therefore, most adoptive parents are committed to telling their child about their adoption story, their birth mother and any other personal history they’re interested in. Children who grow up not knowing they’re adopted will likely eventually find out the truth — and it can be a shock that seriously impacts their relationship with their family.
Adoption is permanent, and once a birth mother signs her adoption consent and her revocation period has passed, it cannot be reversed. Most adoptions are semi-open, which means that a birth mother does not receive identifying information about the adoptive family unless the adoptive parents are comfortable providing it. Additionally, birth parents choose adoption because they want to provide a stable life for their children — making it highly unlikely that a birth mother will show up one day demanding to meet her child.
While this may have been true of the closed adoptions in the 1960s and ’70s, most adoptions today are open. This means that a birth mother and adoptive parents are in contact before, during and after the adoption is complete. What this contact looks like is up to what both parties are comfortable with, but it can involve anything from photos and letters a couple of times a year to phone calls and in-person meetings.
While it may have been easy to adopt from another country in years past, many countries are stopping or restricting international adoptions today. Adoptive parents have fewer international choices than before, which is why it’s usually easier to adopt from the United States, whether it’s through the foster care system or by completing a domestic infant adoption. There are plenty of American adoption agencies to help you complete the adoption process that’s right for you.
While birth mothers can receive money for their living expenses and pregnancy-related expenses, they cannot be paid to place a child for adoption. All funds that a prospective birth mother receives to pay for these living expenses are governed strictly by state laws, and her adoption professional will work with her to determine exactly how much living expenses she’ll need and how her expenses will be paid.
There are many children waiting to be adopted in the United States, whether it’s through the foster care system or through a domestic infant adoption, so as long as you can prove you can care and provide for a child, you can adopt. Today, adoptive parents can be gay, straight, single, married, living with disabilities, able-bodied, old or young — just as long as they can be a supportive parent for an adoptive child.
While the amount of time you’ll wait for a placement will depend on what type of adoption you choose, most adoptive parents will have successfully completed the adoption process within two years of starting it.
When you choose adoption as prospective parents, you will be able to choose the adoption budget that works best for you — although this may impact your wait time and the services you receive from an adoption professional. For example, adopting a child in foster care will be much cheaper than working with a domestic adoption agency. No matter what kind of adoption you choose, there are steps you can take to finance and prepare for your adoption expenses. Remember, adoption is completely free for prospective birth mothers.
Adoption can be an emotional journey for adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. When you pursue adoption, you’ll receive counseling and support from your chosen adoption professional, who will also help you prepare for the upcoming process. While it may be difficult at times, know that, in the end, you would likely choose to go through it all over again because of the wonderful changes it has made in your life.
