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Can I Keep My Adoption A Secret?

A secret adoption is a confidential adoption. There are a few different aspects of confidentiality that you may be concerned about as a prospective birth mother in a secret adoption, such as:

  1. You may want to ensure that your personal information is maintained in a secure and safe location that cannot be accessed by the general public.
  2. You may not want your family and friends to know that you are placing your child for adoption.
  3. You may not want anyone to know that you are pregnant.

When you choose adoption for your baby, you can also choose your adoption plan. This plan can be a personal and secret adoption plan, or it can be a document that you share with your family and friends. Even though you get to choose your baby’s parents, you can keep your identity secret for adoption if you believe that is best for you.

In the United States, an adoption must be facilitated by an adoption agency, social services department or an adoption attorney. This means that your adoption specialist, social worker and adoption attorney must be involved in your adoption plan. However, if you choose not to tell your family and friends about your decision for adoption, you can have a secret adoption.

What is a Secret Adoption? [Confidential and Closed Adoption]

A confidential or secret adoption means as few people as possible know about your adoption. Federal and State laws require that your personal information be kept confidential, no matter which adoption service you choose.

Here are a few terms that can help you understand the extent of a secret adoption.

Identifying Information

Identifying information is any information that can positively identify you, such as full name, home address, work address, email and phone number. Your adoption agency, social worker and adoption attorney must keep your identifying information filed away from public access, according to adoption confidentiality laws regarding adoption records.

Closed Adoption

A closed adoption occurs when the prospective birth mother chooses to keep her identifying information inaccessible to the prospective adoptive parents. Women who choose a closed or secret adoption still want the best for their baby, but they believe that it is important to keep their lives private before, during and after adoption.

Open Adoption

The opposite of closed or secret adoption is known as open adoption, in which the prospective birth mother and prospective adoptive parents communicate and share their identifying information. Although open adoption is the most common type of adoption today, you can still choose to have a closed or secret adoption.

Semi-Open Adoption

Many adoptions can be a combination of open and closed adoption known as semi-open adoption. This means that birth mothers want to get updates about their child, but their identifying information is kept confidential. An adoption specialist at an adoption agency can mediate this type of adoption.

Depending on your situation, keeping your adoption a secret can be simple for you, or it can take more effort and changes in your daily life to be a success. You can consider the following facts and challenges about closed or secret adoption.

Why Do Prospective Birth Mothers Choose a Secret Adoption?

Adoption can be a hard decision, and the choice to have a closed, confidential or secret adoption is a very personal one.

The bottom line is that women who choose to have a secret adoption have the right to their privacy.

Pros and Cons of a Secret Adoption

If you choose a secret, confidential or closed adoption, here are a few pros and cons that you can think about.

Avoid conflict with family and friends about adoption opinions.May be difficult to hide the physical aspects of pregnancy.
Protect you and your baby from an abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship.May be difficult to get access to important prenatal care and adoption counseling.
Feel better closure and healing through anonymity.No contact with your child after adoption placement.

It may help to compare your pros and cons to your current situation.

Do you have little contact or a long distance between yourself and people that you don’t want to know about your pregnancy or adoption decision? If so, you may have no difficulty getting what you need for your secret adoption.

However, if you live with or near people whom you don’t want to know about your pregnancy or adoption, you may benefit from contacting an adoption agency to get advice or help in keeping your adoption secret.

You can contact an adoption specialist online to get information about maintaining your confidentiality throughout your adoption process.

How Do I Start a Secret Adoption?

You may believe that a secret adoption is right for you and your baby. Remember, the adoption process is led by your decisions and you can choose to change your adoption plan to a semi-open or fully open adoption at any time.

You can follow these three steps to start a secret adoption:

Step 1: Know that closed or secret adoption is right for you.

Step 2: Get the information that you need about the closed or secret adoption process.

Step 3: Contact an adoption agency that is willing to help you have a successful secret adoption.